Oh, Brother!

by Cochran, Peg

  Of course I pretended not to notice them.

  But I bumped right into them coming out of one of the stores.

  “Hey,” Celia was finishing the last bite of a piece of beef jerky.

  “Hey,” I said back.

  “What did you buy?” Emily pointed at my bag. Her right foot was still, but her left one was doing this weird sort of tapping as if it were dancing all by itself.

  “A dress for my Aunt Janice’s baby shower.”

  “Your Aunt is having a baby? Wow.” Celia stuffed the empty beef jerky wrapper in her pocket.

  “Isn’t she kind of old?” Emily’s right foot was dancing now.

  I nodded. “It’s disgusting if you ask me.”

  “Want to go get something to eat with us?” Celia pushed her glasses up her nose. There was a piece of tape on the earpiece.

  “Sure.”

  “Pizza?”

  “Okay.

  We began to walk over toward the food court.

  “Thanks for helping me out at the talent show. I don’t know what happened. I just kind of freaked, I guess.” Emily got on line behind this stuck-up looking blonde with a diamond stud in her nose.

  “Yeah, that was pretty cool.” Celia was straining to read the menu although I don’t know why since all they serve at this kiosk is pizza.

  “It’s okay.”

  I tapped Celia on the shoulder. “I’m sorry I missed your party, it’s just that...” Celia turned around and they both stared at me, and I almost got stage-fright or something. But I told them everything. All about Amber’s party, and Amber making me send that email, and how I just hung out with her hoping to get a boyfriend and...well...everything.

  “So you didn’t really like Amber?” Celia was pulling the cheese off her pizza and eating it piece by piece.

  I shook my head. “Amber is boring. She’s horrible. I never want to see her again.”

  “We thought you didn’t want to be friends with us anymore.” Emily took a long sip from her soda.

  “No! We’re friends forever.”

  “Friends forever.” Emily and Celia echoed, and we all raised our fist in the air.

  I was glad that things were okay again with Celia and Emily, but there was still one more thing I needed to do. I had to tell Alex about sending the email and how I’d used him to get Travis’ password. And then I had to throw myself at his feet and beg his forgiveness.

  I picked up the phone about a gazillion times but couldn’t bring myself to call him. Maybe I could send him an email.

  Travis came up while I was typing.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  I sighed. “I’m writing to Alex. To tell him all about sending that email to Kristen and all.”

  “Why? I’m not going to tell him about it. I promise.” Travis began throwing this small rubber ball against the wall and catching it again. My mother would go ballistic if she saw him.

  “Alex and I have been friends forever. We tell each other everything.”

  Travis shrugged. “Well, I guess if you want to.”

  I finished my email, held my breath and then hit “send”.

  And I realized right then that I was in love with Alex Woodmere. Unfortunately I had probably ruined my chances with him forever.

  Chapter 20

  Dear Lucy Love,

  I really like this girl, but she did something stupid and not very nice. What should I do?

  Sincerely,

  On the Edge,

  Dear Edge,

  Give her a second chance. Please.

  Yours,

  Lucy Love

  I have decided I will pay someone to take me to the dance. I still have twenty dollars left after buying Kristen’s flowers. Maybe I will even ask Alex. It’s the kind of thing he would have done for me as a friend, and I can pretend I still like him as a friend and not as a boyfriend so he’ll never know.

  As long as he doesn’t get too upset when he reads my email.

  I hope I don’t get arrested for this, but I needed some excuse to ring Alex’s bell, and this was all I could think of. I can’t just show up there empty-handed. That would be too lame. And what if he closed the door on me? I’d never get over it, ever. I would go into a severe decline and eventually die which would make my mother very sad. So it really was a matter of life or death.

  And it didn’t bother Haley at all. She just sat in front of the television and ate the chips I gave her. While I borrowed her Girl Scout cap and sash and popped next door with her cookie order form.

  I rang the Woodmeres’ bell and waited. I thought I could hear footsteps coming down the hall, toward the door. I panicked and hid in the bushes alongside the front steps.

  Alex opened the door and came out and stood there looking around. I was crouched down as low as possible, and I prayed he wouldn’t see me.

  He was about to shut the door when I sneezed.

  “Someone there?” He looked around, puzzled.

  I was as still as possible. Which wasn’t easy since this branch was tickling my face. That’s what made me sneeze in the first place. I didn’t dare look up to see if he was still there.

  “Mac, is that you?”

  I straightened up and smiled at him. He looked so hot I thought I would just die on the spot.

  “What were you doing behind the bushes?”

  “Looking for my cap. I dropped it.” I took the cap off and twirled it in the air.

  “I didn’t know you were a Girl Scout.”

  “I just joined. Right in time for the cookie sale.” I smiled brightly and brandished the order form at him.

  “Let me get my mother then.” He turned and walked back down the front hall.

  Well, look at it this way. At least I got an order for five boxes of Thin Mints. Haley was pleased.

  “The Woodmeres are coming to dinner.” My mother was standing at the sink peeling carrots. I don’t know why, since no one eats them anyway.

  “You mean the Woodmeres who live next door to us? Those Woodmeres?”

  “Of course, Mac, who did you think I meant?”

  “Is Alex coming too?”

  “Well, I don’t suppose his parents are going to leave him home to starve.”

  My mother thinks she is so funny, but she’s not.

  It’s just like my mother to withhold really important information from me until the last minute. Like the fact that the Woodmeres, or more importantly, Alex, are coming to dinner.

  This is perfect. I can ask Alex to take me to the dance in exchange for my last twenty dollars. Anyone could use twenty dollars, so hopefully he will say yes.

  I had less than an hour to get ready. I peered in the mirror. Honestly, I think I am developing a positive moustache. It’s all my mother’s fault. They have so much hair on her side of the family that it has to find new places to grow. Like on my upper lip. It’s disgusting. I will have to do something about it immediately. I’ll never get a boyfriend walking around looking like man.

  I went out to the kitchen where my mother was in front of the sink peeling potatoes now. She turned around.

  “Yes?”

  “I need to go to the drugstore right now.”

  “Really, Mac, can’t you see I’m in the middle of getting dinner ready? The Woodmeres will be here in less than an hour.”

  “It’s an emergency.”

  “If you need pads, there are some in my bathroom.”

  “No, it’s not that. I’ve got to get something to remove all this hair growing under my nose.”

  My mother came over and peered at my face. “I don’t see anything.”

  Well how could she, she’s practically blind. “Well, put on your glasses.”

  “Really, Mac, if you’re so concerned about it, there’s some hair remover in the vanity in my bathroom. Just be careful not to get it on your upper lip.”

  The package directions on the hair remover claim it is easy to use. Well, they lie, it’s not. It’s horribly goopy and drippy and is getting
everywhere. I guess that’s what my mother means when she says not to believe everything you read.

  I am supposed to wait five minutes before removing it, but I am not taking any chances—I am going to give it at least ten minutes. But it is very boring waiting. I tried to read, but it was useless. All I could think about was Alex and the fact that he is coming to dinner, and I will get to see him.

  After nine and a half minutes I couldn’t wait anymore. Besides, my lip was stinging a bit which is probably a good sign meaning that the stuff is working. Finally, I will be able to go out in public without being embarrassed by excess facial hair.

  I had to scrub a bit to get the stuff off. I was glad to get it out from under my nose because it smells terrible no matter what the package says. But I guess that is advertising for you.

  I dried off and looked in the mirror. Ohmigod. The area where my moustache had been was bright red. And my upper lip was all swollen. I splashed some cold water on my face, but it didn’t do any good. I was going to have to hide in my room until it went away.

  But my mother wouldn’t let me. And I must say it is very difficult to eat with one hand over your mouth. My mother kept raising her eyebrows at me, but I ignored her. I should have just left my moustache alone and pretended to be a transsexual or something.

  Alex wasn’t paying much attention to me which was good and bad. He was pretending to listen to the grown-ups’ conversation, even nodding his head once in awhile.

  Suddenly Mrs. Woodmere leaned toward me. “I am glad to see young girls are still joining the Scouts, MacKenzie.”

  “Mac isn’t a Girl Scout,” my mother said as she passed Mr. Woodmere some more potatoes. He eats an awful lot for someone so thin.

  “I just joined.”

  “Really, Mac, I can’t understand a word you say if you keep your hand over your mouth like that.”

  “I said, I just joined.”

  “When?”

  “Yesterday.”

  Fortunately just then Mark knocked his glass of wine over, and my mother jumped up and made a big fuss about cleaning it up.

  After dinner the grown-ups went into the living room to talk. I was tempted to flee to my room. Having to keep my hand over my mouth was making my arm tired. But I had to talk to Alex.

  We ended up in front of the television as usual.

  “I got your email,” Alex said as he flicked through the channels looking for something good. Sometimes it seems as if TV is nothing but news and infomercials.

  “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have tricked you into getting Travis’ password for me. But I was afraid of what Amber would do.”

  I told him everything about it, even about disgusting Mathew Tacy and his hand.

  “So that’s where that picture came from.”

  “Yes.” I was looking at Alex’s face but couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

  “Amber is a total jerk.” He pressed a button on the remote control and the program switched again.

  I had to say it. Now. Pretty soon Mr. or Mrs. Woodmere would be sticking their head down the stairs and announcing it was time to go.

  A commercial came on. Perfect timing.

  “Listen. If I paid you twenty bucks would you go to the Snow Ball with me? If I don’t have a date, I’m going to lose this bet I made, and...well...I don’t have the money to pay it.”

  “Cool. I need some cash to get my skateboard fixed.”

  Chapter 21

  Dear Lucy Love,

  Do you believe in happy endings?

  Sincerely,

  Wishing on a Star

  Dear Wishing on a Star,

  Yes.

  Yours,

  Lucy Love

  My mother is so excited that I’m going to the Snow Ball with Alex. I haven’t told her that I’m paying him to take me. It would break her heart, and I couldn’t possibly do that to her.

  I have to admit that I am excited too, although not as excited as if Alex had actually asked me to go or anything. Then I would be positively delirious which would probably make it rather hard to dance so perhaps it is for the best.

  Alex looks so hot in his suit. I like the way his hair curls over the collar in back and how broad his shoulders look in the jacket.

  He has brought me a corsage which is really nice of him although since I am paying him, I guess I have more or less bought it for myself.

  My mother is having a complete spazz, buzzing around like crazy trying to pin the flowers on me. She has only stuck me with the pin about a gazillion times. I am going to be full of holes and had better not have any punch or I might leak all over the floor.

  Finally my mother stops fussing and we are out the door. Travis and Kristen are letting us go with them so we don’t look like total freaks arriving in Mark’s prehistoric Volvo or with my mother in her gold Sable which has geek written all over it in big letters.

  The dance was pretty crowded when we got there. The decorating committee did a great job turning the sweaty old gym into a winter wonderland with frosted branches everywhere and twinkling lights. There were even two thrones for the king and queen of the Snow Ball. Okay, they were really two chairs from the office all fixed up with some sparkly gold cloth, but they looked pretty neat anyway.

  The DJ put on a slow song, and I figured Alex would probably rather sit it out since it’s not like we’re actually here together on purpose or anything. Since I had to pay him to take me, that is. But Alex took my hand and led me out onto the dance floor. Then he put his arms around me and pulled me really close. As if he actually wanted us to be dancing this way or something.

  This is as close to Alex as I’ve ever been, and he smells delicious and kind of tropical—like coconut or something. Maybe it’s his shampoo or the soap his mother uses to wash their clothes, I don’t know, but I like it.

  I didn’t want the song to end, but of course it did. Alex looked a little embarrassed, and I felt kind of awkward too, now that we were no longer touching. I don’t know why, because it felt so right while we were doing it.

  Alex suggested we get some punch which was a great idea because being nervous had made my mouth completely dry. I don’t know why that happens, but you’d think scientists would look into it instead of worrying about stuff like what is happening on Mars which, let’s face it, is probably nothing.

  Alex and I were having a cookie when Amber came up to us. She was with Brett Ventura which didn’t surprise me. She had on this skintight, low-cut dress that basically screamed trying too hard. I don’t think Amber is really as secure as she wants everyone to think she is.

  She came over to where I was standing with Alex.

  “So, am I supposed to think this is a real date, Mac? Everyone knows you and Alex are just friends. I think you’d better pay up.”

  She held out her hand and wiggled her fingers. She’d gotten these false nails that are so long they look creepy.

  “This is too, a real date.” I tried to sound as convincing as possible, but my voice kind of went up at the end which is a dead giveaway that you are lying, but perhaps Amber is too dumb to know that.

  Alex moved closer to me and put his arm around me. “Buzz off, Amber.”

  “This isn’t a real date, I know it.” Amber stood there with her hands on her hips. A small crowd was gathering around us.

  “Is too.” Alex tightened his arm around my waist.

  “Prove it.”

  “Okay.” Alex turned toward me and put his hands on either side of my face.

  And kissed me.

  Ohmigod. I am actually kissing Alex. I hope I’m doing it right. I hope I don’t drool.

  Mmmmmmmm.

  It feels very nice.

  Very nice.

  Ohmigod. I am kissing him back.

  Mmmmmm. Feels wonderful.

  “Now, now. None of that, please. None of that,” Mr. Geldorf squawked as he bore down on us.

  I surfaced to find a whole bunch of people staring at me and Alex. Alex just tightened
his arm around my waist.

  “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he whispered in my ear. “I have a surprise for you.”

  “I still don’t believe you,” Amber was yelling over her shoulder as Brett Ventura dragged her off toward the refreshment table.

  I could feel my heart sinking. I swear, it landed in my stomach with an actual thud. Alex had only been pretending to kiss me. My first real kiss, and it wasn’t even a real kiss!

  Alex pushed open the double doors of the gym and led me out into the hallway.

  “Check it out.” He gestured toward the walls where there were all these pictures taped up.

  It was my dress in the pictures.

  And Mathew Tacy’s hand down my dress.

  But with Amber’s head instead of mine.

  “I scanned the photo into my computer and did a little editing,” Alex said. “Like ‘em?”

  “Amber is going to have a fit when she sees these.”

  “I know.” Alex started to laugh.

  I started to laugh too. Pretty soon we were both just about rolling around on the floor. That’s the cool thing about Alex. I don’t have to worry about looking stupid in front of him.

  Suddenly we both looked at each other. Alex got real serious.

  Then he grinned. “Now I want to kiss you without everyone watching.”

  And he lowered his head toward mine.

  And kissed me.

  For real.

  Mmmmmmm.

  Nice.

  Very nice.

  Alex pressed something into my hand. I snuck a peek.

  It was the twenty dollar bill I’d given him.

  This is a real date, Amber. It really is.

  So there.