“No.” Jake’s smile dimmed briefly, then he spotted the picnic basket. He opened it and started pulling food out. “But I did bring sandwiches.”
“And beer.” She pulled out a bottle. Truthfully, she wasn’t much of a drinker, but the bottles were still cold and it felt like the kind of afternoon for enjoying a bottle of beer with a hot guy by the water.
“Is that okay?” Jake had the cutest little worried look on his face. Clover wanted to kiss the crinkle in the middle of his forehead. “I brought wine and water, too.” He showed her the bottles.
She twisted the top off the beer. “This is good.” She sat on the top of the table with her feet on the bench, leaving plenty of room between her and the basket for Jake to sit next to her if he wanted.
“Sandwich?” He offered as he joined her on the table. Again, he sat close enough for their legs to touch.
She took it and let her fingers linger for a moment when their hands touched. She looked into his eyes. “I don’t remember you being like this before.”
“What do you mean?” Jake stared at her mouth and licked his lips. The end of his question dropped off like he forgot he was speaking somewhere in the middle.
“All handsome and charming. You rescued me twice today.” She tried to figure out how to say what she really meant. “The last time we really saw each other, you tried to throw grasshoppers in my hair.” That wasn’t entirely accurate. He hadn’t done that since they were kids, like nine or ten, but she couldn’t think of a better way to explain the difference between who she thought he was in the past and who he was proving to be that day.
“Grasshoppers, huh? That’s the only thing you remember?” Jake asked. He wasn’t full-on pouting, but he was definitely upset.
“No, I remember a lot more. But my point is, you’ve always been the kid next door. I’m having a hard time matching that up with…this.” She gestured toward him, hoping he’d understand what she meant. He relaxed and smiled all sexy.
“Well, I remember you being exactly like this.” Jake leaned closer with every word. When he finished speaking, their lips were close enough that she could feel his words against her skin.
Her eyes slipped shut and she held her breath without really meaning to. Jake was going to kiss her and she wanted to remember the moment. She waited for what felt like forever, but was probably only a few seconds, and then she felt the soft, tentative brush of his lips against hers.
He pulled back far enough to say, “Is this okay?” His hot breath puffed over her skin as he spoke and bumps rose in the wake.
She set the bottle and sandwich on the table and wrapped her arm around his neck to pull him in close. They were already kissing again when she answered, “More than okay.” Her answer was muffled into his mouth.
It’d been far too long since Clover had been kissed, since she’d felt the gentle yet insistent touch of a tongue against her own, but she was absolutely certain it had never felt this good before. Yes, Jake kissed in a way that made her feel wanted--that part was pretty standard--but beneath the desire, there was restraint. She could feel him holding himself back with every swipe of his tongue, with the way he rested his fingers against her face but didn’t pull her in tighter.
By this point, her ex would have had her laid out flat on the table with his body on top of hers and his hand halfway down her pants. At the time, she’d enjoyed his urgency, but this was different. Jake was letting her decide, letting her dictate the speed of their kiss, and the trust and sensuality of it made her head swim.
She pulled away with a gasp. “Wow.” She reached for him again, her fingers playing with the loose curls at the base of his skull. He slanted his mouth over hers just right until she was pulling at him. She lay back on the table and drew him with her, kissing him greedily, demanding that he let go of his reserve and kiss her the way he wanted.
Rather than push her into the table and hold her there with the weight of his body, he pulled away completely and sat up. Clover lay next to him, gasping for breath and trying to understand where he’d gone. When she realized that he wasn’t just adjusting, but was sitting next to her, showing no signs of coming back for more kisses, she forced herself upright.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. She didn’t touch him.
His body was drawn tight, and the muscles on his forearms stood out as he pushed his hands through his hair. “We need to slow down.”
His sudden withdrawal confused her. Clover was incredibly turned on, and if the bulge in Jake’s pants was any indication, so was he. He’d been the one to kiss her first, not the other way around. Then, before it could go any further, he backed away. It’s not like she wanted to have sex on her dad’s picnic table, but there was no reason they couldn’t have kept going a little longer.
“Okay,” she agreed for lack of anything better to say. She wanted to ask what the hell was wrong with him, but that made her sound just a little too much like the eager teenage boys she’d spent her high school years turning down. She grabbed her beer and picked at the label. When Jake remained silent, she took a small drink, then went back to her sandwich. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast, so that he’d thought to bring food made her really happy. It was a sweet gesture.
She was about halfway through her sandwich--leftover roast beef with mayo and lettuce--when Jake finally spoke. “It’s not you, okay?”
Clover laughed a little bit, but she didn’t really think it was funny. “I didn’t think it was.” She wasn’t one of those overly emotional girls who thought every rejection from a guy translated into something she’d done wrong. She didn’t know what was going on with Jake, but she wasn’t about to assume it was her fault. She held out her sandwich. “You should eat one of these. It’s pretty good.”
“Yeah?” Jake smiled at her as he rooted through the basket for one of his own. He handed her an apple and a bag of chips while he was at it.
“Did you make the roast?” Clover didn’t think he had, but it gave her something to say. If they were ever going to get past the awkward silent thing they had working for them right now, one of them had to start somewhere.
“No, my Aunt Tammy did.” Jake spoke too quietly, making the question of roast far more serious than it needed to be. Perhaps he wasn’t going to be able to just move on with the rest of the conversation. She could adapt.
Clover reached for Jake’s hand and took hold of it carefully. She wanted to give him plenty of time to pull away if he needed to. “Hey.” She waited for him to look at her. “I’m not sure exactly what happened there, but I really like kissing you. Whenever you’re ready to do it again, just let me know.”
Jake smiled with just a hint of the carefree attitude from earlier. “You do?”
“God, yes.” She sounded all breathy and needy, but she really didn’t care.
He moved closer and brought his mouth to hers. “I like it, too,” he said in the moment before his lips touched hers. He kept the kiss brief, but slipped his tongue out to lick along her bottom lip before he pulled away.
Clover sat there for a moment with her eyes closed, hoping he would kiss her again. She could feel the moisture of his kiss on her lips, feel the heat of his body near hers, but he never made full contact again.
She placed her palm flat against his chest just to feel the beating of his heart. It was pounding hard enough for her to feel it all the way down her arm. “What is this?”
“I like you, Clover. Always have.”
That explained absolutely nothing, but Jake didn’t offer anything else. She didn’t have any good response. Truthfully, she hadn’t noticed him much before now. Yes, she’d known he was there, but that was different than truly seeing someone. She was embarrassed to note the difference. She’d always been polite to him, but treated him more like one of R.J.’s friends than her own. She supposed it was because he was three years younger than her, but the importance of those three years grew less and less the more time she spent with him.
She’d spent a l
ot of time in recent months thinking about what she wanted out of a relationship, and what kind of man she wanted to be in a relationship with. She wanted someone who would stop to help stranded neighbors on the side of the road, someone who would rescue a person from an inappropriately assertive boss, and someone who would think to pack sandwiches just in case she might be hungry.
She wanted someone who would go out of his way to pick her up after work when her car broke down, someone who would hold her hand and sit quietly with her, and someone who would bring beer, wine, and water just to make sure she had something she liked to drink.
Jake was a perfect match.
Chapter 10
Eight Years Ago
Clover walked through her dad’s field toward the Feldman place. R.J. followed behind her, stopping periodically to pull up his pants and complain that it was too hot to be outside. She agreed, but when her dad suggested that they make the trip to welcome Jake on his first day at his aunt’s, Clover knew it wasn’t optional.
Her dad had never even mentioned Jake’s arrival before, so why the sudden interest this year? This would be his fifth year, so it was old news at this point.
When they reached the irrigation canal that bordered her father’s property, she knew they were almost there. She walked along the dirt road that ran next to the canal until she saw a white split rail fence. Tammy Feldman’s small herd of cattle looked at them curiously for a moment, then returned to eating the long grass.
Brandon never kept animals, preferring to grow crops on their land. Tammy, focused mostly on meat, raised cows, pigs, and chickens. Clover had a vague memory of sheep one year, but they were not a regular presence on the small tract of land.
“Are we almost there?” R.J. hitched up his pants and half ran to catch up with her.
“Almost.” She’d given him the same answer every time he’d asked, which had been a lot. This time she decided to elaborate. “This fence leads straight to their house. You can see it over there.” She pointed toward the horizon. The top of the Feldman house barely showed.
“Oh man. That’s forever away.” R.J. sniffed. He had allergies and was really gross about it. She didn’t know if it was because of his age or because he was a boy. She’d never seen Jake act like that, but the boys in her class were a mixed bag. Some were disgusting. Some were disgusting and stupid. None of them was at all interesting.
“Suck it up. Nobody made you come.” She had very little sympathy for her brother. It wasn’t his fault he was so much younger and that she was constantly made to babysit him, but she couldn’t exactly take it out on her dad, either. He had the power to ground her if he didn’t like her attitude. She avoided that at all costs.
“Dad did.” R.J. sniffled again and wiped the back of his hand across his nose, then wiped his hand on his jeans. Like she said, gross.
“No he didn’t.” Granted, she knew his suggestion was actually an order, but it’d been directed at her, not R.J.. Besides, her brother was about as intuitive as a groundhog. There was no reason to think he actually picked up on the nuance in their dad’s tone.
“It wasn’t what he said. It was how he said it.” R.J. ran ahead of her and called back, “I can see it really well now. We’re almost there for real.”
Clover shook her head. What else had she been underestimating about R.J.? If he picked up on their dad’s mood from his tone, then maybe he noticed other things, too. She raced after her brother. If she lost him in Tammy Feldman’s small field, her dad would kill her.
They reached the front door at the same time, but R.J. knocked before she had a chance. Tammy answered the door.
“You kids looking for Jake already? He’s in his room.” She walked out and headed toward the big outbuilding on the north side of their property. That’s where they kept the equipment. She left the door open and called to them when they remained standing on the porch. “Go on in.”
Jake was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. He looked sadder than Clover ever remembered seeing him. There was an open suitcase next to him. It had already been unpacked.
R.J. ran into the room and belly flopped onto the bed behind Jake. Clover stood in front of Jake and waited for him to notice her. When he didn’t comment, she kicked his shoe gently. “You okay?”
“Sure.” He didn’t sound convincing.
“Want to hang out with us?”
Jake shrugged and then stood. “Okay.” He’d grown since last summer, but not nearly as much as she had. She was at least a head taller than him.
“What do you want to do?”
He shrugged again.
“Are you hungry?” Not that she could do anything about it. This wasn’t her house and she wasn’t exactly able to invite him home. Her dad hadn’t been specific, but she knew she needed to stay gone for longer than it took to walk here and back.
“I’m good. Aunt Tammy fed me when I got here.”
“Let’s play hide and seek.” R.J. bounced in place. Clover really hoped Jake would say no. She hated hide and seek.
Jake looked at Clover and almost smiled. “Nah, not right now.” He apparently knew her better than she thought.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” He shrugged. “Let’s just go sit outside.” Jake led them out of the house and they sat in a row across the front step.
“How was your drive?”
Jake looked at the road for a long while before he answered. “Loud.”
Clover didn’t know how to respond to that, so she didn’t.
Jake pointed at her mouth. “You got your braces off.”
“Yes, couple weeks ago.” Thank God. Clover had hated having that mouth full of metal. It made her look like a robot when she smiled. Her brother had loved it. He made fun of her every chance he got.
“Looks nice,” Jake said in a voice that made her feel special, but she didn’t know why. She smiled reflexively at his comment and he returned it, then expanded his compliment. “Really nice.”
They didn’t do much for the rest of the day besides sit on the porch and drive R.J. mad with their inactivity, but Clover liked to think that she made Jake feel a little better just by being there. At least he didn’t look as sad when they finally left for home later that day as he had when they’d arrived.
Chapter 11
Present Day
Clover may not have paid much attention to Jake before, but he definitely had her attention now. All of his good points added up to tell her that she should leave him alone. She was leaving in little over a month and so was he. While she was up for a summer fling, she was not interested in falling in love and complicating her life further. She had very specific plans and Jake Feldman was the kind of guy who she could fall in love with. The timing in her life just wasn’t right for true romance.
Still, she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “I like you, too.” She cupped the side of his face. “So I don’t see what the problem is.”
“I’m leaving here at the end of summer, moving back to Salem.” Jake looked heartbroken.
“Yeah, so am I. Well, not the Salem part. I’m moving to Portland, but why can’t we enjoy one another while we’re here?” Maybe she could survive a summer fling with Jake. If she kept herself carefully in check, she might be able to keep herself from getting invested. She knew, as she thought it, that she was lying to herself, but the thought of ending before they really started made her chest ache.
“We can, I suppose, but what about after?”
“What do you mean?”
Jake took both her hands in his. “Clover, I just...I can’t do casual. Not with you. If we...do things...I’m never going to want to let you go. It was hard enough to leave you behind before, but I’d never survive it if I thought that you might want me, too.”
Oh God, he was definitely the kind of guy she could fall for. Boys...men, really, didn’t say things like that. At least not her ex-boyfriend. He simply pushed and pushed until the next thing she knew, her pants were halfway d
own and his fingers were working inside her.
“Too late for that. I definitely want you.” She cupped her palm around his cheek and just held it there. She wanted to do so much more, but didn’t want to risk him withdrawing completely. So much for easy and casual. Jake had stripped that option from her and she felt better for it.
“Jesus.” He looked at her with such desire that Clover felt it deep inside her. It jolted through her body and made her throb with an intense need to show him exactly how much she wanted him.
“Would it really be so wrong for us to kiss?” She moved closer until their lips were almost touching.
“No, but...” The tremble in Jake’s voice made her pause in the moment before she touched her lips to his.
“But what?” She whispered.
“I’ve never...” Jake swallowed hard, but didn’t continue.
“Never?” Clover felt a strange rush of déjà vu. The last time she’d had a conversation like this, she’d been the one trying to explain that she was still a virgin. Not that she was certain that was what Jake was saying, but it certainly felt like it. “What, Jake? You can tell me.”
“I’ve never...you know...”
Clover waited for more, but it never came. Finally, she kissed him softly and said, “We can take it slow.”
“Yeah?” He returned her kiss, his hands coming to rest on her hips again, the thumbs swiping upward, but not quite reaching her breasts.
“Yeah,” she spoke between kisses. “We can just kiss, if that’s what you want.”
Jake shook his head and his hair fell over his forehead. “That’s the problem. How am I supposed to just kiss you? I want so much more than that. But...”
Clover pushed his hair back and pressed light kisses to his forehead, then both eyes, his nose, and finished with his mouth. She didn’t want to push for more than he wanted to give, but God his mouth tasted so good, felt so perfect against hers. How was she supposed to stop herself when she’d never felt quite like this before? She eased closer to him, her tongue inside his mouth, searching for everything he couldn’t say with words.
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