“So, what ever happened to that boy you liked?” I try to pull her back to me.
“Well,” she says softly, “let’s just say it wasn’t the right sort of love. Your father and I grew to depend on and love each other during our courtship. When we were partnered, it felt right. You’ll see. Just trust in your stars.” She pats my arm firmly to reinforce her words and stands to leave the room.
I pull the blanket over my head: courtship. One endless evening a week with Lexan, beginning after Choosing Day. Happy birthday to me.
It is only later in the quiet dark of my room that I realize she never really answered my questions, any of them.
TWO
The name Asphodel comes to us from ancient mythology: it was a resting place, a shadowed version of earth. The people there were balanced between good and evil. Their many hands came together to work as one, and they waited patiently for the end of days. In the same way, our small city of Asphodel will work and wait patiently underground for the day when the Great Sickness has passed and we can once again join the sun and moon, and see the blessed stars above.
From Community History, Chapter One
Leader Lorcan, year 2080
The next day is instantly better because Isa is back in Environmental Science. She is Gemini, and I am Aries: we are as well-matched as any partnership couple, and we will always be best friends.
She slides into her seat at our table just as Teacher Matthias begins his lecture. “Where were you yesterday?” I whisper. I really need to talk to her.
Isa shakes her head and turns back to the notes on the history of harnessing solar power. It’s a useless topic to discuss in a cave, but I relent because I know she needs this grade. Then a few seconds later, a folded paper slips into my hand under the table.
I just had to go see the healer. You’re next…
I glare at the thought scratched on the page, sinking into a quiet sulk. The healers will see each of us before Choosing Day; my appointment is next week.
As I poise my pen to write back, considering what I need to tell her first, another bit of paper drops in my lap.
What happened yesterday? Garna said you were weird.
I turn my head sharply. Isa stares at the board, but her brows are drawn together in concern. Garna has been hanging around Isa a lot lately, although she usually ignores me. If she thought to mention it, maybe I was acting weird.
Before I can reply, Teacher Matthias walks by our table and pauses just long enough for us to understand he’s seen us. He doesn’t say anything, but we know better than to try again.
As soon as class ends and Matthias leaves the room, I turn immediately to her.
“What did Garna say?”
“That you were basically arguing with Teacher Brenn. And that you were angry-looking all day.”
I scowl at the table. “I had a bad night. Brenn knows how I am.”
“I know he’s like your big brother, but you can’t treat a teacher like that, Trea!”
I direct a glare at Garna’s back, two tables over. I need to change the subject. “So, you still haven’t told me who you’re choosing! What’s with the secrets?”
She immediately smiles, glints of laughter in her light blue eyes. I can tell she’s been waiting for me to ask, and now I feel guilty.
“Well, I’ve been talking to three different boys! Dalen, of course, and Carr, and Anan. I want to make sure which one I like best!” Isa giggles, innocently proud of the fact that three boys are interested in choosing her. Really, there are probably more than three, but we are all limited by our signs: Isa must partner with an Aquarius or Aries.
I tell myself I’m happy for her – pleased that she has such good choices – but really all I feel is envy.
“Of course, none of them are as good-looking as Lexan. Or as sweet.” She grins at me sideways, teasing me in the way only Isa is allowed to do. Just then, Lexan walks back in the classroom from his break, smiling easily at the two girls who stand near the door, offering them a small candy, engaging them in what is probably funny, flattering conversation. They giggle and blush.
Even Isa never understands, maintaining that I have no logical reason for my dislike of him. We agreed long ago to leave the subject untouched, and so it stays, a nervous pulse in the corner of my brain: there’s no way I can partner with Lexan.
Our other two classes pass the same way, with notes and whispers about Choosing Day and boys, followed by glares from the teachers. When we finally leave our classroom for lunch, I am spinning with an aggravated sort of energy.
Isa stops to flirt with Dalen, and I barrel ahead angrily, thinking of how she is ruining my chance to finally tell her what happened with Lexan and Keirna. Then, when I find a group of young protectors occupying our favorite table, I lose it.
“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t sit here. It’s against the rules!” I confront them loudly.
“So is talking like that to a protector,” one of them answers, standing up so he towers over me.
“I’ll talk however I want to! Surely you know who I am.” People are starting to stare, but that only sparks my temper higher. I’m sure my cheeks match my hair by now.
I step closer to the young man, invading his space slightly. Even though I barely reach his shoulders, he suddenly seems to wilt and backs away from my glare.
I start to sneer another comment, but a death grip on my shoulder pauses my words.
“Astrea. Child. Stop this now.” First Leader Keirna steps into my peripheral vision and the protector shrinks to his seat, head bowed. “You three young men will receive one full day in the public cells for sitting in the student section. You are not to associate with unpartnered youth!” Her voice is velvety but it carries in the new silence. “And you,” she lowers her gaze back to the pale man before her, “have earned a week of docked pay for speaking in such a manner to your future First Leader!”
Without waiting for a response, Keirna muscles me away from the tables, into a dim hallway.
“Stupid girl!” she smirks at me, secrets swimming in her black eyes. “Don’t try to use power you don’t have, and never use power you don’t understand. You’ll lose every time.”
She slips away as silently as she arrived, leaving me rubbing a sore shoulder and fuming, tears of frustration blurring my vision.
I take a back route to the Training Room, arriving several minutes before any of my classmates, who are probably still enjoying lunch and the newest gossip. Keirna is right. I can’t believe how I let my anger take over everything. Grandmother would have been so disappointed in me. But it’s just not right, how things are happening.
Laughter echoes outside and Isa rushes into the changing room, followed closely by several others. She hurries to where I’m sitting.
“What happened?” she asks, fixing me with her wide blue eyes.
I shrug, looking away. “Later,” I say. The others spill into the room then, and Garna joins us, smiling widely as though she hasn’t just been gossiping about me.
“On Sunday morning we’re going shopping for our Choosing Day dresses! You both have to come!” Garna says as she ties her long brown hair back and checks her reflection in the mirror. She rolls her waistband another time, hiking her shorts higher.
Isa laughs, but I think it sounds forced. “Of course! I need all the help I can get with Trea. She’d probably rather wear her plain old tunic!”
I roll my eyes and swipe lightly at her shoulder. But it’s true – I hate wearing the dramatic, fancy clothes required for the ceremonies. Maybe I would like them better if the ceremonies didn’t always change my life for the worse.
I tune out their giggles as the memories pile into my brain. The Initiation Ceremony, when I was eleven. Lexan and I were the only ones to receive the diamond cheek implants. Everyone else got onyx ones. So I was marked. Different, but joined with Lexan. Then last year’s Vocation Ceremony. All my classmates were welcomed into their chosen vocations with congratulation
s and promise, laughter and smiles.
My stomach rolls at the thought of Keirna’s face during that ceremony – pale and tight with repressed anger. She barely shook my hand before turning away. She certainly isn’t interested in being replaced.
“Hey, where’s Teacher Brenn?” Garna says as we file out of the changing room. “He’s ten minutes late.”
I glance at her and frown. Brenn is never late. Just then, he arrives and starts barking out drills for us to begin. I try several times to catch his eye, but he seems to be deliberately avoiding me. I hope he isn’t being punished for what I did yesterday. And I really hope he hasn’t heard about lunch. Maybe I’ll talk to him after class.
Closing my thoughts, I focus on the running drills, and the adrenaline and simple satisfaction of speed crowds out everything else. Pushing my body, I feel happy. Fulfilled. This is what I’m supposed to feel like. I’m getting stronger every day. I might even have made a decent protector.
Pausing to wipe sweat from my temple, I feel eyes on me.
“Nice time on those sprints, Astrea,” Pallis says, showing a lopsided grin that hints at something more than casual compliments. He always smiles at me like that, but today, for the first time, I smile back. His grin widens and he runs a hand through his dark blond hair. His eyes skim down to my bare legs for a tiny second. I feel like giggling, but bite my tongue hard instead, keeping it in. I turn away and start some stretches against the wall until I feel him walk away. Pallis has often flirted with me, and since he’s a Sagittarius, I could have chosen him. If not for Lexan. The pleasant feeling dissipates, replaced by a tight coil of temper.
Training ends and classes are over for the day as we head for the changing rooms to gather our things. Brenn disappears into the equipment room. Now we have some free time – time to go home, clean up, then meet friends in the Common Area.
Now I will finally get my chance to talk with Isa.
“Astrea! I need to talk with you.”
Brenn. His clipped tone indicates it’s not good.
I stop walking and turn slowly. He motions me over to the corner, where he waits until all the other students have entered the changing rooms.
“I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have asked you to climb that high.”
I hold his gaze, knowing this isn’t really what he wants to say.
“I have to check on something, so I want you to meet me back here in thirty minutes.”
“What for?”
“Trea. Please. It’s extremely important that you come, and that nobody knows where you’re going. Got it?”
I nod, my brain flashing confusion. Something is going on. Brenn is not usually secretive, or late, or polite, or afraid. He waves me away, heading hastily out the back door. I hurry to grab my bag.
“I’m not feeling well,” I tell Isa, leaving before she can question my obvious lie. I’m never good at lying, and Isa, especially, will know.
I walk as fast as I can without drawing attention across the Common Area and into the Living Quarters. This section is a confusing maze of tunnels, sudden doorways, and dirty steel stairs. Everyone’s chambers are here, and my brain pauses to wonder which will be mine and Lexan’s next year.
I clean myself rapidly and change into a fresh tunic and leggings, then head back the way I came, again doing my best to avoid everyone. I’m easily noticed, however, with long flaming curls and sparkling implants. Pallis waves from across the Common Area, and I raise my fingers but hurry past, ignoring the pointless leap my stomach gives at his smile. I turn abruptly down a hallway and dart up a back stair, then through a narrow tunnel, then down another stair and find myself at the little-used back entrance to the Training Room.
I don’t see Brenn until he calls to me quietly. He is waiting in a shadow-darkened corner. If someone were to enter by the main door, they wouldn’t see us, but we would see them.
“What is going on?” I demand as soon as I see him.
“Quiet!” he hisses at me. “You know how sound travels in this room.”
I rest my hand on my hip, but lower my voice. “What do you want, Brenn?”
“Listen, you have to keep this secret. Promise me you will never talk about this, okay? Not to your friends or teachers. Not to Isa. Not even to Lexan.”
“Why would I tell Lexan anything?”
“Promise.” He is relentless.
“Okay. Fine. Cross my heart and all that.”
“We think you are in a lot of danger.”
I narrow my eyes at him – there is nothing very dangerous about Asphodel. And who exactly is we?
“I talked to your mother earlier, so she knows some of this. But we haven’t told your father yet.”
I open my mouth to ask why, but he holds up a hand.
“We think Lexan’s family has some of the same information, but we can’t be sure yet. I’ve been piecing things together over the last year, and now I’m going to tell you what I know, so that if something happens to me, you can move forward.”
“What in Hades are you talking about? What would happen to you?”
“Just listen. In a few weeks, you’ll choose Lexan. Don’t—” he stops me before I can voice another protest. “It will happen, whether you want it or not, Trea. Get used to it. I need you to start getting him to trust you. He needs to trust you. It’s vital to our future.”
I shake my head, but he only ignores me.
“Stop treating him like he has the Sickness and use some of your Aries irresistibility. You can be dynamic when you want. People would follow you anywhere. It’s your nature. Use it.”
“What does Lexan need to trust me to do? And how exactly am I supposed to be irresistible when he knows I can’t stand him?”
Brenn waves his hands impatiently. “We think there is a secret history to Asphodel, Trea, one that you don’t learn in class. Your mother knows some of it, but only through the stories she’s been told – myths, really. Nobody alive knows the whole truth. Except the First Leader.”
My eyes lock onto Brenn’s and I forget about Lexan. The thought of Keirna with secret knowledge about Asphodel sounds an alarm in my brain. She is not the sort to give up power of any kind.
“Now, I told you I don’t know everything. But if you make it to First Leader, you will be given our city’s ancient history – all of it. Do you understand?”
“What do you mean, if I make it?”
“The people need to like you, Trea, not hate you. Keep pulling stunts like the one at lunch today and I’ll kill you myself.”
I glance down guiltily, and Brenn laughs, low but hollow.
“I think you know that Keirna doesn’t want to step down for a new First Leader, now or ever. She considers herself the only First Leader Asphodel will ever need, until the end.”
“The end?” My brain has stalled out, and all I can do is repeat Brenn.
He sighs and I almost wish I had paid more attention in classes and ministry. But why would the past matter to me when the future is already decided?
“Think about the prophecy. You and Lexan? After your Choosing Day, Asphodel is supposed to send scouts to the surface.”
“But that’s impossible. You can’t live on the surface. The Sickness. And there’s no air, or something...no sun?” I struggle to remember, little-used details escaping me.
“I know what you’ve been taught. But you also know the prophecy says that after a hundred years of living underground, Asphodel should begin to look for the signs. You and Lexan are the signs. Your partnership tells our Leaders to look outside the city.”
My head is throbbing with a low, dull ache, but Brenn keeps going, piecing everything together.
“Haven’t you noticed how crowded we’ve become? The growers sometimes have trouble growing enough food for everyone to have what we’re used to, and there has even been talk among the Leaders of carving new chambers. Our city is reaching its natural limits. We weren’t meant to be underground forever.”
My han
ds have grown cold in the dark room, and I rub them against my arms. I should have been paying more attention in Community History. I should have been listening when Father talked about the prophecies. I shouldn’t be so caught up in my own self-pity.
How can any of us leave Asphodel? It’s all we’ve ever known.
I blink my eyes shut against the creeping wetness of tears. Then a new link shimmers into my mind. The name Asphodel means waiting – we were always meant to leave. It was never supposed to be permanent.
They’ve been waiting for me. And I’m not who they think. I don’t have any power.
I push my lips together, steadying them against each other.
“Trea, are you okay? I’m barely beginning here.”
“How do you even know this is true?” Maybe he doesn’t and I can go back to an hour ago, when my life was annoying, but safe. Frustrating, but simple.
“When I was a protector, I found out a few things – heard conversations I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t random that I was moved here when Teacher Carlen died last year. Two of the Leaders moved me to keep me protected. One of them is helping you now.”
Carlen’s pale face flickers into my mind: he taught training for several years but died unexpectedly, falling from nearly eighty feet up the rock wall. The same wall I was searching from a similar height only yesterday. My scalp prickles at the coincidence.
“Nobody has been above ground in over one hundred years. It’s true that we don’t know what's out there, if anyone from Tartarus or Elysium is alive. But our Leaders have no choice except to trust the prophecies.”
I don’t trust the prophecies, but I shouldn’t say that. Brenn is a believer.
“Keirna doesn’t think a brand-new First Leader would be strong or experienced enough to start a new city in a strange new world. She also doesn’t believe in the literal interpretation of the Starbright Maiden story.”
“I don’t exactly look like a goddess, Brenn. And if there’s any justice in the world, Lexan certainly is not the enforcer of it,” I almost laugh, but his face stops me.
Starbright: The Complete Series Page 2