Sure, I wanted to hear her say she loved me (besides just screaming it uncontrollably in the throes of passion) or have her be my girlfriend for more than a day at a time. But the fact that she willingly went along with my craziness meant so much more to me.
I broke away from her lips. The light from the street came through the windows, flickering around the car like candlelight, illuminating her ivory skin just right, especially the cleavage she showed in that black V-neck sweater. “Damn, I wish it was Saturday,” I said.
“You can still come upstairs and fuck me like it’s Saturday. Just like you did last Saturday.” Her eyes closed as she moaned. “Yeah, remember that? When I had my knee on that chair...”
“Yeah, I remember. And you’re evil.” I sighed. “You need to go on inside."
She opened her eyes and rolled them. “Oh well. I still have time to win. We’re going out again on Monday, right?”
“Yep. And Michael’s taking us to the airport on Tuesday afternoon. So be all packed up.”
”So cocky.” She smirked. “I have to get something out of my purse. Let go of my arm, please."
I let go and watched her fumble around in the darkness.
“Here.” She handed me a small red gift bag. “Have a good time tonight.”
“What’s this?” I laughed as soon as I pulled out a little bottle. “Lube, huh?”
“Yep. Hand lotion sounds so uncomfortable. This is better.”
I squinted to read the label as I turned on the interior light. “Is this Japanese?”
“I think it’s actually made in Korea but they package it in Japan. I’m not sure.”
Below the Asian characters was a tiny line in English that I could barely read. “Does this say ‘Happy Lotion Gangbang’?”
“Yeah. They use the word ‘lotion’ for lubricant. But it’s nothing like that lotion you use."
I read the next line down. “The lubricating oil in the water resource for sexual joy."
“Yeah, I don’t know why it says ‘oil.’ It’s water based.”
“Where’d you get this? It’s not gonna burn my dick off, is it?”
She groaned. “Are you serious? You think I’d try to hurt that amazing dick?” She smiled and reached back over to my thigh. “It’s just a bad translation. You’ve used this before. It’s the same stuff I have in those big bottles.”
I pushed her hand away from my leg. “Thanks for this. I’ll use it when I get home.” She has more than one of those enormous bottles of lube?
“What’s wrong? You sound upset now.” She sighed. “You don’t have to take it. It’s just something I found lying around in a drawer the other day. It’s not a big deal.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s nice, actually.” I stared down at the bottle. “Just wondering why one girl needs so many big bottles of lube.”
“Shit.” Susie looked away at her house. “You know I like to have a good time.”
I wanted to know more but I was sure I’d get a ‘wait until January’ response.
No, fuck it. I’m asking. “Could you tell me something?” I asked.
“Maybe.”
“Please look at me. Please?” I turned off the interior light.
She slowly turned to me, biting the inside of her cheek. “What?”
Gently, I placed my hand on top of hers. “You told me you’re not the kind of girl who just randomly hooks up with different guys, right?”
She nodded.
“Is that true?” I rubbed her hand.
“What’s it matter? I thought you didn’t care about my past.”
“I don’t.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not lying.” I took a deep breath. “But... there’s something else I need to ask...”
“What?” Her eyes were big. She was still biting the inside of her cheek.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to make you nervous.”
“Just ask the question.”
“Okay.” I cleared my throat. “Why’d you have so many condoms in your bag? The bag I looked through before you went away last month?”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “Condoms?”
“Yeah. I found a little pouch that had, like, six condoms.”
“I forgot I even had those.” She chuckled. “They’ve been in that bag for a long time. I always carry condoms. In my purse. Even in my backpack. What? You don’t have one with you at all times?”
“Well, like, in the back of my wallet.” It had only been there since the week I met her but I wasn’t about to admit that.
She nodded. “Yeah. It’s called ‘being prepared.’ It doesn’t mean I’m out sleeping with random guys, Tyler.”
“So, your trip didn’t involve you sleeping with six guys?”
Her mouth dropped open. “No.”
“Did it involve you sleeping with any guys at all?”
Once again, she bit the inside of her cheek, inhaling deeply before responding. “I told you. You’re the only guy I’ve been with since we met. Seriously.”
“Okay.” I was relieved to know the condoms weren’t a big deal. But now I was thinking about her trip again and I knew I’d get ‘wait until January’ on that question.
“Look.” She squeezed my hand. “I can’t change the past. I really wish I could but I can’t."
I exhaled, shaking my head. “I know, baby.”
“And as far as the lube goes, well, I don’t know what to tell you. Seems like I always need it for something.”
“It’s called ‘being prepared,’ right?” I snickered. “For all those lube-related emergencies that commonly occur in the average person’s daily life?”
“Shut up!” She laughed and playfully hit my shoulder. “There can be lube-related emergencies.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “Like, maybe...” Her eyes darted around the car as she thought about it. “You try on a ring and it’s too tight and you need some lube to loosen it up so it’s not stuck on your finger forever.”
“That’s a stretch.”
She giggled. “Or maybe you’re just casually hanging out with your boyfriend and you have this sudden urge to wrap your tits around his cock.” She nodded. “That requires a lot of lube, if you’ll recall.”
I was keenly aware of my sudden, rapid heartbeat. “Did you just call me your boyfriend?”
“Huh?” She sat back against the seat, frozen. “No."
I didn’t even try to suppress my smile. “Yeah, honey. You called me your boyfriend.”
Susie’s gaze turned to the windshield directly in front of her. Her face took on that blank expression I hadn’t seen in a while.
I scooted closer and put my arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay. Don’t be scared.”
Her eyes stayed on the windshield. She asked in a weak voice, “Can you pretend you didn’t hear it?”
“Nope. Sure can’t.”
“Shit.”
“Hey. Is it that bad? Come on, look at me. Am I such a bad guy to have for a boyfriend?”
She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and turned her head to look at me. “Yes.”
“What? Why?” It wasn’t the answer I expected.
“Because then we have to break up if it ends. It’s so final. If we don’t use those labels then we can never break up because there was never anything to break up.”
“Uh... okay. I sorta get that.” I looked in her eyes, nodding, trying to figure out the best way to argue against her fearful, irrational logic. Several ideas went through my mind and I quickly settled on one in particular. “But you called me ‘boyfriend’ by accident. So, even though it’s not official, somewhere inside you already think of me that way. Whether you want to or not.”
Her eyes narrowed at me.
I continued. “Listen. It’s not that big a deal. Maybe you should just give it a shot and see what happens.” Because maybe we’ll never break up.
“It makes me nervous.”
“I know, sw
eetie. But we’re already going on dates, spending our weekends together. We’re not sleeping with other people. Maybe the label fits whether you wanna use it or not.”
“Shit.” She groaned, shaking her head. After a little while, she sighed. “Fine.”
“What?" Did I just hear her correctly? “So, you’re my girlfriend? And not just for the day? Or the night, or an hour or something?”
Her lips pressed together in a tight line. She shrugged. “Congratulations on wearing me down.”
It finally worked! “Thanks.” This was a major victory, but I couldn’t let her know just how major it was. I wanted to kiss her but instead I leaned in a little closer and looked in her eyes. “It doesn’t change anything.” I lied--it changed everything. And it took an insane amount of energy to keep myself from smiling big enough to frighten her. “There’s no reason to panic.”
Her blank expression lasted a little longer until I saw one of the corners of her mouth turn up.
In silence--sweet, glorious, heart-racing silence--we sat there, gazing in each others’ eyes. She, with the faintest hint of a smile on her face. Me, feeling like I’d just been shot with adrenaline, trying to contain my euphoria and not think too far ahead. I’d still have to be careful if I didn’t want to scare her off.
Her smile got slightly bigger. “You need to come inside.” She patted my leg. “We’ll celebrate.”
“No.” I shoved her hand away. “I’ll celebrate privately. With a two-ounce bottle of Happy Lotion Gangbang.”
She chuckled. “I’m sure.”
I wanted to make a bigger production out of her finally being my girlfriend, but I knew how short-sighted it would be. The slow-and-patient approach was working like a charm and this was no time to ruin it. I simply pulled her close, gave her a sweet, passionate kiss, then watched her walk up to her door from my car.
Several dates earlier I realized it was no longer safe for me to walk her to the door anymore. When I saw the inside of her living room my mind immediately flew to very recent memories of me fucking her on every piece of furniture she possessed. I’d come too far to take a chance on letting my dick reign supreme in my decision making.
When she arrived at the front door, she unlocked it and turned around to stare at me. She’d usually wave. She’d never just stared at me like that before. The porch light was like a spotlight, and she was on a stage; this beautiful, perfect, mysterious woman. And she was all mine.
There were girls in my past who qualified as ‘my girlfriend’ who I could barely stand to be in the same room with. It was just a stupid, uncertified, common title to me, but not anymore. ‘Girlfriend’ was special.
She stood on her porch, her arms crossed to hold her sleeves, shivering. Even from that far away, I could tell she was looking at my face. I looked back at her for a while until I saw her smile. A few moments later she pressed her hand to her lips and blew me a kiss. I blew one back, then watched her walk inside the door.
As I drove home I thought about that night at the truck stop when I knew I’d gotten through her first wall of defense. It was the first time she gave me that long list of excuses about why she couldn’t have a relationship. And tonight, exactly six weeks later, she was my girlfriend. It was only a matter of time and patience.
Tyler
Tuesday, November 23
10:34 PM
“I’m glad I thought to bring those blankets,” Mom said. “This frigid blast surprised all of us.”
“It’s not usually this cold, I swear,” I said to Susie as we huddled under two thick blankets in the backseat of Mom’s car.
“Is there usually this much snow here?” Susie asked, her voice weary.
I sighed. “Not this much this early in the year. Remember, it was snowing a little when we left Oregon, too.”
“Susie, was he this cranky during the flight?” Mom looked at me in the rear view mirror, shaking her head. “I know how he gets."
Susie laughed and pressed her cheek against my chest. “He’s fine. We both had a really long day.”
Thanks for making me look like a jerk in front of my girlfriend, Mom. I held Susie close and let my head fall back against the seat. Long fucking day, indeed.
When I left in May, I drove the whole thirteen hours in my old, trusty Malibu. I had a feeling I would’ve been better off to drive back this time instead of flying. It would have taken just as long. Our connecting flight was postponed due to the sudden snow and icy conditions, making the trip even longer. Susie definitely made the trip more bearable. Unfortunately, I used a good portion of those hours to give her the news about some of the relatives she was about to meet. That did nothing but increase my dread. It didn’t help that my brother and sister had been a little out of touch. Daisy might have been legitimately busy, but Aaron was probably just being a dick.
Halfway through the connecting flight from Seattle to Kalispell, Susie gave me a hand job under a blanket that ended with me getting off in her mouth. The two guys sitting across the aisle on the small airplane acted like they didn’t notice. One of them wore headphones at the time, and there was also a baby crying behind us. But they both smiled and chuckled when I saw them later.
“I’m so sorry about Ernie. His back’s been acting up a lot,” Mom said. “But he really wants to see you tomorrow.” She turned around in her seat to look at me. “Everybody wants to see you.”
“Keep your eyes on the road, Mom. Please,” I said. “It’s still snowing.” I took a deep breath and pulled Susie closer, grateful to have her beside me.
Lingering in the back of my mind was another reason for wanting to bring her home with me so badly: the comfort I felt in her presence. With her, I wasn’t a failure. She wasn’t there to witness those years of drama and misery. Being with Mom as we rode down that familiar highway would’ve made me tense if I didn’t have her with me. I was even thankful for the cold weather that forced us to huddle together under that quilt.
I smiled and kissed Susie’s cheek, trying not to think about the forthcoming conversation about sleeping arrangements. Mom and I had an unspoken ‘I’ll pretend I don’t see it’ agreement after I moved back home to help her several years earlier. But bringing my girlfriend home for five nights was different. It required a little more planning, and there were only so many bedrooms in our small house.
About twenty minutes later I was helping Susie wipe snowflakes off of our luggage just inside the door of the house where I grew up.
Mom started the dreaded conversation before I had a chance to look around the living room. She smiled. “Notice anything different?”
I kicked off my shoes at the front door as I turned my head. “Yeah. You painted?”
Mom laughed. “We did a lot more than that, sweetie.”
She hooked her arm around mine and led me around the living room, where I saw a new flat screen TV and new furniture. Then she proudly showed us the shiny new kitchen appliances.
“Why’d you do all this?” I asked. “You and Ernie just wanted to start fresh or something?”
“No.” She shook her head. “We don’t even live here anymore.”
“Huh?”
Her face lit up. “You remember that nice piece of land next door to Uncle Alvin?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s where we live now,” Mom said. “Ernie does business with a man who got us a good deal on a modular home. You can’t even tell it’s modular.”
I was only more confused. “So, you don’t live here anymore?”
“No, sweetie.” Mom put her hand on my back. “We fixed this up for you. I wanted you to have a nice place to come home to after you graduate.”
My confusion changed to shock. I looked around the kitchen again at the new cabinets, the pretty appliances. “What are you talking about? And how in the world did you keep all this a secret?"
Mom chuckled. “Well, that was a little tricky. I swore everyone in the family to secrecy. And look, it worked!” Her smile flitted across her
lips for a moment before she sighed. I knew exactly what was coming. “Of course, it helped that you cut off all communication.” She shook her head as she turned to Susie. “He still never calls.” She playfully tapped Susie’s shoulder. “I thought I told you to make him call.”
Safe With Me, Special Edition Page 45