“Oui, Mademoiselle. Shall I follow you?”
“No, I'll return if I need you.”
He nodded and stared forward as she climbed down and found a sandy path that led over a tall hill. At the top of the hill, she glanced around. The white sand spread out over the cove like a soft blanket and the sun shone overhead like a lantern in town at night. The cove was for the most part a cave by the shore. She could see why he liked it. With the soft crash of waves against the sand as a backdrop to one's thoughts, she could see herself truly wind down here. Over by the edge of the water, she saw Grant's form, huddled, sitting with his knees propped up. His boots were several inches away and his pants were rolled up to his knees to prevent them from getting damp. Fara, in kind, removed her brown walking boots made from kid leather and stockings and made her way down the slope of sand. When she reached him, she plopped down beside him. “I was told you came out here.”
With a sideways glance, he inspected her bare feet, which lay near him. “It is dangerous for you to be here.”
“I know, but I'm not afraid. Besides, I know you would protect me.”
“That's true. I would.” He sighed. “I come here to think sometimes.”
“How do you get any peace? Don't thieves come after you?” she gestured to the cave, which was a known place for rogues to hide their loot.
“If they don't know any better.”
There, she thought. That's the Grant I know. She noted that his gaze was set on something in the distance. The harbor was not too far away. As she glanced at the morning fog that enveloped the docks in a lazy, white cloud embrace, she remembered the night they'd met at the harbor in La Rochelle. The night she'd met the man who both haunted and enticed her. The man she'd spend the rest of her life with.
“I can see why you like it down here. In town, there's not much silence. People are moving constantly. They aren't affected by despair or if they are, they don't feel it. They have to suspend their feelings in the presence of everyone else. Here there is no façade. It's simple. You can feel what you want, say anything.” Her carefully guarded walls begin to disintegrate. She licked her lips before she began.
“I think a part of me died when you left, Grant. I didn't know how I would survive. I felt as I had when I heard what happened to my parents. I lived, but I just went through the motions. It was Gabriel who changed me, made me stronger. I began to see him grow day by day and his father was always there, staring back at me. One day, I broke. I couldn't stop weeping, crying for the love that had been lost over time and water. Gabe wouldn't remember it now, but he responded to my pain. Babies are wonderful creatures…perhaps you'll know what I mean some day. That day, he touched my face with his small fingers. I think he was trying to get me to stop. Then I knew everything would be all right. I had Gabriel and Lina, and I had the hope that you would return. All of that kept me alive…here.” She brushed his hand with hers, grasped it and brought it slowly to her chest, where his fingers rested over her heart. “I love you,” she whispered. “I'll go anywhere with you.”
Without reply, he pulled her close and kissed her, and then moved his lips over her hair. “I missed you so much when I was away. I couldn't get your image out of my head. All the while I was in that wretched prison, I kept picturing you the night of the ball, dressed in white, as stunning as ever. The most beautiful woman in the world.”
He did not mention love. Perhaps he wouldn't let himself feel it because of fear. Of what, though? She could not imagine someone being afraid of the need to be heard and loved and needed. She would love him regardless of whether he said it. His proximity steadied her; it made her feel needed. Her love would be enough for the both of them. It would have to be.
“I know what you've been doing. I know you've been trying to court me.”
He smiled. “There were things I couldn't offer to you before. My protection, my support. All of that you needed, but because of my predicament, I couldn't give them. Until now. Fara, I want to make a life with you. And a family. You, me, and Gabe…we'll be good together. I know it. Please. I know how you feel about it. I just want so much for us to be happy. Say you'll marry me.”
Indeed, it sounded as if something more than duty caused him to offer the words. No doubt he felt for Gabriel what a father feels for his son. And perhaps over the years, he had developed an attachment to her. Though part of her wished to hear the words, she wanted to be with him. She needed him. They were a family no matter what. Not even the law could change that. A rush of love poured through her and she lifted her face to his. “I will. I'll marry you. We'll make it work.”
He nodded. “Yes, together we will.”
She studied the light in his eyes and decided he was happy. It relieved her that propriety was not the only thing guiding his decision.
“I suppose we'll need to tell your aunt.”
“Yes. Lina already gave her consent.”
“Did she?”
“I think she saw this coming before I did.”
“That's interesting.”
“Hmm.” Before she could think, Grant had set his lips to hers and the rest of her defenses slipped away. The man she loved was holding her close once more. The future did not look too bad at all.
* * * *
From that moment on, she felt happier than she ever had. She had her family, as she always had, but now she had Grant as well. And he planned to marry her. The days went much the same as before, but now they could announce their relationship in a public sense. Within a few days, Grant presented her with a beautiful ring consisting of gold with flowers of different colors. It was an heirloom, he said. This intrigued her. She knew it would take time for him to open up to her completely and she had many questions, all of which could be answered later.
Lina went to much trouble to have announcements sent to all the prominent members of society regarding their engagement and soon, there were many calls to the house from people she had met back when Gabe was a small thing within her womb. She and Lina entertained ladies during the mid-morning. And then, when Fara was just about to go mad with their dull gossip, Grant saved her and they usually went for a drive or a walk in the local park. They talked constantly about everything that came to mind. They attended parties or masquerades and often went to operas when they were bored with staying at the house. Now that they were a true couple, she didn't feel like they had to hide their relationship. And as promised, Grant kept his distance as far as their physical associations were concerned. He did not refrain from showing her his need of her as she did in turn, but he respected her wishes and did not push her about making love.
One day, Fara and Grant were at the park walking about, and she felt confused by something. It was odd. Even though they were betrothed to one another, she knew the rules of an engagement. Even when a couple was supposed to be married, it was custom for there to be some kind of chaperone around and there would rarely be a moment to be alone. Diversely, her aunt allowed them loads of privacy and it seemed that she trusted that Grant would do the right thing when he was with her. Perhaps Lina trusted them both enough and assumed there would be nothing less than propriety wherever they went. Her aunt did not have much to worry about there, but surely other people wondered. Oh, well. Usually, there was a reason for everything her aunt did.
Since they were alone, she decided to ask him the question that had been bothering her since his return. “You said you were in a prison all those years...”
His eyes flashed and his jaw set into an intense kind of rage she'd never seen. Fara began to wander if she was making a mistake with her curiosity. Was he angry with her or did the memories create that emotion? “Oui, I did say that.”
She frowned. “Will you tell me about it?”
He grunted. “There isn't much to tell. I was in prison. It is a punishment for no soft-willed creature.”
“What are you saying?”
He grasped her arm. “You want to know? It was a living hell, Fara, and you would not hav
e survived a day there!”
She searched his face, swallowing hard. Her heart raced beneath her breast, not from his dangerous grasp but the things she could imagine he'd been through, and the things that made him act in that manner. She should not have pushed him. “I'm sorry,” she replied, “but I am much stronger than you think. I was interrogated after you left.”
“I'm sorry. I never meant for that to happen.” Grant looked at her, shaking his head as if waking from a bad dream. He then released her arm as if he'd finally realized what he'd done. “You have a rare courage...one I've not witnessed in other ladies. You have survived without me for this long. Perhaps you would have survived in a prison. But, you would have endured many evils.”
“Such as?”
“Beatings, other acts of cruelty and torture. In a prison, they try to break you until you lose your will. For a lady, it could be much worse. Rape would be common, I imagine. In the end, you would only have your faith or perhaps the thought of a person you once knew to keep you going...”
His voice was soft, but his words stung, and she felt him reach out and grab her hand. “I am sorry, Grant. I did not mean--”
“Shh...” He pulled her to him, his lips grazing her temple. “Oh, love. I would not wish that hell on anyone. But, it was you, Fara. I resisted. I fought because I knew you were here, protected and loved. I felt it.”
Terrors in the night...darkness, rodents, scars...she felt that pain like an arrow through the heart. But, Grant had survived it. Fara, not wanting to hear anymore, raised on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. She heard his intake of breath, but did not pull away.
“Fara,” he murmured against her lips. “Ma chére...” Then when she parted her lips, his hold tightened on her and his tongue met hers, driving them both to insanity.
* * * *
Several weeks later, they decided to spend the day at the cove. Grant had arranged with the cook for a picnic fit for two and she had followed through. Fara closed her eyes, shaking her hair as the sun warmed her face. She heard a soft curse and her eyes flew open as she frowned at him, wondering what he was about. He had set the dishes out on the blanket that had been spread on the sand; however, he seemed distracted.
His gaze was filled with a kind of torment. “You are a good mother to Gabriel. If I had known about him, I would not have left.”
Her eyes filmed with unshed tears. “Regardless of the fact that the authorities were looking for you?”
He frowned. “I would have taken you with me then.”
She could not be sure if he meant he would have taken her because of Gabriel only or to protect them both. She did not want to be selfish for Gabe was her world and without him, she never would have known the beauty of life or what it was like looking at the world through his eyes. But, that might be the only reason Grant still remained in her presence. For his son, his blood. She wanted to believe there was more for him here, but she had learned to protect herself from such romantic notions.
A thought gripped her suddenly. What if Grant planned to take Gabe from here? Surely he wouldn't dream of removing the only evidence there was of the love they'd shared in the past. He would never think of taking a child from his mother. Would he? No, Grant wouldn't do that, she chided herself.
He leaned toward her as they sat on the blanket. “I mean that. I would have brought you with me if I'd known.”
She looked away. “To be burdened for the rest of your days, running from your past while tied to a woman who happened to carry your son.”
“It would not have been the burden you speak of now. Somehow I would have convinced you to marry me. No one would think to question us from then on.”
She shook her head. “What's done is done, Grant. We can't go back and change it. All that matters is that you're here now to see Gabe. You're his father. You have that right.”
“Oui, but what of your rights? Shouldn't you have had a choice about how to raise your son? You should've been given a choice in your life after he was born.”
“Grant, I made that choice when I let you go. I made it even when everyone expected me to find a suitor and I feared I could not bear the thought of replacing you, of having to fabricate some story to Gabriel about how he was conceived. It would not be fair to tell him a stranger was his father. Besides, my aunt was very patient. She understood my reasons for wanting to remain unmarried.”
He nodded. “I should feel glad that you did then.”
“You don't?”
“Of course. I…” he trailed as if he was at a loss for words. “I know I was angry at first, thinking you had betrayed what we had. But, it was selfish of me.”
“Grant…” She reached out to touch his cheek. “I heard what you said that night. But, I don't think you meant it really. I think even knowing you had to leave, you wanted to have some claim on me still. Is that not true?”
“I always wanted to think I was your one and only, I suppose. That you would wait.”
“And I did. Is that such a bad thing?”
“No. I just regret leaving you without the things you needed.”
“What you couldn't provide Lina did. Somehow despite everything, she loved me. And Gabe too. I was lucky to have her there to support whatever decision I made. My uncle would never have done that.”
“I know.”
She knew by his resigned expression that he did not wish to talk about it more, but she couldn't help but feel a small quiver of pity for the torment she could still see in his eyes.
* * * *
Grant took Fara and Gabe into town less than a week after their picnic at the cove. She wanted to go by the milliner's shop to pick up a gown and some clothes she'd had made for their son. And it wouldn't be too much trouble to go by the general store for a toy. Whilst they were in town, they stopped by a coffeehouse for lunch. After satisfying their hunger, they were leaving the restaurant when Gabe tried to get his mother's attention.
“Monsieur Hill is a captain, Maman,” he said excitedly, tugging at her arm.
“Oui, Gabe…I know.” She looked up at Grant. “He's suddenly developed the inclination to run a ship of his own.”
He smiled and knelt to the boy's level. “Perhaps one day you would like to run aboard La Voyageur. You could meet my crew and I would show you what a captain really does.”
“Oui, Capitaine,” he exclaimed on a breath.
“Bon,” Grant agreed and rose to his full height. He took Gabriel's hand as they crossed the street together and headed toward the waiting carriage. “Pierre, I believe we would like to go shopping,” he ordered easily as he helped the boy inside. “The milliner's shop. Gabe's mother has a hankering for a hat, I think.” He turned to Fara, who had slowed in her steps considerably. “What is it, love?”
She fought her tears, shaking her head. “You are good with him…”
“I should be, don't you think? He is, after all, our son.” He sighed. “Never fear, Fara. I would not dream of replacing his mother. Think how much he still needs you…very much, I believe.”
She frowned. “I wasn't afraid.”
“Were you not? I understand you more than you think.”
She stepped closer. “If you believe for one minute that I could ever be jealous of you, of a man, I advise you to think again, Capitaine Hill. There is no danger here. I would ask that you not act as escort if you plan to treat me so…like a mere female.”
His eyes darkened. “Shall I instead treat you as my companion then, love? It would not take long for society to forget our past relationship.”
“They never forgot. I was always the one to blame for it, the whore to a runaway captain, to a traitor!” She gasped, covering her mouth and choking on her own tears.
He reached to drag her close. “I am sorry, my love. That was not something I intended.”
“Maman?”
Gabriel peered out of the carriage. His eyes were focused and with a frown on his youthful features, he watched as she wiped at her sudden te
ars. She hadn't meant for him to witness her distress. The boy has become too intelligent, she thought. “Gabriel, it is all right now. Monsieur Hill will accompany us to the shop. Do you understand?”
“Oui, Maman,” he replied, but his tone held disapproval. He sat back against the seat, crossing his arms over his chest.
Fara glanced up at Grant. “Must we continue to disagree? If so, we should find a more secluded place to do such things.”
He shook his head. “Ah, ever the socialite you are, my love. Yet you are quite right. Another place would be better, though I can think of far pleasurable activities than arguments in that context.”
She flushed beneath his captivating gaze. “Grant, please…”
“Come, love. Let us get on with this trip before I lose my self-control.” He grasped her waist and lifted her into the carriage with ease and followed after her.
After dinner that night, Francoise took Gabriel, but Fara followed close behind as was her custom. Though she trusted the servants would do nearly anything for her son, she was a dutiful mother and the bond she had with him would never change. Once Francoise had him changed into a sleep shirt and he was nestled under the covers, she took her leave. Fara sat down on the side of the boy's bed and pushed his reddish locks from his forehead. She then placed a kiss there and he smiled back at her.
“You said papa was a captain, Maman.”
“Oui, my love, I did say that.” She smiled at the boy. He had a good memory. It had been two months since Grant had returned.
“We know one…Capitaine Hill, Maman.”
She nodded, but sensed he meant to say more. “What about him, Gabriel?”
He frowned. “Is he my papa?”
He was getting entirely too intelligent for his own good. It made her both proud and afraid for he was becoming more like his father every day. What could she tell him? Inevitably, only the truth would suffice because she loved him and it was only fair for him to have that hope. “Would that bother you to know that Capitaine Hill was your father?”
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