Controlled Surrender

by Lovell, Christin

  Fuck! That’s where I’d gone wrong. Damn it, the alpha commanded a certain level of respect; therefore, so did his mate.

  I closed my eyes and concentrated on feeling her, on sensing her. She wasn’t near, but she wasn’t far. I took several deep breaths, hushing my wolf as we sought the essence of her soul in the air. When serenity was the only thing that registered, I knew she’d escaped for solace.

  She could have her solace tonight, but come tomorrow, she was going to be mine. Part two of my off-the-cuff plan was to finally claim her. She was going to surrender to me in every part of her life. It was the only way I could assure her equality; it was the only way I could fully protect her.

  My wolf howled in agreement. His persistent scratching slowed for a brief moment. His draw back confirmed that this was the best move. My wolf and I rarely agreed, but we would always do what was best for her. She was our common ground, as nature intended her to be. She was the one who would balance us; she was our unity. The beauty to my beast.

  Chapter 5

  LAINA

  I rolled over. The cool grass tickled my cheek. I smiled, taking in nature as she woke. She was breathtaking. The mist that rose up over the mountains veiled her glory before the sun revealed her splendor.

  I stretched, birds chirping in the distance fully awakening me. The river thrashed about; it was the equivalent of Earth’s own lively music.

  I inhaled deep; Mother Nature’s breath invigorated me. It stilled my heavy heart and soothed my limbs.

  Standing to my feet, I did a final sweep of the area. I didn’t get out here much. I wanted to enjoy every second before I had to face reality again.

  I stood there a little while, absorbing nature’s harmony. Feeling the minutes tick by, I sighed, knowing I couldn’t put it off forever.

  I gazed at the forest. The leaves created a thick brush that kept the floor from basking in the sun’s light. With one last glance back at the mountains and the river below, I sprinted towards the trees.

  It was about an hour before I crossed onto pack property. The sun was high in the sky by then. I’d learned to appreciate these last few days of warmth before cooler days of fall took over and the sun disappeared for winter.

  I headed for my family’s home, a small three-bedroom house on the eastern perimeter of the pack’s property.

  I stood quietly outside the front door, listening closely for them. I strained my ears for their heartbeats, for their movements, for Papa’s soft snores, but was met with silence. I frowned, pushing open the door and stepping over the threshold.

  I worried my bottom lip as I headed for my parent’s bedroom. Throwing open their door, I was met with naked furniture and stark walls. Fear pounded in my chest, churning my stomach.

  I ran to their closet and slid the doors open. Nothing. There was nothing in there. It was as if they’d disappeared.

  I was on the verge of vomiting as I dashed across the house to Roberto’s room. I stormed through his door, but was met with the same emptiness. I tossed open his closet doors, but it was all gone. Tears stung my eyes as the realization dawned on me. They’d left me. They’d finally left me.

  My wolf howled long, sorrowful whimpers. We were family animals; we thrived off of those lifelong bonds.

  Dazedly, I wandered to the kitchen in search of a note, a letter, anything. When I found nothing, not even silverware, I ambled to my bedroom. My hand hovered shakily over the knob. It was my last hope.

  I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to the door. Regret washed through me. I knew I’d been a disappointment to them. I knew my weight was an embarrassment to them. My chest constricted as the truth stabbed my gut. I should have been the one to leave, not them. I could have made a life outside the pack amongst the humans. I could have saved my mother many dirty looks, saved my father many scrutinizing glares over how he’d raised me; I could have saved their reputations within the community. I’d been selfish to stay.

  Taking one final breath, I thrust open my bedroom door. Nothing had been touched in my personal space; likewise, nothing new was present. They really had just up and left.

  I batted at the disappointment, the desperate ache settling in my core. I knew I wasn’t the ideal were daughter they’d wanted, but I wasn’t the worst of the lot. I could have been a rebellious nightmare to raise.

  Anger breached the outskirts of my emotions. I quickly tossed it aside though. In the end, it wasn’t their fault that I ended up the size I was. Likewise, it wasn’t my fault that they weren’t strong enough to handle the backlash with the same dignity that I did.

  I sighed. I knew there was only one person I could make this right with: Jayson. I feared going to him, but I had no other choice. He would be the only one willing to tell me the truth; he would be the only one who would help me get them back.

  I took a shower and changed into a fresh pair of clothes. I wasn’t dressed to impress, but then again, I’d long ago abandoned my chances of attracting my mate on a physical level. I donned a part of dark grey sweat pant capris, a navy blue tank top that touched the bottom of my hips, and a pair of Nike tennis shoes. I tossed my soaked strands into a tight knot on top of my head.

  I glanced around the living room. All the large furniture had been left behind. It was the tiny details that were missing. It was the inner pieces of the puzzle that were missing.

  I opened the front door and stepped outside. I carefully closed the door behind me as I set out towards the alpha’s domain: a large two-story home in the center of pack property.

  Chapter 6

  JAYSON

  I felt her getting closer. My wolf roused as my heart kicked up its beating pace. I threw on a pair of athletic shorts as I jogged downstairs.

  The closer I got to the front door, the louder her footsteps became. I didn’t bother putting up pretenses. I immediately opened the door before she could knock. She was just arriving at the steps.

  My heart swelled, my mind blanked for a moment as I took her in. She overwhelmed me. I wished everyone looked at her the way I did. I vowed to imprint my perspective on her. She should never hang her head in shame; she should always hold her head high, appreciating her beauty for its uniqueness.

  Her approach slowed as she reached the final step. Her brows dipped in the center as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “Come in.” I held the door wide. I inhaled her intoxicating scent as she hesitantly brushed past me.

  She wrung her hands, standing in the center of the foyer as I closed the door. “Um, I’m sorry to bother you, but I was hoping you could tell me where my family went.”

  I stood behind her, my grip tightening on the brass doorknob. I released it before I broke the fixture. “I dismissed them.”

  She spun around, her eyes wide with shock. “What do you mean?”

  “Your family is no longer welcome in this pack.”

  Her eyes glossed over. She immediately averted her gaze. She fidgeted with her hands as she stared at the floor. “I, um…” She slowly lifted her face towards me. “I’ll-“

  Her features crumpled, and I couldn’t hold back anymore. I tugged her to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her.

  She lazily pushed at my chest. “Stop. Please.” There was no fight in her; her words were merely a plea.

  My wolf roared, echoing the outrage I felt. I would never forgive her family for putting her through this.

  “Jayson, please let me go.”

  “Why? So you can run away again?” I didn’t hold back my upset.

  She slumped in my arms, finally giving in. “It should be me.”

  I jerked back, feeling as if I’d been slapped. “What?” I growled.

  She kept her gaze downwards. “You should have kicked me out. It’s not their fault I am the way I am.”

  Her self-disgust incensed me, shooting furious bullets through my veins. “You don’t even know why I abolished them.”

  She peered at me through hooded lashes. “Why did you?”r />
  I didn’t realize the corner I’d backed myself into until it was too late. I didn’t want to hurt her. The last thing I wanted to do was to unleash their derogative comments on her.

  I slid a crooked finger beneath her chin and lifted her head. She immediately looked away. “Look at me.”

  She closed her eyes, taking a breath before opening them and focusing on me. She was trying to be so strong. I could see the waterfall of emotions in her eyes, yet she did her best to veil them.

  “I chose to keep the best of my pack. I kept the ones willing to comply with my new rule of unity. There will be no more segregation. Everyone is to be respected equally, especially you.” I traced the outer edges of her full cheeks.

  Heat colored her creamy skin. “You didn’t have to do that.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, so full of pain, so full of worry.

  Damn it! She shouldn’t have to worry. She should just be. I was the alpha. I was supposed to shoulder her concerns, tend to her needs, and protect her battered spirit.

  “Don’t argue with my choices,” I clipped.

  She moved away right as her dam broke. Tears openly streamed down her face. She hugged herself. “They’re going to hate me, Jayson. They know I’m the reason for this. I’m the only one they’ve ever treated differently, and rightly so. I am different. You can’t punish all of them for my issues.”

  My wolf clawed at my chest, pouncing with his back legs as he attacked me; he fought to reach the surface and claim our mate, to reassure her of our allegiance with a single bite.

  My muscles flexed as I shuddered, fighting for control. She was trying me. Her distress both maddened me and decimated me. She shouldn’t feel this way. Had I been the alpha I ought to have been, she wouldn’t have questioned my moves. She would have enough self-confidence to demand better treatment.

  Her silent strength was undeniable to survive the ridicule she had her entire life, but her soul was clearly damaged from their lashes.

  “You’re not different; you’re better,” I stated.

  She swiped at the salty water tumbling down her cheeks profusely. My heart broke as I watched her struggle to suppress her emotions. I knew this was years worth of tears; I knew this was years worth of suffering bursting to the surface.

  I felt like a worthless piece of shit. Damn it. I might as well have been the one single-handedly taking swings at her self-worth. I should have changed this. I should have protected her. I should have stepped up and leveraged my authority sooner. I was the reason she was broken. All the while, she blamed herself for the sins of others.

  This was a fucked up situation. I should have claimed her long ago.

  My wolf snapped at me, agreeing with my latest musing.

  I studied Laina. She’d closed her eyes and fisted her hands; she pinched her eyelids as she bit her inner lip, obviously trying to regulate her reaction and stunt her tears.

  Slowly my own self-deprecation washed away and was replaced by a fierce determination. What got me into this mess was me allowing her to prance around freely. What prolonged her silent suffering was me not claiming her sooner, forcing the pack, at the least, to give her respect as the alpha’s mate. I’d come to that realization last night, and nothing had changed this morning. It was time.

  Chapter 7

  LAINA

  Abruptly, Jayson threw me over his shoulder and scurried for the stairs.

  I pounded on his back, kicking my feet to no avail. “Put me down! Stop!”

  I jumped when he smacked my ass. The sting of his hand connecting with my sensitive flesh sent tingles of awareness through me; of warmth and longing rather than fear. My body’s physical reaction ceased all my fight.

  My wolf pranced about, anticipation silencing four years of crying.

  I scowled. She was a traitor. She was so quick to throw herself at Jayson, tossing her ass into the air.

  My pulse fluttered rapidly as he opened the bedroom door. The alpha was the strongest in many aspects, including physically; it was why he was the leader. It was why there was no escaping this.

  I dug deep, searching, seeking fear, trying to find an ounce of concern that indicated I didn’t want this, but I didn’t find any. The truth was, I wanted Jayson. I craved him. I wanted to lick every groove, every bulge of his muscles. I wanted to give in. I wanted to be his, but I couldn’t do that to him.

  I heard several locks being slid into place and finally a metal key being placed atop something. He had me facing his oversized master bedroom. The furniture matched the grand size of the space. Dark woods gave it a masculine feel, especially against the grey walls. A cabernet colored comforter was the only dot of true color.

  He spun around walking towards the bed, giving me a glimpse of the door. I gasped, my lungs refusing to expand as I caught sight of the three dead bolts and two keyed locks on the door; all of which appeared locked and secure. I really wasn’t getting out of this.

  My wolf pranced with delight. I wanted to smack her senseless.

  I jolted as he laid me down on the bed, face down. He immediately covered me, yanking my hands up over my head. I jerked on his grip, trying to get away, but failed. I felt the cold metal slip around my wrists. Knowledge shot through me, sending a reflex of panic bursting through my chest, making it hard to breath.

  He leaned down next to my ear. “I’m not going to hurt you. Just relax.” He gently kissed my temple. The gesture was so sensual; it sent my mind into disarray. He was soft and hard, rough and careful.

  The second he slid off of me, I pushed up on my knees, trying to gain leverage to budge the restraints. They didn’t even creaked though.

  I studied the handcuffs. Sure enough they were platinum, one of the few metals wolves lacked the strength to bend.

  I jumped, chafing my skin against the metal when Jayson pulled my shoes and socks off in quick succession, before my mind could process what he was doing.

  “What are you doing?” I couldn’t withhold my indignation. He was my alpha, for now, not my handler and certainly not my husband.

  I turned my head trying to see what he was doing, but he moved quickly. It was as if he’d planned this. He knew the angles I would be checking and made sure he stayed in the shadows, just out of my peripheral vision’s span.

  Without warning, he yanked my legs straight, causing me to plop down onto the mattress. I tumbled, struggling to break his grasp. I froze the second the smooth metal circled my ankles. My shoulders slumped as I sighed. I was completely helpless. I had no leverage, no escape. I was at his mercy.

  I listened as he linked the cuffs to the bed, the same as he did with the ones above. He’d taken my height into account and all. There was a generous chain between the restraints and the bed.

  The reality of the situation was fresh in my mind. Knowing what I should feel, I waited for the fear to come, but it didn’t. I waited for rage to engulf my heart, but alas, it didn’t. The single thing that won out was defeat.

  I shrieked when he dragged down my pants, stopping just below my ass, exposing the widest part of me. My lungs refused to expand as cool air kissed my skin. I wanted to yell, I wanted to know what was going on, but my mind blanked. I could only focus on the fact that I was tied up and being stripped. Sadly, I was all too aware of the fact that fear was still absent, and worse, my body warmed.

  His hands caressed the back of my hips. I held my breath as he pressed his lips against each ass cheek, kissing my flesh. “I love this part of you.”

  Shock registered as chills chased down my spine. I hadn’t heard him right. There was no way he could like my double-wide sized rear. I opened and closed my mouth several times, opting to remain silent rather than make a fool of myself.

  He moved away and I immediately felt cold, empty. I never should have let him touch me. That one tiny intimacy opened the black hole in my chest, exposing my loneliness.

  “This is how this is going to work. I’m going to ask you some questions. I demand nothing but the truth. If
you lie to me, I’m going to spank that pretty ass of yours.”

  Why, oh why, did my pussy have to flutter in response to his harsh tone? This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I should have kept my distance.

  I struggled to keep the last of my barriers, the final walls of protection around me. If I gave in, we’d both lose.

  “Why don’t you stick up for yourself?”

  I turned my head, but he moved to the foot of the bed. I sighed. “Does it matter?”

  I startled when he smacked my ass. His hand landed a sharp blow to my sensitive skin, creating a dull throbbing sensation in my lower half. “I said I’ll ask the questions. Now answer me.”

  My pulse rocketed. I turned my face into the mattress. How could I answer that when didn’t even know? I just didn’t. It didn’t seem worth it. It would always be them against me, regardless of what I said. “It’s not worth it,” I mumbled into the sheets.

  He slapped my ass again, the same blunt pain spreading through my center. “Do you think you’re not worth it?”

  I bit my lip, closing my eyes. I shrugged my shoulders.

  Another harsh blow landed on me.

  My wolf stilled at the newest hit. Awareness prickled her. A wilted growl emerged from within her.

  “Answer me, Laina.” His voice was low and menacing, causing goose bumps to break out on me.

  I remained still and silent. I would rather have been naked in front of a crowd than to truly expose my inner insecurities, my true self, the weak little girl who just wanted to be accepted the way she was.

  Another severe smack pricked my rear. “I’m not letting you go until you answer me, Laina.”

  I clamped my lips together, bracing myself for his next move. I’d rather him be left wondering about me than to truly know me.

  I swallowed hard, tears moistening my eyes, tugging on my heart. The realization stunned me. That was the answer. I’d rather be covered in a layer of fat than to allow anyone to get close enough to me. It was my protection. If I didn’t love myself, how could I expect anyone else to love me? I couldn’t. Rather than suffer that rejection over and over, I padded myself with physical walls of fluff that acted as a barrier. I barred myself from getting close to anyone. It was a security blanket I wasn’t about to let go of, especially not in the presence of male flawlessness.