by Gayle Callen
“No, my lord. Have a good evening.”
As she swept by him, he caught her arm. She stared down at his fingers for a moment, then up into his amused eyes.
“This is not a game,” she said with a calmness she didn’t feel.
Just as he opened his mouth, Louisa heard her name called. She looked up to see Mr. Wade standing in the open doorway.
“Miss Shelby, are you all right? My grandmother is calling for you, but if you need my assistance—”
“No, Mr. Wade!” She hoped this scene did not escalate into something she could never recover from.
Lord Keane let her go. “Another time,” he said softly.
“There will not be another time, I assure you. For the sake of us both, please wait several minutes before you go back inside.”
When she reached the door, she gave Mr. Wade a grateful smile and slipped past him.
“Where is your grandmother?” she asked.
“I lied,” he said.
They both looked out through the glass doors at Lord Keane, who leaned against the balustrade and gave them a little wave.
Mr. Wade blocked her view of the terrace. “I would have come out there to defend you, but I didn’t want him to think…”
“That I was waiting for you?” she said dryly.
He shrugged. There was a waltz going on across the ballroom floor, and their corner of the ballroom was almost deserted. Mr. Wade looked down at her, and she was rather surprised by how much he resembled Simon when he was attempting to be serious.
“Are you all right?” he asked softly.
It was her turn to shrug. “He was only attempting what other men have attempted before him.”
His face went red, and he swallowed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I know it’s not even my fault, but I’m the one who will have to live with it. Simon must have told you about the rumors.”
Mr. Wade’s face blanched. “You know?”
She sighed. “I was hoping you didn’t, but I guess that was too much to hope for.”
“Miss Shelby—”
“No, it’s all right. At least now I know, and can protect myself from further scandal. Tell your grandmother that I will be with the companions and chaperones, where I belong. Oh, and Mr. Wade, please make sure your brother is all right. I left him rather abruptly.”
“I saw him with Paul.”
She sighed with relief. “Go protect your sister from the attentions of Lord Keane.”
“That I can do,” he said.
Simon sat in a wingback chair in Lady Perry’s library and forced a laugh at someone’s joke. If it weren’t for his worries about Louisa, he would have been enjoying this evening. He was surprised at how much he had missed the company of a group of men.
But he couldn’t relax, because he’d caused Louisa terrible pain. He didn’t know what to do for her, how to make amends. She didn’t want his help, and he was frustrated with the need to do something.
“There you are, Simon!”
It was Leo, and Simon gladly stood up, bringing his cane with him. “Ah, just the person I needed to talk to,” Simon said. “Excuse me, gentlemen, while I have a word with my brother.”
Where once it bothered him to have to put his hand on another man’s arm for guidance, now he gladly used Leo. He was relieved to do something other than brood about Louisa.
When he heard a door close behind him, and the sounds of voices became muted, he said, “Leo, are we alone?”
“For the moment.”
“Did Georgie dance with Keane?”
Was Leo’s arm tense under his?
“I think so. Why?”
“He’s a blackguard where women are concerned. I warned you about him, didn’t I?”
“Well, yes, but short of making a scene—”
“Take me to him.”
“Simon—”
“It’s all right, I don’t mean to call him out. I just want to have a pleasant word with him.”
“Good, because I don’t think he’d appreciate my aiming your pistol for you.” Leo paused. “All right, we’re going back down the corridor into the ballroom. Don’t run into the door.”
“I won’t as long as you open it for me.”
Inside the ballroom, the heat hit them like a wave. The music crashed, people laughed and talked.
“Do you see him?” Simon asked.
“Give me a moment. It is a ball.”
“But a country one. There aren’t that many people.”
“I see him,” Leo finally said.
“You sound grim. Is he with Georgie?”
“No, but—”
“Just take me to him, and let me know when we’re near.”
Leo made their excuses as they pushed their way through throngs of guests.
“All right,” Leo said, “we’re about five feet away, and he’s talking to a girl I’ve seen with Georgie, but I can’t remember her name.”
“Then let’s go.”
A minute later, Leo cleared his throat. “Good evening, Miss Perry.”
“Good evening, Mr. Wade.” Then she raised her voice. “Good evening, Lord Wade!”
Simon sighed, but he managed to greet her civilly. When he said nothing else, she excused herself.
Keane laughed. “Well, the Wade brothers certainly know how to send the ladies fleeing.”
Simon focused on where his voice was coming from. “Keane, I ask that you not dance with my sister anymore. She’s a young girl who doesn’t understand that you’re not looking to marry right now.”
“Very well, Wade,” Keane said genially. “I find your grandmother’s companion more intriguing anyway.”
Simon gritted his teeth, but managed to smile.
Before he could warn the man away from Louisa, Keane said, “But she is quite good at making her true feelings known. Young Wade, did she send you packing, as she did me?”
Confused, Simon wanted to frown at his brother. What was going on?
Instead he listened as Leo said, “I was fetching her for my grandmother, Keane.”
“Oh, I understand too well. Have a pleasant evening, gentlemen.”
Simon heard the man’s laugh fade as he walked away. He turned to his brother. “What was that all about?”
“I saw him alone with Louisa on the terrace,” Leo said in a low voice. “He had his hand on her arm, as if he meant to prevent her from leaving.”
Fury coursed through Simon, thick and hot.
“Now, Simon, don’t look like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re going to challenge him. Nothing happened.”
“Damn those rumors,” Simon said. “She’s a target for every man who knows.”
“She knows now, too. What are we going to do?”
“I’m the one who accidentally told her.”
“For God’s sake,” Leo hissed in a low voice. “No wonder she looked so sad. I thought it was all about Keane. Simon, how are we going to fix this?”
“I’m surprised you care so much,” Simon said distractedly.
“I care because she seems important to my family.”
“There’s nothing we can do to repair a rumor. She lives an exemplary life—we can only hope that causes her reputation to subside. But as far as Louisa herself…” He trailed off, remembering the bleak way she’d spoken to him. He felt…helpless.
“Where is Louisa?” Georgie sounded rushed, impatient, just as worried as Simon was.
“With the other companions,” Leo said. “She’s sitting and talking with an elderly lady. She’s smiling—that’s a relief.”
Simon wanted to groan. “Of course she’s smiling. She wouldn’t take out her sorrow on an innocent woman.”
“We should leave,” Georgie said. “I’ve danced as much as I need to.”
“With Keane, I hear,” Simon said.
“Ugh,” was her only response.
Simon shook his head. “But we can’t
leave, because Grandmama would be suspicious. I don’t want her to know anything about this.”
“She’ll know when Louisa goes back to London,” Leo said.
Simon inhaled, telling himself the sudden pain meant nothing. “She said she was leaving?”
“I’m only assuming—”
“She won’t leave,” Georgie said with confidence. “I told her I need her. And it’s the truth.”
“I don’t understand what your problem is, Georgie,” Leo said, exasperated. “You look pretty; men want to dance with you.”
“Well I feel stupid!”
At the heat in her voice, Simon raised a hand. “Enough, both of you. Let’s get through this evening without arguing. For Grandmama’s sake.”
“And Louisa’s,” Georgie whispered.
Chapter 17
The carriage ride home seemed twice as long to Louisa as it had on the way to the ball, when everything had seemed so promising. She’d imagined Georgie as a success at the ball, dancing with eligible men, and comfortable at last with her place in Society. She’d hoped Simon would feel more at ease with his old friends, that they’d treat him normally and prove to him that he had no reason to avoid such events. Before this evening, she’d thought things were getting better—with Georgie, Simon, and herself.
Instead she’d discovered that she’d understood nothing. Her lessons didn’t seem to be helping Georgie, though Georgie insisted that wasn’t true. It was a good thing Louisa wasn’t going to try to make a living at this.
And Simon—he had only come to the ball to protect Georgie from Louisa’s influence. It was a noble reason, and perhaps it had finally allowed him to see that he could function in a sighted world.
“Louisa,” Lady Wade said, “I did not see you dance.”
Louisa gave a start and turned to her employer with a smile. She wondered how much of her expression the swinging lantern revealed. “But I enjoyed myself, my lady. I met some interesting people.”
She heard Mr. Wade give a snort as he turned away. Simon continued to focus on her with that otherworldly concentration that she’d once found so flattering, so promising.
Now she only saw it as suspicious.
“Louisa,” Georgie said, “I met up with two of my friends tonight, and they’ll be visiting me tomorrow afternoon. I wonder if you would be so gracious as to work with all three of us. They’re not very good at talking to men either.”
Stunned, Louisa could only blink at her. “Georgie, while it is sweet of you to want to help, I’m not sure their parents would appreciate my interference.”
“Interference?” Lady Wade said. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. You’ve done a world of good for Georgie, hasn’t she, boys?”
“Yes, Grandmama,” Mr. Wade answered dutifully, unable to meet Louisa’s eyes.
When Simon didn’t answer immediately, his grandmother repeated his name.
“Louisa has a great talent for helping people,” Simon finally said softly. “It would be a true shame if she didn’t understand that.”
So now he was trying to lift her spirits, Louisa thought tiredly. Weren’t they at Enfield Manor yet?
“Of course I’d like to help your friends, Georgie,” Louisa said, mustering a smile.
When they finally arrived, Lady Wade couldn’t understand how tired all the young people seemed, when she herself was energized by the evening. Louisa was able to retire, while the grandchildren listened to the evening’s gossip.
When Louisa was finally in her room, she felt exhausted and sick at heart. There were no more tears left to cry, and it was time to figure out what to do with her life, now that she knew the truth.
But nothing came to her, even as she lay in bed and stared up at the dark ceiling. An hour later, she heard a tap on the balcony door, but she ignored it. Simon even tried to turn the handle, but she’d locked it against him.
She didn’t know what to say, how she would face him again. Or how she could stop this slow slide into falling in love with him.
When Louisa awoke the next morning, she was grimly determined to finish the job she’d been hired to do. Regardless of what was being said about Louisa, Georgie and Lady Wade trusted her to help. And Louisa wanted to do that above all things. It might be her last opportunity, because when Georgie no longer needed her, Louisa would have to return to her sister’s home and hope for the best—either spinsterhood or a marriage based on her dowry.
Neither option overjoyed her, but it was all she had. She would make the best of it.
Louisa spent the morning avoiding Simon, then in the afternoon, she was introduced to her new students. The Misses Chester were twin sisters with twin squints. You could only tell them apart because one wore her black hair curly, and the other straight. The first thing Louisa accomplished was getting them to wear their spectacles.
“Ladies,” she informed them, “squinting calls attention to your eyes—and not in a pleasant way. With your spectacles I can see how lovely your blue eyes are—and even better, you can see me. Correct?”
They leaned toward each other and giggled.
“Besides that, what do you need help with?” she asked.
“Talking to men,” said Miss Chester of the curly hair.
“Georgiana says you are very good at it,” said the other Miss Chester. “Although I’m quite jealous because Georgiana has gotten better at it, too.”
Louisa glanced at Georgie, who looked surprised, though pleased. It was good for her to know others saw her improvement.
But didn’t Georgie understand that Louisa had only thought she could talk to men? Maybe Georgie hadn’t considered how Louisa was affected by these rumors. Or perhaps to Georgie, the only thing that mattered was how Simon and Louisa fared together.
Louisa set them to practicing their conversation using riding, a topic men found interesting. But during the exercise, Louisa silently questioned everything she’d ever said to a man. Hadn’t Simon warned her early on that men didn’t always converse straightforwardly? How could she tell that to innocent girls?
She felt so alone, so sad, because everything she’d ever assumed about her life was not as she remembered it. Striding calmly to the windows, she looked out, only to see Mr. Wade guiding his brother through the garden at a pace that Simon must surely be protesting.
Louisa’s sadness deepened, and she wondered if this was how Simon had felt when he became blind, like his whole life had changed.
But how could she compare her situation to losing one’s sight?
She thought of his inability to roam his own grounds at will. If only there was some way that he could walk outdoors like he did indoors.
She pressed her hand to the glass as she watched him disappear around a turn of the path. She’d only been avoiding him for less than a day, and already she missed him.
An hour later, Louisa suggested to the girls that they walk the grounds, in hopes that they’d run into the Wade brothers for extra practice conversing. Louisa begged off, then went to see if she could be of help to Lady Wade. The woman was sitting in her morning room, writing a letter.
Lady Wade looked up with a smile when Louisa entered. “Well, Louisa, how did your new pupils do?”
“They’re lovely girls, Lady Wade. All they need is confidence.”
“Just like my Georgie.”
Louisa smiled. “Exactly.”
“And you, my dear, what do you need?”
Louisa opened her mouth, but for a moment was too shocked to reply. “I need nothing, my lady.”
“Well I think we need to find you a husband.”
She gave a choked laugh. “I don’t think that’s part of your duties as my employer.”
“Perhaps not, but in the absence of your mother, I could help with that.”
“My mother was once very determined to see her daughters married.”
“Of course. A mother’s worst fear is that her daughter will not have her own home, her own happiness. You need to meet more young men.
I should probably host a house party, but for now I think we should host a musicale. Georgie can play, you and Simon can sing, and of course you’ll all have to practice together for several hours every day.”
Louisa closed her eyes on a sigh. “You must stop trying to get your grandson and me together, my lady. It will not work. He thinks I’m—” She bit back the words, embarrassed, heartsick, yet already so tired of secrets. She had tried to explain everything to her sisters in a letter this morning, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It was only fair that this kind lady know the truth.
“He thinks what, my dear?” Lady Wade asked. “I can tell that he appreciates you.”
“Not for any good reasons,” Louisa said in a low voice. “He thinks I’m…fast.”
Lady Wade straightened with a gasp. “Simon said that to you? Why ever would he—”
“It’s not his fault, my lady. Apparently there have been rumors about me for years that I knew nothing about. He’s been worried about my effect on Georgie’s reputation. That’s why he stayed close to us, why he came to the ball. I should go back to London, before Georgie’s chances at a good marriage are hurt.”
When Lady Wade said nothing, Louisa couldn’t bring herself to look at her and see disappointment or condemnation. She wondered how soon she could pack and leave. Her eyes burned with tears she didn’t want to shed.
“Simon’s first instinct might have been to protect Georgie,” Lady Wade said kindly, “but that’s not the whole truth.”
“My lady—”
“You forget that I know my grandson far better than you do. Your presence has changed him, Louisa, and you must never doubt that. I will not hear of you leaving.”
“But my lady—”
“I’m too old to care what people think. Upon meeting you, anyone who believes such outlandish rumors is not worth our consideration. You have earned our loyalty, Louisa, and I will not abandon you—or allow you to abandon yourself.”
Louisa wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and tried to smile. “You are too good to me,” she said faintly. “But I have to leave sometime.”
“Not yet, please. Give it some thought and promise me that you’ll make no decision until you consult me.”