by Lena North
“Well, yeah,” he said then, sounding amused.
My mind started spinning as I frantically thought through every time we’d met, and tried to remember what I had said, and more importantly, what I had thought.
“Jiminella, you need to stop,” he told me calmly. “You were supposed to rest, and your brain is starting to gear up again. We can’t ask Mac for help, so you need to find a way to slow it down.”
“Mac left already?” I asked.
“He’s downstairs, conked out on the couch. You were apparently difficult to get through to, so he used up most of his energy trying to shut your brain down,” he explained, and added with a snort, “Fainted.”
I blinked, but couldn’t hold my own giggle back. Then I tried my best to slow down my thoughts and relax. I’d spent my whole life doing just the opposite, pushing myself to understand, or find a solution, as quickly as I could, so it felt weird. To think slowly had always been something I looked down upon, even sneered a little at, I realized. I’d have to think more about that, and what it had done to me, later.
“I haven’t been in your head, Jiminella,” Dante murmured after a while.
His breath tickled a little on my neck, and I shivered. He pulled the covers tighter around me, and I started to relax again, thinking that this was nice. I’d never slept with anyone, literally or figuratively, and I settled into the comfort and warmth he gave me.
“At least not much,” he added and I could feel his grin against my hair.
“Can you just pop into anyone's head without them knowing?” I asked.
“Mostly, yeah,” he sighed, but went on, “I don’t do it randomly, though. It wouldn’t be right. There has to be a purpose… something that justifies it.”
“So it’s something you have to do deliberately? You don’t just walk around hearing everything everyone thinks all the time?”
He snorted.
“God no. If someone is incredibly upset, they kind of broadcast their emotions, and sometimes single words, but I still don’t hear what they think unless I want to.”
I thought about that for a while, although it didn’t matter how I turned it around in my head, it was still strange.
“It’s weird,” I said lamely, trying my best to avoid thinking about electrical impulses, wavelengths, and receptors in his eyes and brain.
Then a thought hit me.
“You were in my head earlier,” I said. “When I was freaking out, you were in my mind, trying to make me relax.”
“What?” he breathed, and I felt his body tighten, bracing.
“I felt you.”
“Really?” he murmured. “You’re sure?”
“It felt good, Dante, and yes. I’m sure. It felt like warm feathers were brushing softly at the edges of my mind.”
He was silent for a while, and slowly he relaxed again.
“No one does that. Or… almost no one. Snow can feel it, though she has the connection to her bird, so she’s used to having someone in her head. Mac felt it immediately, but he has been one with his bird all his life too. Wilder had no clue and didn’t pick it up at all. I’ve always suspected that some of the others would know though, so I’ve made sure never to touch Miller’s thoughts, and will definitely never try with Johns.”
I giggled softly as I thought about Hawker having someone moving around in his head, and decided that he’d blow a gasket if that ever happened.
“It’s probably wise to stay out of Hawker’s brain, Dante. I do not think he’d take it well if he found you lurking around.”
“Gotcha,” he snorted.
“Do you know anyone else who can do it?” I asked.
“Not anymore,” he answered, and suddenly he sounded tired and sad. “My father could, and my grandfather. It runs in the family.”
Slowly, I moved my hand and put it on top of his.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“So am I,” he replied.
Then he moved his hand around mine and held it. The room was dark and silent, and I realized that we were breathing at the same pace. I felt completely calm, and safe.
Suddenly a familiar warmth brushed my mind.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“Amazing,” he replied. “No one else ever felt it except Snow and Mac, not even my father. We used to try to connect when I was younger, but it never worked so we gave up.”
“What does it feel like? For you, I mean,” I asked.
“It’s nothing strange, really. It feels mostly like listening when someone says something out loud. It’s not like what Mac and the others have with their birds, though. For me it’s one-sided,” he said and made a long pause before he continued quietly, “Makes me feel lonely more than anything else.”
I moved slightly to press closer to him, and murmured, “I think it's very kind of you to stay out of people’s heads.”
To my surprise, he chuckled then.
“Learned that the hard way, Jiminella. Found out about a lot of shit I’d been better off not knowing.”
“Could someone stop you from hearing what they think?”
“Sure. Mac can do it, easily, though I might get through if I pushed. Snow can, to some extent. At least well enough to tell me to get out, but I can ignore that if I want to.”
“Can you teach me?” I asked.
“Maybe. We can try once you’ve healed if you want to?”
“Okay,” I said. “Yes, I want that. Not because I think you’d snoop, Dante, but if you can do it there could be others…” I trailed off and thought about how much to tell him. “It might be better if some of the shit I know stays in my head,” I said vaguely, hoping that he wouldn’t ask what I knew or, even worse, tried to find out.
“Ah,” he murmured. “Honey, I wouldn’t understand half of the things you have in your head, so you don’t have to worry, but I promise that I won’t ever try to get into your head unless you agree to it.”
I didn’t reply, and we stayed silent for a long time. I felt how his breaths slowed down and when they did, so did mine.
“I’m good now,” I whispered.
“Can I stay here?” he murmured. “Mac’s got the couch, and I’d rather sleep horizontally than sitting.”
“But –” I started but cut myself off.
What about his girlfriend? They were living together so why wouldn’t he sleep with her?
“What about Snow?” I asked quietly.
“What about her?” he mumbled sleepily.
Then he stiffened and started laughing.
“You think she’s my girlfriend,” he said, not putting it as a question.
I didn’t reply.
“Jiminella, she’s my cousin. Her mother was my father’s younger sister.”
That made sense in a weird way. I had thought about how everyone seemed to be everyone’s aunt or uncle. It wasn’t a surprise that they all were related in such a tiny village, and I’d wondered about the strength of their genes since there weren’t any signs of them being so inbred.
“Okay,” I mumbled, and then we slept.
I started to wake up a few of times during the night, but each time, Dante held me tighter and murmured softly into my neck that I should go back to sleep. To my surprise, I did.
When I finally woke up the room was filled with sunshine, and Dante was gone.
Chapter Seven
Sleeping
Dressed in an enormous dressing gown I’d found hanging on the door, I walked downstairs on legs that were a little wobbly. The sun was high in the sky which meant that I’d slept longer than I could remember ever having done before.
Mac was on the couch and I tip-toed into the cozy living room to see if he was awake. He didn’t move, and I started worrying that he’d made himself sick trying to help my stupid brain. Since I didn’t want to wake him up, I couldn’t touch him to feel his pulse, so I crouched down next to his head and leaned in, trying to hear his breaths. I was just a few inches away from his face when he suddenly
opened his eyes.
Then he screamed.
I started screaming too and scrambled backward, bumping into the coffee table and scraping my leg.
“Jinx, what the hell?” he scowled and moved to get up.
“I’m sorry, Mac,” I muttered, trying my best to get off the floor with some dignity. “I was just checking to make sure you were alive.”
“Jesus,” he muttered as he raised a hand to pull his hair back and fasten it at the nape of his neck in a short, stubby ponytail.
Slowly a small grin spread on his face, and as I sat there rubbing my shin, I couldn’t stop a quiet giggle. We must have looked absolutely ridiculous.
“What are you doing,” Dante suddenly snapped from the door, aiming a hard glare at Mac. “I thought we agreed to let Jiminella sleep?”
“We did, and she would have if you’d stayed whither her,” Mac replied affably. “Instead, she decided to come down and scare the bejeezus out of me.”
“You were screaming.”
Dante took one step into the room, instantly transforming it from cozy to just small. I tried to get out of the way but when I moved he stopped and frowned at me. Suddenly I felt so tired again, and I sighed quietly. The gentle man who had held me through the night and whispered into my hair when I became restless was gone. I’d been hungry and thirsty, but seeing Dante’s hard face made me want to run back upstairs and hide under the covers. Why was everything I did wrong all the time?
“Dante,” Mac said warningly, and continued softly, “Are you hungry, Jinx?”
I turned to him, and when he got to his feet and stretched a hand out to me, I grabbed it. Then he pulled me to my feet and into a hug.
“No one is angry, Jinx,” he murmured into my hair.
I felt like a complete moron for letting an angry scowl upset me and straightened my shoulders.
“I’m okay, Mac. Don’t worry, I’ll just go and get my things. I’ve got this place, not so far from here –”
“You are not leaving,” Dante declared.
“Of course I am,” I said, turning away from Mac and stepping out of his embrace.
“No,” Dante said calmly, and when I wanted to repeat myself he just kept talking, “I’m not angry at you, Jiminella, but you puked blood, so you are not leaving until I know you won’t do it again.”
“What?” Mac barked.
“Yeah. Didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to. Right now, you need to get that this shit is serious, Mac,” Dante growled, and turned his steely gray eyes on me, “And you need to get that too, Jiminella.”
Oh.
“I’m calling Doc Anderson in Norton, or the hospital in Prosper. I’m also calling Hawker. And I’m calling your parents,” Mac barked.
I turned to him and felt how Dante stepped closer behind me. In a weird way, it felt like he was giving me support and I leaned back a little to draw strength from his warmth.
“I am a doctor, Mac. If you call Hawker, I’ll never speak to you again. If you call my parents, I will kill you,” I said calmly, and added, “Slowly.”
I’d seen Mac and Hawker try to out-glare each other often enough, but I refused to back down. It took a while, but when I thought I saw a faint softening around his eyes, I relaxed and threw him a compromise.
“You can call Wilder, but I need you to tone it down. Tell her that I’ve got some stomach problems and that I have worked too much, so I need to rest for a while. You do not tell her about my brain going into overdrive, and you do absolutely not tell her about the one time I puked less than a teaspoon of what may or may not have been blood.”
Mac didn’t say anything although I could see that he was thinking about what I said. When his face remained hard, I tried to explain.
“Mac, please. If you tell Wilder, she’ll come here. She might bring my parents or Mary, and I won’t be able to handle it. I know it’s me being silly, and maybe it’s pride, but if they come… I’ll have to work so hard to pretend that everything is okay.”
His face softened, finally, and he gave my cheek a soft caress with his knuckles.
“Not silly,” he said gently. “I’d probably do the same. I’ll call Wilder, but you’re right. She doesn’t need all the details.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“I’m not sure your girl does subtle very well, Mac,” Dante said, and to my relief, his voice was calm again, but it hardened when he continued, “You need to be clear that she’s supposed to stay away.”
“Yeah,” Mac said with a small grin. “She knows I’m here and she’s probably worried, so I’ll give her a call now.”
“Go ahead,” Dante said magnanimously as if Mac had asked for his permission, and then he pushed me toward the door leading out to the small back porch. “Take a blanket with you and sit down for a while. I’ll make toast and a cup of tea.”
Mac snorted as he walked away, and I went outside to sit in the sun while I waited for the breakfast I apparently was about to eat. It felt good to not have to worry about anything, and I had almost fallen asleep in the huge chair when they joined me.
Then I nibbled on a single, dry slice of toast, trying my best to wash it down with tea while they talked quietly about various things, all the while trying to pretend they weren’t watching me anxiously.
“Stop it,” I muttered. “I feel better. Really.”
I thought Dante was about to say something when my phone suddenly beeped. I started to dig it out of the pocket to look at it and as I was shifting blankets around there was another sound from it. And then another. Messages were coming in from Wilder, but also from Mary, Kit, and Miller. As I stared at the screen another message popped up, full of capitalized words and exclamation marks. Bozo.
My gut clenched and I moved my thumb over the screen to unlock the phone. I would have to reply to them all, of course, and I’d have to do it in a way that calmed them down.
Then the phone sounded again, but I barely had time to see that it was another message from Wilder before it was snatched out of my hand. Dante started scrolling, and his face got harder and harder as he saw their worry for me.
“Is this Wilder staying away?” he asked Mac, but answered his own question immediately and angrily, “No. This is Wilder not staying away at all.”
“Let me –”
Mac stretched his hand out, but Dante gave him a furious glare.
“I fucking told you to keep her in check.”
I blinked. Dante cursed a little, but so far he hadn’t seemed the kind of guy who tossed language like that around.
“This was for Jiminella to share with her friends when and if she wanted. Not for your girl to spew out to all and sundry.”
“I know, I’ll talk to her,” Mac sighed. “I’m sorry,” he added, and I think it was aimed at me, but Dante kept growling.
“I don’t give a shit. You need to tell everyone that I have Jiminella's phone and I will monitor it. Any attempt to poke at her, or put any kind of demands, will be dealt with, and they won’t like how I do that.”
I blinked again, thinking that he was overreacting but not sure what to say because at the same time if felt good to not have to find the right words to make my friends and their fears go away. They both got to their feet then, facing each other and posturing in that weird way men do when they are pissed off.
“You need to leave. You asked me to help your friend, and I’ll start doing that by kicking you out of this village,” Dante growled after a while.
“Do you have the mandate to do that?” Mac asked, and it sounded weirdly like a challenge.
“Shut up, Mac. Normally I like you, but right now I don’t. Not even a little.”
There was another long silence, and I couldn’t see Dante’s face, but I saw Mac’s and how his jaws clenched and unclenched a few times.
“Fuck you. Get out of my head,” Mac sighed, finally.
“Feels great, doesn’t it? To have someone poking around in your business when all you want is to be left alon
e,” Dante snapped immediately, not giving in even an inch.
“I hear what you’re saying, and I hope you trust me when I tell you that I will deal with them,” Mac replied, but he didn’t sound angry anymore.
To my surprise, I realized that Mac was backing down and this was a huge surprise because he was used to fighting with Wilder and Hawker and rarely gave in to either of them.
“You do that,” Dante said calmly but not friendly at all.
“Please don’t fight over me,” I whispered. It felt awful that they’d be like that because of some silly messages. “I'll be all right, I can answer the messages, it’s not a problem.”
“Honey, no,” Mac said immediately and took a few steps over to crouch by my chair. “Wilder was wrong, and the fool over there is right. I’ll make sure they leave you alone.”
“Okay,” I agreed, not knowing what else to do and relieved that the ugly mood seemed to shift into something calmer.
Mac got to his feet and walked toward the house, giving Dante a curt nod as he passed him. “I’ll keep you posted,” he muttered, and then he disappeared.
“I didn’t mean for you to fight with Mac,” I said to Dante’s back.
He didn’t move for a long while, and I wondered if he was angry at me too.
“Has no one ever stood up for you, Jiminella?” he asked quietly.
I wished that he would turn around so I could see his face but he didn’t. His question hurt, and I didn’t want to think about it, mainly because I didn’t like the only answer I’d be able to give him.
“I’m tired,” I whispered instead.
“Okay,” he replied immediately. “Sleep for a while. Snow’s back, so I’ll send her out to sit with you.
“Okay,” I echoed, closing my eyes, and thinking that I wouldn’t fall asleep for a long time after that scene.
Suddenly there was soft warmth brushing through my scattered thoughts. I opened my eyes slowly, and Dante had turned. His gray eyes weren’t steely and angry anymore, so I gave him a small smile, closed my eyes again, and as I drifted off I heard him whisper, “Sleep,” but I didn’t know if I heard it or if the word was only in my head.
I slept through that afternoon, and after eating a small bowl of some kind of bland and disgusting gruel that Snow handed me, I stumbled upstairs and fell asleep again. It was completely dark when I woke up, and Dante was in bed with me. He had curled up behind me and wrapped a strong arm around my waist.