Sylvia felt the knot in her stomach begin to unravel. The woman was older, plumpish and had kind blue eyes that seemed to match her silver hair perfectly. Normally, she would be unnerved by a total stranger confessing to having been watching her family, but now, it seemed oddly calming. One look at the woman told her that she too was a mother, probably a grandmother now, and she did not seem nervous. Perhaps she was overreacting after all.
“Yes! Did you see him leave?” Sylvia asked.
“Of course,” the woman said. “He was hard to miss. Simply adorable. I apologize for watching you and your family, but, it really took me back. My late husband and I used to bring our sons here to the park to play when we were your age. How old is your son?”
“He will be eight in June,” Sylvia said.
“Oy! Such a rambunctious age. I remember when my two boys were that young. Like a moron, I had them close together,” the woman said. She pointed at her hair and laughed. “I can tell you one thing, I earned every gray strand you see on my head right now. If you think one seven-year-old is tough, try having a seven-year-old and a six-year-old at the same time! Madness!”
“Did they run off all the time, too?”
“Good God, yes!” the woman said. “All the time! Boys are like that, you know. Always running, hiding, climbing — it was a never-ending carnival. I’ll tell you this, if I had a dollar for every time I said ‘Sammy, stop biting your brother,' I would be living over there on Park Avenue right now.”
Sylvia laughed. “I guess I should be thankful Billy isn’t a biter, then.”
“Oh, you should be,” the woman said. “Both my boys were always fighting with each other. It was like we were raising two wolverines, sometimes. Jesus, it is a wonder I didn’t end up in Bellevue, let me tell you.”
“So, you think I should calm down, I suppose?” Sylvia asked.
“Yeah,” the woman said as she nodded. “But I get it. Momma instincts are hard to control. You just want to fix everything and keep them safe, but, you have to let them go be boys, too.”
“Yes, but it is hard,” Sylvia said.
“It is, but, trust me on this, it gets better.” The woman smiled and added, “And now my two sons are grown, and each have two boys of their own to deal with. I am getting the last laugh. Those little boys keep my sons, and their wives, in a constant state of turmoil while I get the best job of all.”
“Oh?” Sylvia asked. “What is that?”
“Grandma!”
Sylvia smiled. “I guess it is all worth it, in the end. They will worry you to death, though.”
“They will that,” the woman said. “Say…, you don’t mind me asking you a question, do you?”
“No, go ahead.”
The woman reached over into her purse and pulled out a paperback book. When she lifted it up, and Sylvia saw the cover, she smiled. It was very familiar. It was the same type of overflowing bodice-ripping story that she was reading, complete with a buxom lady being swept away by yet another Fabio stylized hero. Only this time, Fabio was not a pirate but was wearing a Kilt.
“I was just about finished with Lady Catherfield and the Highwayman, and I could not help but notice that you were reading Lady Catherfield and the Pirate. Is it any good? I was thinking of switching to another author, but, who knows. I may stick with the series for a bit longer.”
“It’s not bad,” Sylvia said. “But I think her books are getting a bit repetitive.”
“True,” the woman said.
“I mean,” Sylvia continued. “Lady Catherfield so far has fallen prey to the Lusty Lord, the Pensive Pirate and the Horny Highwayman…, I think she needs to switch it up a bit. The formula is getting a bit stale for my tastes at least.”
“Well,” the woman said as she pointed to the cover. “I don’t disagree, but…, I know I would let old Fabio here rescue me whenever he wanted, especially if I was the beautiful Lady Catherfield from Oxfordshire Hall. Sadly, I’m only Gladys Bernstein from the Bronx. I think my young, damsel in distress days are in the rear-view mirror!”
“You are a hoot!” Sylvia said.
“So…, do you feel a little better now?” Gladys asked.
“You know…, I think I do,” Sylvia said. “I had gotten myself worked up into a complete lather there for a moment.”
“It is easy to do,” the woman said. “But, the best thing to do is to keep your mind off the time. When your kids are hiding from you, a minute can seem like an hour.”
“Isn’t that the truth.”
“But, all’s well that ends well,” the woman said as she pointed down the hill. “I think I see your husband and son returning.”
Sylvia quickly turned her head to look. She sighed as she saw them. They were still a little way off, and she could not see them clearly, but, she recognized John and saw a child was walking beside him. It was hard to tell for certain, as they were both in a crowd, but, it appeared her self-inflicted drama was ending. She exhaled loudly as her whole body relaxed.
“Thank you,” Sylvia said as she turned back towards the woman. “You really helped calm my nerves.”
“I will consider it my good deed for the day,” the woman said. “I could tell you were upset, and little ones grow up so fast. You will miss the frenzy they generate when it is gone. Before you know it, you’ll be joining the Grandma club with me.”
“I can’t think about that yet,” Sylvia said.
“It will happen before you know it,” the woman said. “Time tends to sneak up on you.”
“Let me get Billy through high school first. Thank you again. I appreciate your help.”
Sylvia picked her book up and resumed reading. She did not want to appear overly concerned. She had had enough razzing from John already about her overprotective parenting style. He always said she was a smothering mom. If he could have seen her for the past fifteen minutes, he would have had ample evidence to build his case. Knowing he was getting close, she glanced out of the corner of her eye, over the cover of her book, to see him approach. He was only twenty feet away now, but the look on his face instantly caused the bottom to fall out of her gut. Her eyes immediately darted down beside him, towards Billy— but there was a problem. She felt her arms tingle and the hairs on the back of her neck start to rise. It wasn’t Billy. It was some other child, and…, another woman walking alongside them both — accompanied by a police officer.
“John!” she shouted as she jumped to her feet. “What is going on?”
“Sylvia…, we…, we need to go to the police station,” John said, his voice soft and strained.
“What! What do you mean — police station? What is happening?”
“Billy…, he…,” John said.
“Where is Billy? My baby! Oh my God! Where is my baby? What has happened to my baby?” Sylvia screamed. Her gut-wrenching cry of despair echoed through the park, all the way to the rock climbers near the duck pond and caused every head in earshot to turn.
Chapter 7
April 18th, 2017 - Fred’s Bar & Grille, Mountain View, California - 7:30 PM
“What if I were to ask my girlfriend Donna to come and see you for something else?” Steve asked. “Say…, for example, to quit smoking.” He smiled as he added, “Yeah…, that would work. She has been trying to kick the habit for years. So…, say she wanted to quit smoking, could you then, when she is already under, and you are already in there, so to speak, you know, do your magic?”
“We have been over this already, Steve,” Sylvia said. “Anyone who wants to undergo my technique must do it of their own free will. You can’t pull a bait and switch. The secret of their recovery lies within the person themselves wanting to lock away the unfortunate memory. It is really all up to them. And from your description, it sounds like Donna is quite determined to remember your piggish behavior with her sister for quite some time.”
“Amazing, isn’t he?” Heather said after taking a long gulp of her margarita and placing it on the table. “He is like a dog with a bone
with this harebrained scheme of his.” She turned back to Steve, and said, “Boy, you sure must be enduring a never-ending shitstorm from Donna to keep bringing this plan of yours up.”
After taking a swig of his beer, Steve rolls his eyes and said, “You have no idea. There was always bad blood between Donna and her sister before, and…, well…, this didn’t help. Again, how was I supposed to know? I wasn’t doing anything bad, really. I am just naturally a very…, gregarious person.”
“Is that what they call it these days?” Sylvia said with a laugh. “I always knew it by another name.”
“What? Being a pig?” Heather said with a snort.
Sylvia nodded, pointed her finger at Heather like a pistol and pretend fired as she said, “Bingo!”
“Man,” Heather said as she shook her head and turned back to Steve. “You went to college, right?”
“Sure did,” Steve said. “Got my undergraduate in Computer Science with a minor in Electrical Engineering from Caltech before I got my masters from—”
“—As I figured,” Heather said. “It all fits. Your balloon is all bunched up on one side. Totally out of balance, just like all the rest of you tech guys.”
“What in the hell are you talking about?” Steve asked.
“Balloon?” Sylvia said. “Out of balance? Now you have me curious. What are you talking about?”
“Well, you especially will be able to appreciate my theory, Sylvia,” Heather said. “Having your doctorate in Psychology and all.”
“Perhaps,” Sylvia said. “But…, balloons? An interesting metaphor, I am sure. I am dying to hear what it means.”
Heather pointed to Steve and snickered, “Oh yes, it fits perfectly. Steve here could be exhibit A of my theory in practice. It is more accurate to call this syndrome the lopsided balloon theory.”
“OK,” Steve said. “I’ll bite. First, you call me an example of the Peter Pan principle, and now you refer to me as a lopsided balloon. You are definitely not holding your punches lately.” His lips curled into a devilish smile as he shifted in his chair. “I can assure you, Babe. There ain’t nothing balloonish going on down here. It is all 100%, grade-A, Steve.”
Heather rolled her eyes and sighed before she said, “Don’t be such a perverted child, for once.”
“Well, we are off the clock,” Steve said.
“Yes, we are. And you should take this after work time as a learning opportunity. You need to listen to me. It might do you some good.”
“OK, I’m game. What are you getting on about?”
“You are obviously brilliant,” Heather said.
“Damn straight,” Steve said as he took another swig of his beer. After putting the bottle down, he added, “you don’t graduate from Caltech as a moron, you know.”
“No,” Heather said. “But, like many intelligent people I know, all of your smarts are bunched up in one area. Your intellectual resources are not spread out very efficiently. You may know everything there is to know about computers, circuit boards, routers, and whatnot; however, when it comes to women, you are a stark raving idiot. Intelligence is fairly consistent in the general population and does not deviate greatly from one individual to another. The distribution of those smarts individually, however, is very erratic.”
“So,” Sylvia said. “I assume what you are saying is, everyone is about as intelligent as everyone else, but some people just have all of their…, air, so to speak, all pushed up against one side of their balloon.”
“Yes!” Heather said. “Think about it. How many highly intelligent people do you know that are masters in one or two subjects, but complete idiots in everything else? You know the type, they can rewire your whole network in an hour but cannot carry on a simple conversation.”
“I know quite a few people like that,” Sylvia said.
“Yeah, me too,” Heather said. “In fact, I have dated quite a few guys like that, some of them bordering into Rain Man territory. So, our subject Steve here is not a natural pig, but, he is just handicapped. It really isn’t his fault. There has been a malfunction in his brain. He needs to have his intellect spread out a little more over the rest of his decision-making processes.” She smirked as she turned to Steve and added, “Such as knowing it's a bad idea to hit on your fiancées’ sister.”
“Yes,” Sylvia said as she squelched a laugh. “That would be a good move.”
“OK, OK, Heather,” Steve said. “Duly noted.”
“And maybe,” Heather said, “instead of trying to get Sylvia to treat Donna, you should have her put you under instead. Who knows, she might be able to get you all fixed up nice and straight.”
Steve threw his head back as he bellowed out a deep laugh. “Oh no, I think not.” He raised his eyebrow and added, “I much prefer all my squiggles and curvy lines. I earned every deviation. But…, you know who might have benefitted from Sylvia’s drip-dry brainwashing routine?”
“It is not brainwashing, Steve,” Sylvia said as she shook her head.
“If you say so,” Steve said with a grin.
“Who would benefit?” Heather asked.
“Alyssa, of course,” Steve said. “I always knew she was a bit flakey, but…, obviously she had some real problems.”
“Yeah,” Heather said. “That weird note about the ice cream was bizarre. I always thought she was just an airhead before, but now, oddly, I am more intrigued by her.”
“Yes, it was a strange message,” Sylvia said.
Steve asked, “Heather, your desk was right beside hers. Did she ever show any…, you know, wacky tendencies before?”
“It is hard to judge wacky tendencies when you are working in an insane asylum,” Heather said. “Everyone in the department is a bit off. Hazards of the job, I suppose.”
“Well, you seem stable enough,” Sylvia said as she turned to Heather. She grinned as she added, “You are definitely better adjusted than most of the others I have met here.”
“Thanks,” Heather said. “But, that is sort of like being named the thinnest kid at fat camp. Not really much of an award, now is it?”
“No, I suppose not,” Sylvia said. “Still…, I would have liked to meet this Alyssa, especially after the phantom ice cream gift and all.”
“Did the Dove bar taste all right, Sylvia?” Heather said. “You never know…, that psycho might have put something in it.”
“Yeah, Sylvia,” Steve said. “You did get all spacey there for a minute. I hope the chocolate coating didn’t have arsenic sprinkles.”
“It was fine,” Sylvia said. “Jesus, you guys are dark.”
Heather and Steve exchanged a knowing glance. Steve said, “Who us?”
“We are nothing but a warm bundle of sweetness and light,” Heather said. “See, aren’t you glad you joined us for our weekly tradition? Fred’s does have the best food.”
“And a two-for-one drink special on Tightwad Tuesdays,” Steve said as he raised his beer into the air. “Don’t forget that.”
“It has been great,” Sylvia said. “I thank you both for inviting me. You really have made me feel at home since I moved to California.”
“Oh, we come here every week after work,” Heather said. “You are welcome to join us anytime.”
“Well then, I may have to make this a regular stop,” Sylvia said. Turning to Heather, she added, “And you were dead on right about those tacos. Pure heaven!”
“And since you are a doctor and able to wriggle inside people’s psyches, it is best to keep on your good side,” Steve said as he winked. “It is always good to have your type close at hand.”
Heather laughed and said, “Yes, it is going to be fantastic to have an actual Psychologist in our group. God knows, we have had so many neurotics in our merry band in the past, I bet we could keep you quite busy for years to come.”
“Or decades,” Steve said. “And now it appears we even had some psychotics on staff, like Alyssa.”
Sylvia chuckled and said, “Hardly. Back in my old practice,
it was my experience that any psychotic break usually has a long-term cause. If Alyssa did have some sort of mental breakdown, it was likely a while in forming. Probably due to some unresolved traumatic event. Ironically, she could probably have benefited from my technique.”
“Maybe,” Heather said. “But she was such a New Age nitwit she probably would have wanted to try out her healing crystals first.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” Heather said. “Like I said earlier, we weren’t friends, so to speak, but, we did talk occasionally. She was way out there, always dabbling on the fringes. There was no insane, bizarro-theory she did not entertain — healing crystals, Reiki, mystical yoga weekend retreats, past life regression, you name it.”
“I think she told me once her parents were big Hippies back in the 60s,” Steve said.
“That figures. Those horrendous peasant skirts she used to wear were a big giveaway, too,” Heather said.
“And no doubt helped hide her pregnancy,” Steve said.
“Pregnant?” Sylvia said. “So, she was pregnant?”
“I didn’t know that! I only said it to Sylvia to be, you know, bitchy,” Heather said.
Steve rolled his eyes and said, “And women say we guys are unobservant.” Smiling as glanced over at Heather, he asked, “Didn’t you notice her growing baby bump? Or the fact that she was sick every morning? Or that she was getting a little bustier than usual?”
“It figures you would notice that,” Heather said. “I thought she was just getting fat.” Glancing at Sylvia, she said, “the endless supply of free snacks does have its downside.”
“Maybe your balloon is a bit lopsided too, Heather,” Steve said. “I thought it was obvious she was knocked up.”
“Well…, pregnancy can wreak havoc on a woman’s hormones,” Sylvia said. “That might explain things.”
“Do you have kids, Sylvia?” Heather asked. “I…, I hope that isn’t too personal a question to ask. I apologize if it was.”
“Oh…, no, it isn’t,” Sylvia said as she closed her eyes and shook her head. She reached up and rubbed her temples and said, “I think I might need to switch to tea now. These margaritas are making me dizzy.”
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