by Edie Baylis
Seth suddenly stopped, a manic grin on his face. “There’s one place we haven’t tried.”
Lee looked at him questioningly.
Seth grinned. “The Bull’s Head!”
“She doesn’t go in there much does she?” Please not the Bull’s Head, Lee thought, already getting depressed at the prospect of wading through sawdust-covered dog shit and listening to Leonard Cohen on the jukebox.
“No she doesn’t,” he smiled, “so it’d be the last place she’d expect me to look.”
Seth looked so pleased with himself, Lee didn’t have the heart to say if that was the case, then maybe Jane just wanted some time out and grudgingly followed him up the road.
JANE RETURNED FROM the bar with a couple of double vodkas and sat back down, waiting for the conversation to continue.
“I don’t know why I’m so upset?” Maggie whispered, her eyes staring vacantly at a picture of a haystack on the wall.
“Nor do I!” Jane laughed hollowly.
“I’m not like you, Jane.”
Ah, now they were getting somewhere. Was this about Ian or her? “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Maggie paused, her heart beating loudly in her chest. “The things you do. The things Seth does. It’s not normal is it?”
Jane clenched her jaw. She didn’t need a lecture.
“Why do you do this stuff?”
Leaning back in the chair, Jane turned her cigarette lighter around in her fingers. She tipped the vodka down her throat and placed the glass gently back on the table. “Why is the operative word isn’t it?” She looked pensive. “Why does there have to be a why?”
Maggie didn’t understand. Surely there had to be a why? The stress and confusion of the last few days ran over her like an avalanche. “You scare me Jane.”
Jane frowned and signalled to the barman for more drinks. “I don’t want you to be scared. Besides...” Stopping mid-sentence when the barman set down more drinks on the table, she smiled and waited until he’d left. “It’s probably all for nothing anyway.”
“What is?”
“Life? The world? Everything? I don’t know. If you believe any of it, that is?”
“Believe what? I don’t understand Jane.”
Jane began to drift off somewhere else. What was the real point of life? Was there a point? Everyone was searching for an in-depth reason for their existence but did anyone consider there may not be any reason? It may just be as it was and then it was over.
She quickly swallowed the fresh drink. “Don’t think things don’t get to me. I just deal with it by shutting my feelings down.”
Maggie listened carefully to what Jane was saying. She’d never heard her talking like this before, but then she’d never asked any questions had she?
Signalling for another drink, Jane trained her eyes on Maggie. “Everything is disposable, Mags.”
Maggie sipped at her drink nervously. “Even people?”
A slight smile twitched at the corners of Jane’s mouth. “Especially people. They’re the ones that cause the problems.”
Maggie didn’t know what to think. This was doing her head in. “But how do you justify it? Doesn’t it keep you awake?”
Jane laughed. “Oh for God’s sake. I take pills to stay awake and pills to go to sleep! What’s the difference?”
“You make it sound so simple.”
Nodding and smiling as the barman deposited another double on the table, Jane turned back towards Maggie, the smile leaving her face. “Nothing’s simple, but nothing’s hard either. It’s what you want it to be. Look, I don’t profess to have all the answers.”
Taking a long pull of a cigarette, she exhaled the smoke slowly. “The only way not to hurt is not to think.”
Maggie’s eyebrows knitted together. She was still confused. Was Jane saying the answer to everything was just to take enough shit not to care, notice or what? “This is fucked up!”
“It’s called Life!” Jane laughed.
Maggie frowned. Surely it all caught up with someone in the end didn’t it? “Aren’t you scared of going to hell?”
Looking at Maggie incredulously, Jane tapped the end of her cigarette into the ashtray. “How can I be scared of going somewhere I’ve already been?”
“But Seth? He’s....”
“As I’m sure you’ve heard I was like this long before I met him.” Jane raised an eyebrow when Maggie looked away. “I’ve just found someone the same.”
“But I’m worried about you.”
Getting a little bored, Jane picked up her bag. “Don’t worry about me, Mags. There are more important things to stress about. Come on, I need some powder.”
“You do too much stuff. The drink, powder, pills. I don’t want you to die.”
Jane laughed again. “I’m not scared of dying. It’s the only thing that’s guaranteed. I’m no different to anyone else.”
Maggie sighed. Jane was different to everyone else though.
Apart from him.
JANE GLANCED IN THE rear view mirror. She’d put far too many drinks away, but thankfully the coke she’d just taken had brought her back up. “I’m taking it you’ll be keeping schtum about Digger?” She glanced towards Maggie who seemed reluctant to answer. “It’s the least you can do considering.”
Jane was getting irritated with Maggie’s reticence to play the game. If she chose to get involved with people like Ian, then she needed to take the rough with the smooth, not live in a fucking dream world. “Life isn’t a bed of roses Maggie?” she snapped. “There aren’t knights in shining armour and there aren’t any fucking happy endings.”
“I won’t be saying anything about Digger,” Maggie mumbled quietly. “But what about Debbie?”
“What the fuck’s she got to do with it?” Jane didn’t want to even think about that fat bitch.
“According to Jake she went to the police.”
“The cops don’t give a flying fuck when wankers like Ian drop off the twig or go missing.”
“Is that how you two get away with so much then?” Maggie snapped.
Jane shot her a look, feeling her nerves start to jangle. She didn’t have to explain anything to anyone, except herself and if Maggie was going to start having digs, then she could fuck right off. She’d put up with an entire evening of questions as it was. Maggie had obviously forgotten the only reason Digger had had a word in the first place was for her.
“I heard Debbie was spouting off down the Apple earlier,” Maggie continued. “She said it was Seth who killed Ian.”
Jane’s head snapped round. “What? He had nothing to do with it!”
Maggie tried to backtrack. “I’m not saying he did, babe. Just telling you what she’s doing. I’m worried she’ll drop everyone in it,” she lied, shuddering involuntarily. She really didn’t care what happened to Digger or Seth.
LEE’S EYES DARTED UP and down the main road keeping an eye out for the cops whilst Seth grabbed Paul by the scruff of the neck and pulled him up from where he lay in a pile of glass.
Zed stood with a confused grin over his stubbly face as he leant against the wall. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but this sure beat watching a scruffy mongrel on a piece of string have a shit in the corner. That had been the most interesting thing by far that had happened tonight, until that weird bloke with the make-up on had turned up just before last knockings.
He stared with morbid fascination and relit his joint as Seth dragged the man to his feet by his jacket collar and head-butted him repeatedly.
“Seth. Come on. Leave it!” Lee stepped forward. For God’s sake, he didn’t need this. All the mellow undertones from the afternoon’s bong had long gone and he just wanted to go home, but Seth was in the zone.
Seth stared with pent-up rage etched all over his face, his square jaw clenched into a hard line as he weighed up the situation. Looking back at Paul who he was still holding firmly by the lapels with his head lolling on his chest and blood running freely down his shir
t, he growled in frustration.
He’d already heard on the grapevine about what had been said down the Apple and Paul had got off too lightly before, considering everything he’d done. He just wanted to kill him like he should have done ages ago and was quite happy to do so. Right now.
Only Lee’s constant pleading to leave it because there were too many people watching finally snapped Seth from his anger blackout. Reluctantly dragging Paul around the side of the pub, he threw him roughly to the floor and left him amongst a pile of rubbish near the trade bins.
Returning to the front of the Bull’s Head, Seth wiped his hands down his long coat and shouted brightly to the amassed crowd. “Show’s over, folks!”
Without even glancing at Lee, Seth headed off down the road.
TURNING INTO A ROAD near town Jane pushed the accelerator to the floor, causing Maggie to slam against the window.
“Slow down a bit, babe,” Maggie screeched.
“Oh shut the fuck up!” Jane snapped. She needed to put a stop to this Debbie shit. She’d thought she’d got the message through to the dirty bitch last time, but obviously not if she was still trapping off. She’d have to sort the cunt out once and for all. Enough was enough.
“Are you coming to the flat, Maggie or will being in our presence offend you?”
Maggie regretted the whole of the nights’ conversation. She didn’t want to fall out with Jane, but she just didn’t get any of it anymore. “I’d better head back to the van. Can you drop me off?”
“Sure,” Jane muttered through gritted teeth.
Continuing along the road, the headlights lit up a figure walking on the left hand side of the pavement and Jane’s eyes shone. She quickly knocked the car down a gear and slammed her foot harder on the accelerator.
Fucking bonus. Absolute fucking bonus!
“What are you doing?” Maggie yelled, scrabbling to hang on to something as the car mounted the pavement.
Jane didn’t answer, her concentration focused as she drove at the rate of knots. Payback, bitch!
Feeling a bone-shaking thud, Maggie’s hand flew to her mouth as a body slammed onto the bonnet. She clawed against the chair and fruitlessly tried to back away from the bloodied face of Debbie squashed against the windscreen.
Jane laughed maniacally and tried to fathom how to get the fat fuck off her car before she dented it further. Swerving violently, she dislodged Debbie from the bonnet and glanced in the rear view mirror seeing the body crash heavily on to the pavement behind. Eyeing the cracked windscreen, she smiled at the minor inconvenience.
Flicking the window wipers on to remove the blood splattered over the screen, Jane accelerated and turned the tape player up to drown out the noise of Maggie vomiting into the foot well.
FORTY SEVEN
LEE WAS GLAD TO SIT down. After everything, there was still no sign of Jane. He watched Seth pacing up and down.
Abandoning his glass Lee drank straight from the rum bottle. “So who was the freak?” He’d seen that strange bloke around, but had never taken much notice, presuming he was one of the many oddballs released from the local mental hospitals.
Walking over to the large window overlooking the high street Seth leant on the sill and frowned at the blood stains on his coat. He stared vacantly down on the dark street below. “Just someone I heard was speaking out of turn.”
In the reflection, Lee saw the wisp of a sarcastic smile pass across Seth’s mouth as he stomped over to the stereo, the tails of his coat flapping. Roughly pulling the lid of the turntable open, he dropped the needle on the record making a loud scratching sound.
“Where the fuck is Jane then?” Seth suddenly barked, wild-eyed.
Not this again. Lee decided he’d have to make his excuses and fuck off home. No amount of rum could make him cope with listening to another one of Seth’s bloody rages.
“I need to know where she is!” Seth roared and picked up a large tea mug from the table. He launched it at the wall and Lee ducked as shards of china ricocheted around the room.
MAGGIE WAS RELIEVED to hear Jane’s car engine getting fainter as she sped off into the distance. Shakily she made her way over the field towards her caravan, feeling she would throw up again as the image of Debbie replayed in her mind.
The noise when Debbie had hit the metal bumper... The face with eyes wide in abject terror squashed against the window and the mouth wide in a silent scream... All the blood...
Maggie wished it would just go away. A shiver ran through her as she pulled out her cigarettes and lit one with trembling fingers. Had she imagined the whole thing? Jane had acted as if nothing had happened and had merely reminded her about a party tomorrow before speeding off into the night.
Maggie swallowed down the uncomfortable lump in her throat. No. Unfortunately it had very much happened and she couldn’t handle it anymore.
“You alright, Mags?”
The voice from nowhere made Maggie almost choke on her tongue before relief washed over her when Zed’s face loomed out of the darkness. “Not really.” Keep the tears in check, Maggie. Keep the tears in check. “Bit of a shit evening...”
Zed grinned, his long blond dreads flapping around his shoulders. He waved an unlit joint in her direction. “Fancy a smoke?”
Maggie smiled gratefully. “I’d love to.”
Thank God. With any luck she’d be able to erase tonight from her brain.
“JUST STOP GOING ON will you!” Jane screeched. She wouldn’t admit something she hadn’t done.
Standing in front of her with folded arms, Seth’s face was red with rage and the veins in his temples throbbed. Glaring, he pulled himself forward. “Just tell me who you’ve been with?”
“Get the fuck out of my face!” Pushing him hard in the chest, Jane began to walk away.
“I’ll kill you if you’ve done the dirty on me again!” Seth snarled and grabbed Jane’s arm, his eyes black with anger. “I won’t ask you again. Now TELL ME!”
Stepping forward, Lee tugged Seth’s shirt sleeve in an effort to calm him down. “Come on mate.”
Spinning around, Seth yanked Lee’s hand away. “And you can fuck off and all! Why are you still here?”
Lee angrily stomped into the kitchen. He didn’t appreciate being spoken to like a piece of shit. Seth’s jealously and paranoia was a fucking obsession and it was pissing him right off.
Shaking her arm from Seth’s grip, Jane attempted to walk off as well.
“Oh no you don’t!” Holding her with one hand, Seth upended the table with the other and smashed Lee’s bottle of rum into pieces.
He stared deep into Jane’s eyes, searching them as he slammed her against the wall. “Just level with me. Tell me where you’ve been.”
“For your information, I’ve been with Maggie all evening Seth. Not that I should have to explain myself to you,” Jane raged.
“You must think I came down on the last fucking branch.” Seth tightened the grip on Jane’s arm, unable to decide whether to kill her or fuck her. “And yes, you do have to explain to me. You belong to me.”
Jane laughed hollowly. “I belong to no one.” Wrenching away from Seth’s grip, she stared at him coldly. “I’m sick of you.” With rapid precision she delivered a stinging slap to the side of his face, the red imprint immediately visible and with a roar, he turned on his heels.
“Walking away are you?” Jane sneered, fuelled to have a full-blown row. “Don’t you dare!”
Catching up with him as he reached the lounge door she pulled his arm. “If you think I’m marrying you again, you’re off your bloody head!”
Touch paper fully activated, Seth shook her roughly by the shoulders. “Oh yes you fucking will!” His eyes flashed with fire. “You will Jane, even if it’s the last thing you do!”
“Threatening me now?” she laughed in his face, determined to rile him. “You piece of shit. I’m not scared of you. You’re a fucking joke!”
Grabbing Jane’s face, Seth yanked her head aro
und. “A joke am I?”
Kneeing him hard in the stomach, she grabbed his hair and pulled his head up. “I wish I’d never laid eyes on you, Seth Wright!”
Seth stared at Jane icily for a couple of seconds then pushed her away and walked out of the lounge door, banging it hard behind him.
As the front door slammed, Jane’s shoulders sagged and tears of frustration rolled down her cheeks. She wiped the back of her hand across her face and pulled her cigarettes out of her pocket.
MAGGIE FELT BETTER the second she’d inhaled the first drag of the joint. “What? Tonight?”
“It was hilarious,” Zed laughed, helping himself to a swig of cider from a bottle on the tiny work surface. “He whacked him and then chucked him through the bloody window!”
Chuckling to himself, Zed could still picture the expression on the weird guy’s face when he’d sailed through the glass and landed with a thud on the pavement.
He took the joint that Maggie offered back. “It carried on outside and I thought Seth was going to kill him, but he ended up dumping him around the side with the rubbish!”
Maggie sighed, longing to unburden herself about Debbie. She wished Zed would hurry up and pass her the joint back so she’d have something to concentrate on. Furthermore she needed to get stoned. Very stoned.
“Shame about Clint though,” Zed muttered, eyeing Maggie. She was a nice looking wench. Now Ian was out of the way, he wouldn’t be treading on anyone’s toes would he.
“What about Clint?” Maggie gratefully took the smoke and raised it to her mouth. Seth hadn’t given him a slap tonight as well had he?
“I saw Jenky earlier. He’s right upset.”
Moving to the edge of the seat, a horrible feeling of foreboding crept over Maggie.
Wondering at the expressions he saw fleeting across Maggie’s face, Zed continued. “Yeah, Clint’s body was found in the woods last week.”
Maggie took a sharp intake of breath. Dead? He was dead?
“Burnt to cinders. Only identified by dental records.”
Feeling sicker than ever, Maggie shakily took another drag of the joint, noticing there wasn’t much left and hoped Zed had more where that came from. She tried not to picture the blackened, charred corpse of what had once been Clint. The lovely looking, quiet Clint. No! Don’t think about it!