Another drag. She leaned forward, tapped off her ash, sat back. “There was work to do, but Tomasina and Juan sent us off, so that we might talk. And we did. We talked for a long time, perhaps for several hours. There was a small river not too far from the village, and we sat there on the rocks, in the shade of the trees, and we talked. Not very much about the war. We talked about small things, unimportant things. The girls we had known in school. What clothes the women wore now in the capital. Constancia always had been fond of fine clothes. She had not owned any herself since she left the capital.”
Another drag. “When we returned, the village was silent. There were still some animals in the streets, some chickens and an old dog, but the people were gone. The children, the old people. We went to the house of Juan and Tomasina. I could smell the blood even before we went inside, and I could hear the flies.
“Constancia’s family were sitting at a small table in the center of the room. Their heads had been cut off, and each head had been placed in front of the body, and the hands had been placed on top of the head. To make it appear, you see, that they were caressing it. But this had not worked with the hands of the baby, Gilberto. His hands and his arms were too small. And so they had used nails to attach the hands. The hammer was lying on the table. It was beside a plastic bowl, a large plastic bowl, and the bowl was filled with blood.”
I took a deep breath. My chest was tight. “Why?” I asked her. Even as I asked it, I knew that this was, finally, the same question that Melissa Alonzo’s mother had asked me in California, and I knew that once again it was, finally, unanswerable.
She shrugged her bleak, empty shrug. “To terrify. To exercise their power. All the power in my country is held by the landowners, and a small portion of this they hand over to the government. Which in turn hands over a small portion to the security forces. The National Guard, the Treasury Police. Do you know how the security forces recruit new members?”
I shook my head.
She leaned forward, slipped another cigarette from the pack, lit it with the one she was already smoking, stubbed out the old one in the ashtray. She sat back. “No one, none of the sons of the farmers or the workmen, will join them voluntarily. So they kidnap young boys, boys fifteen and sixteen, and they rape them. Some of these brave soldiers enjoy this, of course. It is their sexual preference. Others do it coldly, deliberately, as a part of their job. Sometimes they use wooden instruments. It sounds grotesque, I know. It sounds impossible. But Salvador is a country of the grotesque and the impossible.”
She sucked on the cigarette. “By doing this, they steal from these boys their sense of themselves, of their humanity, and they give them a sense of shame. The only way the boys can wipe this away is by doing to someone else that which what was done to them. And they are indoctrinated to believe that doing this, inflicting this brutality, is patriotic and noble. The boys are first shown how powerless they are, then given a small measure of power, and then encouraged to take their revenge. Not upon the people who shamed them, but upon their own people.”
Another drag from the cigarette. “This small power of theirs conceals their shame from themselves. But it is an insidious thing, this power. It must be exercised in order to be felt, and the more it is exercised by brutalizing others, the more they brutalize themselves. At last they are empty entirely. They become monsters.” She shook her head. “It is sick. It is insane.”
I agreed with her. It was insane. But as with most of the insanity in the world, there was little I could do about it at the moment. At the moment, my concern had to be somewhere else.
“About Melissa,” I said. “When you saw her on the twenty-third, did she tell you where she was staying?”
“With a young couple, she said. Here in Santa Fe. I did not ask her their names and she did not give them to me.”
“She came back to Santa Fe to see you.”
“Yes. She wished to speak with me about Maria. To tell me what had happened.”
“Did she talk with you after the twenty-third?”
“She telephoned me one time. To tell me that she had left the couple and that she would soon be moving to another safe place, nearby. She did not say where this was.”
“When did she call you?”
“On the twenty-seventh. A Friday.”
“Did she say where she was calling from?”
“No. We were always careful on the telephone.”
“If Melissa had seen you and said what she had to say, why didn’t she leave the area?”
Juanita Carrera frowned. “I believe, now, that she should have. It is my fault, perhaps, that she did not.”
“How?”
“I know of a reporter. A good man, I think. He works in Los Angeles, and we had talked some time ago, when I first arrived from Salvador. He was writing then a story about refugees from my country. Melissa knew of my friendship with this man, and wanted me to contact him. She wanted to leave a written account of what she had seen in Cureiro. She thought that he could publish this, and the truth would be known. I agreed. I thought then that this was a good idea. But the man was in Central America, Honduras, and he would not be back in California until the first week of October.”
“Did Melissa give you the account?”
“No. She was to call me at the end of September, on the thirtieth. She did not. I was worried, of course. And then, on the second of October, I learned of her sister’s death.” She shrugged. “I think now that Melissa, too, is dead.” She said it as flatly as she had said everything else, and then she inhaled on the cigarette.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “The man who killed Cathryn is still looking for her.”
“If she were still alive,” she said, exhaling smoke, “she would have contacted me.”
“She has no way to contact you. You’ve been hiding since last week. Is there anyone else she might contact?”
Another drag. “She spoke once of a woman friend. An artist. I cannot recall the name.”
“Deirdre Polk. She’s dead. Killed the same way Cathryn was.”
She closed her eyes. For a moment she didn’t move.
I said, “Yesterday. Last night.” It didn’t seem possible that the woman had died less than twenty-four hours ago.
Juanita Carrera opened her eyes. “These people never stop,” she said.
We talked for a while longer, but she possessed no information that might help me locate Melissa. As I was about to leave, I asked her, “Your friend. Constancia. What happened to her?”
She inhaled on her cigarette. “It was she who called me from Los Angeles.”
“She came with you when you escaped from Salvador?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” I said.
She shrugged. Emptily. Blankly. “There were many others,” she said, “who could not escape.”
I spoke with Norman Montoya, told him what I’d learned, and told him I was on my way to Taos to see if I could pick up Melissa’s trail. I asked him if Juanita could stay in the guest house for a while longer. He said that she was welcome to stay for as long as she liked. Afterward, I called Rita and told her that she’d been right about Melissa Alonzo and El Salvador. She was kind enough not to point out that she was usually right. She said that Roy Alonzo had called, several times, asking for me to call him back.
I left Las Mujeras at a little after eight, and arrived in Taos a little before nine. Taos is smaller than Santa Fe and has fewer motels. I stopped and asked questions at only three of them before I found a night clerk who thought he recognized Melissa from the picture I showed him.
He’d seen a woman who looked like her, except that her hair was shorter and darker. She had been with a small girl, and she had stayed at the motel at approximately the right time. It cost me twenty dollars to learn that the woman had checked in on the twenty-seventh of September and checked out on the thirtieth. She had paid cash and she had used the name Linda Lattimore. She had described her car as a Honda Civic.
; Melissa.
It cost me another twenty to learn that she’d made no phone calls from her room. If it was from Taos that she’d called Juanita Carrera, she hadn’t called from the motel.
The clerk told me that it had probably been the day clerk who checked the woman in and out. The day clerk was unavailable until morning, and the clerk wouldn’t give out her home telephone number or her address, no matter what I offered him. He seemed afraid of her. I bought a room for the night, drove the borrowed Jeep over to it, took possession. When I finished my shower, the time was nearly ten thirty. I called Rita, told her where I was, what I was planning to do. Then I called Roy Alonzo.
“Croft,” he said, and I could hear, over the line, the long sibilant intake of his breath. “Can you tell me what’s going on?” He sounded like someone who was trying hard to keep his emotions in check, or like someone who was trying hard to sound like that. I couldn’t tell which it was, and just then I didn’t much care.
“I haven’t found her yet,” I said.
“Jesus Christ, man. First Cathryn and now this Polk woman up in Hartley. What’s happening here?”
“I’m not sure. It looks like someone else is looking for Melissa.”
“Why?”
“Apparently she may’ve seen something when she was in El Salvador.”
“What, for God’s sake?”
“A murder.”
“Jesus Christ! What the hell is this?”
“Where were you last night between seven thirty and ten thirty?”
“What?”
“Sounded like a fairly simple question to me.”
“It’s the same goddamn question the state police asked me. And it’s none of your goddamn business.”
“Fine. Goodbye.”
“Hold on, hold on. You don’t really think I killed that woman?”
“I’m tired,” I said. “Right now I’m not capable of thinking anything. If you don’t want to answer the question, don’t answer it. But do me a favor and get off the phone so I can go to sleep.”
“I was at the Palace last night, for dinner. With Shana. Shana Eberle. I told you about her.”
“Shana’s in town, is she?”
“I resent your tone, Croft.”
“A lot of people do. I stay up nights, sometimes, trying to change it. When were you at the Palace?”
“From about seven till about ten. Look, Croft, why are you being so hard-headed about this? I’m just trying to find out what’s happened to Melissa and Winona. I’m worried, goddamn it. Does that make me such a total putz?”
“No,” I admitted. “It doesn’t. If I learn anything, I’ll get it to your uncle. In the meantime—”
“But who’s killing these people?”
“A Salvadoran, I think. I don’t know anything for certain right now. I—”
“Is anyone doing anything about this? Have the police been notified?”
“Yeah.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Nothing. I’m sorry.” I felt uncomfortable apologizing to Alonzo: as though the apology signaled a forgiveness for the things I had come to believe he had done. But if he were faking his concern now, he was a better actor than he’d ever been on “Valdez!”
“Maybe if I talked to someone,” he said. “I know people in this town. Important people.”
“I remember. But I don’t think that in this case they’re the right people. Like I said, as soon as I know anything, I’ll get it to your uncle. You’re just going to have to hang in there.”
I heard him take another long breath. “All right. All right. But if I can do anything, you let me know.”
“I’ll do that. Good night.”
Despite my exhaustion, I had thought that I wouldn’t be able to sleep. But as soon as I turned off the light, the long day caught up with me, and I was out.
I dreamed of people walking down the narrow dirt road of a village in a clearing in the jungle. Tiny whitewashed shacks, roofed with thatch, leaned one against the other. The people, men and women of all ages, children of all sizes, wore the tattered clothes of impoverished farmers—cheap huaraches, frayed serapes. They went, all of them, about their business—tending chickens, leading goats to the stable, grinding corn—as though nothing were wrong, as though there were nothing unusual going on. But the eyes of all of them were narrowed, and all their mouths were stretched wide open in an agonized but absolutely silent scream.
The dream woke me up, and for a long time I couldn’t get back to sleep.
Twenty-Six
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR HER?” the woman asked, glaring at me over the counter.
“Because she’s in trouble and I want to find her before the trouble gets worse.”
“That’s none of my business.”
“I understand that. All I’m asking for is information.”
Only a few women in the world can be accurately described as barrel-chested, but Margery Helms, the day clerk at the motel, was one of them. She wore a gray wool blazer over a black rayon top that was tight against her heavy breasts and her heavy tubular belly. A strand of imitation pearls lay along the taut fabric, a string of golf balls on a black trampoline, and they moved slowly up and down as she breathed. The blazer had shoulder pads, but she didn’t need them. Beneath her blue-rinsed hair, her round face was lacquered with cosmetics that glistened like bacon fat. She was in her fifties and she could have been J. Edgar Hoover’s sister, except that probably she would have killed J. Edgar when he was a little boy. With her bare hands. I could understand why she might’ve frightened the night clerk. She frightened me.
Her hard gray eyes glared at me as she said, “I’m not going to give you any.”
“Did you read about the woman in Hartley?” I asked her. “The one who was killed two days ago? She was a friend of the woman I’m looking for.”
I was standing on the customer side of the front desk. Glancing to my left, I saw that the Hispanic maid who’d been tidying the rack of postcards was watching me. I lowered my voice. “Look, Mrs. Helms, this woman’s in trouble. All I want to do is find her. And help her.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “But I’m not going to reveal any information about any of our guests. It’s against company policy. Now, will you be checking out this morning?”
I didn’t think she was sorry. I thought she was rather pleased. I thought, as Juanita Carrera might put it, that she was exercising her small measure of power.
“Soon,” I said. “May I talk to the manager?”
She smiled, and there was triumph in the smile. “Mr. O’Hara is in Albuquerque, at a meeting.”
“When will he be back?”
Another smile. “I really couldn’t say.”
I nodded. “Were you ever in the Wehrmacht?” I asked her.
She frowned, puzzled. “And where might that be?”
“Outside Cleveland.”
She said dismissively, “I’ve never been to Cleveland.”
You should go, I almost said. Now.
But I didn’t. She was, after all, only doing her job. Instead, I thanked her—sourly—then walked back across the parking lot to the rented room, carrying the disposable razor, the toothpaste, and the toothbrush I’d bought in the tiny gift shop. I’d left my emergency toiletries bag in the Subaru when I picked up the Jeep. I had thought I’d be back for the car yesterday afternoon.
I had just finished shaving when a knock came at the door. I toweled my face dry, saw that I’d nicked myself along the jaw, and walked to the door, dabbing the towel at the wound.
It was the maid from the lobby. “Do you speak Spanish?” she asked me.
“Poquito,” I said.
She glanced quickly around her, then asked me, in Spanish, “May I come in?”
“Of course.”
Forty or so years old. A dark, broad face that had seen some bad weather and some bad times. Black hair that looked dyed but probably wasn’t, pulled back behind her small ears below a starched
white maid’s cap. A stocky, muscular body inside the green and white uniform.
She looked about her uneasily as she stepped into the room. Probably she wasn’t comfortable entering the room of a male guest. I closed the door and asked her, “Would you like to sit?”
She had moved to the center of the room. She turned to me. “No. I will stand. Thank you.” She put her hands in the pockets of her uniform. “Senora Linda. She is in trouble?”
“Yes,” I said. I swung the towel over my shoulder, leaned back against the door, crossed my arms. “Yes, I believe she is. Did you hear me talking, at the desk?”
“I did not mean to listen,” she said. “But, yes, I heard. My English for speaking is not good, but I can understand it well.”
“My name is Croft,” I told her. “Joshua Croft. And what is your name?”
“Rodriques.” She held her head a little bit higher. “Senora Rodriques.”
“Senora Rodriques, I thank you for coming to see me. Did you meet Senora Linda?”
“Yes. Her and the little one. Mary.”
So now I knew that Winona had a new name, and I knew what it was. I wondered if Melissa had intentionally given her the English version of Juanita’s sister’s name. “Did you speak with her often, while she was here?”
“Not often, no. But several times. I liked her, but I felt badly for her. She was a troubled woman, I think.”
“Why did you think so, senora?”
“She never went out. She and the little one stayed always in their room, except to go for small walks through the town. Often, they ate here. They watched the television all day and all night.”
“But you said you talked to her.”
“When I came to do the cleaning of the room. Only for a few moments at a time. She and the little one would leave, and she would take her book with her, but soon they would return, sometimes before I was finished.”
“Her book?”
“She said she was a writer. She spoke excellent Spanish. Mexican Spanish, not the kind from Spain. She said that her book was the reason she spent so much of her time in her room. But to stay in a small room like this all day, that is not good for a small child.”
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