Waiting to Lose

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  He crossed his arms and watched her, smirking. He loved watching her. She broke two eggs into a frying pan. She turned to toss the shells in the garbage when she saw him.

  “Good morning,” she said with an uncertain smile.

  He huffed a small laugh as he approached her. “Good morning. Thank you for taking care of me last night. I’m sorry I was such a head case.”

  “It was understandable under the circumstances.”

  Jake pointed toward the entryway. “Did I hear the door?”

  Madi pursed her lips. “Rob just left. I hope you don’t mind, but I filled him in. He stepped out to make some calls and give us some privacy.”

  “I see,” Jake said as he took another step toward her.

  Madi placed her tongs on the counter and moved toward him, placing her hands on his shoulders and rubbing gently. “Are you alright?” she asked

  He nodded. “I know I didn’t say much.”

  “I’m here whenever—or if—you want to talk,” she responded, turning back toward the stove. “Are you hungry?”

  He nodded again as he slid up behind her and planted a small kiss on the back of her neck. “I’m okay, you know. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. I think I was just in shock last night. It was a lot to process.”

  She smiled and nodded her head reassuringly.

  “Madi,” his voice rose as he turned her. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

  She sighed and faced him. “I don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling, and I’m trying to give you space and time to comprehend everything you’ve been through.”

  “I don’t need space from you,” he said as he pulled her to him. “Talk to me.”

  She bit her lip and nodded, placing eggs and bacon on two plates. Jake poured them both a cup of coffee and they sat down next to each other at the table. Madi pulled her legs in underneath her and pushed her glasses back into place.

  Jake stared at the impressive meal before him before glancing up to see her confused expression. “Did I ever mention to you how beautiful you look in the morning?”

  She nodded as she assessed him out of the tops of her eyes.

  “Okay, talk to me. Now,” he said, placing his fork back down and reaching across the table for her hand.

  “Last night,” she exhaled, “you were really sad and shaken.”

  “Yes,” he nodded.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

  He made a fist with his hand and rested it against his lips, his eyes downcast. “She must have felt like there was no hope. I feel bad for being so hard on her.”

  “You weren’t hard on her,” Madi said as she seized his hand. “I heard you with her, and you were more than kind, given the situation.”

  “I just wish I could have stopped her. Talked to her. Let her know that things would be okay.”

  Madi nodded and traced his palm with her fingertips.

  “I’ve never seen anything like it. It was awful.”

  Madi nodded and frowned. “Please tell me you aren’t blaming yourself.”

  The front door clicked and Rob rushed through the door in an angry flurry.

  “What?” Jake commanded as he lunged upright.

  “He’s gone,” Rob said with angst.

  “What do you mean? Who’s gone?”

  “Peter Markum. We’ve been trying to reach one of my guys all morning. When he didn’t answer our repeated calls, we sent someone over to check on him. They found him lying near his car. Peter was nowhere to be found.”

  Madi gasped and jumped out of her seat. “Is your guy okay?” Madi asked.

  “He’s in the hospital in critical condition. He ambushed him and shot him point blank in the chest.”

  “Oh my God!” Madi covered her mouth with her hands.

  Jake placed his arm around her. “Have you contacted the police in L.A. and here in Chicago?”

  “Yes, I’ve talked to both. The security here is on high alert. We have no time frame for how long he’s been gone. But there’s more. Madi, you might want to sit down.”

  Madi slowly slumped back down into her seat as Jake furrowed his brows. Rob removed his iPad from his bag and opened an app. There were pictures of Jake coming out of Allison’s home along with captions of him being a distraught lover and Allison killing herself. Below two additional articles there was a photograph. Madi gasped. It was a picture of her and Jake from Titan’s pharmacy, as well as a photo of them entering the Trump Tower. The caption read, “Who is Madison Ryan and How Long Has She Been the Other Woman?”

  “Fuck!” Jake shouted. His hands plowed through his hair and remained on top of his head as he began to pace.

  “How did they find out? How did this happen?” Madi asked.

  Madi’s cell buzzed from the couch. She took a deep breath and wandered toward the noise. She’d left it there last night after Jake came in. There were three missed calls from Kendra and two from her mom.

  Madi turned toward Jake with her phone in her hand.

  “I’m sorry, Madi,” Jake said with dread in his voice.

  Madi nodded her head without looking at him. She stood frozen with her phone buzzing in her hand.

  “We checked his laptop as you requested. He sent them to the press.”

  “Peter?” Jake asked.

  Rob shook his head. “No, Caleb.”

  “Oh, this just keeps getting better and better,” Jake huffed in an angry rant, looking for something to throw.

  “He sent them yesterday before you met with him. It looks like he might have been the one to send Madi the pictures of you and Allison as well.”

  “Son of a bitch!” Jake shouted before he tossed the table. The plates and glasses went crashing to the ground.

  Madi jumped and gasped. “Stop!” she yelled.

  Jake froze. He hadn’t meant to frighten her.

  She sped toward him and he lifted his eyes to hers. “What’s done is done,” she sputtered. “There’s nothing we can do about any of it. We knew the press could find out about me, that it would happen eventually. We just need to figure out how to deal with it.”

  Jake immediately relaxed as she arched her fingers around his face. She glanced up to him with a small smile and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

  Rob’s phone rang and he answered. “What have you got? Yes… Okay… What did it say? That’s surprising… Is Jake a suspect? Good. Yes, he’s here. I’ll let him know.”

  Rob jerked his head and blew air from his mouth.

  “Now what?” Jake asked. He leaned back to steady himself on the couch. Madi did the same. He held her hand firmly in his. “Do they think I hurt her?” he asked.

  “No. You’re clear. You have an alibi for the entire day yesterday. Dave talked to a buddy of his on the force. There were two sets of wine-colored footprints going up the stairs. One was Allison’s. The others were most likely male. It doesn’t look like suicide. It looks like murder.”

  ***

  THE DAYS AFTER Allison’s death were tough. Jake was angry and on edge about Peter and Caleb. He confided in Madi that he felt he couldn’t trust anyone. The night after the press released her name, she and Jake sat by the fire in the dark, talking through everything that had happened. Jake tried to give her a way out.

  “I’ve known since the very beginning that I could never deserve you. Every single day, my life becomes more complicated and more difficult to tolerate. I don’t know why you stay, and I would understand if you wanted some space from me and some time to think about what a mess I’ve made of your life since I entered it. I warned you that I would hurt you, and I have. Too many times. No one would blame you if you just walked away. You’d be better off without me.”

  Madi’s mouth gaped at him as he spoke. She stared into his eyes briefly as his words permeated her brain. He was serious and seriously pained. She straddled his waist. It took him by surprise, but he happily wrapped his arms around her as her sleep shirt
rose up her thighs. She placed her hands on his bare chest to steady herself, then leaned back and grabbed the tie of the black plaid lounge pants he was wearing. “Your world is complicated,” she said through a hush.

  He nodded.

  “It is kinda messed up.”

  He nodded again.

  She gazed deeply into his eyes as she continued, “But your world is my world. You are my world.”

  He sighed and rolled his head back. She tugged on his strings to get his attention. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you. I think back to the years before I actually met you, when I would listen to your voice on the radio or when Kendra would play one of your new songs, and I honestly think I knew it even then. I knew I loved you. Because once I let myself feel the way I feel for you, everything became clear. It’s like every moment I lived and every breath I took had a purpose. It was leading me to you. I could never leave you, Jake. Never. Because no matter how many times the universe tries to pull us apart, we will always be the answer to every problem we face.

  “Madi,” he whispered.

  “So no,” she interrupted him, placing her finger on his lips, “I am not, nor will I ever, be better off without you. I won’t ever walk away. I need you and you need me.”

  Jake lifted his hand and placed it on the side of her head, scrunching her hair. “I’ll never deserve you, but God help me, I do need you. I don’t know how I ever lived without you. I say that I’d understand if you walked away, but the truth is, I’d never let you. I’d find a way to make you fall in love with me again.”

  “You’re stuck with me. I fall in love with you every time you breathe,” she said.

  He smiled and took a deep, purposeful breath. Madi sighed and clenched her heart.

  Madi placed her final wrapped present under the tree and knelt under the glow of lights, basking in the smell of pine. She reached down and rubbed Murphy’s belly as his tail thumped in thanks. The room was dark, except for the tree. She was thankful that she had all her Christmas shopping done early, since she’d been cooped up in the condo for days since the news broke out. Jake’s PR team made a statement to the press. They revealed that the photos had been doctored and that Jake and Allison had never been together. Jake announced publically that he was dating someone and had been for months. Out of respect for Allison’s family, they didn’t release her part in the story. Madi felt guilty for hating her now that she was gone. She might not have wished her well, but she didn’t wish her dead.

  Caleb was considered a suspect in her death, even though Greg had been with him. The police were investigating the blackmail from both sides, and Caleb was still under suspicion. No one had seen Peter Markum. It was as if he’d just disappeared. Not knowing where he was, Jake agreed to keep their trip to L.A. He had to give another statement to the police, and even though Caleb had been removed of his responsibilities as his manager, Jake wanted to make his termination official by firing him face to face. Rob was coming with them. Jake made Rob promise he’d take a few hours to visit his family. Dave would take his place in the interim to keep Madi safe. For all they knew, Peter Markum could be on the other side of the world.

  Madi heard his bare feet approaching and smiled. She inhaled deeply and felt goose bumps shoot up her arms. “I can smell you from a mile away,” she said, giggling.

  He bent down and sat next to her by the tree. “Are you saying I smell bad?”

  “You smell perfect,” she grinned. “I can tell when you’re close by because every hair on my body stands erect in anticipation.”

  “I see,” he replied with a smirk, kissing her bare shoulder. He pointed toward the gifts under the tree. “Are you trying to sneak a peek at what I got you?” he asked. “Because it’s not under there.”

  Madi smiled as she sat up on her knees. “You got me a present?” she asked like an excited child.

  Jake laughed. “I might have.”

  “Christmas Eve is tomorrow. Are we exchanging gifts tomorrow night, or Christmas morning before we leave for L.A.?” she asked.

  “Which would you prefer?”

  “What time is our flight?”

  “Ten in the morning.”

  “I think after my family leaves tomorrow, we should exchange then, when it’s just the two of us.”

  “Sounds perfect to me. Did Kendra bring you everything you need for dinner?” he asked.

  Madi laughed. “Yes, I think she actually had fun at the grocery store, though she’d never admit it.”

  “She’s coming too, right?” he asked.

  She nodded and knelt a little higher as her excitement grew. Jake rested his arm on his bent knee and rubbed the stubble on his face with his other hand as he delighted in her enthusiasm.

  “I really think she and Rob could be perfect together. He’s the first guy that hasn’t fallen all over her, and I think she’s rising to his challenge. I haven’t heard a word about another guy since Thanksgiving.”

  Madi leapt from her sitting position and ran to the kitchen bar. “Will you help me hang this?” she asked.

  Jake leaned forward and stood, making his way toward her. “Is that mistletoe?” he asked.

  She nodded and bit her lip.

  “Babe, if you want me to kiss you, all you have to do is ask. I don’t need that thing over my head to be willing to stick my tongue in your mouth.”

  Madi rolled her eyes. “What makes you think this is for you? Haven’t you kissed me enough?”

  He grabbed her waist and yanked her up against him.

  “Oh…” She stammered as she bit her lip.

  “I will never kiss you enough or get enough of your mouth.”

  His lips pressed against hers passionately, and she tossed the mistletoe on the counter. His tongue invaded her mouth, and she groaned into him as his hands cupped her ass and pulled her closer. Madi’s hand slid between them, and she stroked him from outside his pants. He moaned hungrily as his fingers pulled the string of her underwear down her thighs, sucking her tongue into his mouth and chewing on her bottom lip.

  Her hand kneaded into the muscles of his arms as he fumbled to inch down his tied pajamas. He lifted her onto the bar stool and placed himself at her entrance, pushing lightly until he entered her. Madi moaned into his mouth as he pulled the straps of her nightgown down her arms, revealing her breasts. His left hand slid under her ass to position her and gain better traction, while his right hand gently tugged her nipple to attention. When the angle wasn’t working the way he wanted it to, Madi felt him lift her off the bar stool and carry her over to his piano, placing her on the keys. The piano played the tune of his rhythm in her as he pounded himself into her passionately until Madi shook with pleasure. When her hands gripped him in her release, he hardened one more time before flooding her completely. Madi gawked in awe before they both smiled. Jake wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead and leaned her back onto the piano. She lay back with her legs splayed against the keys. Jake stood and pulled up the material gathered at his knees.

  “Now that’s a sight,” he said, taking a step back to admire her. He moaned lightly in appreciation.

  “You’re too much,” she laughed.

  Jake sat down at the bench, and Madi elevated herself into a seated position. “I’m going to make a mess up here.”

  “I don’t care.”

  Jake’s hands played a familiar song. Madi smiled. It was Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud.” Madi crossed her legs on top of the piano, pulling her nightgown under her as he began to serenade her.

  She smiled as his blue eyes seared into her. He sang his profession of how long he’d love her. He smiled when he said he could fall for her by touching her hand, and even larger when he sang of his mistakes. After a few minutes of watching him sing, when her heart felt like it might jump out her chest, she flew to him and straddled him on the bench. He laughed, but continued to play around her and sing to her, just a few inches from her face. She kissed the line of finely edged stubble along his ja
wline to his ear, and sucked his earlobe into her mouth. He moaned lightly when she shifted on top of him again, her hands gently tugging on the hair on the back of his head. She smiled when he stopped playing suddenly and lifted her around his waist.

  She laughed. “Where are you taking me now?”

  “I’m taking you to our bed.”

  “But I’m not tired,” she mumbled as she nibbled his neck.

  “Who said you were going to sleep?”

  HE TRIED NOT to let her see the anxiety he felt at not knowing the location of Peter Markum. He didn’t want her to worry. He’d put her through enough the last few days. Everyone in the world was hounding him for information. He upped the security for his family and even made sure Ang had protection. Ang had been handling all of the press for him. He was thankful he had her and that she knew just what he would want without him having to tell her. She’d been a lifesaver.

  Jake pulled a sweater over his head and swept some gel into his hair. He folded his towel and made his way toward the amazing smell coming from the kitchen. He heard sounds of silver and gold coming from the stereo.

  He rounded the corner and stopped in his tracks. Her hair was in ringlets around her face. She wore leggings with a long green sweater, covered by an apron. She was rolling some dough on the counter while she hummed. He watched her attempt to blow the bangs out her eyes then use the back of her flour-covered hand to push them away. He chuckled to himself.

  She turned when she heard him. “Something amusing you?”

  “Yes. You. You’re amusing me.” He strutted toward her and wiped the hair out of her face for her.

  She smiled appreciatively.

  “How can I help?” he asked.

  “Hmm… You can check your piano for any lingering mementos from last night and make a fire,” she said through a smile.

  “Done,” he nodded.

  He felt her eyes on him and he turned to see her staring and biting her lip. “Are you checking me out again?” he asked.

  “Always,” she responded without hesitation.

  He examined the piano, wiping the top of it with his sleeve.