‘I deserve a lot of things,’ he said wryly. ‘I don’t necessarily get them.’
Serena looked at him, catching the note in his voice, and flushed.
‘You used me last night, didn’t you?’ Tony watched her with a frown. ‘To make your husband jealous.’
Appalled, guilty, anxious to make amends, she blurted out, ‘Please forgive me, Tony. I was just so upset and I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing.’
‘I understand,’ he said with a vague shrug. ‘It happens. I’ve done it myself.’
‘Have you?’ Her eyes drifted to meet his.
He smiled, blue eyes wry. ‘Only when I’m in love with someone and want to make them jealous.’
She caught her breath, staring.
Tony raised blond brows, still smiling.
She flushed, saying huskily, ‘Is it really so obvious?’
‘Just a little around the edges,’ he said gently. ‘And he doesn’t know. Does he?’
Serena wanted to put her head in her hands, but somehow she managed to just sit there, staring at a few granules of sugar on the oak table, and say, ‘We’ve been married for three years. We weren’t close until now. I didn’t know I was in love with him.’ Her voice grew shaky. ‘But I know now.’
Tony watched her for a moment in silence. ‘Is he in love with you?’
Bleakly, she shook her head.
There was another silence. Then Tony smiled, held out a hand and said, ‘Let’s go for a stroll around the grounds. ‘I’ll tell you about my own tragic love-affair…’
He talked quietly about a young actress he had fallen in love with, and the hell he had gone through, struggling not to let her guess how he felt
‘Then she died,’ Tony said quietly. ‘In a plane crash, last year.’
‘I’m so sorry!’ she said, squeezing his hand.
‘I was like you,’ he said, ‘convinced she didn’t love me. But after her death I was given her diary, and there it all was…page after page of it. How desperately in love with me she was, how hard she fought to hide it from me, too proud to let me know because I was…’ he laughed, raising blond brows ‘…too proud to let her know, either.’
The late-afternoon sun drenched them as they walked, hand in hand, and a peacock cry echoed across the lawns.
‘I wish it were like that for me and Nick,’ Serena said hoarsely. ‘But it’s not. It’s very different.’
‘It sounds identical to me.’ Tony arched his blond brows.
‘You don’t understand,’ she said huskily. ‘My husband isn’t like you. He isn’t warm and loving and kind. He’s—’ She laughed incredulously, her throat dry as ashes. ‘He’s the most ruthless, cynical man I’ve ever met. I can’t believe I’ve fallen in love with him. I must be out of my mind…’
Tony frowned. Cars were driving past, leaving the manor in droves. ‘When is he coming back?’ he asked suddenly. ‘Before or after dinner?’
‘After, I expect,’ she said with sudden savage jealousy. ‘He went off with that brunette this morning. I’m sure he’ll be planning dinner followed by an expensive hotel bedroom…’
‘Don’t think like that,’ he said with a sigh, then, ‘Come on. I’ll take you to dinner. You need to talk, and I’m a good listener.’
He took her to a quiet restaurant in the village. Flaxton had expanded to cope with the tourist trade which flooded in daily for the manor. There were now at least twelve restaurants and cafés in the town, and business was booming. Nick Colterne had revolutionised so many lives, not just hers. He was that kind of man. If only he were capable of love, too…
‘What makes you think there’s anything going on between your husband and Jasmine?’ Tony asked as they ate by candle-light.
‘Jasmine?’ she said bitterly. ‘Is that her name?’
‘What makes you think there’s anything going on?’ he repeated lightly.
She lifted pained eyes. ‘I saw him kiss her last night.’
‘Trying to make you jealous?’
‘I very much doubt it,’ she said bitterly.
‘But he’s so obviously in love with you, Serena!’ Tony stared at her. ‘I didn’t want to say it before because I didn’t want to interfere. But I’ve never seen jealousy like that in my life. He was ready to tear me to pieces just for dancing with you!’
Her heart stopped, but she shook her head. ‘He doesn’t love me.’
‘Then why the jealous scene?’
‘He was furious because he thought I was making a play for you,’ she said huskily. ‘He thought I was—interested in you.’
‘Well, what do you think jealousy is?’ He laughed. ‘Come on, Serena. The guy causes a jealous scene because you dance with another man, and you say, “But it wasn’t because he was jealous!”’
Serena stared at him, hope in her eyes, then remembered Nick’s cruelly exciting conquest of her, the things he had said…and the hope died like a fragile butterfly impaled on the needle of reality.
They drove home in Tony’s white sports car. When he parked outside the Flaxton private apartments he turned to look at her in the dark interior of the car with a little smile.
‘Know what to do now?’ he asked, raising blond brows.
She laughed bitterly. ‘Hang myself?’
‘Come on, Serena.’ Tony took her face in his hands, studying her. ‘Don’t turn your back on love out of hurt pride.’
‘You’re wrong, Tony. Nick doesn’t love anyone, let alone me…’ she whispered.
‘Try it. Tell him you’re in love with him.’
‘He’d laugh in my face,’ she said thickly.
‘Defeatist,’ he said, and kissed her mouth gently.
‘Oh, Tony!’ she whispered. ‘What am I going to do?’ Her arms went round him in a moment of camaraderie and fellow feeling, grateful for his kindness and advice.
Suddenly the car door was wrenched open and Nick’s ashen face flashed before her eyes as he dragged Tony out of the car.
‘Get out of there, you bastard!’ Nick said savagely as he hauled the young man out with those powerful hands. ‘I’ll smash your face through the back of your head for this!’
‘Steady on, Colterne!’ Tony said hoarsely, hands up in self-defence.
Nick slammed him up against the car.
‘No!’ Serena scrambled out of the car, trembling violently as she ran full pelt round to where Nick stood, towering menacingly over Tony, his eyes vicious and his fist drawn back to deliver a punch.
‘Tell him, Serena!’ Tony shouted suddenly. ‘Tell him!’
There was an agonising silence. Nick didn’t throw the punch. He froze, staring down at Tony, who was defenceless as he stood against the car, his face white.
‘Tell me what?’ Nick said in a voice that sounded rusty.
Serena stared at the ground, her heart thudding a sick rhythm. She couldn’t reply, too humiliated at the thought of what Nick would say if he knew she was in love with him.
Nick suddenly released Tony with a violent shove. ‘Get in your car and go before I take you apart limb from limb,’ he said in a low, shaking voice, but he didn’t hit him, although his body was bristling with aggression.
Tony was white and shaken as he opened his car door.
Serena moved towards him. ‘Tony, don’t feel—’
‘Get away from him!’ Nick bit out hoarsely, and grabbed her by the wrist, his fingers like a vice, dragging her to his side, blue eyes glittering savagely in his white face.
‘Do as he says, Serena,’ Tony said, half in the car. ‘But tell him. Tell him tonight, or it will get worse and—’
‘Do you want me to break your bloody neck?’ Nick swore hoarsely, taking an aggressive step towards him, bristling with violence.
‘I’m going, I’m going.’ Tony leapt behind the wheel and started the engine.
Nick held Serena bitingly by the wrist as they watched the car reverse, turn, headlights blazing, and then drive away from the private apartments, red tail-lights
flashing.
‘What the hell was all that about?’ Nick asked thickly, turning to her. ‘What does he want you to tell me?’
She looked at him bitterly. ‘Nothing. He was wrong anyway, so what does it matter?’
Nick’s voice was thickly clotted with rage. ‘What was he wrong about, or shall I guess? That I might give you a divorce if you genuinely fell in love with another man—is that it?’
Her green eyes shone with sudden tears. ‘What difference does it make?’ she whispered as a tear trickled down her cheek. ‘Even if I told you the truth, you’d only laugh at me.’
‘And what is the truth?’ His hand tightened on her wrist. ‘Are you in love, Serena?’ His voice was splintering. ‘You may as well tell me, you little bitch!’ He seemed to suddenly lose control, hands moving to her shoulders, shaking her like a rag doll. ‘Answer me! Answer me!’
He stopped shaking her suddenly, breathing hoarsely, staring down at her tear-stained face. Serena couldn’t speak, just looked up at him in misery.
His hands left her shoulders. ‘Go to him, then,’ he said bitingly. ‘I’ll file for divorce first thing in the morning.’
He turned on his heel, striding into the Flaxton apartments and slamming the door.
CHAPTER NINE
SERENA stood there for a long time in the courtyard, just staring at the closed door. Divorce…? The very idea was intolerable to her. I’m in love with Nick, she thought in agony. How will I ever begin to survive a divorce from him? Suddenly she wanted to crumple where she stood and cry till her heart broke. But she had to be strong, because there was nowhere for her to go—nowhere but back into the apartments of Flaxton Manor where her hard, ruthless husband waited.
Slowly, she found herself walking into the apartments. They were dark and silent, like his heart, the man who would never love her, and who she loved to the point of insanity.
He was standing by the window, his back to her. Serena closed the door behind her, swallowing on a dry throat, her eyes running over him. He wore one of those impeccably cut black business suits, and she felt weak with love.
He turned as the door closed. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I…’ She lifted her red-gold head with fragile dignity. ‘I have nowhere else to go, Nick.’
He gave a cynical smile. ‘Don’t tell me the viscount didn’t invite you back to his place, because I don’t believe it. I’m told you spent the whole day with him.’ His voice was like the cold steel of a knife thrusting into her. ‘He came for you this morning, just after I left.’
She watched him in silence, her face white.
‘Around eleven, Mottram said.’ His blue eyes were very hard. ‘And it’s now midnight I assume he took you to bed, but didn’t want to get mixed up in a divorce scandal. Very nasty. Certainly not the done thing. So he brought you back on the off chance that I wouldn’t be here.’
‘That’s not what happened at—’ she began tensely.
‘Of course not,’ he cut in cynically. ‘It wouldn’t be like that, would it? It would be…far more romantic than that!’ He looked her up and down with those ruthless blue eyes. ‘Well, my darling, it seems you’ve found your knight in shining armour, after all. It couldn’t come at a better time. I’ve got what I wanted and I’m tired of the game. I certainly don’t want any question hanging over the paternity of my sons.’
‘I don’t understand why you’re saying this!’ Her voice was hoarse, bitterly hurt. ‘You must know Tony and I—’
‘Wouldn’t dream of committing adultery?’ he cut in harshly. ‘Of course not. But you’d get around to it sooner or later, and hell—why not? You’re a sexy little piece. Even a fine upstanding aristocrat would want to—’
‘Stop this!’ she said fiercely. ‘Stop it!’
He laughed at her protests, his mouth a hard cynical line as he looked her up and down with contemptuous mockery. Then his eyes met hers, and his smile faded. Suddenly, he turned his back on her. There was a long, tense silence.
Then he said tightly, ‘Regardless of whether you have or have not been to bed with him, I think we both know we’ve reached the end of the line.’
She was white, incapable of movement.
‘We must be realistic,’ he drawled. ‘We were incompatible from the start. You didn’t love me, and I didn’t love you. For some time the arrangement has worked, but I don’t see—’
‘Nick…’ Hot tears were suddenly spilling without warning over her lashes, trickling down her cheeks.
‘It was just a sexual attraction, nothing more,’ Nick cut in, his voice cynical. ‘I kept you around because I hadn’t got what I wanted from you. But I got it last night. As for the heir—there are plenty of penniless British peers with beautiful daughters. Makes no damned difference to me if—’ He turned, saw her face, and stopped mid-sentence.
There was an agonised silence. Their eyes met. Tears were streaming down her white cheeks. She couldn’t stop crying, but she lifted her chin with that fragile dignity, and drew a hoarse breath, trying to be brave.
‘I quite understand,’ she managed to say. ‘A divorce…yes…’
Nick was very tense. ‘Let me put it another way,’ he said suddenly. ‘If I gave you a divorce—would you marry him?’
She struggled to control her tears. ‘Why on earth should I marry Tony?’
He gave a hard smile. ‘You’re in love with him.’
‘No,’ she said bleakly, shaking her head. ‘I’m not in love with Tony.’
There was a pause.
‘But you are in love…’ Nick was very still.
Serena flushed. The silence dragged on.
His eyes seemed to burn on her face as he studied her across the room. Suddenly, he said very slowly, ‘Did I ever tell you that I was in love?’
‘No,’ she said in agony, closing her eyes.
‘Oh, yes,’ he said. ‘I’ve been in love for a long time now. I don’t see her very often. But I haven’t stopped loving her.’
‘Really?’ The jealousy, the pain, the unbelievable agony was crucifying her as she said in a fragile voice, ‘Well, I don’t…think…I want to hear about it now, Nick.’
‘Why not, Serena?’ he asked cruelly.
She gave a little moan of despair and turned her back on him, shaking hands covering her face as the last vestiges of her defences were obliterated by his cruel, casual words.
But his footsteps were coming towards her, his hands taking her upper arms and turning her to face him as his voice said deeply, ‘It’s you…I’m in love with you…’
Crying, she went into his arms. ‘Don’t torment me, Nick. Don’t…’
‘Serena,’ he whispered against her hair, holding her very close.
‘No…’ Her voice was rough with tears. ‘No more lies, Nick, no more pain…I fought for so long, but you beat me…you beat me hands down, and I love you…’ She raised her head, mouth shaking, staring up into his face, whispering, ‘I love you.’
He gave a hoarse groan, and then his mouth closed over hers with aching sweetness, the kiss so deep, so emotional that she clung to him, agony and ecstasy mingling as her arms twined around his strong neck and she wanted him to make love to her, even though she didn’t believe him, didn’t believe he loved her…
‘I’ve loved you for so long,’ Nick said thickly, dragging his mouth from hers as though he couldn’t bear to, his lips remaining close to hers as he spoke, looking deep into her eyes. ‘Since the moment I saw you, Serena. I was so sure you felt the same, so I just did what I always did when I wanted something badly: I took it. I thought once we had made love you’d tell me how you felt—and then I could tell you. But I couldn’t risk it until then. And on our wedding night my whole strategy just fell to pieces.’
‘But you were so hard and cynical.’ She was staring in disbelief, afraid to believe him. ‘You kept saying you only wanted my title…’
‘I had to hide it,’ he said deeply, holding her very close. ‘I had to lie and prete
nd and hurt you. You were only twenty, and devastatingly beautiful. I was a very powerful man, head over heels in love with you. I was afraid you’d exercise that power over me. I couldn’t let you do it. I had to take the whip hand. I had to convince you that I would never, ever love you. Otherwise, you’d guess.’ He gave a rueful laugh. ‘It was so obvious. If I’d taken the pressure off for one second you’d have put two and two together.’
Her eyes were stretched wide in acute emotion. She was beginning to believe him. It was incredible, but the ring of truth was in his voice and his eyes were so deep, so dark, so filled with love.
‘When you refused me on our wedding night I knew I was in serious trouble. But I didn’t know what to do. I stayed up all night, drinking whisky and staring out to sea.’ He smiled grimly. ‘I’ll remember those damned palm trees forever! By dawn, I realised I was in a no-win situation.’
‘I couldn’t let you make love to me,’ she whispered. ‘Not on those terms. I would have felt used, abused—’
‘I know,’ he said deeply. ‘I couldn’t tell you I loved you—but you wouldn’t let me near you unless I did. Stalemate.’
Serena closed her eyes with a sigh. ‘Oh, God…we’ve wasted so much time.’
‘Darling…’ He kissed her lingeringly, his arms holding her very close. ‘I wish this could have been ended then, but it wasn’t. And one factor was your youth and inexperience. You’d gone straight from a little country boarding-school to a little country finishing school. Guarded by women, surrounded by girls, no contact with men or with life at all.’
‘I was very innocent when I met you.’
‘Too innocent to recognise your own feelings,’ he said with a lazy smile. ‘You fancied me like mad the minute you saw me—didn’t you?’
Serena flushed and lowered her lashes, smiling shyly.
‘I knew it,’ he said thickly, holding her very close, kissing her head, stroking her hair. ‘I didn’t begin to get real confirmation of it until I came back to New York and got into bed with you…’
‘That was very devious of you,’ she said against his strong throat
‘Very,’ he drawled, raising his dark head. ‘Planned down to the last detail, I’m afraid. I’d been reading your schedules with a magnifying glass since we were married. I was waiting for a sign that you were ready for me.’
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