He somehow made her smile.
‘I think it popped out about ten seconds after I found out...’ Candy said. ‘I’ll just wear a big baggy top tonight. They’re not talking to me anyway, because I changed the locks and I’m going to Hawaii, so I doubt I’ll be there for very long.’
‘Yet you still go.’
‘I love them. I don’t agree with them a lot of the time but I still love them very much and I know when I do tell them I’ll break their hearts.’
‘For a little while,’ Steele said.
He took a breath. He could do this type of thing so easily for his patients but when it came to matters of a very private heart, things were very different, but he forced himself to step up.
‘Would you like me to tell your parents for you?’
Candy frowned. ‘Why would you do that?’
‘Because I’m used to breaking news to difficult, stubborn, immutable people. I do it every day,’ he said, and then made her smile. ‘I promise to leave out the part that we’ve been at it like rabbits. I’ll just say I’m a colleague. A doctor...’
Candy smiled. She really understood why he wore a suit and tie for work—the older people liked it. And he was right, her parents would respond very differently to Steele from the way they would to her. If not at first then fairly soon, they would calm down for the dottore.
‘I need to do this myself, Steele. It’s really nice of you to offer and I admit I’m tempted to pass it over, but...no. Thank you, though.’
‘Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘It’s not your problem, Steele.’ Then she looked over to him. ‘Actually, this has helped and talking to Macey too. It makes it feel a bit more real.’
‘Keep talking, then,’ he said, but she shook her head.
‘I can’t really. I mean, I’m upset about Gerry too and I’m trying to work out how to tell his family and I don’t think getting upset about Gerry is fair to you,’ Candy said. ‘I know I felt jealous when you spoke about your wife. I got an Annie burn.’
He loved her openness and he smiled when she admitted to having felt jealous. ‘Candy, you can talk to me about that.’ Ten years older, there were some things he did know. ‘Two days before I turned thirty I found out that a woman who I had gone out with for close to six months, just after my divorce, had died. Now, she wasn’t the love of my life. She was one of possibly too many loves of my life...’ He saw her pale smile. ‘And it hurt. I was stunned and devastated. I was all of the things that you probably are now.’
‘It doesn’t make you feel jealous when I talk about him?’ Candy checked.
‘I don’t know how it makes me feel,’ he admitted, touched that even with all that was going on in her world she could be concerned in that way for him. ‘But that’s my stuff to deal with. Right now you’ve got enough of your own.’
‘Oh, I do!’
‘You know there is one teeny positive,’ Steele said.
‘Tell me.’
‘Well, there was one thing about you that was starting to get on my nerves, a potential deal-breaker, in fact,’ Steele said. ‘Confirmed bachelors are very picky and selfish, you understand...’
Candy smiled. ‘Tell me.’
‘Your ability to fall asleep. God, I knew you were tired, we both were, but I was starting to wonder if you had narcolepsy or something.’
She laughed but it changed in the middle and she fought from letting out a sob because he’d just reminded her how very good it had been between them.
‘Candy...’ He took her hand but she pulled hers away.
‘Please, don’t, Steele,’ she said. They had always been honest and she was never more so than now. ‘Please, don’t confuse me now. I miss you very much. I think we both know that it was turning into a bit more than a fling. I think we both know that feelings were starting to run deep.’ Which was milder than the complete truth but now was not the time to admit to love. She pointed out the impossibility of it.
‘You like the single life.’
‘I did,’ he said, ‘but I very much liked being with you.’
‘You’ve geared your life around not having children.’
‘I have,’ he said.
‘You start your dream job in a couple of weeks.’
‘I do.’
‘And I’m pregnant with another man’s babies.’
It dawned on him then that he had only ever known Candy pregnant. That, really, nothing had changed between them, except that they both now knew and he told her so.
‘Candy, since the moment we met you’ve been pregnant with another man’s babies. I think we—’
‘Steele,’ she interrupted. ‘I have to work a few things out myself. I’ve been raised to share everything, to discuss every decision. I don’t want to do that now. I want to think. I want to know that I can do this on my own. I have to know that I can do this on my own...’
‘I get that.’
‘And please don’t pretend this isn’t difficult for you.’
He thought back to that morning, sitting on the edge of the bath and crying in a way he never had before, but he felt better for it, clearer for it. He looked at Candy and knew she was right. She didn’t need his thoughts now. She needed her holiday, she needed space, she needed to get used to the idea that she was going to be a mother.
‘I need to go,’ she said. She was on the edge of tears—just one touch of his hand and she wanted more, she wanted his arms, she wanted the comfort of him. She felt as if she had just got off a merry-go-round as they stepped outside. She had felt like that since the news about Gerry’s death had hit, since she’d sat in Anton’s office, since...
The world seemed to be spinning too fast of late, and Candy took a big breath and tried to steady herself, but big breaths seemed to be working less and less these days. Steele must have seen she was struggling. He wrapped her in his arms, as he had wanted to yesterday but hadn’t known how. The shield of him, the feel of him, the tender strength of him brought the first glimpse of peace she had craved, just a tiny glimpse of tranquillity as solo she halted navigated stormy seas.
‘You’re going to be okay,’ he said, and his voice was like the deep bass of a guitar coming up through the floorboards, a rhythm she recognised and understood, and she clung to the delicious familiarity of him and wished it could last. ‘I know it’s going to be hard, telling your parents, but when you do just remind them that this is their grandchildren they are discussing and that in few months they’ll be here...’
‘Right now I’m actually not worried about them,’ she said. Right now she was wondering how she might ever get over this broken heart, but she daren’t be that honest and so, for the first time, she lied to him. ‘Right now I’m worried about stretch marks and my boobs reaching the moon and getting fatter...’ And losing you. ‘I’m going to go.’
Still he held her. ‘I’ll drive you home.’
Still she clung to him. ‘I don’t want you to.’
‘I can drop off your case.’
She hated that he had it in his car.
Steele hated that it was in his car too. He wanted it in his apartment unpacked, he wanted her in his bed, yet he was terribly aware that he must not push her, not confuse her when she was already in such turmoil.
Maybe there was something he could do.
‘Do you fancy a day pass?’ he said to her ear.
‘A day pass?’
‘I’m going to Kent tomorrow to look at the new unit and also to look at a few houses that I’m thinking of buying...’
‘You’re buying a house?
‘I always buy houses or flats wherever I work and I renovate them in my spare time and sell them or rent them out.’
‘I’m working in Emergency tomorrow.’
‘Oh, if anyone deserves to ring in sick, I think it might be you. Why don’t we just have a nice drive, a lazy day...?’
‘And no talk about pregnancy.’
‘You don’t have to pretend you’re not pregnant, Candy.’
‘I want a day away from it,’ she admitted. ‘I just want a whole day when I don’t even have to think about it.’
‘Then that’s the day you shall have,’ he said, and saw her to the Underground. ‘I’ll pick you up at eight.’
Candy sat on the tube, looking at all the people, and she saw an elderly woman look at her stomach and then her hand. She glanced up and saw that Candy had seen her and the old lady gave her a very nice smile.
Yes, times had changed.
She didn’t feel quite so alone now.
It really was time to deal with what was.
Instead of heading home, she went to her parents’.
They were still sulking about Hawaii.
‘Do you remember Gerry, who I work with?’ Candy said. ‘The one who helped me when I moved?’
‘What about him?’ Her father frowned. ‘Is he going to Hawaii with you?’
‘He died last week,’ Candy said.
There were all the How terribles and Candy took a deep breath. She knew there was no easy way to say it.
It just needed to be said.
‘I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant with twins,’ Candy said. ‘They’re his.’
There were sobs and wails from her parents; her mother actually fell to the floor. As if that was going to change anything!
She had never understood Steele more than she did then. She understood fully how his love for Annie might have died as she watched her parents carry on.
This was about her, this was the hardest part of her life to date, and yet they made it all about them.
She had known they’d be upset but, as Steele would say, that was their stuff. How Candy wished they could give some teeny shred of comfort as she tried to deal with hers.
Candy sat there as her father declared he’d like to kill the man who had taken his daughter’s honour and then she stood up.
‘Lui è già morto,’ Candy said, reminding her father that Gerry was already dead, and then she remembered Steele’s words.
‘These are your grandchildren we’re discussing.’ Her voice was incredibly clear and strong. ‘And these are my babies and I refuse to listen to you calling them a mistake or talking about shame. In a few months they’ll be here and you know as well as I do that you’re going to love them. So why do this to me now? I’m going to go and I don’t want to hear from you till you’ve calmed down.’ She went to the door. ‘And if you want to come to my flat, then you’re to telephone before you do. Clearly I have a life you don’t know about, and if you still don’t want to know about it, then you’re to telephone first before you come around!’
She left her parents and she could perhaps have headed for home but instead she did as Steele had once suggested she try.
She bought a single ticket for a movie—the one they hadn’t seen that night. It was a real tear-jerker from start to end and she sat there, tears pouring down her face and not trying to hide them.
It was nice, a tiny press of the pause button as she cried over the couple on the screen instead of dwelling on herself.
On Steele.
On what could surely never be.
CHAPTER TWELVE
HER JEANS JUST did up.
Nervous and a little excited, just as she had been the first time he’d come to her door, she opened it the next morning with a smile.
‘I’m ready,’ she said, ‘or did you want a drink first?’
‘No, thanks,’ Steele said. ‘It’s probably better that we get going. I’ve got a lot to get on with today.’ He couldn’t not comment. ‘You’ve been crying.’
‘I had a rather big argument with my parents last night.’
‘You told them?’
‘I did.’ She blew out a breath. ‘And I told them a few other things too. Anyway, we’re not talking about all that stuff today. I really do want a day off from it.’
‘Fair enough.’ He smiled. ‘But can I just say that I’m really proud of you for telling them.’
‘Thank you.’
‘You’ll enjoy your holiday far more without that hanging over you.’
‘I shall.’
They went out to his car and were soon on the motorway. ‘First up,’ Steele explained, ‘I’m going to look at the new wing of the hospital, which might bore the hell out of you. You can go for a walk or to the shops if you like.’
‘No, I’d love to see it,’ Candy said, ‘unless explaining me makes things awkward for you.’
‘I never feel the need to explain myself,’ he said, and then he amended that slightly. ‘Actually, I did cancel dinner with my parents tonight, you would have taken some explaining.’
‘Oh, sorry,’ Candy said, ‘I didn’t want you to change your plans for me.’
‘I was more than happy to change them. I’m moving closer to them in a few weeks.’ He turned and smiled again. ‘Though not quite close as you are to yours, but they’ll be seeing more of me than they do now.’
‘What are they like now?’
‘They’ve mellowed,’ Steele said. ‘They’re much nicer as old people. Though I have to admit that when they start asking questions about my life, my love life, I’m often tempted to tell them to back off, given that they showed little interest in me when I was growing up.’ He gave a roll of his eyes. ‘I wouldn’t do that to them, though.’
Candy knew that he wouldn’t. He was too nice.
‘You like old people.’
‘I do,’ he said. ‘I don’t like all old people. It’s not a free pass to being a good person but I like how they’ve let go of the stuff that’s not important. I like how they say what they think and share what they know. I like it even when my patients drive me mad with their stubbornness. I learn something every day, every single day, from how to put a brass doorknob on a house I’m renovating to how to face death.’
They arrived at the hospital and Steele shook hands and introduced her to Reece, a consultant who’d clearly had a lot of input into the new wing.
‘Any chance of you starting sooner?’ Reece joked. ‘Emergency is full.’
‘No chance.’ Steele smiled. ‘I don’t need you to show me around if you’re busy.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Of course.’
‘I’ll see you at the meeting, then.’ Reece nodded. ‘Make sure you put a hard hat on.’
‘I feel like a builder,’ Candy said as she put hers on.
‘Come on, Bob,’ Steele said, and he took her through the building. It was near complete in parts and the roof was going on in others. ‘This is going to be the acute geriatric unit,’ he explained as he showed her a huge area where the wiring was going in. ‘Very high-tech computer system,’ he said. ‘It has its own occupational therapy assessment area.’ He took her in. There were two kitchens and various sets of stairs being built, as well as showers and baths of various heights so that patients could be assessed on how they would manage at home. ‘I’m aiming for a forty-eight-hour admission time. Either home afterwards with support or admitted to the correct ward, but most of my patients will first come through here—well, that’s the plan.’
‘Forty-eight hours isn’t very long.’
‘Best time frame,’ Steele said. ‘It gives us enough time to put proper support in place for when they return to their homes.’
Steele showed her the other wards—a palliative care ward and also the acute medical unit—and then he opened a door and they stood in a huge empty space.
‘This is the dream,’ he said. ‘It’s not happening yet. We’re facing lots of obstacles and red tape, insurance issues and things, but I’m hoping this space will be a gym.’ He smiled. ‘Actually, I’m not allowed to call it that. I’m hoping this space will be utilised for healthy living...’
‘Sorry?’
‘Well, I always feel a bit of a bastard when I know someone’s lonely and that a cream cake at three in the afternoon means not only a cream cake but a walk to the shops and some conversation too. Instead of asking the
m to give it up, I’m hoping that they can come here and have a chat with friends and maybe a bit of exercise. I’m hoping for a slimming or exercise club or something like that. It’s all a bit of a pipe dream at the moment, but at least we have the space earmarked for it, if we ever do get to go ahead.’
‘How long’s your contract for?’ Candy asked.
‘Two years,’ he said. ‘They wanted five but I wouldn’t agree to it.’
‘Because?’
‘Because I’ve never stayed anywhere for more than two years. I like fresh starts. I like putting everything into it and building things up...’
Or rather he had.
They drove to a pub and had a lovely lazy lunch overlooking a huge village green.
‘Gorgeous, isn’t it?’ Candy said, and he nodded.
‘Even if we don’t get the go-ahead for the gym, I’ll probably start a walking club over there.’
‘You’re going to go start a geriatric walking club!’
‘Yep, I walk with my dog every morning that I can. Why not have company?’
‘You have a dog?’
‘I do.’ Steele smiled. ‘You have me pegged as a loner—no friends to go to the movies with, no pets. I have a dog, I have nice furniture and I have, when I’m not sleeping with Nurse Candy, a very busy social life.’
‘Where’s your dog now?’
‘At my parents’,’ he said. ‘He’s a chocolate Labrador called Newman.’
‘Newman?’
‘You’ll...’ Steele stopped. He had been about to say she would see why when she met him but that wasn’t what today was about. No pressure, he reminded himself. Today was doing her good, he could see that already. Her cheeks were pink and she seemed more relaxed than she had since...well, since Macey had opened her mouth and knocked their worlds off their axes, but they were starting to spin again, tentatively, though. ‘He’s got blue eyes,’ Steele said instead. ‘And he’s the love of my life and he knows it.’
‘Does he sleep on your bed, Steele?’
Steele shook his head. ‘He sleeps on his bed for about seventeen hours a day and graciously lets me share it at night.’
After lunch they walked across the green and Candy laughed as she looked at it through what she imagined were Steele’s eyes. ‘I have this vision of all these old people doing Tai Chi...’
Baby Twins to Bind Them (Mills & Boon Medical) Page 11