“Beyond amazing.”
“How so?” Isabelle asked with a laughing glance to Helen. They both knew Ellie wouldn’t have let Isabelle off so easily if the conversation had changed to any other subject.
“I thought my relationship with Lawson was special when we were just friends, but it can’t even compare to this. That isn’t to say that it hasn’t been an adjustment. Learning to live with someone, sharing everything, has been challenging at times. However, at the end of the day, there’s nothing like being held by the man you love and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are loved in return.”
Helen felt her breath hitch painfully in her chest. The pie might as well have turned to dust in her mouth. She washed it down with a sip of coffee. Isabelle’s concerned look only made it worse. Ellie was oblivious in her dreamy state and kept going.
“The best thing is seeing how that has affected both of us. It’s—” Finally realizing the mood had changed, Ellie stopped and looked back and forth between her friends before settling on Helen. Dismay parted her lips. “Oh, Helen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“There’s no need to be sorry. Why did you stop? I was listening.” Helen realized she was fooling no one when Isabelle handed her a handkerchief. “I’m not going to cry. Or, at least, I wasn’t until you gave me this silly thing.”
“Lawson and I have been praying for y’all ever since my visit.”
Isabelle nodded. “So have I.”
Ellie tilted her head. “I asked a question earlier I think bears repeating. How are things with Quinn? Give us the real answer this time.”
“It isn’t bad. Truly, it isn’t. At first, I thought that falling in love would be easy for us. After I found out he wasn’t inclined to allow that to happen, I guess I thought I could make him love me. The problem is, I don’t really know how to do that.” She shrugged. “He cares for me, I think. That’s about as far as it goes. I keep hoping that circumstances will draw us closer and they seem to in the moment, but there is no lasting change as far as I can tell. Like I said, I don’t know what to do.”
Ellie reached over to cover Helen’s hand. “Will you take some advice from a fellow newlywed?”
“Of course.”
“Stop trying.” Ellie softened her words with a smile and shook her head. “You can’t make someone love you.”
Helen stared at her. “Then you’re saying it’s hopeless.”
“No. I’m saying stop trying to do this on your own. God can and will help if you let Him. In fact, we can take our lessons of love from Him. He proves His love over and over, but He doesn’t force anyone to accept it. He just...loves them. That’s it. End of story. That’s all you can do with Quinn. Focus your thoughts, attention and time on loving him. Stop trying to make love happen and let it happen through you.”
Helen stared into her nearly empty coffee cup, trying to ingrain Ellie’s words on her memory. “Stop trying. Let it happen through me. I think I understand.”
Ellie tilted her head, then narrowing her eyes, she searched Helen’s face. “Do you love him, Helen?”
“Do I...” Finding she wasn’t ready to answer that question, she asked another instead. “Why do you ask?”
“Because it isn’t fair to ask him for something that you aren’t willing to give in return.” Ellie’s smile was gentle yet her words revealed a hard truth that Helen couldn’t deny.
She didn’t want to love Quinn. Not yet. For no matter how much she’d convinced herself love would make the difference, she’d never be completely sure until he did, in fact, love her. She’d been guarding her heart without even making the conscious decision to do so, waiting for Quinn to fall in love first. It was the smart thing to do. She now realized it was also selfish. What’s more, it wasn’t working.
Stop trying. Let love happen through you.
It was good advice, but was she brave enough to use it?
* * *
Quinn leaned forward in the church pew soaking in every word of Pastor James Brightly’s sermon the next day. The man was less than ten years older than Quinn’s own twenty-six years of age. Yet his style had a dynamism that reminded Quinn of a tent revivalist his grandmother had taken him to many years ago. Without the fire-and-brimstone flare, that is. The past two weeks Pastor James had been preaching things that Quinn had never heard—or, at least, paid attention to—before.
“How does God see us now that we have been restored to him through faith in Jesus Christ? Are we still enemies of God as we read earlier in Romans 5:10? Not at all! If you’ll turn with me to Ephesians 5:25, we find that he sees us as a groom might see his bride. It says, ‘Husbands, love your wives’—now, I could teach a whole sermon on that.”
While chuckles echoed through the church, Quinn glanced down the pew to where Helen sat with Olivia in her lap three little fidgeting bodies away. Loving her had never really been part of their deal. Yet he suddenly knew that was exactly why he’d been working so hard to be a better man. He’d wanted to level out things between them so that they could have a chance at love. Turns out that’s a pretty good thing since the Bible commands me to do it.
Quinn refocused on the pastor as the man continued, “‘Even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it, That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.’”
Quinn flipped through the Bible clutched in his hands wondering where he might find the scripture. Ephesians started with an E. Was the next part an F or a PH?
“Notice it is Christ who is doing the sanctifying and cleansing. It isn’t something we are able to do on our own no matter how hard we might try. It’s by God’s grace and comes through Christ with the washing of water by the Word. And what is the Word?”
“The Bible,” Quinn called out before realizing this wasn’t a tutoring session with Helen and the question had been rhetorical. Folks turned to look at him while he shot a wide-eyed look at his wife. She looked just as surprised at his outburst as he was. Her shoulders lifted in tandem with her eyebrows as she tried to suppress her amusement by pressing her lips together.
The pastor had no such compunction on containing his grin as he moved from behind the pulpit to point at Quinn. “Exactly! The Word of God. Every time you read the Bible you are allowing Christ to wash you in cleansing water. But why? Is He doing this just for the sake of doing it? No! There is a purpose.”
Pastor James took up his Bible. “It’s revealed in the next verse. ‘That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.’”
Quinn sighed, realizing he had a lot more Bible reading to do if he wanted to be part of the glorious church the scripture talked about. Still, he enjoyed hearing about God’s free, all-encompassing love for him even if he was having some trouble adjusting to the idea—especially since he hadn’t had much experience with that type of love before. Perhaps he’d seen shades of God’s kind of love from Helen. Not that she loved him, but she accepted him and was helping him overcome his limitations. That had to mean something. Whether it did or not didn’t change the fact that the Bible commanded him to love her. How was he supposed to go about that exactly? It wasn’t as if he had much experience wooing a woman. All right, so he hadn’t had any experience.
He was jolted from his thoughts when Pastor James shook his hand heartily on the way out. “Quinn, I sure do appreciate you participating in the sermon. It really helps to know someone is listening and as involved with what I’m saying as I am. I pray your enthusiasm spreads to the rest of the church.”
Quinn wasn’t sure how to say his participation had been more of an accident than anything, so he just murmured something in agreement as the man moved to the next parishioner. Seeing Helen’s arms were free since all of the children had rushed outside to play, Quinn offered h
er his arm. She took it as they strolled toward the door. “It looks like you started something, Quinn.”
He shook his head. “All because I forgot I wasn’t at our kitchen table.”
“I thought that was it.” She laughed. “Maybe I’ve been testing you too much.”
“No. It’s good for me.” He held the door open for her to precede him outside. It was warm for November. Quinn wouldn’t be surprised if it was seventy degrees. His nieces and nephews seemed to revel in the fair weather as they played on the church lawn with the young Rutledges.
Helen paused. “Oh, there’s Kate Rutledge. I’d better make sure Ellie told her sister she invited us all over to the ranch for dinner.”
“Go ahead. I’ve been meaning to talk to the sheriff about what Trent said a while back about Jeffery Richardson.”
“That’s a good idea. You’ll let me know what he says?”
“Of course.” Quinn waited until she left before making a beeline for Ellie’s brother.
His neighbor listened carefully as Quinn related Trent’s tale. “Hmm. That does sound suspicious. I’ll contact law enforcement in Alaska to see if they have any information about Jeffery Richardson or what might have happened to your brother’s estate.”
“I’d appreciate that.” Quinn took a deep breath then pushed aside his inhibitions. “This isn’t related to what we’ve been talking about, but I was wondering if you could give me some advice.”
“I can try. What do you need advice on?”
“Marriage.”
Sean lifted a brow. “I don’t pretend to be an authority on the subject since I’ve only been married about a year and a half. Still, I’d be happy to share what I’ve learned.”
Lawson appeared at his brother-in-law’s side. “Sorry for butting in. I was passing by and heard you mention needing advice on marriage, so of course, I had to stop. I figure I’d probably benefit from whatever Sean had to say, too.”
Sean combed his fingers through his dark blond hair and grimaced. “Great. No pressure. So what’s the problem, Quinn?”
“I wouldn’t say there was a problem exactly. It’s just that verse about husbands loving their wives made me think. Helen and I got married pretty quickly, so there was no wooing period for us. Now I believe that maybe there should be, only I don’t know how to go about it.”
Sean nodded thoughtfully, then said, “There are the general things like finding something that you enjoy doing together.”
“I think we have that.” He was pretty sure she enjoyed teaching him and he enjoyed learning from her. “What else?”
“You can do small things to show her that she’s special and you’re thinking about her, like giving her genuine compliments and giving her flowers.”
Despite the warmer weather today, most of the flowers had long since faded. He wasn’t sure simply saying she looked nice would have the result he wanted. “I can try those things, but I want us to become closer, more connected to each other.”
Lawson tilted his head. “Chemistry. Is that what you’re talking about? You want to build chemistry?”
“I think so.”
Sean grinned. “That’s a whole other animal. Lorelei and I had sort of a love-hate type of thing going on between us at first. We were both too stubborn and afraid to admit we were attracted to each other. We traded barbs whenever we were forced into each other’s company. Once we fell in love, those barbs changed to banter. It can get pretty spirited at times. Anytime I want to spice things up I use that. It’s always good for a kiss or two.”
“Ellie and I started out from a completely different place than Sean and Lorelei since we’d been good friends for a long time,” Lawson contributed. “I guess that’s why she seems to get a kick out of flirting with me. Truth be told, I feel the same way.”
“Banter and flirt.” Quinn grimaced. “It sounds complicated.”
Lawson shrugged. “My matchmaker of a wife once told me that every couple has a unique chemistry. You just need to find out what works for you.”
“Remember, at the end of the day, a woman just wants to feel loved,” Sean added. “There are a lot of ways you can show her you care. Have fun with it. Be creative. You may be surprised by what you can come up with.”
Even as he agreed to try, Quinn wasn’t so sure it would work. He was attracted to his wife. He just wasn’t sure she felt the same about him. He might not know much, but he was pretty sure that mutual attraction was an important part of courting someone. She’d seemed open to deepening their relationship that night of the storm. However, a lot had changed since then.
He wanted the type of closeness he saw between these men and their wives now that he knew God wouldn’t punish him for it and now that he was endeavoring to deserve her love—a love that didn’t yet exist. It would go on not existing unless he did something about it. A sense of foreboding settled on his chest right there in the church yard. Was God trying to warn him that he was heading straight for trouble just like his brother and father before him? Had they felt this same way before they’d started their journey—excited and nervous all at the same time? If so, they’d pushed on, anyway...as Quinn intended to do.
Of course, they’d ended up dead. Quinn would just have to be more careful than them if he didn’t want to get hurt in some way. He knew just how to do it, too. He wouldn’t even broach the subject of love until he was certain he deserved her. Surely that would make things easier for both of them. Or, at the very least, safer for him.
Chapter Fourteen
As if Helen wasn’t nervous and edgy enough from her talk with Ellie and Isabelle yesterday, now she had to deal with Quinn sending her inscrutable glances as he drove them to the Rutledge ranch for dinner. Her nieces and nephews had chosen to ride in the wagon with the four Rutledge children, leaving nothing to fill the air between her and Quinn except a rather uncomfortable silence. At least, it was uncomfortable to her. She wasn’t entirely sure whether or not Quinn noticed since he seemed unreachably deep in thought.
She supposed she couldn’t fault him for that since she’d been doing more than her share of deep thinking lately. She’d arrived at the conclusion that she would follow Ellie’s advice and allow herself to fall in love with Quinn. However, she’d also realized there was a big difference between deciding on a course of action to take and actually starting down that path. To put it plainly, she was scared out of her wits. What if she fell in love and he didn’t? Or, they both fell in love but it wasn’t enough? Or, what if love was enough for the meantime but not enough later when the truth finally came out? It was impossible to know for sure that he’d never resent her for her inability to bear children.
“Helen, we’re here.”
She glanced down to find Quinn waiting to help her down from the wagon. She blinked. “Oh. I guess I was woolgathering.”
Ellie appeared at Quinn’s side with a large picnic basket in hand. “It’s too nice of a day for that, Helen.”
“Are we all going on a picnic?” Helen asked as she made it safely to the ground.
“No. You and Quinn are going on a picnic alone.”
“Alone?” Alarm widened Helen’s eyes. She had been counting on the company of the group to ease the tension within her. “But the children—”
“The older ones are already heading to the hay fort my brothers built in the barn and the younger ones will be inside with Kate and me. They’ll have dinner with us later, so you two will have plenty of time alone.”
Helen narrowed her eyes at her friend. “You were planning this when you invited us over here, weren’t you?”
“Of course.” Ellie’s green eyes sparkled. “I’m just glad the Lord provided such good weather for it.”
A hint of a smile tugged at Quinn’s lips as he took the picnic basket Ellie offered. “Where is this picnic supposed to take
place?”
“The creek probably has the best view. See that little break in the tree line? The path there will lead you straight to it. Go on now. There won’t be many more days like this, with it being November.” Ellie’s wink encompassed them both. “Best make the most of it.”
“Thanks, Ellie.” Quinn caught Helen’s hand and tugged her toward the tree line. “We’ll see you later.”
Helen sent him a suspicious sideways glance as she followed him. He seemed awfully eager all of a sudden, and he was holding her hand instead of letting her take his arm as he usually did. What was going on?
She hadn’t figured it out by the time the path ended in a clearing where a thin veil of bronze leaves covered the ground. Water cascaded down a short waterfall to make the creek’s surface a rippling mirror of the blue sky overhead. Meanwhile, an intermittent breeze set the leaves in the trees trembling as they provided a golden backdrop. Awed by the sight, Helen stood near the banks of the creek and pulled in a deep breath then wrapped her arms around her waist. “I had no idea this place would be so breathtaking in the daylight.”
“Hey, this is where it started.” Quinn came to stand slightly behind her.
“This is where what started?”
Warmth filled his deep voice. “Us.”
She turned to face him and the gentleness in his eyes made her heart lurch, shaking the walls she’d built to guard it. She tilted her head. Allowing a smile to touch her lips, she lifted a brow. “You mean, this is where you dragged me into a freezing creek.”
He chuckled as he eased even closer. “I thought you looked pretty all mussed up.”
“I looked half-drowned which I was.” She swallowed. Was that really her voice sounding all soft and breathless?
“No, I remember distinctly. You had a trace of mud right here.” His fingers traced a light trail across her cheek.
“I did not.”
“No, I guess you didn’t.” He let his hand stray toward the loose chignon at the back of her head. “Well, I know for sure that your hair was more like this...”
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