by Bebe Wilde
He smiled. “Really? You mean it?”
I nodded. “I really do,” I said.
“Want me to book your ticket?” he asked.
“No, I will,” I said. “Let’s go.”
* * * * *
I must say that I’d never seen such a mass of humans on a beach before. I was asshole-to-elbow with I don’t know how many people. I knew I would never find Bear in this throng. Jed told me he was going to see when Bear was going to compete and that he’d be right back. He got lost in the crowd and I stood around looking like a dumbass for at least thirty minutes. It was so hot and crowded, I was about to leave when I spotted Bear. He was walking towards a tent set up for the surfers and then he turned and we locked eyes. And then my whole world turned upside down.
He looked beyond beautiful. His head was still shaved short and his body was even leaner and tanner than I remembered. He wore a pair of red board shorts that made his ass look divine. His feet were bare but he had on a black short-sleeved surf shirt that hugged his muscular chest. He was, quite literally, the hottest man on earth.
I looked down at my outfit of bohemian peasant top and cut-off jean shorts and flip-flops. I was a multi-millionaire and I kinda looked like a beach bum. But, hey, I liked wearing this stuff. I suddenly wished I’d dressed a little better, a little sexier. Then I remembered Bear loved it when I dressed like this, told me I looked so sexy and that all he thought about was what was under my clothes. I guess I’d picked this outfit for him. Subconsciously, of course.
I looked away first and knew I had to leave. I couldn’t see him. What had I been thinking? I’d never go back to LA with Jed once he got his paws on me! I turned to leave and started off the beach, but then I felt Bear grab my elbow and halt me.
“I heard somebody won the lottery,” he said.
“I heard someone forgot how to use the phone,” I snapped back.
He shook his head at me. “Sorry, but I couldn’t call. If I did, I’d quit again. I couldn’t let myself have an out.”
Oh, it was nice that he was rubbing this in my face, wasn’t it? Surfing came first, even after you win millions and millions of dollars in the lottery. Then I realized that money didn’t change everything, at least not where Bear was concerned. What was a few million compared to the perfect swell?
“I thought you might have caught up with me somewhere else,” he said. “But here’s cool, too.”
“And is my presence going to make you want to quit?” I asked.
“Nope,” he said. “I’m already qualified for the finals. The heat’s about to start here soon.”
“Well, don’t drown,” I said. “But do break a leg.”
“Why are you talking to me like that?” he asked, looking really exasperated.
“Are you serious?” I asked. “You ran out on me! And you never called me back!”
“You did the same thing to me!” he exclaimed, shaking his head. “Willa, I am coming home to you!”
“And then what?” I asked.
“Then we’ll do what we do best,” he said and gave me a look.
“You’re not a boxer,” I said. “You don’t have to not have sex to do well in a competition.”
“Listen,” he said and leaned in closer. “I’m older now. I have to concentrate. There are some young fuckers who are giving me a run for my money. I had to make myself do this and I can’t have an excuse to quit. I got comfortable with my life and it would be too easy to go back to it. It’s now or never.”
“Maybe it’s never.”
He just stared at me like he couldn’t believe I had said that.
“Let me ask you this,” I said. “What part of us winning the lottery did you not understand?”
He sighed heavily and looked around, then nodded at someone he knew before turning back to me. “I was very happy for us. But I was already committed. I couldn’t back out.”
“You could have,” I said. “Don’t lie to me.”
“Let me rephrase that,” he said. “I wouldn’t let myself back out.”
“I don’t care,” I said. “You could have called me.”
“And then I would have not competed,” he said. “Sorry. You talked me into this, you know? You’re the one who got all this started.”
“I never expected you to do it,” I hissed. “But don’t fool yourself. You’re not doing this for me. You’re doing this for you.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” he said. “When my friend called, I knew I wanted it back.”
“And so you sacrificed me for it?”
“You won a lot of money on the lottery,” he said. “You made out pretty well. And you would have never played if I hadn’t asked you to.”
I thought about it. He was right. And if I hadn’t left him that week, I would have never screwed the numbers up, either. And, so, here we were at yet another impasse.
“I wanted to share it with you!” I exclaimed. “I was going to let you have it all, too! I just wanted to make sure you didn’t blow it all! What an idiot I am! I came home and you were gone! Gone! And then I called you and called you and you never picked up!”
“I’m sorry but I have my reasons for doing this right now,” he said. “But I thought you might catch up with me, you know, to show me that you supported me.”
I just looked at him. Yeah, his words made me feel a little sad, a little like I should have done better. Then I thought of something. “How would I even know where you were if you never answered your phone?”
He seemed to think about that, then dropped his head. “Shit, I never thought about that,” he said, then looked up at me. “But it’s cool. You’re here now.”
“I’m here to tell you we’re done,” I said. “I need this closure, Bear.”
His mouth dropped. “You can’t do that to me! I’m getting ready to go out there! You can’t come in here and drop a bomb like that on me right now!”
“Well, I just did,” I said. “Sorry, but I didn’t know how to contact you otherwise. Remember, you don’t answer your phone anymore!”
“Willa, stop this,” he said, coming in close to me. “You know and I know we’re not through. We never will be.”
“Well, whatever,” I said. “I’m giving you half the money. I got it set up in a trust for you. You can do whatever you want to with it. Maybe you can set up a surf school for monkeys or something.”
As soon as the idea registered with him, he laughed. “That sounds so cool.” He stared at me, still smiling. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“That’s why you called me every night,” I said, on the verge of tears.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “But it’s not like that, okay? But we’re cool, okay? I’m cool and you’re cool. We’re cool.”
He gave me a look which just infuriated me. He was cool with everything. Well, so what? I wasn’t, no matter what he said. But there was no need to argue. “You know what? Forget it! You will never change. That’s okay. I’m going back to LA.”
“To do what?”
“Nothing,” I said. “What have you been doing?”
“Nothing,” he said.
Just then two pretty young women in cute polka dot bikinis walked by us and one of them said, “Hey, Bear!” and then they giggled and walked on by.
“Is that what you’ve been doing?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.
He hadn’t even given them a second glance. “What? No! I’m not a cheater!”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he glanced over and saw Jed jogging towards us. When Bear saw him, he almost growled like a… Well, like a bear.
“Don’t,” I said.
“Is that what you’ve been doing?” he asked.
“We’re not together,” I said. “But we’re going to be.”
“Why are you doing this to me?” he asked. “This is the finals!”
“It’s not my fault you don’t return calls,” I said. “I had to do this so
metime, Bear! I have to move on. I’m not waiting on you anymore. But, you know, I’m sorry I came. I really, really am.” I felt my eyes tear up. “But you look good, Bear. Keep up the hard work.”
Just then the announcer said, “Up next, Bear Aurelius Dillon!” and the crowd began to chant, “Don’t poke the Bear! Don’t poke the Bear!”
“Go claim your glory, Bear,” I said and turned to leave.
Jed stopped at us just then. Bear looked like he wanted to go nuclear on him, but he couldn’t. He, once again, had to choose between me and surfing. And surfing won. He turned towards the ocean.
“It’s not fair what you’re doing, Willa,” Bear said over his shoulder.
“Since when is life fair?” I asked and started to walk away.
“Aren’t you going to stay and watch me!” he yelled, exasperated.
“No!” I yelled back and kept walking.
“Well, watch it on your phone later ’cause I know you will!” he yelled.
The announcer said, “Oh, looks like Bear is having a little lady trouble! Will this affect his performance?”
And then the crowd booed. I groaned. I was always, always left holding the bag. Now I was potentially affecting Bear’s performance. Like I cared!
I kept walking. I had to get off this beach! As I walked, Jed tried to put his arm around me, but I jerked away.
“Don’t poke the Bear!” rang in my ears all the way back to my Jeep. Well, I guess I’d never get to poke him ever again. But that would have to be okay.
When we got back to the house, Jed began to pack his clothes in the guest bedroom. I sat on the bed and watched him. When I didn’t follow his lead, he said, “I figured as much. You’re not coming with me, are you?”
I shook my head. “I once told Bear he’d ruined me on men. And he has.” I turned and stared at him. Jed was such a good man any woman would kill to have him. But it was true; Bear had ruined me on men. I’d never even looked at another since the moment I laid eyes on him. And I never wanted to.
“Well, you’re right about that, Willa,” he said. “He has ruined you.”
“Well, I won’t let him ruin you, too. Go back, Jed, and forget about me. I’m never going to be good for anyone else.”
He stared at me and sighed. “You know, Willa, what you want is right there in front of you and you can’t see it. And it’s all because of Bear. He clouds your judgment.”
“I didn’t say I was staying here,” I said and stood. “I should never have bought this house.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m moving back home,” I said all of a sudden, as it just came to me what to do with my life. Suddenly everything was crystal clear.
“To Tennessee?” he asked, flabbergasted, as if that were the worst idea he’d ever heard.
I nodded. “I am. I’m not suited for this fancy lifestyle. I’m a country girl. You know that. I know that. I need to get back to my roots.”
“What are you going to do there?”
“Maybe I’ll buy a farm and get a few horses and some chickens or whatever,” I said. “I don’t know. But all this kind of stuff isn’t me. It never was.” And then I realized that’s why I loved Bear so much. He was never into showy stuff, never cared about any of it. He and I were a lot alike, we had a lot of commonalities and I just couldn’t see it until now. That’s why we’d gotten along so well, mainly because both of us were very down-to-earth. And, maybe, just maybe, trying to be all pretentious had made me miserable. I realized I’d been so untrue to myself.
“You’re just saying that,” Jed said. “You won’t really go.”
I got my phone and started booking a ticket online. He rolled his eyes and kept packing. I’d fly into LAX and then onto Nashville, then a smaller plane to Knoxville and then I’d rent a car and then I’d drive home. It seemed simple enough. I showed him my receipt once I was done.
“Whatever,” he said.
“I leave tomorrow at twelve noon,” I said. “What time does your flight leave?”
“I have to be there at eight tonight,” he said.
“I’ll drive you, Jed,” I said.
“I’d appreciate that, Willa,” he replied.
So, I took him to airport and dropped him off. Our goodbye was just that, a goodbye. We’d see each other again, maybe even in Tennessee. Once I was done, I went back to the house and started to pack my bags. I checked the clock. It was getting late and I had a lot of stuff I needed to do.
I looked at all the new stuff in my closet, all the stuff I’d bought since I was rich. It was too much and I knew I couldn’t take all of it. I’d done the whole shopping spree thing and bought a lot of cool stuff, most of which wouldn’t fit into my suitcase, most of which I never even wore. I sighed and knew I’d have to pack this crap up in boxes and ship them to my mom’s house while I looked for a place to buy back home.
I worked on into the night, running around the house, getting things sorted out. There was so much to do it made my head spin. And I’d have to call a security company to watch over the house while I was gone and while I figured out what to do with it. Ugh! Why didn’t I just rent a place? That’s what Jed had told me to do. “You’re crazy to buy this house,” he’d said. “It’s too much hassle!”
I hadn’t listened though. I had been stupid. And now I was going to have to go to a lot of trouble to unload this thing. I had no idea how long it would take to sell.
I shuddered at the thought and kept on moving, getting things done. As I packed, I kept yawning and yawning. I had been up since early that morning and I was so tired. I glanced at the clock. It would probably be okay if I lay down for a few minutes.
I threw my suitcase and clothes to the floor and climbed into my big bed. As I closed my eyes, I thought about going home and smiled. It was the right decision. I knew it was.
Before I knew it, I was fast asleep. It seemed like just a few minutes later when I was awakened by a loud crack of thunder. I sat up and looked around, my heart in my throat. I was really rattled. I looked at the clock. Had I been asleep that long? Oh, fuck! I had to get moving.
I jumped up and started packing, then I thought I heard another noise. I froze and listened, but didn’t hear it again. I went back to packing and then I heard it again, this noise like someone was moving around or something. I looked outside. It was still dark and the wind was blowing really heavily. I knew the rain was coming soon and just then a crack of thunder erupted over the house, making me hunch down in fear.
Then I heard the noise again. There was something going on. I suddenly felt scared being there all alone. I straightened up and left my bedroom, walking down the hallway to the stairs. “Hello?” I called, thinking for some reason it might have been Jed coming back for something or another. “Hello?”
I descended the stairs cautiously, as if I thought a snake or something might be on one of the risers and bite me. When I got to the bottom, I looked around then the lights flickered. Then I heard the rain start; it was pouring like it was coming out of buckets just outside the windows.
“Hello?” I called again, feeling like a fool. “Is someone there?” No answer. This made me miss Bear so badly. Whenever I’d hear a noise, I’d wake him and he’d get up and look around then come back to bed, telling me to stop bothering him, that it was only the wind or whatever. He always made me feel so safe.
All of a sudden, lightning struck the house and it shook, literally, shook the light fixtures. I was more than rattled and was about to run back upstairs when the lights suddenly went out. Everything in the house shut down with a dull hum. It was pitch black.
Then I heard another noise, as if someone was bumping into things and knocking them over. I looked over my shoulder and something moved across the family room. I turned in a panic to see a figure in the darkened room. It had to be a burglar! I knew it was a man because of the height and shape of the figure. Whatever it was, it was coming for me. I screamed and raced
off towards the kitchen, then my foot caught in the foyer rug and I fell against the hall table and blacked out.
Aloha
“Aloha,” he said.
“Aloha,” I muttered, realizing I was getting used to saying that all the time instead of hello or goodbye. Then I realized that someone had spoken to me. There had been someone in the house. I wasn’t alone. I froze and my heart began to pound wildly. My eyes blinked open and but I didn’t see anyone. I was in the living room, lying on the couch. The lights were still out. “Who’s there?” I whispered.
A figure moved in front of me and then I realized it was Bear sitting on the oversized ottoman. I sighed with relief and noticed he wasn’t speaking but he did look concerned.
“What do you want, Bear?” I asked.
“Good, you’re up,” he said. “I was about to call for an ambulance.”
“Seriously?” I asked and stared at him staring at me. He seemed to be waiting for a reaction of some sort, which I couldn’t deliver as my head throbbed. Oh, my head. Oh, that’s why he was looking at me like that. He was concerned. But then… Ow! My head hurt like a motherfucker and that was putting it mildly. I felt a trickle of blood fall into my eyes. I sat up and groaned. He leaned over and placed a wet washcloth on my head. We stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment, not saying a word, not knowing what to say.
“What are you doing? Are you crazy?” I asked. “Seriously, what is wrong with you?”
“You poked the bear,” he said and smiled a little.
Suddenly, the lights came back on and the house lit up. I blinked in the glare and covered my eyes. Then I tried to get up and fell back down. “Oh, my head,” I said and held it. I got up and went to a mirror on the wall and looked. “I’m bleeding like a stuck pig!”
“It’s not that bad,” he said. “But you might need to go to the hospital for some stitches.”
“If it’s not that bad, I wouldn’t need to go to the hospital,” I muttered and checked it out. No, it wasn’t that bad. Just a surface scrape, the kind that bleeds and bleeds. I held the washcloth on it then went back and sat on the sofa. I eyed him. Even though I was in pain, I couldn’t overlook the fact that he looked hot, as usual. What else was new? He was wearing a white t-shirt with some company’s logo that was obviously sponsoring him. He had on his favorite worn-out flat-fronted khakis, the ones with the hole at the knee and were a little baggy on him. On his feet were the leather flip-flops he’d had since I’d known him. He looked cool, comfortable, unbelievably handsome. I forced myself to look away from him.