“Then don’t be angry,” Rick said. “Obey your father, the way you were brought up to. Be a good girl, go to school, meet the right boy, and have a beautiful wedding. What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing,” Val said. “Except it won’t work anymore.”
“I don’t see that anything’s changed,” Rick replied. “You’ve agreed, I’m still your father. You’re still my daughter, my Valentina. I know you’re confused right now, but you’re still a good girl, and you know you should obey me.”
Val wished she could be angry again. Things were simpler when rage dictated her moves. “Obedience is based on trust,” she said. “And I can’t trust you anymore. Maybe I will again, but not now. Not after I find out you’ve been lying to me for my entire life. If you’d found that out, found out someone you loved had lied to you for sixteen years, could you trust them again right away?”
“We never lied,” Rick said. “We kept things from you, that’s all.”
“You lied to me about jail,” Val said. “You always told me you’d never been in jail, and now it turns out you were.”
“That was a mistake,” Rick replied. “I shouldn’t have spent a single day there.”
“But you did,” Val said. “Daddy, you know you’ve been lying.”
“I know I don’t care for this tone,” Rick said.
“What are you going to do about it?” Val asked. “Give me amnesia for the past week? Make like none of it ever happened? We can’t go back to that. Maybe it would have been better if I never found out, but I did. And I need to meet her, to meet Carmela, and I can’t do it with you waiting in the hallway for me.”
“Fine,” Rick said. “Have it your way. I’ll send you up with Bruno instead.”
“No,” Val said. “Not Bruno.”
“You can’t go alone,” Rick declared. “I forbid that.”
Val hated the idea that her father felt he could still forbid things, but she also knew he was right. She was terrified to fly to Buffalo alone. She wouldn’t even know how. Her sole experience of traveling alone had been the walk home from Jamey’s office two days earlier.
“Jamey,” she said. “I’ll go with him.” She liked the idea of his lawyerly presence.
“And Bruno,” Rick said. “In case the Petrollis have a long memory.”
Val realized then how many lies there had been, and how many things she had now to be frightened of. “There isn’t any danger,” she said.
“There’s always danger,” Rick replied. “Someone like Bruno just makes things a little safer.”
“All right,” Val said. “Jamey and Bruno. And we go on Saturday.”
“I’ll make the arrangements now,” Rick said. “But, Val, promise me you’ll remember none of that is what counts. What counts is you’re my daughter.”
“I promise,” Val said. She got up from the chair, and although part of her wanted to go to Rick and kiss him, she found she couldn’t. Instead she left the room and went upstairs to her bedroom.
The phone rang almost as soon as she got there. Val picked it up.
“Hi, Val? This is Malcolm. Kit gave me your number. I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s okay,” Val said.
“I’m just calling to apologize for leaving so abruptly,” he said. “I guess, well, to be perfectly honest, your father scared me.”
“Yes,” Val said. “He has that effect on people sometimes.”
“But everything’s all right?” Malcolm asked. “I didn’t make things worse?”
“Everything’s all right,” Val said. She couldn’t even be sure if that was true. The truth was a dark muddy field, and lies cast a false light to be guided by.
Chapter 10
Kit wasn’t at school the next day. Just like her, Val thought, to be sick the one day she was really needed. But having her missing made it easier for Val to concentrate on classes, on her French test, on the thousand little things that constituted education.
Michelle was there and, perhaps because Kit wasn’t, had lunch for the first time with Val since their fight. Val was glad for the company, although she wasn’t ready to confide in her cousin.
“Mama’s still mad at me,” Michelle said. “She thinks you’re going to tell Rick and blame everything on me.”
“I won’t,” Val said. I haven’t, she thought.
“I said you wouldn’t,” Michelle replied. “I said we can trust you, you’d never want to hurt us. I said no matter what, you were my cousin. I don’t care if your father’s the king of England, you’re still blood as far as I’m concerned.”
“My father isn’t king of England,” Val said. “I think we can both be pretty sure about that.”
“You know that I mean,” Michelle said. “You still do think of me as your cousin, don’t you?”
“Of course I do,” Val said. “What about you?”
“I heard about the adoption business years ago,” Michelle said. “Before your mother died. I’ve been a cousin to you all that time, haven’t I?”
“I didn’t know you could keep secrets that well,” Val said.
“I wish I’d kept this one a little better,” Michelle replied. “I’m really sorry, Val. I know this has been hard on you.”
“It’ll work out,” Val said. “It just needs some time.”
Michelle nodded. “If you need me, I’m here,” she said. “Even if it’s just to get mad at.”
Val laughed. “We do that really well, don’t we,” she said. “Get mad at each other.”
“You’re like a sister to me that way,” Michelle said. “Driving me crazy all the time.”
Val took Michelle’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Hey,” she said. “If you aren’t my cousin, you might as well be my sister.”
“Deal,” Michelle said. “Now cut the crap, Sis, before I start crying.”
For the first time that week, Val didn’t dread gym class.
She missed Kit during English though, and especially wished she were there when Sister Gina Marie asked her to stay after for a few minutes.
“I really can’t stay long” Val said. “I have a lot of things I have to do this afternoon.”
“Just a moment then,” Sister Gina Marie said. “I just want to find out how you’re doing.”
“I’m fine,” Val said.
“And how are things with your father?” Sister Gina Marie asked.
Val thought about their strained breakfast together. They’d spoken only a few words, and both of them had been relieved when it was time for Bruno to drive Val to school. “He’s under a lot of pressure,” Val said. “He had to leave Washington early this week, and he’s having labor troubles in Hackensack.”
“That wasn’t what I was asking about,” Sister Gina Marie said.
“I really appreciate your concern,” Val said. “But the only reason you feel involved is because you overheard what Michelle said. Michelle and I are okay now, and Daddy and I are going to be, and there’s no more reason for you to worry.”
“I can’t just stop worrying,” Sister Gina Marie said. “I have some idea of what you’re going through, Val, and I know how hard it is.”
“You can’t possibly know,” Val said. “Not unless you’re adopted too.”
Sister Gina Marie shook her head.
“Then don’t say you know,” Val said. “Because you don’t. Half the time I don’t even know, and I’m going through it.”
“All right,” Sister Gina Marie said. “But I do feel involved, and I want you to know it. And if you want to talk to me at any time, I’d be more than happy.”
“Thank you,” Val said. “What I’d really like to do is check up on Kit. So if you’ll excuse me.”
“Certainly,” Sister Gina Marie said. “Tell her I hope she’s feeling better.”
Val nodded. She gathered her books and jacket and ran downstairs. She could see Bruno waiting for her. “Take me to Kit’s,” she said.
“I didn’t see her,” Bruno said.
“She was out,” Val said. “I’m going now to see how she is.”
“I’ll wait for you,” Bruno said.
Val knew that was a command, and she was in no position to fight it. “All right,” she said. If Bruno had nothing better to do than sit around in the car waiting for her, that was his business. He’d be doing plenty of waiting around in Buffalo. He might as well get used to it.
Bruno kept his watchful eye on Val as she walked to Kit’s front door. She rang the bell, and waited a few moments until Kit let her in.
“Are you all right?” Val asked. “I was worried about you when you weren’t in school today.”
“I’m okay,” Kit said. “Come into the living room. My room’s a mess. I’ve been there all day, and I didn’t think I’d have company.”
“I’m not company,” Val said, sitting on the sofa. “What’s the matter? Why weren’t you in school?”
“It all just hit me,” Kit said. “This whole week. Pop and I had a huge fight last night, and now that I have a lock on my bedroom door, I used it. I locked myself in, and I stayed there until he went to work this morning.” She pulled her robe tighter around her pajamas, and for an instant she looked more like Amanda than she did Jamey.
Val thought about the real reason why she’d come over, to tell Kit everything her father had told her the day before. But she knew she’d have to get Kit’s business out of the way first, so they could both concentrate on everything that was happening in Val’s life.
“I didn’t know you and Jamey fought,” she said. “Not like that.”
“We don’t,” Kit said. “It’s really been a lousy week.”
“But why?” Val asked. “I thought things were going well for you. Yesterday all you could talk about was redoing your bedroom. It was going to be yellow to match your mood. Did something happen with Amanda?”
Kit shook her head. “Not the way you think,” she said. “Pop spoke to her doctor again, and we’re supposed to go up next weekend and have one of those confrontational sessions. You know, we all make lists of how her drinking has hurt us. I’ll just get my last list out and update it.”
“You’ll have a lot to put on,” Val said.
“Just the mattress,” Kit replied. “I’ll spare her the rest. She’s probably blacked it out anyway.”
“If it wasn’t Amanda, what did you and Jamey fight about?” Val asked.
Kit kicked her slippers off and sat cross-legged on the chair. “You really don’t want to know,” she said.
“It isn’t a question of want,” Val said. “You’re always there when I need you. I just think I should be there for you too.”
“Thank you,” Kit said. “No, I mean that. Just because I’m mad at Pop and Rick too doesn’t mean I should be mad at you.”
“What does Daddy have to do with this?” Val asked.
“Remember all those wonderful plans Pop and I had for the weekend?” Kit asked. “Well, he cancelled. He got a phone call from your father last night, and the next thing I know he’s telling me he has to go out of town on Saturday. He said I should see if Malcolm would go with me instead. I don’t know why that made me so mad, the way he used Malcolm as a substitute, but I just started thinking about what that O’Roarke kid said about how Rick had Pop do his dirty work for him, and now Pop was trying to get Malcolm to do his, and I thought about all the reasons Kevin hates Pop, and how I’d never listen to him, never agree with him, but maybe he was right. I thought about it all in just the flash of a second, everything Pop’s ever done for Rick, everything he’s ever given up for him, and the list was so long, it made the list of things Mother’s done just shrivel in comparison.”
“Kit, there’s an explanation,” Val said, horribly aware she was the explanation.
“I’m tired of explanations,” Kit declared. “I’m tired of protecting Mother from Pop and Pop from Mother. I’m tired of having an older brother I can’t count on because he packed his bags and left when he was twelve. I’m tired of having a mother who’s a hideous, miserable drunk, and I’m tired of having the Irish kids at Most Precious Blood look down their noses at me and the Italian kids think I’m weird. Mostly I’m tired of Pop, because I think he’s responsible for a lot of things he’s never been willing to claim responsibility for. Including me.”
“Jamey loves you,” Kit said. “He told me so just this week.”
Kit shook her head. “Maybe he does,” she said. “But it doesn’t matter. Rick comes first with him. Anything Rick wants, Pop does. Kevin’s told me for years how dirty the dealings are, the bribes, the kickbacks. Using third-rate materials at first-rate prices.”
“I don’t want to hear this,” Val said.
“Sorry,” Kit said. “We all come to grips with our fathers at different times. This week is my time. I thought maybe it was yours.”
“Jamey isn’t perfect,” Val said. “Daddy certainly isn’t. And you’re right. I have been coming to grips with that this week. But nobody else is perfect either.”
“You don’t understand,” Kit said. “I can’t expect you to. But when Sister Anne made all of us say that about your father, about how he was a respectable businessman, I wanted her to make them say it about Pop too. Nobody ever teased you, because half of them thought Rick was perfectly okay, and the other half were scared stiff of him, of you, of everything the name Castaladi stands for. Farrell doesn’t stand for anything, so I was an easy target.”
“You’re right,” Val said. “I don’t understand. You’re sitting around in your robe at four in the afternoon because kids used to tease you when you were seven? That’s crazy.”
“I’m sitting around in my robe because I want a different set of parents,” Kit replied. “I want a mother who isn’t so lost and angry that all she can do is drink. I want a father who loves me more than he loves his boss. I want Pop once in his life to say to Rick, ‘Sorry, but I have plans for Saturday. I’m spending the day with my daughter.’ And you know something, I’d take all the rest, cleaning up after Mother, and everyone’s attitude at school, all of it, if he’d just say that once, that I’m more important than work.”
“This is all just a huge misunderstanding,” Val said. “It wasn’t Daddy that made Jamey change his plans.”
“What do you mean, it wasn’t Rick?” Kit asked. “Everything was set until Rick called.”
“But he called for me,” Val said. “I’m the one who asked for Jamey. I’m the one who needs him.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Kit asked.
Val smiled. “Daddy and I had it out yesterday,” she said. “I guess it was a good day for father-daughter confrontations. He told me all about the adoption. It’s fine, Kit. I mean I don’t exactly come from royalty, but I come from a perfectly okay family. I’m even part Castaladi, if you look hard enough. My father was killed when I was an infant, and my mother didn’t have any money, and there were lots of other kids, and Daddy wanted to adopt, so it all just worked out. There’s more to the story than that, but those are the important details.”
“Are you okay about it?” Kit asked.
“I’m not sure yet,” Val said. “Mostly I feel relief that all those horrible explanations everyone kept coming up with weren’t true. And you’re right. There are things about Daddy’s business that I haven’t wanted to face. I like the idea that he’s a respectable businessman. I’ve never wanted to think of him as anything else, and maybe I’m going to have to. But not this week. This week I’ve had enough to deal with.”
Kit nodded. “It can wait,” she said. “I guess for you, it’ll have to.”
“Daddy and I did our share of screaming yesterday,” Val said. “Malcolm got us started when he drove me home, but I’m glad, because if something hadn’t forced the issue, I might never have had the nerve to ask. I kept hoping it would all go away, but I’d remember things, like Shannon O’Roarke, and I was scared. You know how scared I was. And Jamey was no help, but he did keep telling me to ask Daddy, and when I did,
I could see Jamey was right. That’s why I thought of him, just because he is Daddy’s lawyer, and he sees things differently than we do.”
“You thought of him for what?” Kit asked.
“For going with me to Buffalo tomorrow,” Val replied. “That’s where she lives. My mother, I mean. The woman who gave birth to me. I’ll always think of Mama as my mother, but this other woman lives in Buffalo. Daddy knew right away where she was, and I guess he called her and told her I wanted to go there. He said he would, that he’d take care of all the details, and I don’t think he would have called Jamey unless he had. Daddy wanted to go with me, only I said no. I’ve never said no to him, not about anything serious, and we had a fight over that too, but I won. So then he said I had to go with Bruno, and I knew I’d need someone, but not Bruno. Have you ever had a real conversation with Bruno? You could fall asleep trying. So I thought of Jamey, and the way he listens when you talk to him, and the way he really seems to understand. I’ve always loved that about him. He never acts like you’re a kid.”
“No,” Kit said. “He acts like you’re a client.”
“Which is just what I want,” Val said. “I want my lawyer with me. I’m going to meet this strange woman, and frankly all I know about her is she gave birth to me sixteen years ago, and her husband was killed, and both sides of the family are a little better than trash. I don’t know what she’s going to expect from me. Money, love, regular visits, Mother’s Day cards. It scares me, but I know I have to see her. And if Jamey’s with me, we can talk about it on the trip back. He’ll keep me from going crazy.”
“He’s real good at that,” Kit said. “Ask Mother.”
“I’m not Amanda,” Val said. “I wish you’d try to understand.”
“I understand,” Kit replied. “I understand all sorts of things. I understand you didn’t even think about me, about what I wanted. No, that isn’t it. You didn’t even remember I existed. You wanted your Jamey, you snapped your fingers, and Rick provided him for you. It was that simple. And why shouldn’t it be? That’s how your life’s always been. You want something, you just ask Rick for it, and it’s yours.”
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