She wanted him gone and as soon as he got the fucking fence done, wish granted.
His phone rang, startling him, and he scooped it up off the window sill beside him, sitting up a little straighter when he saw his brother’s name on the screen.
“Austin, what’s up?”
Which was a better opening than which hospital are you in now? If his brother was in the hospital, he’d find out soon enough.
“Nothing good, that’s for sure. If things don’t turn around, I’ll lose all hope of making decent money on this tour.”
The tour being the International Bull Rider’s Tour. Austin had truly hit the big time and he was all about going all the way.
“How badly beat up are you?”
“That’s just it. I’m in better shape than usual.”
“Has Dad been talking to you?”
“Only when I answer his calls.” Austin hadn’t been under the pressure to succeed that Ty had been at a young age. But once the old man had realized his younger son was quite possibly going to go as far or farther than his eldest, he’d started pushing Austin as hard as he’d pushed Ty.
“Are you calling for a pep talk?”
“Naw. Just to talk. Lonely on the road, you know.”
“Where’s your bevy of buckle bunnies?”
“Are you going to think there’s something wrong with me if I say that I’m kind of finding them boring?”
Ty smiled a little and tucked a hand behind his head. “You’re starting to sound like a jaded rock star.”
“There are nights I feel like one. Have you been answering Dad’s calls?”
“I have not.” Because his dad was still all about him trying a comeback, and now that he was, he didn’t want the old man to get wind of it. Not until he knew how things would work out.
“I have. Got me a nice little pep talk about the attributes of being a winner last night.” He paused, then said, “He knows you’re in Marietta. Someone there must have ratted you out. He pumped me for info.”
“And you told him…?”
“You were looking to settle down post career. Not the right answer, by the way. He still doesn’t believe you’re truly retired.”
“Continue to stonewall.” Because Ty wasn’t sharing this comeback ride with his dad.
If Ty failed, it was on him. If he rode well… it was for him. His father had driven him fucking crazy his last year, his first losing season after two championships, and had been crushed by the accident that had literally crushed his son.
“I have and I will. I know Dad means well, but I don’t think he knows the stress he causes.” Austin paused. “I kind of feel sorry for him.”
Ty had felt that way for a long time. Irritated that his father wanted to control his professional life and sorry he hadn’t had his own professional life to manage.
“Have you seen Shelby yet?”
Oh, yeah. Seen her. Had a fight with her. “Working on her place.”
His brother laughed. “No shit? How’d that come about?”
“Les needed help.”
“So are you guys…?”
Ty gave a scoffing laugh. “Hardly.”
“You’re just… working there.”
“Yep.” Ty debated.
He and Austin rarely bared their souls with one another. Instead they just kind of understood what was going on in each other’s lives. But right now he felt like talking, even though he didn’t.
The silence hung for a few seconds, and then Austin said, “All right, then…”
“All right.”
“Well… good to hear your voice. I’ve got to catch up with the rest of the crew.”
“Austin.” His brother’s name popped out of his mouth.
“Yeah?”
It took Ty a second to say, “Call any time… you know… if you need a sounding board or something.”
“Will do. Thanks.”
But he wouldn’t. Ty was totally certain of that as he hung up the phone. He and his brother dealt with deep stuff alone and shared the superficial. Not the best way to handle things, but the way they were wired to handle them. He set his phone aside and stared up at the ceiling. Morning was a long way away.
He needed to move.
No. He needed to get out of this tin can and go to town.
*
Shelby did not spend the night with Cassie as she’d planned, nor did she get wildly drunk. Instead she drove home after finishing her one and only beer, with more on her mind than she cared to think about. Ty’s truck was gone when she got there. He’d been in town, too.
Thank goodness she hadn’t run into him. Her jagged nerves couldn’t have taken it. Not after confessing her deepest fear to Cassie, who’d thought it was every bit as alarming as she did. How as it that Ty could do this to her? Show up after four years, turn her inside out? She’d been so convinced she was over him, but she was not.
She also could not deal with his lifestyle. The road… the danger…
The danger. She’d never fully acknowledged that before, telling herself Ty’s career would soon be over and then they’d commence building their life together. And then he’d announced he was going pro. Even then she hadn’t focused on the danger, but rather on the fact he’d chosen rodeo. Hadn’t allowed herself to think about why she’d thrown down the rodeo-or-her gauntlet in the first place.
She didn’t see Ty the next morning, because he headed out to start fencing before Gramps had finished breakfast and she didn’t see him that afternoon after finishing up with Evarado because he got into his truck shortly thereafter and went to town.
In a way, admitting she still loved Ty made it easier to deal with him being around. At least she was facing reality instead pretending things were different than they were—or could ever be. The feelings the guy stirred up in her were crazy in their intensity. She’d told him she’d ached for him before… she still ached for him.
She’d been avoiding him before. Now he appeared to be avoiding her.
Better for both of them. Had he guessed how she felt?
She hoped not.
Two days passed. Ty left for work early and in the evening he drove away. Shelby went to roping practice. When Shelby heard his truck pull into the drive early in the morning, she fell asleep. Which meant she was getting as little sleep as he was. It was starting to wear on her and the sooner Ty left the ranch, went back out on the road, the better for her peace of mind.
Evarado was starting to settle, which meant he was starting to feel secure around her. He no longer pulled the rearing trick, but now he spooked and shied as an avoidance tactic. Despite that, the big gelding was kind of growing on her. She felt for him. He’d been handled poorly in his younger years and had been in survival mode for a long time. As had she. Maybe that was it. They were kindred spirits.
And maybe that was why Shelby knew the horse she heard nervously running the rails late that night was Evarado. She went to her window and sure enough, the gelding was pacing his pen, snorting and pawing. She slipped into her robe and quietly let herself out of the house and headed across the drive.
Ty was already at the corral when she got there. The sodium light popped and flickered overhead and the horse snorted again.
“Glad it wasn’t a wolf or cougar,” Shelby said as she approached the corral. As soon as he heard her voice, the gelding quieted.
“I’ll go see about turning this thing off,” Ty said.
“Thank you.”
He went into the barn and she could hear him opening the breaker box. A second later the light went out. Evarado snorted again, then stood still, listening for the unfamiliar overhead predator.
“It’s okay,” Shelby murmured.
The big gelding crossed the corral and came to stand close to her.
Ty came back out of the barn. “I’ll replace that before I go.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
The darkness made her feel safer. He couldn’t see her face, couldn’t read her. H
e propped his forearms on the railings a few feet away from her. The big horse was now quiet, so she had nothing to focus on except for Ty.
“I’m surprised you’re home.”
“Keeping tabs on me?”
“Not on purpose. I’m not sleeping well.” And how was that for hanging something out there? Well, he could make of it what he wanted.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be gone soon.”
“You could be gone now. I’m thankful that you’re not—for Gramps’s sake.”
“I owe Les.”
So she’d once said.
He kicked a little dirt with the toe of his boot. “I can’t help wanting you.”
The out-of-the-blue statement made her heart jump.
Tell him how you feel… communicate. See if you can work some of this out.
She couldn’t. Too damned dangerous. He was riding again, heading back out on the road. Maybe at some future point… not now.
“I’m not faulting you there.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Small mercies.” His tone was dark. He pushed off the rail, keeping a healthy distance between them. “Like I said. I’ll be gone soon.”
Her throat thickened and she didn’t try to push any words out. She nodded, not knowing if he could see her acknowledgement in the semi-darkness.
“Until then, I’ll stay out of your way.”
He started toward his trailer, the gravel crunching beneath his boots. “Ty.” He turned at the sound of his name and Shelby took a few steps toward him, wondering why she’d been unable to leave well enough alone.
“Shelby… maybe it’s best if you don’t say anything.”
“Why?” She stopped walking and folded her arms over her chest as if cold.
She heard his low exhalation before he said, “Maybe we should leave things as they are right now. I think that would be better for both of us.”
She turned on her heel and headed toward the house, her arms still wrapped tightly around her middle. This was best. Definitely.
But if would be even better if she didn’t feel this overwhelming sense loss.
*
Shelby stared at the ceiling of her room for what seemed like hours before she finally dozed off, only to be jerked awake by the sound of her alarm. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up before she gave into the temptation to flop back onto the pillows and close her eyes again.
Pushing her hair back out of her face, she got out of bed and went to the window, catching sight of Ty disappearing into the machine shed.
At least she didn’t have to see him this morning. Didn’t need to think about him telling her not to say anything. Not to make things worse. It was pretty obvious she wasn’t the only one hurting. He’d come back to try to make things right. Why couldn’t she let him?
Because she was so damned afraid of losing him. That had always been the issue. She dressed and went into the kitchen where her grandfather had the coffee waiting for her and it was surprisingly drinkable.
“The coffee had been sitting there for almost fifteen minutes,” he grumbled when she sat down and pulled the cup toward her.
Excellent. Shelby cautiously sipped and then sipped again. Perfect drinking temperature. Maybe that meant the rest of her day would go okay despite a sleepless night. Gramps pushed the cereal box her way, then got up to take his bowl to the sink. “I need to get going pretty soon. Have to meet with the accountant again and do all the errands I’ve put off. Do you have anything to add to the grocery list?”
“Nope.” Shelby set down the cup. “You won’t forget to see Lucy, right?” Shelby had made her grandfather an appointment with the local nurse practitioner for a quick checkup. She didn’t like this knee business and she wanted to know what the deal was.
“Right.”
Shelby stared at him as he walked away. There was something in his tone that she didn’t quite like—to the point that when he drove back into the ranch hours later than she expected, she put away the horse she was schooling and went to the house. She met Gramps coming back out the door.
“Ready to work the black gelding?” he asked as she turned to walk with him back to the corrals.
“Yes. What did Lucy say?”
Gramps didn’t even try to hedge. “I didn’t go.”
“What?” She stopped walking, but he didn’t and she had to jog a few steps to catch up.
“I’m fine,” he muttered. “My accountant appointment ran long, so I called the office and told her I couldn’t make it. She was backed up, anyway. Glad to have the time to catch up.”
Shelby didn’t for one minute believe that, but what could she do? Hog tie the man and drag him kicking and screaming into the clinic?
Tempting… but she’d need help for that. And her help would be gone soon.
“I’m rescheduling, you know.”
“I wonder how far Ty got on the fence, today?” Her grandfather mused aloud as if she hadn’t spoken. He leaned his forearms on the rails of the corral and stared out across the pasture to the break in the trees leading to the leased land.
“Nice avoidance tactic,” Shelby muttered as she let herself into the pen and caught the gelding.
“At the rate we’re going, he’ll be done a few days after the rodeo.”
And then Ty would be gone. Even if his ride at the Copper Mountain Rodeo was a total bust, Shelby knew he was leaving. Their last argument may well have been just that—their last. If it hadn’t been, then he wouldn’t be giving her such a wide berth.
It was what she wanted… right?
The session with Evarado went well, although it felt odd not having Ty there. It was the first time since she’d started with the gelding that he hadn’t been within shouting range, as Gramps called it, and she decided it was because the gelding was starting to act like a horse instead of a rogue.
“He might turn out okay,” Gramps said grudgingly after she’d finished her session.
Indeed, Evarado was showing signs of trust in the relatively safe environment of the round pen. She had no idea how the horse would react out in the big, scary world.
“I’ll tell you what, though,” Gramps continued. “He ain’t a horse for an uncertain rider.”
“No. He needs someone he can’t push around.” Shelby waited until they were on their way back up to the house before she once again tackled the issue of the cancelled appointment. “I want to make another appointment with Lucy.”
“There’s no need.”
“I know you have a thing about doctors, but Gramps, sometimes we have to face our fears because not facing them can have serious consequences.”
Not what her grandfather wanted to hear. His expression clouded. “I know about facing fears. I’ve faced a lot more in my life than you have.”
Probably true, because he had forty-some years on her.
There was also the small issue of her not acknowledging fears. Deep down she’d always felt skittish about Ty’s career, but never allowed herself to examine the fact. Maybe she’d been afraid of jinxing things—afraid if she faced her fear, discarded it, then he would be taken away from her. And the roping—she’d acknowledged that fear, but until Wyatt twisted her arm, she hadn’t faced it…
“I think maybe I have a fear of fears,” she murmured as they mounted the porch steps.
“How’s that?” Gramps opened the door for her.
She waved her hand dismissively. “Just thinking aloud.”
He led the way into the kitchen and went to the fridge. “Well, we all have our fears, Shelby. Some we face, some we push down inside.” He pulled out a plate of leftover pot roast and set it on the counter. “You’re talking about this doctor business, right?”
“Right,” Shelby said. Among other things.
“My issues with hospitals have a legitimate basis. All you gotta do is read on the internet and you’ll see I’m right.”
“But sometimes you just got to take a chance—choose the lesser of two evils.”
/> “Exactly.” He gave a curt nod as if the subject was finished once and for all, and Shelby decided it was time to back off. For now.
She dished up the pot roast, cut squares of cornbread, put honey, butter and horse radish on the table. Gramps carefully steered the conversation away from healthcare issues as they ate and described the rodeo displays he’d seen when he’d been in town.
“People are pretty excited to see Ty ride again.”
Her stomach tightened. She wasn’t one of them. She gave a small start when Gramps reached out to cover her hand with his.
“I know how bad Ty hurt you when he left.” She nodded. “But you guys were really young.”
“We were.”
Gramps frowned down at their hands, her small one under his rough gnarled one. They’d been through a lot of life together. He’d taught her a lot of things. She had a feeling he was about to teach her something new.
“Just because someone has to… do something that’s really important to them… and leave… it doesn’t mean they didn’t care for you.”
“I know he cared, Gramps. Just not enough.”
Her grandfather pressed his lips together. “And did you care enough?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did you care enough to let him go?”
She gave a small snort. “I let him go.”
“And told him to never come back.”
To her astonishment, Shelby felt tears starting to build.
She blinked them back. “I thought… I thought he’d choose me.” And when he didn’t, when he chose to continue risking his life, she’d been afraid to have him in her life. Afraid of the potential for loss.
“Maybe he wasn’t in a place where he could do that.”
“I didn’t want to lose him.”
“But you did.” Gramps gave her fingers a squeeze and removed his hand.
I didn’t want him to die.
“Things could be different now… if you can find the strength to compromise.”
Shelby’s eyebrows lifted and she managed a laugh. “Are you giving me relationship advice?”
“Guess I am. Something to think about. Life is short, Shelby. Sometimes you have to take what you can get and be grateful for it.”
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