At one, she took off for class, with Rob following at a safe distance. She listened to Kodaline’s “High Hopes” as she tried to breathe and walk at the same time. Her three-hour class was going be tough to get through, but Madi had no choice. It was either go to class or continue to curl up in a ball and die. She hoped having to focus on her teacher would be better than thinking about her constant pain. It was cold. The wind whipped her hair around her face. Madi was glad to have the hair to keep her swollen eyes hidden. Every step she took felt different. When she and Jake were together, her steps seemed lighter. Now, she felt like there was a weight on her shoulders that would never go away.
After two hours, her professor gave them a break. Madi overheard two girls whispering behind her. She leaned back farther in her chair to listen, hoping for a distraction from her own thoughts.
“Did you see him?”
“He’s so hot.”
“Look at his mouth and the way he’s touching her.”
“She’s so lucky.”
“Their fan page calls them Jallie, but I like Jallison better.”
Madi’s ears burned. No… Jallie? Jallison? Madi felt the pain spread from her brain like a gasoline to a flame. It burned as it passed through her mind, picking up speed with the fuel of her thoughts, passing through her heart and into her legs. Her body heaved as the images of Jake and Allison appeared in her mind. She took in a breath that was a little too loud. The boy next to her turned. “Are you okay?”
Madi could feel herself losing control. She jumped from her seat and grabbed her books and coat, rushing from the room. Rob was down the hall, but saw her run out the door and down the stairs. It didn’t take long for him to catch up to her.
“Madi, what happened? Are you okay?”
She continued to run, down two flights and out the main doors. The cold air hit her like a brick to the chest, but she didn’t stop. People were staring and Rob slowed to a jog, trying to stay a safe distance behind. As she ran, she saw a blur of faces and pointing fingers, each one of them seeming to laugh at her. Each one seeming to say, “He didn’t want her.” She heard the leaves rustle on the ground, then only her own heartbeat thudding in her chest.
She continued through the doors of her dorm and up the stairs, panting with sobs and lack of air. She got to the top of the stairs and had to stop to catch her breath as her chest heaved from exertion and agony. She bent down at her knees briefly before she heard Rob’s heavy footsteps approaching fast. She walked quickly down the hall and made the sharp left around the corner to her room, as tears flowed heavily down her face and her body raked and bowed.
She turned her face toward her purse to reach for her keys, and something caught her vision. She lifted her eyes briefly and saw him sitting in front of her door.
He jumped immediately. “Madi!” A look of panic shot across his face.
“No!” Her eyes widened in fear as she stumbled backward and fell, her books, purse and coat tumbling around her. Just like her dreams.
HE COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time he’d slept, or even what it felt like to take a deep breath. Everything around him moved like he was in a dream state. He’d spent the last eighteen hours thinking about what he would say if he had the chance to say it.
He bounded up the stairs through her dorm, two at a time. He couldn’t reach her fast enough. Once he hit her door, he leaned against it, skimming the schedule posted on the clipboard. As an RA, she felt it was good to let her floor know when she’d be available. He turned his back to the door. No one was around. He glanced around from door to door, taking in her life. He should have seen this before. He should have taken the time to see what was important to her. He was selfish. He knew he’d broken her heart. He prayed she’d give him a chance to explain.
He slid down the door and onto the floor. He’d just lowered his head when he heard a door slam and the sound of footsteps flying up the stairs. He furrowed his brows as he focused on the sound, looking toward the hall, wondering if he should stand. He heard panting and gasping and he knew. He watched her turn the corner, desperately searching for something in her purse. He’d never been so happy to be near her. He bolted upright and called her name. She froze and screamed “No!” as she tumbled backwards into a heap on the floor.
He stretched his arms out to grab for her and she scooted away from him in defense, like he was a predator and she his prey. Rob rounded the corner as Jake bent down to her. Madi glared between them like a cornered animal with nowhere to go, her tear-streaked face frozen in fear.
“Baby, please. Let me help you.”
“No! No! Don’t touch me… Don’t come near me. No!” she screamed as she scooted away from him.
Rob’s voice was calm and controlled. He held his hand up to Jake, telling him to back off as he bent down to Madi and looked her in the eyes.
“Madi, look at me. No one’s going to touch you. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing.”
Madi’s eyes widened in fear as she stared at Jake like she’d just seen a ghost.
Rob motioned to Jake. “Move away from her door. Let her get in there.”
Jake did as he was told. He’d never seen or felt anything like this in his life. Madi looked like she was out of her mind. Like he was looking like a mental patient who’d just been released from her straitjacket. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to be the one who made her feel safe, not the one she was afraid of.
Madi shifted to her left as Jake moved to his, not taking her eyes off him or his proximity to her. Rob bent down and removed her keys from her purse, offering them to her carefully. Madi snatched them both from his grasp and ran to her door, struggling to find the key that would take her away. Jake took a step forward as his heart broke in two and his mouth opened, searching for words. Rob lurched at him, placing himself in his path, preventing him from moving toward her.
She opened her door and immediately slammed it behind her, clicking the lock.
“This isn’t good. She shouldn’t be alone,” Jake said as the panic flowed through him. His hand gripped his hair as his face twisted in agony.
Rob nodded his head as he pressed a button on his phone. “She needs you. He’s here.”
Jake could hear Kendra’s familiar voice screaming, telling Rob to keep him away from Madi. Within minutes, Kendra flew up the stairs and straight to Jake. Her fists pounded into his chest as her anger turned to tears.
“You couldn’t stay away, could you? Haven’t you done enough? Do you know what you’ve put her through? How you’ve destroyed her?”
As she beat on his chest, Jake stood still, taking every blow, knowing he deserved every single one of them, even though nothing made sense to him.
Rob grabbed her arms and pulled her back as her angry tears streamed down her face. She struggled with him for a moment before turning her face into his chest and gripping his shirt as she cried. Rob put his arm around her and pulled her in as a pained expression crossed his face. As quickly as Rob had put his arms around her, Kendra pushed away, wiped her face, and moved toward Madi’s door.
“Do everyone a favor and leave. You’re hurting her even more just by being here.”
Kendra knocked gently. “Mads, it’s me. Open up. It’s just me, I swear.”
Jake heard the turn of the lock as the door inched open and Kendra slid through. Jake took a step forward and Rob pulled his arm back.
“I can’t believe you’re here. You literally flew, didn’t you?”
Jake’s eyes turned to Rob momentarily, but his focus returned to Madi’s door, plastered there, wishing he could be inside comforting her, instead of Kendra.
Rob stared at him as he stared at Madi’s door. “You look like shit.”
Jake glanced down at Madi’s books and coat on the floor. He crouched down and lifted her jacket in his hands.
Rob bent down and placed his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Listen, man, I know things look really bleak right now, but you need to give her some
time. She’ll talk to you eventually. I know it.”
Jake stood and handed Madi’s coat to Rob. He walked toward the chairs in the hall and crumpled down into them.
Rob picked up Madi’s things and put them in a pile by her door. He removed his earpiece and let it hang on his chest.
“Is that…? Can you hear what she’s saying?” Jake asked as he pointed to the cord.
“I could tell you what she’s saying but that wouldn’t be right. You can probably guess.”
“She hates me.”
Rob pursed his lips and nodded as he sat in the chair next to Jake.
“She thinks I cheated on her and that I don’t love her. That I lied. That I lied about everything.”
As Jake slumped deeper into the chair, Rob pushed his fingers together to form a triangle as his forearms rested on his knees. He turned his head to look at Jake as he huffed. “Pretty much, but she doesn’t know the whole story. Did you hear back from the hospital?”
Jake shook his head no.
“I can pretty much tell you what they’re going to say.”
“What do you mean?”
“My guess is it was either Ketamine or GHB.”
“Ketamine? What’s that? How would you know?” Jake questioned.
“I learned about them after I got my license. They’re more commonly referred to as date-rape drugs.”
“Great. Are you telling me I was raped?”
“Probably not, but it was staged to look like you were having sex, for sure.”
Jake scratched his head. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses and sighed. “My life is really fucked up right now.”
“I’d have to agree.”
“What’s the word on Peter?” Jake asked.
“Not much. Still the same shit. He spends a lot of time on his laptop and smoking cigarettes.”
Rob’s phone buzzed, and he held his hand up to Jake as he took the call. Jake watched him warily. Rob nodded several times, saying yes, then no. “See if you can get her to Chicago. Yep. Get back to me.”
Jake straightened his posture. “Get who to Chicago?”
“They found Allison. Apparently she has a story to tell, but she won’t talk to anyone but you. She said it had to be you.”
Jake’s jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. His brows furrowed and his lips curled downward as he steamed, “Bring the bitch here.”
***
“HE’S… HE’S HERE… Jake is here,” Madi said as she pointed toward the door.
Kendra grabbed hold of her and sniffed. “I know. I told him to leave.”
“What? No!” Madi pushed free of Kendra’s grasp and hurled toward the door.
“Don’t!” Kendra pulled her back as her anger became apparent.
“He scared me. I didn’t expect to see him. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. But now, I don’t know. What if he does leave? He looked so hurt. What If I never see him again?”
“Madi! Do you even fucking hear yourself? Do you remember the pictures? What he did? He cheated on you. He broke your heart!”
Madi’s mouth gaped open as she considered Kendra’s words. Her hands covered her eyes as she stammered to the edge of her bed, slumping down.
“I know he did. I know. But he’s here. Why would he come?”
Kendra rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms. “He probably wants to say he’s sorry. They’re all ‘sorry’ when they get caught.”
Madi nodded her head and hugged herself. “He just wants closure, right?”
Kendra nodded. “Right.”
“Not me… He doesn’t want me.” Madi stared at Kendra, wanting confirmation. “All he wants was to know is that I forgive him. He doesn’t want me; he wants her. Right?”
Kendra pressed her lips together as she scrunched her brows.
“What?” Madi asked. “Just say it. I know you don’t want to hurt me, but I just need the brutal, honest truth. He doesn’t love me, right?”
Kendra slid down into the chair and flinched.
“Just say it, Ken! Say it!”
“I can’t!” she shouted.
“Why can’t you? Do you think I’m too weak to hear the truth?”
“No, that’s not it. I can’t say it because I’m not sure if it’s it true! As much as I hate to admit it, I just don’t know!”
Madi took a sharp breath.
“I’m trying, Mads. I’m trying to separate my life from yours. Separate Jake and Joe. They aren’t the same. Joe never loved me, but Jake… I know he loved you. I don’t know what happened, but Rob said he might have been drugged, and I just…”
“Drugged?” Madi turned her head sharply. “What are you talking about?”
Kendra scratched her eyebrow. “Shit! I wasn’t going to say anything because they don’t have any proof. It could just be another one of his lies.”
“You had information and you didn’t tell me?” Madi demanded as she grabbed Kendra’s arm, causing their eyes to meet.
“I didn’t want to give you false hope. What if it isn’t true? You saw the pictures. He looked like a willing participant to me.”
Madi sighed. “Yeah, he did. I don’t know… I just don’t know what to do, or how to feel, or how to even breathe.” Madi seized her pillow and drew it to her chest.
Kendra glanced at the door, then back to Madi. “Do you want me to talk to him? See what he thinks he needs to say to you?”
Madi’s eyes lit up briefly. “Would you? I hate this. I wish I could just let this go, but I can’t. I need to know why he’s here.”
Kendra nodded. “Okay. I don’t know how I get myself into this shit. If this weren’t for you, I’d never do it. If I kick him in the dick, you can’t be mad.”
Madi nodded as a small, anticipatory smile crossed her lips.
Kendra opened the door and stepped outside, closing it behind her. Madi strained to hear what was being said. She could hear Rob’s muffled voice. A few seconds later, Kendra stepped back into the room with dread on her face.
“What?” Madi asked.
“He left.”
Madi gasped.
Kendra quickly followed it up as she stretched out her hand. “But he’ll be back. Rob said he’d be right back. He just went to the bathroom.”
Madi sighed and rattled her head. “Maybe it’s for the best. I’m not sure I should hear what he has to say. It’ll just be another one of his stories. I’ll probably fall for his sad eyes and soothing voice. I could never trust him again. He lies every chance he gets. Says he’s ‘protecting’ me. It’s all lies, every single word.” Madi paced for a few moments before she stopped and wavered. “It’s over. I’m done. Go tell Rob I don’t want him to come back. Tell him I said good-bye.”
“Are you sure?” Kendra asked.
Madi took a breath and swallowed hard. “Yeah… I’m sure.”
EACH STEP WAS harder than the one before it. It seemed an all-girl dorm only needed one men’s bathroom—in the basement.
As he stammered back to Rob, Rob smiled. Jake hadn’t seen him smile since high school. “What? What happened?”
“Kendra came out said she wanted to talk to you. Had some questions for Madi.”
“Really?” Jake turned toward the door. “Is she coming back out?”
Just as he asked, the door opened and Kendra emerged. She sucked in a breath when she saw him and glanced over to Rob, wringing her hands as she approached them.
“I was just in the bathroom. I hope you told her. I’d never leave. I’m not going anywhere.”
Kendra rolled her eyes. “I fucking hate you.”
“Okay…” Jake said as he furrowed his brows.
“I just want to make that clear.”
“It’s clear.”
“Even though I hate you, I hate this more.”
Jake glared at her questioningly.
“She said it’s over. She wants you to leave. Don’t come back.” Kendra turned on her heel and bolted for the door.
Jake stret
ched out and pulled her arm. She hoisted it away and gaped at him. “Excuse me?” she asked angrily.
“That’s what you came out here for?” he scolded.
“Yes.”
“The first time?”
“No.”
“What did you want the first time?”
“The first time, she wanted me to hear your lies so I could confirm they were lies. Then, when you were gone, she changed her mind. She doesn’t want to hear them. So, bye now. Ta-ta.”
As Kendra turned to go, both Jake and Rob reached for her.
“Oh, come on. Leave me the fuck alone,” Kendra said exhaustedly as her shoulders slumped.
“They aren’t lies, Ken. I don’t remember any of it. I got sick after the concert. I felt like I was drunk, but I hadn’t had any alcohol. I passed out. I heard voices. I woke up feeling like my head weighed a hundred pounds with no memory of anything other than feeling like crap.” His words sputtered out quickly. “I went to sleep. I woke up to Rob’s call and freaked out. I’d never do that to her. I. Love. Her. Rob thinks I was drugged. We found Allison. She says she’s got a story. They’re bringing her here, to Chicago. I’m waiting for a toxicology report from the hospital in Melbourne. I didn’t do it. I couldn’t have. Please, please… I’m begging you. Let me talk to her. Let me explain. Do you want me to get on my knees and beg you? Because I will.” Jake dropped to his knees and Kendra gasped.
“For fuck’s sake, get up! I’m not the one you need to beg. It’s her.”
Jake stood, smiling for the first time in forever. “You’ll tell her? Get her to talk to me?”
Kendra pursed her lips as she did a double take at Rob, who was grinning at her. “What the fuck are you smiling about, Navy boy?”
Rob rolled his eyes and sighed.
“I didn’t even know your face could do that. Isn’t it against code for you to be human?”
“Kendra, please…” Jake pleaded. Kendra glanced to Jake before doing another double take at Rob, who grinned again.
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