by Lexi Ward
The corner tiles were tattered and falling apart. Despite that, there was a locked door with no intercom. How was I going to get in? Did I have her number? I checked my pockets. I couldn’t remember. Even if I did, the damn thing was dead. Ok. No intercom. No phone number. Dead phone. Well, I could always call her.
“Maddie,” I whispered aloud. I wonder which floor she’s on.
I looked on the ground for a rock. Maybe I could guess which balcony is hers.
“Maddie?” I yell a little louder.
“Maddie!” I yell.
“Aye pipe down out there!” someone screams.
If he was awake, maybe Maddie was too.
“Maddie,” I sing.
Something about the way I said it makes me laugh and I find myself giggling saying her name.
“Maddie Mads,” I said before making it into a song. “Maddie, Maddie, mo, maggy, banana, manana, fo, baddie, fee, fi, fo maney, Maddie!
“What in the entire hell?” I heard and looked up. There she was yell whispering. “Would you be quiet?!”
She was beautiful. Practically glowing. Her blonde hair was wrapped in a tight bun. Her blue robe was pulled tightly to her body, and she looked mad enough to kick a hornet’s nest.
“I can’t. I’ve got to see you.”
“You can’t,” she hissed.
She misunderstood me. I now knew where she was so I lumbered towards the building and analyzed the bricked levels. I could probably scale that. So I did.
“Good Lord what the hell are you doing?”
I just kept climbing. She was a smart one. She would figure it out eventually.
When I was equal to her balcony, I turned to answer her.
“I was climbing. Now, I’m staring. Hey, beautiful.”
Her face was indescribable. Part awe, wonder, and anger. I recall she did value her sleep.
“I will ask you this one more time. What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you. I want you.”
She gasped and looked aback. “Excuse me?”
I gripped the metal of her balcony railing tightly and hoisted myself into her presence. “I want you.”
“Well, you can’t have me.”
“Give me one good reason why.”
“Emmy.”
Well, that didn’t make any sense, especially to the drunk brain.
“…What is an emmy?”
She growled and pulled back the curtain, previously blocking my view of the inside of her apartment. I could see, just beyond the light of the streetlight, a small body curled into a ball on her bed. I almost lost my grip on the balcony.
“That’s an Emmy,” she said letting the curtain go.
“Now. Go. Home.”
“Is she mine?” I ask.
Her face, hidden by the shadows, faltered. “No.”
She strengthens her resolve before growling, “Now go away.”
Her tone was chilling, so unlike herself and even more so, convicting.
CHAPTER NINE
Lying sucks but sometimes lies are for protection. I didn’t want to lie to Liam. I shouldn’t have, but I had to…didn’t I? It wasn’t true. I lied to Liam, and I lied to myself. Only one man had ever touched me. Only one man had ever loved me. Only one man had known the real me. But here he was, on the other side of the door, unfurling everything he touched. He was unraveling me, unraveling the lies and loosening the lock on my safe. I could feel his life on the other side of the door. I could feel him begging me for more. I could feel it, as real as my heartbeat. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why did he have to leave? Why couldn’t he stay? Why didn’t he go? I couldn’t decide which was worst. Going back on the lies I’ve told or wanting those lies to stay untold.
I couldn’t deny how cold I was before and even worse, the way my voice changed the look on his face. Of course, he came guns blazing, full throttle into my life, drunk and waking up the whole apartment building. He didn’t know how to do anything halfway. He was just like his sister - loud, brazen and obsessed with having his way. Could I admit that being his focal point was exhilarating and the best thing that's happened to me since Emmy?
“Ok. Look,” I said, stopping his dissent. “You’re drunk. You should not be scaling buildings,” I said jokingly. “You can come in. Take a shower. You reek,” I said stepping aside.
He threw his leg over the rail and lumbered into my apartment. The balcony door looked tiny compared to his body. He attempted to tip-toe, freezing to look down on Emmy’s curled body.
“She’s beautiful,” he whispered.
I pulled the covers up to her neck and whispered back, “I know.”
I sat on the bed, aware of the way my body tightened under the silk. “Now go.”
He nodded, walking to the door and looking back only once.
I could hear the water running as he took his shower. That was probably for the best, considering he smelled like he rolled in the beer not just drank it. I looked at Emmy, small and sleeping soundly beside me on the bed and smiled. She deserved a daddy. She deserved the truth, even if I didn’t want to tell her. Maybe Liam did deserve to know. Maybe the truth is actually good for the soul.
Sometimes, in the dark, for just one moment, I would allow my mind to think about what I needed and wonder if he ever needed me the way I needed him. I wondered if the thought of me prevented him from sleeping like the thought of him did me. I could never admit it, not to myself and not to him but he was the center of my universe, even if I was only a distant star in his.
He was loud, though he tried to be quiet. In reality, it was probably because he wasn’t used to being so big in a small confined place. I could imagine his home was ten times the size of this one bedroom apartment. I had to say something to him.
I silently walked to the living room, making sure the bedroom door was firmly closed behind me.
“Hey,” I said, to his wet back.
He turned, drying his hair with a towel.
“Sorry, I used your towels. Is that ok?”
I shook my head. “Well you already used them,” I said sitting down. “A little late for apologies.”
He sat beside me, clad in only his boxers.
“Hey.”
He smiled and relaxed fully into my couch.
“Hey, yourself.”
“You smell better.”
He chuckled, “and you seem nicer.”
I shrugged. “What can I say? Home is where the heart is.”
He turned, wrapping one arm around the back of the couch and melted into the cushions. “Can I ask you something?”
I shrugged, “No bets that I’ll answer.”
He shrugged, “never anything certain with you.”
“Right.”
“Right. So. Did you ever think about me?”
I didn’t respond.
“After high school.”
I stayed quiet.
“I mean, I thought about you. I thought about you all the time. I just couldn’t do anything about it.”
I could only scoff. “Yeah it looked like you really missed me. I imagine you would have wanted a third for all the women you were sexing.”
I was angry. Of course he would try to justify his behavior with my allegations and his assumption of my past behavior.
“I…well, that doesn’t change anything. Just because I was with other women doesn’t mean I didn’t think about you.”
“Well, that’s reassuring. You want to tell me you never had any other lovers too?”
“I… I….No. I mean, yes. Well, of course I did. I couldn’t waste time being stuck on you, now could I?”
I was trying to hurt him, the way all his lovers hurt me.
“Answer the question.”
“Which was?” I hadn’t forgotten, but I hoped he would have lost his former courage.
“Did you ever think about me?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled before clearing my throat. I didn’t want to seem too weak. “I did.”
I sighed, deeply. It was full of regret and something else. “I always have.”
Something about that made him snap.
“Then why did you tell me that lie about not wanting to mess up your friendship with Cara? Why did you break up with me?" He said in contempt.
"Because! How could I be anything more to you? I loved you! I could never just be your friend."
I couldn’t say another word. He pushed his fingers into my hair and kissed me hard on the mouth. The salt of my tears and the bitter wine of confessions mingled between us.
I pulled away from him and nodded at the couch. "I'll just let you-"
He grunted and dragged me closer, mashing out lips together harder than before, sending my stomach on a roll and the butterflies reminded me of our past days. “No.”
I giggled, running my hand up his back.
“Do you want this?” he asked, wedging himself in front me with my back against the sofa. I was blocked in, going nowhere and there was nowhere else I’d rather be. His hand ran along my belly and he looked at me, waiting for an answer.
“I want you.”
He nipped at my jawline and pushed me into the sofa. Wrapping me in his arms and covering my necks in kisses, he pressed our chests together, and I couldn’t help moaning softly. Emmy was sleeping in the other room, and if I couldn’t keep quiet, she would wake. She was a heavy sleeper but not that heavy.
“I want you so badly,” he said, trailed the words over her lips softly, his frenzy slowed. “I need you.” His words were rough against my ear.
I wanted skin on skin. We were already here and I wanted it. I wanted more. I wanted all of him.
“I love it when you’re needy,” he said. My hand ran down his naked torso. I palmed his hard-on through his underwear. But he pushed my hand away to push them down. His boxers landed in a forgotten pile of clothes. I could only trace the hard contours of his shoulders. He was rock hard. “I love it when the walls come down,” he whispered, sucking on an earlobe.
I couldn’t help moaning when he said that. He pulled the silky straps down and freed my body for his viewing. My arms curled around his neck. I wanted him completely, the hunger breathed fire through my body. The hunger I tried so hard to push away at the wide chasm in my heart. It was deep, and it would swallow me whole unless I gave way to it. I did better than that. I fell over the cliff inward so that the need could devour me whole. I traced the firmness of his thigh. His hard ridge stood erect, begging for attention but I wouldn’t talk to it. Yet.
“I need you Liam.” He pulled my hair free from the bun I slept in.
“You look so beautiful Mads.” He spoke so tenderly and ran his thumb across my face. His hands trailed from my nipple, downward, edging into the pools of my gown at my waist. He reached for underwear and found nothing. He groaned deeply at the discovery. “You’re killing me sweetheart.”
I ground myself against his hand, and he smiled mischievously. A bolt of arousal went down my body as his hot breath clamped down on my nipple. I could feel the wetness pooling against my legs. He licked down my stomach, kissed my waist and pushed my legs apart. He smelled my arousal and moaned. Savoring my nipples, he slid one finger inside me. It wasn’t enough. I arched my hips to meet him, and he kissed my lips. Two fingers entered me and he watched the pleasure in my face as he pleased me. He studied me as I withheld my screams and then he licked each finger individually.
“You taste just like you look.”
He lowered his mouth to my opening, lying his cool tongue flat against my hot core as I whimpered. His wet fingers pinched my nipples, pulling them as his teeth grazed my clit. My hands made their way to his hair and my thighs clenched his head into place. He ate me like I was his last meal, mashing his face into my pussy and slurping down my juices. Unrelenting, he sucked and added one finger to motion my orgasm forward. I could feel the Richter scale breaking as I came apart on his tongue.
CHAPTER TEN
I could see it. At last, I could see a crack in the wall I tried so hard to scale. There she was. Her eyes were bright, and her hair was wild. It was just like I remembered. I would have done anything to see this woman again, and here she was under my hand and moaning my name.
“Liam.” It was a sigh and a murmured prayer. I was no longer watching her slip from the shadows of my memories. She was right here. This was not a dream. She was flesh and blood and mine. She was mine and I was hers and yet I still found myself petrified that I might lose her. It still felt like I was only one move away from watching her slip away again.
I bent my head, found a nipple and sucked on it hard. The little nub got hard under my tongue, and I lashed it without mercy, licking and pulling at it with my teeth. She gasped and her back arched. She was where I wanted her. I pulled back to let her breathe. She was still trembling from her first orgasm. The way she wriggled under my fingers was reminiscent of a time before but much better. This was indescribable. This was what I really wanted. I looked down on her body. Her cheeks were flushed, and her breasts rose and fell as she panted. I just wanted to remember this moment forever. I closed my eyes so I could etch it on my eyelids and see it when I slept but pleasure shot up my cock. Maddie had my cock in her mouth, gripping it with one hand, moving her head around in a way that made the room swim. She took my balls in one hand and massaged them together.
I grabbed the couch armrest to steady myself. “Oh dear God.” Tingles of pleasure coated my spine as she leaned forward in her assault. The warmth of her tongue on the underside of my cock took me into her mouth as far as I could go. If I could have made it last forever I would have but I knew it wouldn’t. The way my pulse rushed in my ears and my balls tightened, I knew I had to pull away. I was almost at the point of no return.
I pushed her back. “I have to get inside you.” My hands trembled as I turned her over. She bent her knees, positioning herself so I could slide easily inside. The couch was too small for my body but her chest against the couch and knees on the seat cushions gave me perfect leverage. I loved how big I was compared to her petite frame.
My voice was desperate as I gripped her waist. “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered reverently. The need to lose it was clawing at my resolve and I slowed to be gentle. I eased into her, burying my face into her hair as I slid deeper. She pushed her hips backward to feel my thighs against the curve of her bottom. Every thrust made my balls slap her dripping cunt, and she bit the couch to keep quiet. I pressed my lips to her shoulder, and I wanted to melt inside her.
Slowly first, we moved together, in sync. We met in the middle as we found a pace. My fist found her hair as I pumped into her. “No one else,” she moaned. “I don’t want anyone else.” She whispered as her head fell forward. I released her hair and found her hard clit between her legs. One hand on the back of her throat, the other rubbed slowed circled on her slick clit, spurring her need to come apart. I sped up as she shuddered against my body, legs trembling and heart racing.
"Cum now," I said my voice a hard rasp, as I pounded into her, driving into her with all the strength I had. She cried out, her muscles wrapping tightly around my cock, and I gave way with a final rush that sent flashes of light across my eyelids. She wailed into the couch, fighting the scream as the feel of me between her legs became too much to bear. The orgasm was too much, draining me as I splintered apart and collapsed against the couch cushions. Both of our brains struggled to work - my thoughts scattered and I held onto her long enough to say, “You’re mine.”
I pulled out, kissing her barely conscious body and dressed her. Then I carried her light frame back to her bed.
“Mine, mine, mine, mine,” I whispered as I closed the door, and I may have imagined her whispering back, “always.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
You know that feeling when you wake up and think that last night was too good to be true it must be a dream? Well, I felt like that
, right before I panicked because Emmy wasn’t anywhere beside me. She normally snuggled up to me like I was her teddy bear. We couldn’t afford too many, and so she got accustomed to using me as her own. Where was my child? Who was she laughing with?
I jumped out of bed with a short heart attack occurring. Nothing could stop me from finding my child. What I found was shocking. I forgot all about Liam. There he was, playing with Barbies, talking in high voices as Emmy offered him imagined tea.
My adrenaline plunged at the sight of her. She was safe, and that calmed me. I leaned against the doorframe, taking them in. Side by side I could see their similarities. Her dirty brown roots a mixture of our blonde and black mixture. Her eyes were brown like his. They had the same arched nose. She giggled as he wiggled his doll, pretending that the tea’s too hot. Against my dingy carpet, in the light of day, my antique lampshades and thrift store couch looked old. It looked ugly, and he seemed too good to be true. This was what a dream looked like. Right?