Dead to Me (The Harry Russo Diaries Book 5)

by Lisa Emme

  CAW!

  CAW!

  “Don’t blame me if you get a bellyache,” I said, wagging my finger at him.

  “Hello? Tess? Harry?" Max’s head poked out of the stairwell door and Lucy started to flap and complain.

  CA-CAW!

  CA-CAW!

  “Over here, Max,” I shouted over the noise. “Would you put a lid on it, Lucy? He’s a friend.”

  CAW!

  CA-CAW!

  Frowning, I looked at the bird. His feathers were all puffed out, his wings slightly open, as if he was trying to make himself as large as possible.

  “I think the loopy bird thinks he’s a guard dog,” Tess said with a laugh.

  “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.” Worried, I rose from my chair and approached him slowly. “Hey, it’s okay, Lucy. You’re safe.”

  “Maybe the bird recognizes a cat when he sees one,” Tess replied, grinning at Max.

  Lucy continued to squawk, his head bobbing up and down in time with his twitching wings, as he suspiciously watched Max approach the fire. I reached out with my arm, holding it like I’d seen bird handlers do.

  “Come on, boy. It’s okay.”

  Lucy hopped onto my wrist and sidled along my forearm, his talons gripping my heavy jean jacket, but not digging in.

  “There now. Good bird,” I crooned, pulling my arm in against my ribs so the big bird rested against me. I glanced up at Max who, spotting the bird, had frozen in place, not wanting to startle him further. “I think it’s okay, Max. Maybe stay on that side of the fire.

  “Who’s your friend?” Max asked, setting the two pizza boxes he carried down on the table beside his chair.

  “Pizza!” Tess leapt to her feet. “I’m starving.” She grabbed one of the pizza boxes, throwing the lid open to take a slice.

  CAW!

  CAW!

  Lucy flapped his wings and I pushed my arm away, holding him out so he didn’t batter me in the face. After a moment, he settled down and I pulled him in close again.

  “Smooth move, Tess,” I grumbled.

  “Oops! Sorry, Harry. Sorry, bird.”

  “This is Lucifer,” I said to Max. “But I’m calling him Lucy for short.” I quickly filled him in on the afternoon’s adventure and my subsequently becoming godmother to a raven.

  “Corvus corax,” Max said.

  “Ge-thuund-heit,” Tess mumbled around her third slice of pizza.

  “It’s the scientific name for a raven. A beautiful specimen, and I think Lucy suits her perfectly.” Max grinned.

  “Her? How do you know that?”

  “It’s a guess on my part. I’m not an expert, but she’s on the smaller side and the females tend to be smaller in the raven family.”

  “On the smaller side?" I looked at him skeptically. Lucy must have measured about two feet from the tip of his (her?) beak to the tip of her (his?) tail with a wingspan of close to four feet. I tentatively brought my free hand up and gave the bird a little scratch under the chin. Lucy chirruped, leaning into my fingers. “So, are you a boy or a girl?"

  Lucy started to rumble, the ratcheting sound coming deep from within.

  “What the heck is that?" Tess stared at us in surprise.

  “I think she likes you, Harry.” Max grabbed a slice of pizza and sat back to eat it.

  Tess finished her slice and wiped her hands on her jeans. “You want a beer, Max?”

  “Sure.”

  Moving slowly this time, Tess got up and went to the cooler, grabbing a couple of beers. She popped the caps off and smiled. “Watch this.” Holding a shiny bottle cap up, she waved it in front of Lucy. “Hey, bird. Want a shiny?”

  CAW!

  Lucy flapped her wings and hopped from my arm to my shoulder.

  “Hey!” I tilted my head away from the bird’s sharp talons. “Watch the head!”

  Tess flicked the first bottle cap with her thumb, sending it straight up into the air over her head and then did the same with the second. With a whoosh of her wings – I guess I’ll call her a girl since it fits the name Lucy – Lucy launched into the air, snatching both caps before they hit the deck, and then flapped off across the roof.

  “Where’s she going?" Max watched the bird fly away.

  “I set up a roost over in the corner by the cistern. I think she’s decorating with a collection of shiny crap.”

  So far, the loopy bird had stolen four galvanized nails off the work bench, a nickel out of a dish by the sink, and now four bottle caps. She’d also tried to dig up my garden but quickly learned that would earn her a zap from my pest-away spell. It was an easy spell commonly used in a witch’s garden. It allowed birds to catch insects and such amongst the plants, but the moment they tried to damage a plant, zap! They felt a static shock.

  I’d also set up a big metal tub and half-filled it with water. It had been an entertaining half hour, watching the big, black bird flop around, preening in the bath. By the time Lucy was done, most of the water was lying on the ground beside the tub. I’d have to remember to check it every day to make sure it stayed filled.

  “So,” I said, looking expectantly at Max. “I’m ready for my lesson, Professor.”

  “Okay, Harry. The theory is easy, the practice? Well, it’ll take practice.” He set a pencil down on the pizza box. “Move the pencil with your TK.”

  “That’s easy,” I said, giving the pencil a little push. It rolled across the box and fell towards the floor, but I caught it, again using my telekinesis, so that it hovered in the air beside the box.

  “Show off.” Tess made a face, sticking out her tongue.

  “That’s perfect. It demonstrates what I want you to wrap your head around.”

  “And that is?”

  “What’s holding the pencil up?”

  “I am.” I frowned at him, not getting the point.

  “Yes, but how are you holding it up?”

  “With my telekinesis,” I answered hesitantly, knowing that wasn’t what he was looking for.

  “Right, but what is holding it up?" He shifted in his seat, leaning forward, focussed on me. “Let me put it this way. What’s holding the pencil in the air?”

  “Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!” Tess shot up her hand like an eager student. “I know. It’s air. Air is holding the pencil up.”

  “Exactly. Molecules of air are pushing against the pencil in a force that’s greater than gravity.”

  “Oh man, you’re not going to get all science-y on me, are you?" I groaned. I was always an average student at best.

  Max chuckled. “Just a little, I promise.” He snatched the pencil from the air and set it down on the box again. “Let’s try something else. Have you ever moved two objects at once?”

  I shook my head.

  Max reached into his pocket and pulled out two quarters.

  “You better be careful, or Lucy will steal those,” I said.

  “I think we’re safe for now. She’s probably roosted for the night.” Max put the two quarters about two inches apart on the pizza box. “Try pushing the quarters across the box, at the same time.”

  I looked at the coins, narrowing my eyes in concentration and one coin slid about an inch across the box, followed by the other. I couldn’t get them both to move at the same time, instead they alternated.

  “Keep trying, Harry,” Max said encouragingly, sliding the coins back to starting position. “Try and move one quarter while thinking of pushing a larger area to include the other coin.”

  I frowned at the coins and suddenly they both slid simultaneously across the box.

  “I did it!” I threw my hands up in victory.

  “Hoooo-waaaaah! And the crowd goes wild!” Tess leaned over and we high-fived.

  “Nice, but try it now.” Max moved the two coins back to their original spot, only this time increasing the distance between them, so they were about six inches apart.

  It took a couple of tries, but I finally managed to get the coins moving together. With each succ
ess, Max moved the coins farther and farther apart until I was able to move both coins even when they were on opposite sides of the box, about fifteen inches apart.

  “Whew! That’s hard work,” I complained, leaning back in my chair.

  “I’m sure it is. I think that’s enough for tonight,” Max replied, putting the quarters back in his pocket. You should keep practicing every day.”

  “Sure, but I still don’t see how this is going to help me.”

  “Patience. It will come. The goal is to not only move the air at two points but to think of the space between those points. To create a sort of net, or blanket if you prefer, of air that you can use to wrap things and hold them in place.”

  I put my head back against the chair and thought about it for a moment. “You mean like a shield but instead of around me, I put it around something else?”

  “Yes! If that analogy works for you, then think of it that way.”

  “I’m still not too sure…” I stopped, turning to stare at the entrance to the stairway. A moment later, Nash stepped out. He was dressed in jeans and a dark T-shirt and carrying one of the coffee shop’s brown paper bags that we use to wrap baked goods.

  “Hey,” he said. “Isaac says to tell Tess that there are Turtle Brownies ready downstairs.”

  “Brownies! Woo-hoo!” Tess leapt from her seat and grabbed Max’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go get some.”

  “Yeah, sure,” Max said, looking between Nash and me. “I think that’s a great idea.”

  I rose from my chair, watching them leave.

  “Did you invite him?” Tess whispered loudly at Max on the way through the door.

  “Well, I might have mentioned that we were...” The big metal door swung shut, cutting off the rest of Max’s reply.

  I arched an eyebrow at Nash. “I’ve been set up.”

  Nash shrugged and held up the bag. “I brought you brownies.” He stood on the opposite side of the fire and when I made no move to come closer, he set the bag down on the table and ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “So, how did things go with the bird?”

  I frowned at him. I didn’t want to talk about Lucy. We had more important things to talk about. I crossed my arms, waiting.

  Nash huffed out a breath. “Look, you wanted to talk. No, we need to talk. So, let’s talk.”

  “You start.”

  “Okay, fine.” He paused for a moment as if he was trying to figure out what to say. “Harry, I…I’m sorry. Sorry for putting you through hell…” He winced at his choice of word. “…for putting you through what I have. I never meant to hurt you. I’m trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me from what? Seth is gone. It’s over. I can’t change what happened anymore than you can.”

  “No, it’s not that,” he replied, shaking his head. “It’s not about Seth…well, it is, but it isn’t.”

  “You realize you’re only making me more confused, right?”

  Nash snorted and sat down in the chair Max had deserted. “I’m sorry for that, too.” He mopped his face, running his hand back through his hair.

  I sat down in my chair across the fire from him. “Tell me what’s going on. Tess thinks it’s your wolf. That you’re having to fight him because of me.”

  “She’s right. It is about the wolf and me. We need to work some stuff out.”

  “Stuff that relates to me.”

  “Let’s just say the wolf and I don’t see eye-to-eye on things when it comes to you.”

  “I see,” I replied tersely. I wrapped my arms around myself, pulling my knees up to my chest, suddenly feeling cold. It was the wolf who had recognized me as his mate, not Nash. If it had been up to Nash, he’d probably have nothing to do with me.

  “No, you don’t see.” He rose from his chair. “I can tell from your body language, that you don’t see at all.” He walked around the fire pit to stand in front of me.

  “I–”

  “Shh! Don’t talk, listen.” Nash took a long, slow breath. “The wolf’s first instinct is to protect. Protect his mate, protect the pack, protect himself. As he sees it, there’s an order to things. The strong protect the weak. The weak obey the strong. But you don’t fit easily into his tidy little view of the world. You’re his mate, but you’re not, in his opinion, strong because you aren’t a wolf. You don’t always listen to what you’re told to do or not do.”

  “But–”

  Nash held up a hand, stopping my protest.

  “You have your own abilities and you’re able to take care of yourself in ways the wolf doesn’t understand,” he continued. “He doesn’t know where to put you in his scheme of things. You confuse him.

  “When you were captured by Seth, when you lay dying at my feet, it felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. The pain was so great. The wolf understood that. He understood that you in danger hurt me, and so I think he decided the best way to handle you was to put you in the wolf box and treat you like he would any subordinate wolf and mate. But I know I can’t treat you that way. If I did or said half the things he wanted me to, you’d probably knee me in the groin.” He grinned, trying to bring a little levity to the conversation, but then his face sobered.

  “I love you. Me, not the wolf, not because of the mate mark. Just me. I love every quirky, nerdy, stubborn, exasperating, junk food eating part of you. My life might have been easier before I met you, but it was empty. You fill me up. You fill my heart. These last few weeks have been the worst because I’ve lost that connection to you and it feels like I’ve lost half of myself.”

  I couldn’t take it any longer. His words mirrored exactly how I felt about him – except for the quirky, nerdy, junk food part – and how I had been feeling the last few weeks, and they left me naked and raw. Bursting into tears, I launched myself from my chair and into his arms.

  Nash folded me into his embrace, wrapping his arms tight around me while I sobbed against his chest. “Don’t cry, Harry. Please don’t cry.” He pushed the hair from my face and brought his lips to my forehead. “Hush now, minx. Everything is going to be all right. I promise.”

  He gathered me up in his arms and moved to sit down. “The chair,” I sputtered. “I don’t think it will hold us both.”

  “It’s my ass that will hit the ground first,” he replied, lowering himself (and me) into the chair.

  “So, what do we do? I don’t want you to be at odds with your wolf. I can’t stand to see you all torn up inside either.” I kept my face buried against his chest and swiped at my tears.

  “You don’t have to do anything. I just need you to be patient. I’m the boss and the wolf needs to remember that.” His arms tightened around me and I felt his lips against my head. He took a long, deep breath, pulling in my scent.

  “Tess has this grandiose plan where we trap the wolf and I overpower him, show him I’m strong.”

  He thought for a moment and then said, “It would probably work.”

  “It would? You mean you like the idea?”

  “No, not Tess’s harebrained trap idea, but if the wolf sees you as being strong, if he sees you as an equal…” his voice trailed off in thought.

  “But how do I do that? I can’t keep flinging myself into dangerous situations so the wolf can see that I can handle myself. That’s kind of counterproductive, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out.”

  The fire popped, startling me, and I began to turn in Nash’s arms to go and tend to it, but he tightened his grip. “No, don’t go yet. Stay here. I need this right now.”

  I settled back into his arms, sliding my hand up his shirt to touch his bare skin. He flinched from my cold fingers and I pulled them away, but he pressed a hand down on top of mine, holding it over his chest. I could feel the rhythm of his heart, pounding under my hand as the emptiness I had been feeling inside slowly dissipated.

  We’d figure it out.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “It should be around the world,” Christin
a said matter-of-factly.

  “I think a theme would be more appropriate,” Isaac mused, flouring the counter and turning out his pastry dough. He started rolling it out. The two of them had decided to try running a cooking class once a week out of the shop and were debating the curriculum.

  “I agree, a theme for each night. It could be a different country or a type of food found in more than one culture,” Christina replied. She was across the kitchen chopping rhubarb for the pies they were making.

  “You mean like perogy night? Did you know that just about every culture supposedly has a version of the dumpling?" I sat on a stool in the corner, keeping out of the way, watching them work. It was easier all around for everyone.

  Isaac gave me a look that said he wasn’t going to bother to answer my question. I think he was too much of a food snob to consider perogies, those little doughy pockets of potato and cheesy goodness, as worth his time. “You are in good spirits this evening, Harry,” he said.

  He was right. I was. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this good. Things between Nash and I were on the mend and, after spending the night together, I felt recharged. Believe it or not, we didn’t have sex. After our talk, I had fallen asleep in his arms, waking up later in my own bed with Nash wrapped around me, snoring in my ear. The intimacy of sleeping together, having skin-to-skin contact, was exactly what I think we both needed to help heal the damage our recent rift had caused.

  “Someone looks like they got laid,” Christina teased. “Things must be better between you and my baby brother. Thank goodness! He’s been growling at everyone and everything more so than usual lately.”

  I shrugged, letting her assume what she wanted. “I think things are improving between me and Nash.”

  Christina gave me a look of sympathy. “It’s not easy being a mate to an alpha male.” She wiped her hands off on a towel and crossed the room to Isaac. “That’s why I prefer a more enlightened man,” she said, dusting a bit of flour off Isaac’s apron. She leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. If Isaac could blush, he would have.