“I am really yours. I always have been.”
“I thought if I… if we… then I would be replacing the thoughts of you and her with thoughts of us, but they’re still there. I know it isn’t your fault, but I can’t help it. In my head, I still see you together. It still hurts.”
Jake’s head fell to her chest.
Her hand rested on top of his head. “I’m not trying to hurt you or blame you. Please tell me you know that?” she asked, gently pushing his head so she could she him.
His eyes seized as he brushed a hair from her face. “I know.”
“I feel awful… and selfish, and angry at myself. I’m so sorry, Jake.”
He shifted off of her, grabbing her sweatshirt from the floor and sliding it over her head, pulling it down below her waist. She watched him, unsure why he was dressing her.
“You’ve never been selfish with me. Not once.”
“But this…” she said as her eyes rolled around him, the bed, and her fully satisfied body.
“This,” he said with a smile, repeating her actions, “was a gift for me and more than I had hoped for. Seeing you satisfied because of me? It’s more than enough. I love knowing that I do that to you. That you’re mine, and mine alone. That only I’m allowed to touch you and watch you come. If the roles were reversed, I don’t how I’d handle it. I’d want to kill whoever touched what belongs to me.”
Madi lifted her head, “That’s exactly how I feel! I hate her. I wanted to burst through that hotel room door and punch her in the face.”
Jake smirked. “I might have enjoyed that.”
“Just as much as I’m yours, you’re mine. Mine!” she repeated, gripping his chin in her hand. “That bitch had better never even glance at you again!”
Jake’s head rolled back as he laughed.
“Do you think that’s funny or do you like it?” she questioned.
“Do I like that my girl doesn’t want any other girl near me? That she wants to kick someone’s ass for even looking at me? Hell yes.”
Madi shook her head at him. “It doesn’t bother you that I’m jealous?”
He licked his lips as his head turned. “You have zero reason to be jealous. I belong to you, whether you want me or not.”
“I do want you,” she said as her forehead creased with concern.
He smirked. “I know you do. How could you not?”
She smiled as her phone buzzed beside the bed. She glanced over to it as she lifted herself briefly. “It’s my mom. I didn’t think it was charged.”
“I plugged it in. Go ahead,” he said, nodding toward it.
She furrowed her brows and pressed the speaker button.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Madison Ryan… Where have you been? I’ve called you ten times over the past two days. It kept going to voicemail. Your father was about to drive up there himself to see if you were okay.”
“I’m okay, Mom. I forgot to charge it,” she cringed at Jake and he smiled at her. He lifted himself to rest behind her, his fingers trailing her spine. Her body twinged as she felt the energy shoot through her from his simple touch.
“Have you seen the news?” her mother asked. “Jake’s all over the TV.”
Her eyes jumped to Jake’s, and their mood quickly sobered. Madi sat up, lifting the phone to her ear and taking it off speakerphone.
“I’ve seen it.”
Jake could no longer hear the conversation, but he didn’t need to. She watched him close his eyes and cover his face with his arms.
“It wasn’t him, Mom. That’s all I can say right now, but you have to believe me. He’d never do that to me. He loves me.”
Jake removed his arms from his face as a smile replaced the look of disgust and worry.
“Are you sure, Madi? Your father and I have heard more about him in the last few days than we ever had before. They say he’s dating her. Are you sure you can trust him?”
Madi swallowed hard as she gazed into his eyes. There was nothing but love looking back at her. “There’s not a single doubt in my mind. I trust him completely.”
HE PATIENTLY WAITED for her signal, standing in her doorway. He heard her giggle before he saw her beckon for him to come. He felt like a spy on a secret mission as he dashed to her bathroom. She smirked as she pulled open a curtain and he quickly darted into the single stall. He heard her laugh as he tossed his various articles of clothing over the rings to her before starting the water in her dorm shower.
As the water rushed over his face, he closed his eyes. He was slowly starting to feel human again.
He heard Madi say “Hey” before hearing the clunk of a stall door closing near the showers. He could only assume another girl was in the bathroom. He used Madi’s soap and shampoo as he washed. A brief smile crossed his lips as he inhaled. Everything about him smelled like her.
A few minutes later, the curtain pulled back slightly as Madi popped her head inside. “Almost done?”
He smirked when her eyes darted from his wet head down his body, before her face flushed and she quickly yanked the curtain closed. He shook his head and tried not to laugh. She’d seen him naked several times from several angles, yet she was always shy about staring at him.
He rinsed the last of the soap away before he turned off the water.
“Towel?” he whispered.
She stuck her hand through the curtain, careful not to look at him. He couldn’t help himself. He pulled her hand instead of the towel and she collapsed up against his wet, naked body. She gasped and he shoved the curtain closed behind her. She was still holding his clothes, neatly folded, against her chest when she crashed into him.
She started to yell at him when he covered her mouth with his wet hand. “Quiet,” he whispered, smirking.
She licked his palm, surprising him. “You’re crazy,” she whispered into his hand.
“I thought maybe you’d like to help me dry off.”
She closed her eyes as her breath hitched. His eyes burned her blush into memory. She took a deep breath as he slid his hand from her mouth and replaced it with his lips.
She clung to his old clothes in her hands as he kissed her deeply, water dripping from his face onto hers. Within seconds, one free hand gripped his wet hair and she moaned lightly into his mouth. He loved that he could make her moan by simply kissing her. He loved the silkiness of her tongue against his, and the soft, vanilla taste of her lips.
“I’m so sick of Professor Cummings.”
“I know, right? He’s barely audible. If you want to hear him, you have to practically sit on top of him.”
Jake and Madi stopped kissing as they listened to the conversation outside the stall, their lips still touching. Jake laughed lightly as he whispered, “Professor Cummings likes it when they sit on him.”
Madi’s body convulsed as she pressed her lips tightly together, trying not to laugh or make a sound.
She put her finger to her mouth, telling him to be quiet. The serious look on her worried face made him smile at her. He lifted the towel and attempted to dry his hair. She sighed heavily as her eyes glided up to the ceiling, avoiding his nakedness.
“You can look at my penis,” he whispered to her. “It doesn’t bite. Well, not really.”
She closed her eyes and sighed heavily.
“I know you think it’s huge,” he whispered.
Her eyes opened in fury as she mouthed, “Shut up.”
A toilet flushed, then another, as the outside conversation got closer to where they were, in the stall near the sinks.
“Did you see the hot guy sitting in the hall? What’s his deal? He’s always here. Not that I mind. He makes me want to walk around in my undies.”
Jake’s eyebrows shot up as he whispered, “They think Rob’s hot.”
Madi’s hand covered his mouth, and it was his turn to lick her hand. He didn’t just flick his tongue on her hand the way she did. He licked it slowly before sucking on her palm and sticking his tongue in between her fi
ngers.
Madi’s eyes closed again as she sighed and shook her head in annoyed arousal.
“Do you hear something?” one of the girls asked.
“Like what?” They both fell silent.
Madi silently pleaded with Jake, and he grinned through her hand on his mouth.
“Humph. So, what time are you going to the library?”
The conversation slowly faded away and Madi pulled her hand away from his lips. “You’re an ass,” she whispered as she stuck her head through a small opening to see if the coast was clear. Jake continued to dry himself off. She quickly closed the curtain behind her as she removed her shower caddy.
“Okay, hurry up,” she whispered.
Jake placed the towel around his waist and hurried to her room. Rob stared into his book, avoiding them as if they weren’t running down the hall.
Madi held the door open and closed it behind him. She leaned against it, slipping her wet socks from her feet.
Jake immediately dropped his towel.
“Jake!” Madi pivoted to face the door.
He laughed.
“Seriously… Something’s really wrong with you,” she huffed in amused annoyance.
Jake came up behind her, pressing against her and wrapping his hands around her waist. “All this belongs to you. Don’t you want to see what you own?”
“I’ve seen it. It’s impressive, to say the least,” she giggled.
He pulled her hair away from her shoulder and kissed her neck.
“You. Wet. Too much. Too hot,” she groaned as her head bent back to give him better access.
He planted a small kiss on her cheek and backed away. She stumbled slightly and he smirked, pulling on new boxer briefs and a clean pair of jeans.
“I’m dressed, babe. You can turn around now.”
Madi shifted and smiled as he lifted a t-shirt over his head before running his fingers through his hair.
“Hungry?” she asked, leaning on the door.
“What are you offering?” he asked, his eyebrows dancing in repeated succession.
“Dinner. Food,” she huffed as she steadied herself. “I don’t think the sandwich you ate earlier will tide you over until morning.” As soon as she said morning, she frowned. He knew it was because she remembered he had to leave.
“What do you suggest?” he asked, trying to distract her.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go out. Someone might recognize you. Maybe we could order a pizza?”
“If you want to go out, I don’t mind. I’m tired of hiding our relationship, and I know it’s extremely hard on you, so let’s do it. Let’s tell the world.”
Madi’s brows scrunched together. “You want to be seen with me now?” she asked.
Jake sighed as he slid his hand through his hair. “Mads, I’ve always wanted to be seen with you. That was never what it was about.”
“I know. I just assumed you still wanted to protect my privacy.”
“I do, but not at your expense or heartache. I don’t want you walking around believing I’m hiding you. It’s far from the truth.” He stepped forward and pushed his hand into her hair, cupping the back of her neck. “I can’t wait for the day when I can have my picture taken with you on my arm. It’ll be the proudest day of my life.”
Madi held his hand against her neck as she stared into his eyes. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
He sighed. “If I’m amazing, it’s because of you. You’ve changed me, you know. All the things I never knew I wanted are now the things that I want more than anything else. Everything I thought was important before you—” he shook his head “—means nothing.”
Madi took a step into him and tightly wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her firmly against him.
Her teary eyes glanced up into his face. “Ask me,” she whispered. “Ask me what I’m doing after graduation.”
His eyes burned into hers and his hand grazed her cheek. “What are you doing after graduation?” he questioned, unsure.
“I’m moving to L.A. to be with you.”
He couldn’t help the ridiculously happy smile on his face. “You’re serious?” he asked.
“Very.” She smiled.
He smashed his lips into hers and she laughed.
“You’d better be sure, because I’m not going to let you change your mind,” he added.
“It’s not just wanting to be with you,” she replied. “I need to be with you. I feel like I can do anything when you’re around. You make me more of who I am.”
He sighed and closed his eyes.
“What?” she asked in concern.
He grinned before the smile faded. “I love you.” He’d never meant any words more.
Her lips curled upward as she shoved her hands into his back pockets, pulling him closer. “I know.”
It was the perfect response and exactly what he needed to hear. He believed her. He could see it in her eyes. He flicked his tongue over his lips before he softly kissed her. He knew, no matter what happened, as long as they were together, they could survive any test that came their way.
***
SHE WATCHED HIM stuff his things into his bag. She shifted from one foot to another, biting her nail. Last night they’d ordered a pizza after Madi insisted she wanted to keep their relationship quiet until after graduation and after Peter Markum’s court date. He called an angry Caleb and explained that he would be in New York in plenty of time for the sound check. She tried to study as he flipped through TV channels, but she always caught him staring at her. His intense deep-blue eyes made it hard for her to focus.
They talked about his tour and what he wanted to do next. He told her how he had planned to devote more time to his charity. She talked about school and her internship. They discussed the events leading up to his drugging and racked their brains for motives. They cuddled on the bed and turned out the lights, thinking they’d watch a little of a movie. The next thing she knew, his phone alarm told them it was 5:00 a.m. Disappointment coursed through her veins. She’d wanted to make love to him and give herself to him fully, but now there wasn’t any time.
She could feel familiar pangs of ache as she watched him lace up his boots. He straightened his pants with his hands before turning to face her. “Come here,” he said, curling his finger toward her.
She rushed to him and hugged him close as she placed her arms around his neck, taking a deep breath, both to steady herself and to remember how he smelled.
“Seven days, four hours, and sixteen minutes,” he whispered in her ear.
She nodded, afraid that if she tried to speak, she might cry.
“No opening emails from unknown senders. Just tell Rob,” he ordered into her neck.
Again, she nodded.
“Believe nothing you hear unless it comes from Rob or me, please. I’m going to figure out how to make this right.”
She tightened her hold on him.
“I know you still have all these questions and concerns inside your brilliant yet over-analytical mind. Try… Please just try to not overanalyze things. Just remember what I said. Please trust me. I swear to you that I love you and only you.”
She pulled back and cupped his beautiful, chiseled face in her hands. “I know you do. Thank you for coming here. For fighting for us. For cancelling a concert and disappointing thousands for me. I know how hard that must have been for you.”
“I’d do anything to keep you happy and safe. I know I don’t deserve you. I know this life I lead is a fucked up mess, but if you’ll stick it out, I promise you that I will try to make every chance you take on me worth it with the love and pure devotion I return to you.”
She smiled and closed her eyes. “You did it again.”
“What?” he asked, kissing her cheek and sniffing her neck.
“Said the perfect thing.”
“Hmm…” he whispered.
“You still want me here for Thanksgiving?” he asked with furrowed brows.
> “Of course I do. As long as you think you can handle my crazy family. We are definitely not the Morgans.”
“I look forward to your father skeptically watching my every move, your mother’s questions about my intentions with her stunning daughter, and your brothers… Well, I don’t know if they’re going to hate me for bedding their little sister, or love me for taking you off their hands.”
“Probably both,” she smiled. “Can I walk you out, or is that bad?” she asked.
“Don’t you remember what I said?”
Madi nodded as she reached for her coat.
Jake lifted it from her hands and helped her put her arms through. She turned and he pulled the zipper up her chest.
“I’m sorry we fell asleep last night,” she added. “It was my intention to give you all the staring you desperately craved.”
He smiled hungrily at her lips. “We have plenty of time for that. I was happy you let me hold you.” He fisted her coat collar in his hands as he gazed into her eyes. “I’m going to kiss you here, because if I kiss you out there the way I want to kiss you, campus police may arrest me for a public display of indecency.”
Madi inhaled and nodded.
He bent his head to the side and lifted her chin. His lips parted as he tenderly kissed her lips. He sighed into her mouth as she opened it, and he slid his tongue against hers, pulling her body to his. She feverishly tugged on his hair as his hands slid down her back to cup her ass. She moaned at his touch and pushed against him. He bent slightly as he moved himself against her.
“God, Madi… I wish I had more time.”
“Please don’t go. Stay. Make love to me.”
“You’re killing me. Do you know how badly I want you?”
They were all hands and mouths, grabbing, tasting and pulling at clothes that couldn’t be removed.
She forced herself to pull away and panted against his lips. “Seven days…”
“Seven days and you won’t have to ask me. I promise you.”
After one last lingering kiss, he tugged on a baseball cap and his hood, sliding his sunglasses over his eyes.
Madi opened the door. He firmly held her hand, walking down the stairs to the waiting car outside.
Waiting to Lose Page 23