by Erin Trejo
“I needed you, Leesa! Goddamn it, I needed you! Don’t you get that? I fuckin’ needed you!”
“No, you didn’t. I was in the way. I’m always in the fucking way, Neo.” He shakes his head, resting his hands on his hips. He looks so gorgeous with that fire burning in him.
“She died that night you left me. In her sleep. It was peaceful, at least for her it was. Me? I’ve been fallin’ apart since that day. I can’t think straight. I can’t figure out which way my life is supposed to be goin’. I’m a goddamn mess, Leesa.”
“And still that has nothing to do with me.”
“You don’t think so? Everything I thought I wanted in life, I saw in you. You were a smartass. You made me work to get what I wanted with you. You didn’t give into me. I love that about you. That fire, that spark. When we’re together, fuck, we burn brighter than the sun. Don’t you see that? Did you not feel that?” My chest constricts as the room becomes fuzzy. “Tell me you really want to die and I’ll walk out that door and pretend I didn’t see shit.”
My mouth falls open. What is he doing to me? He stares at me for a long minute before he moves. Pulling me into his arms, he drops onto the bed, shoving his fingers down my throat. I throw up all over the floor but he doesn’t stop. He keeps forcing me until I have nothing more inside of me, and when I fall limply into his arms, he kisses my forehead.
“Rest, baby. Things will get better. I’ll make them better.”
I cry as he keeps his arms tightly around me. Sobs shake my body. Neo keeps me held against his body not saying a word.
“I mess up everything. I knew he would come after you and your mom, Neo. I knew he wasn’t lying. I didn’t want you or her to get hurt. I’m so sorry,” I cry harder.
“I know. I know, baby. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard either. I didn’t know what I wanted for a long time, but there’s somethin’ about you, I just wanted you. I didn’t think it would become anything.”
“And I messed it up.”
“No. Ray messed it up. I should have known better. It’ll be okay now, Leesa. Everything is gonna be okay now.”
“Do you think she really used me?”
“Who?”
“Anna? She came into the club with him. They…I’d never been with a woman before. I thought she liked me. I thought that I could hide from my feelings for you and stay hidden in the dark with her, but it was all a lie, wasn’t it?” I know I’m rambling and not making much sense to him, but I need to get it out. I know it was a lie. I don’t need him to confirm it. I was only with them a short time, but I thought she cared enough. I’ve never been the best judge of people, but the way she made me feel was different.
“I can’t say. Looks that way though. Not everyone has your best interests at heart, Leesa. Some just want to use and take,” he says his breath caressing my skin. I roll over in his arms, reach up and rest my hand on his cheek.
“I never used you.”
“You think I don’t know that, darlin’? Maybe it was me usin’ you.”
I shake my head and smile up at him. “No. You just cared about me.”
“Cared?” He asks arching his eyebrow. If I could melt into him, keep myself buried in him forever I would. I nod slowly but he doesn’t. “I still care, Leesa. Never stopped. It hurt, when you left, walked away. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I wasn’t sure what the hell happened but fuck did it hurt.” Neo moves to holler for the prospect to come clean up the floor while he grabs a wet rag and wipes my mouth. The prospect moves around, cleaning the mess I made as everything else slowly seems to fade into darkness.
Chapter 25
Leesa
I don’t know how long I was out for, all I know is as I pry my puffy eyes open, I’m wrapped in the safety of Neo’s arms. His warm breath hits my forehead as he keeps me close to him. I stir slightly in his arms until he shifts so he can look at me.
He leans down, pressing his lips to mine and another tear slips down my cheek. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, toying with mine. I moan against his lips, his body pressing into mine. In seconds, he rolls us so he’s hovering over me. His lips move over my skin, kissing a path down my neck. Each touch sends a shudder through my body.
“Neo,” I groan when his teeth sink into my flesh.
“What? You still want me?”
“I smell like barf and morning breath,” I giggle.
“My cock doesn’t give a shit. Just tell me you still want me. Tell me I can keep you. Tell me that you will be mine, Leesa. I lost my mom. I lost you once, I can’t do that again. I don’t want to.” His tone is nearly begging and as he moves down my body pulling my clothes off, I don’t think there is anywhere else I’d want to be. His warm breath dances over my thigh as he kisses his way back up.
“Neo.”
“Leesa. Tell me, baby. Tell me you’re mine,” he groans, his hand moving between us. It doesn’t take him long to pull his cock free and slip it inside of me with a hiss.
“Only yours!” Arching my back, I let the pleasure that only this man could instill in me roll through my body.
I might have screwed up my life more than once. I might have broken myself in the process but with Neo, I’ve never once felt weak. I’ve always felt stronger, and as long as he’s willing to have me, I plan to stay.
When Neo pulls out and lies down next to me, I curl into his side. I blow out a breath, resting my head on his chest listening to his heart beat a steady rhythm under my ear.
“I’ve been thinkin’,” he says while running his hand up and down my back.
“What about?”
“You. Us. All of this. I think you should give up your house.” I lift my head quickly and stare at him.
“What do you mean? That’s the only place I have to go.”
“Not anymore. Look, we’ve dealt with a lot of shit since we first met. We’ve struggled but I want you here. You’re mine, Leesa. I’m not lettin’ you go.”
“I wasn’t here for you,” I whisper. It still kills me that I wasn’t here for him when he needed me. I was stupid and selfish.
“I wasn’t there for you either. You cared about her as much as I did, Leesa. I saw you, the way you looked at her, how she looked at you. You loved each other,” he says as a tear slips down my cheek before he continues. “When my sister died, a part of me changed. I wasn’t who I was before that. I ran as soon as I could. The war wasn’t any better. It was hell on earth. I thought seein’ my sister dead was the worst thing in the world. That war, shit, Leesa, the things I saw - it was horrible. Then losin’ my mom.” He pauses and clears his throat as I sit up in the bed and reach for his face. Leaning down, I kiss his cheek before pulling back.
“I’m so sorry. All that you’ve had to live through…it’s horrible, but you survived, Neo. You’re here.”
“The only reason I’m here is you. It’s like God had a plan for me after all. The plan was you.”
“Do you believe that?” I ask not so sure. I wish he was right, I wish we were destined to be with each other, but I don’t know for sure. After all that we’ve both lived through, maybe we are.
“I do believe that, darlin’. Say you’ll stay with me. I can’t lose you again, Leesa. You make me better, stronger. We’ve fucked up in the past, the both of us but that doesn’t change the here and now. And here and now? I need you.”
“You have me. All of me,” I whisper when he pulls me back into his arms. Maybe he’s right. Maybe destiny had other plans for us. Maybe we had to hurt to find each other. Whatever the case may be, I’m glad that Neo is a part of my life now.
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