“According to this, you’re about nine weeks pregnant,” Kym announced.
“Can you tell when the due date is?”
Kym looked at Wendy strangely. “Are you sure you want to know that?”
“Yes.” Dr. Korva had already told her, but for some reason, Wendy wanted to hear it again.
“Okay . . . let’s see here . . . approximately August second.”
“Thanks,” Wendy said softly. She would intentionally make plans for that day so she wouldn’t spend it thinking about what could have been.
After the ultrasound, Kym stepped out of the room so Wendy could watch the required video that explained the procedure and the finality of having it done. Wendy felt ashamed about watching it. Until recently, she never thought this would be something she would do. She tried to divert her attention by thinking about her class and the activities she would do with them when school resumed. Maybe I’ll ask Principal Schoff for permission to have lunch in the classroom one day instead of going to the cafeteria. Maybe we could go for a nature walk during recess. Maybe—
The door opened and Kym walked in with the doctor. “Hi, Wendy. I’m Dr. Bullock,” he stated and stuck out his hand to greet her.
She wanted to jump off of the table and run out when this tall, thin, dark-haired man entered the room. There were certain things she felt uncomfortable discussing with a male physician. At a crucial moment like this, Wendy felt that a woman would be more sympathetic to her situation. “Hello,” she finally said, and shook his hand.
“Do you have any questions about the procedure?”
Wendy shook her head no.
“Okay then. I’m going to give you an anesthetic. It’ll take a few minutes to kick in, but I promise that you won’t feel a thing afterwards.”
As Wendy sat silently, her mind went into overdrive. What if he makes a mistake and I’ll never be able to have kids again? What if I’m allergic to the medicine? She bit her lip trying to contain her thoughts, but they overpowered her and ran wild.
Children are a heritage of the Lord. . . . Thou shalt not kill. . . . Have we not one Father? Has not one God created us?
“Okay, Wendy, I need you to lie back,” Dr. Bullock instructed. “You’ll feel a little poke at first and then you won’t feel anything else for a couple of hours.”
The very moment he was about to inject her with the medicine, Wendy cried out “Wait!”
Dr. Bullock dropped his medical equipment and Kym grabbed her. “Is everything okay?” she asked.
“No, I—I’m not ready yet,” Wendy bawled.
“Look, if you’re not one-hundred-percent sure that this is what you want to do, then take some time and think about it,” Dr. Bullock suggested. “You’re only nine weeks, so you have plenty of time to decide. Our office does abortions up to twenty-four weeks. This doesn’t have to be done today.”
Wendy sat silent.
“Kym and I are going to step out of the room so you can get dressed. She’ll come back in and discuss your options with you from here. If you decide to go through with the surgery, I’ll see you another time. If not, best of luck with your future.”
“Thank you,” Wendy mumbled and put her clothes back on when they left the room.
“Are you okay?” Kym asked when she returned.
“Yes,” she murmured, though her dried, tear-stained cheeks told a different story.
“Please take these business cards. One is the number to our twenty-four-hour counseling center. They can help you make the right decision. The other number is to a support group. If you do decide to proceed, they’ll help you deal with the aftermath of having an abortion.”
Wendy took the cards and placed the information in the zippered pocket on the inside of her purse. “Do you think I’ll be able to come back later today?”
“I don’t know how full the schedule is. You’ll have to check at the front desk on your way out. Remember, you have plenty of time to decide. This doesn’t have to be done today,” Kym stressed.
“I know. . . . It’s just that it would be easier if it were. I hate to have driven all of this way for nothing.”
“I can’t tell you what to do, but it doesn’t look to me like you’re ready. I think you should take time and really weigh all of your options because once it’s done, there’s no turning back,” Kym warned before leaving the room.
I just need a little more time, that’s all, Wendy thought to herself.On her way out of the clinic, she stopped at the front desk to see if there was any possibility she could come in later that day.
“It looks like you’re in luck,” the receptionist said. “We just had someone call in and cancel. We can get you back in at one-thirty. Will that work?”
Wendy looked at the time. It was ten after eleven. “That’s fine.” She wasn’t familiar with the small town, and she didn’t want to sit in the waiting room for over two hours until it was time for her appointment. “Is there someplace quiet that I can go around here to pass time?” she asked.
“Down the street there’s a library and a small diner. They are in walking distance if you wanted to leave your car parked.”
“Which way?”
“When you go out the door, make a left and walk about a block and a half. You can’t miss either of them.”
“Okay, thanks,” Wendy said and left with the intention of returning soon. She just needed some extra time to get her thoughts together before going through with this.
Wendy had been in the office for so long that she had forgotten how cold it was outside. The air was very crisp. Walking down the steps to the sidewalk, she looked back one more time at the sign on the building. It read: PREGNANCY ALTERNATIVE: WHERE WOMEN HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER. Wendy turned around and told herself she was doing the right thing. As far as my family and Kevin are concerned, I will have a miscarriage. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. This whole thing will be over and I can divorce Kevin without any reminders of our time together.
Initially, she headed toward her fully loaded silver BMW 5 Series sedan, which Kevin had gotten her as a wedding present. Once inside the car, Wendy changed her mind about driving despite the fact that it was cold. She figured it would be more of a hassle driving down the street and finding parking than it would be just walking and leaving the car there. She got out of the car, reactivated the alarm, and proceeded in the stated direction.
She walked very briskly, and it didn’t take her long at all to reach the diner. She ordered a cup of hot cocoa and sat in the corner at a small table, trying to silence the voices in her head that had prevented her from going through with the abortion the first time. It is the only way! she argued with herself. She’d pretty much made up her mind. At one-thirty, she was going to terminate this pregnancy and close this chapter of her life for good.
In order to pass time and to keep the voices of reason from changing her mind, Wendy got a newspaper from the newsstand and began doing the crossword puzzle in the back of it. The puzzle was more difficult than she’d anticipated, or maybe she couldn’t concentrate as well as she would’ve liked. In any event, she succeeded in passing time until twelve-forty-five. She wanted to solve the last few problems before heading back to the clinic. Seventeen Down: The art of fine handwriting.
“Wendy?”
She jumped at the mention of her name and spilled the now cold cup of cocoa all over the crossword puzzle. “Um . . . hi.” Her smile was forced.
“Here, let me help you with that,” the man said as he got napkins together and assisted in cleaning the spill. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I just finished having lunch with a friend of mine who pastors a church here. I wasn’t sure if it was you or not. What brings you out to this neck of the woods?” Pastor Jones asked.
Wendy was at a loss for words.
“Are you okay?” He picked up on her nervousness, as her hands were shaking.
Tears began to creep from her eyes.
“Do you want to talk about whatever
it is that’s bothering you?”
She really didn’t want to talk. However, her head mechanically nodded yes against her will.
“Come with me. We’ll go next door, where we can talk privately.” Pastor Jones took her hand and led the way.
Chapter Seven
A Back-Door Blessing
EXCUSE ME, MA’AM, do you have a meeting room available?” Pastor Jones asked the librarian.
“Yes, it’s a small one, though. How many people do you need it for?” she responded.
“It’s just the two of us.” Pastor Jones pointed at Wendy, who sat down at an empty table while he was at the desk.
“In that case, all I need you to do is fill out the top part of this paper and sign here at the bottom,” the librarian stated, and waited for Pastor Jones’s signature.
“It’s all yours. Be sure to return the key when you’re finished.”
“Yes, I will. Thank you so much, ma’am,” Wendy overheard Pastor Jones say. He looked very intimidating with his six-two, two-hundred-and-thirty-pound frame. His voice was very deep and heavy. It reminded her of Kevin’s voice except she didn’t get the same sensual feeling hearing Pastor Jones speak as she used to with Kevin. Pastor Jones’s looks were very contradictory with his character. Underneath his dark complexion and large stature he was nothing more than a big bundle of love. He motioned to Wendy and she followed him into the conference room.
“Wendy, what’s going on, darling?” Pastor Jones asked once they were both seated.
“I’m not really sure where to start,” Wendy admitted.
“Why don’t you begin by telling me what’s on your mind?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just stressed. I didn’t expect to run into anyone I knew here, especially you.”
“Stressed about what? I thought things were going good with you. Marlene tells me that you’re expecting.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I came here to have an abortion,” she confessed, staring at the floor. She couldn’t bring herself to look him in the face.
“Did you already have it?” he asked somberly.
Wendy nodded her head no.
Pastor Jones exhaled loudly. “I don’t understand.Why would you feel like you have to do something like that? Is your husband—I’m sorry I can’t remember his name . . .”
“Kevin.”
“Yes, thank you. He’s happy about the baby, isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what’s the problem? Is there something wrong with the baby?”
“No sir.”
“Wendy . . .” Pastor Jones looked confused. “Is the baby Kevin’s?”
“Yes! Yes . . .” Wendy looked up for the first time. She definitely didn’t want her pastor to believe that she was having a baby by another man.
Although Pastor Jones was happy to hear Wendy confirm that the baby was indeed Kevin’s, her answer only added to his uncertainty about the situation. “Why do you want to terminate your pregnancy?”
Wendy looked back down at the floor.
“Wendy?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s going on.”
“I . . . I’m just not ready to have a baby right now,” she murmured.
“Why not? What’s wrong?”
By now a continuous flow of tears raced down her cheeks. “Kevin”—she paused to catch her breath—“he cheated on me.”
“What?” Pastor Jones didn’t know Kevin very well, but he hadn’t expected to hear that Kevin had been unfaithful. “Are you certain about this?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know?”
Wendy told Pastor Jones about her visit to the gynecologist the day she found out about having chlamydia. She had never intended to tell anyone that story. However, now that Wendy had started talking, she didn’t seem to be able to stop. She told Pastor Jones about how Kevin partied on the weekends, drank alcohol, and got high with his friends. She admitted her insecurity whenever he went out. “It looks like I had every reason to be insecure after what happened,” she stated. “I just want him out of my life for good, and having an abortion would ensure that.”
Pastor Jones listened to Wendy patiently and managed to understand everything she said through her tears. “Let me ask you a few questions.” He paused for a moment as though he was trying to figure out what to ask first. The news about Kevin was shocking. But then again, Wendy had chosen not to take any of the premarital classes required by the church and had married elsewhere. “Did Kevin get high and stay out late before you two were married?”
Uh-oh. Wendy knew where this was going. “Yes.”
“If you didn’t agree with his behavior then, why did you marry him?”
“I don’t know . . . because I thought . . .”
“You thought he would change?”
“Yeah, I guess,” Wendy confessed. “I don’t know, I was tired of being alone. Kevin was interested in me and he was available.”
“Um-hmm.” Pastor Jones nodded his head as though she had confirmed what he already thought in the first place. Wendy felt like she had to keep explaining herself.
“I mean—I thought he was a nice person. . . . I didn’t think that our marriage would come to this.”
“Did you want children?”
“Yes, but then I felt that Kevin needed to mature before we could start our family.”
“So in other words, you’re willing to abort this baby because Kevin is not the ideal father you would like to have for your child?”
That statement sounded harsh coming out of Pastor Jones’s mouth, but it was true. Wendy had always been a perfectionist. The main reason she wanted to get rid of this baby was because things weren’t perfect between her and Kevin. She didn’t want to be a divorced mother. She didn’t want the burden of having to explain to her child why they had split up. Wendy had almost gotten the nerve to make eye contact with Pastor Jones until he made that last statement.
“Listen, I’m going to tell you a little story,” he began. “There was a woman who served God faithfully for sixty years. One night she prayed and asked Him if He would do one simple thing for her the next day. She wanted Him to come by her house. God answered her and said that He would. The next day, she received three visitors: a homeless man, a little boy, and an unmarried, pregnant woman. Each one of them needed a place to rest for a couple of hours while they were on their journey. She turned them all way. She said that on any other day she would have helped them out, but today she was expecting a very important visitor. God was coming by and she didn’t want anyone else to intrude on the time she would be spending with Him. She waited patiently the entire day for God to show up. By nighttime, the woman was extremely upset because she felt that God did not keep His word to her. That night when she prayed, she was furious. She reminded Him that she had served Him faithfully for sixty years and all she asked was for Him to do this one thing and He didn’t do it. All she wanted was for God to come by her house. God replied by telling her that He had come by that day. He showed up three times, and each time she turned Him away.”
What does it have to do with me? Wendy thought.
As though he could read her mind, Pastor Jones answered her question. “The point of the story is that sometimes we expect God to come one way and He comes another. You wanted to start a family and He has given you the opportunity to do so. Don’t let your circumstances dictate how you will respond to God’s blessing. Children are a blessing. Despite everything that is going on around you, He still trusted you enough to raise His child. You were looking for Him to bless you with a child, but only when it was convenient for you. You wanted the perfect husband and the perfect situation. Now you’re pregnant without all of that. You see, sometimes God comes through the back door and not the front. Either way, He still brings your blessing.”
Wendy put her head in her hands and continued crying. She had been so focused on how Kevin had hurt her that she hadn’t
even considered this child to be a blessing, but more of a curse.
“God has a purpose for every life he creates. That child is not an accident. You don’t know what God has in store for your baby. Take my life, for example. My mother had me out of wedlock by a married man. I’m not ashamed to tell you that my siblings and I don’t have the same father.”
Really! Wendy thought while her face was still buried in her hands.
Pastor Jones continued speaking. “I was conceived in sin, but look how God has used my life to teach others about Him. Just like God had plans for me, He has a plan for your child as well. If He didn’t, He would have never planted that life inside of you. Think of what God says to Jeremiah in chapter one, verse five. He says ‘Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou came forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.’ Sweetheart, God doesn’t make mistakes. You never know what He has planned for that child. Don’t interrupt His plans and invoke your own. Wendy?”
“Yes sir.” She gave a tearful, muffled response.
“Look at me, please.” She lifted her face just high enough that her eyes were exposed, and she looked directly at Pastor Jones. “Honey, you’re never going to be perfect. We all fall short of God’s glory. No matter what, know that God loves you and He is willing to forgive you, but you’re also going to have to forgive yourself.”
Wendy completely removed her hands as she meditated on Pastor Jones’s words.
“Have you and Kevin discussed the future of your marriage?”
“No sir.”
“What does he have to say about the affair?”
“I’m not sure. I really haven’t talked to him about it.”
“I suggest that you pray about your marriage and not make any hasty decisions. Pray for God’s wisdom and direction. He’s able to restore even the most strained marriages. You first have to be willing to yield your all to Him. I know that Kevin has hurt you, but there is absolutely no hurt that Jesus cannot heal. If you really don’t want to give up on your marriage, then don’t. It’s not wise to make a permanent decision based on temporary hurt feelings. Turn Kevin and your entire relationship over to God. What you think is a mess God can turn into a blessing.”
Soul Matters Page 6