Desire Never Dies

by Jenna Petersen

  She looked at him evenly for a moment before she reached out and turned the doorknob. To his surprise, it swung open.

  “How did you know it was unlocked?” he asked as he ushered her inside.

  “I didn’t.” She shrugged. “But protocol reminds us to check a door before we start utilizing other means of entry.”

  His lips thinned and he wasn’t sure which emotion inside him was stronger: annoyance or begrudging amusement. “I’ve never been one for protocol,” he said.

  A laugh was her reply as she shut the door behind them. “Clearly. Will you now explain to me what we’re doing snooping around our host’s home?”

  “How much do you know about Lord Sansbury?” he asked as he glanced around the private office. Nothing seemed immediately suspicious, but he wouldn’t expect a man to put his lowest deeds in plain sight.

  “Not much,” she admitted as she folded her arms. “He’s given to the Society’s charity for Widows and Orphans on several occasions, otherwise I hear little of his activities. But if you have suspicions about the man, why don’t you share them?”

  He sat down at the desk and carefully tugged the drawer. The top one opened without hindrance and he began a slow search through the various papers as he talked.

  “I’ve received some new information in the last few days about Sansbury. He may be involved in the attacks on the spies.”

  She cocked her head. “Who did you receive your intelligence from?”

  He lifted his gaze. An odd question. “From Henry.”

  Her brow wrinkled. “Where did he get it from?”

  He got to his feet and came around the desk, distracted from his search by the incredulous expression on her face. And by the fact that he didn’t know the answer to her question.

  “From research, I suppose. Like you, he deciphers information, only he has been forced by circumstance, rather than inclination.”

  She shook her head, still unconvinced. “But how did he get new information? This is your case. If he is conducting research for you, wouldn’t he do that research based on information you brought him, rather than giving you new information? Did he tell you its source?”

  “You sound as though you doubt him.” He folded his arms. “You’ve only met him once.”

  She shrugged, but she was watching him closely. “I neither doubt nor believe him. As you said, I have no relationship to him. But I do know that it is unwise to make searches of the house of an otherwise respectable man without knowing the basis of accusations against him.”

  He opened and shut his mouth. Heat burned inside him, but he wasn’t sure of the reason. Was it frustration that he didn’t have answers to her questions? Or anger at himself that he hadn’t ever thought to ask them?

  That was ridiculous! He knew Henry. He trusted his friend. Ana was simply being contrary yet again. So much for the “truce” they had made a few days before.

  “Would you rather let a potential traitor go because you doubt a valid source?” He stepped closer so he didn’t have to raise his voice.

  She shook her head, though her eyes widened at the way he moved. “Of course not, I only—”

  Before she could finish, Lucas held up a hand to silence her. There was a very faint sound from the hallway. He strained to hear it again.

  Ana scowled. “Don’t you raise your hand at me! I’m—”

  He tossed her a glare as he stepped to the door and pressed his ear to the wood.

  Blast! The sound he had heard were footsteps coming toward them at an even, sure clip.

  “What is it?” Ana whispered, moving toward him.

  He cast a side glance at her. “Someone is coming. Stay there.”

  Her eyes widened and the blood drained from her face as she watched him, but she did as she had been told. In fact, he was surprised that the slight tremble of her hands was her only reaction. She didn’t faint or go into hysterics, she merely waited.

  The footsteps grew closer and Lucas moved away from the door. Whoever it was, they were likely about to burst into the room and there were no alternative escape routes. Alone, he could have managed to squeeze out the window in time, but he didn’t think both he and Ana could.

  “Come here,” he whispered.

  Ana tilted her head in question, but followed his direction. Behind them, the doorknob rattled and she stiffened as her frightened gaze flitted up to his.

  Lucas didn’t think. He didn’t ask her leave. He caught her arm, hauled her against his chest and dropped his lips to hers.

  It had been five years since Ana had been kissed. And it had never been like this. Gilbert’s kisses caressed, a gentle expression of the tender love they felt for one another. Lucas possessed. Every bit of strength and power that flowed through his body was equaled in the way his lips pressed to hers. And then the tip of his tongue traced the crease of her lips and he claimed even further.

  He demanded entry into her mouth, and she acquiesced without a hint of hesitation. The world was getting hot. It was shrinking. A fog clouded her mind as Lucas stroked her tongue, bringing back faded memories of pleasure and heat and sin. Her body tingled and her fists, which had been clenched at her sides, slowly opened as she slid trembling fingers to his forearms. She clung to him for dear life, riding out all the wild, new sensations.

  It was utterly amazing how quickly matters could spin out of control. But they were. Or she was. At that particular moment, she could remember nothing, feel nothing, desire nothing but more. More Lucas. More kissing. Just more.

  And then the sound of a throat clearing reminded her of all the things she had forgotten. Immediately, she fought the tidal wave of desire that choked her rational mind and shoved back against Lucas’s chest. He pulled away from her lips, but his arms stayed around her in an iron grip as he tilted his head toward the door. Their host, Lord Sansbury, was standing staring at the two of them with an equal amount of interest and disdain.

  Ana’s cheeks burned as she struggled in Lucas’s arms, but he refused to release her, despite the precarious nature of their position. It was almost like he didn’t want to hide what they had been doing.

  But that was just it, wasn’t it? He hadn’t kissed her because of some overwhelming passion he could no longer deny. It was done because he heard Sansbury’s approach. The kiss was part of a ruse. It meant nothing to him. She tilted her head to look at him. That was why he seemed so calm. So unmoved, even as her heart raced and her thoughts were heavy and slow with desire. She had liked kissing him.

  And if she were honest with herself, she wished she were still doing it. Horror flooded her, matching need with equal intensity. What had she done?

  “Ah, Sansbury. Sorry, didn’t see you there,” Lucas drawled, finally allowing her out of his hot, confusing embrace. She backed away a step, taking natural refuge behind his larger frame as she tried to look anywhere but in Sansbury’s direction.

  “Quite.” The other man’s voice was cold, dismissive. “This is my private office, you know.”

  Lucas grinned, a cocky gleam in his eye even as Ana felt the tension in his body. “Is it? My apologies, my lord, I wasn’t really paying attention when I came in.”

  Sansbury seemed to relax at Lucas’s demeanor. Ana couldn’t help but watch him in wonder. Charlie was right, he was a good spy. Just sheepish enough to be believable and cocky enough to fulfill his reputation. She shook her head. She had a job to do, too, and that was to follow Lucas’s lead.

  “Our apologies, my lord,” she added, dipping her gaze. Her embarrassment wasn’t hard to pretend, at least. She felt it in every pore. That and a lot of other feelings she didn’t want to fathom or name at present. She had no doubt they would plague her for many days to come.

  “Yes, well,” Sansbury motioned for the door. “No harm done, I suppose. But I would appreciate if you returned to the ball.”

  Lucas turned to her with a small smile as he offered her an arm. She stared at it for a moment. What had once seemed innocent was now very
dangerous. Touching him had a new meaning after that kiss, and she was actually afraid of doing it. But when his eyes widened and he stared at her expectantly, she did what she feared and slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow.

  She was greeted by heat, but fought her natural urge to pull away and run as fast as she could. At least until they were alone, she had to keep up the ruse. She gave a demure nod as they passed into the hall.

  As soon as Sansbury closed the door behind them, she pulled her hand away from Lucas. To her surprise, he caught it and pulled it back into his arm.

  “Our cover,” he hissed, tone terse even as he managed to keep his expression open and bland.

  She blinked back unexpected tears as they moved down the hallway back to the ballroom. The ramifications of what they’d done were beginning to hit her now. Dear God, if Sansbury spoke, even just to one other person, the news could spread like wildfire. She had betrayed Gilbert’s memory and soon everyone would know it.

  “I cannot believe this is happening,” she whispered, more to herself than to Lucas.

  He rewarded her statement with a sharp glare, but that was the only indication that he felt any emotion whatsoever about their kiss. “It was do that or be caught in a situation that would have been difficult to explain. I made a choice.”

  She dared a glance at him from the corner of her eye. His lips were thin with grim determination. He really didn’t care. He really hadn’t felt anything. For him the kiss had been an act, nothing more. Her heart sank. She had been the only one to lose herself in desire and emotion. God, she was an idiot of the highest order to think it might have meant something.

  No! She shook off her deepening despair. What did she care that he wasn’t moved? The last thing she wanted was for him to be moved! The kiss was a mistake. If Lucas felt nothing when he touched her, all the better. That would only ensure it would never be repeated and she could bury her reaction away where she wouldn’t have to face it ever again.

  The buzz of the ballroom drifted into the hallway, and Lucas suddenly released her. He glanced around before he said, “You go back inside first. We might as well not draw even more attention to ourselves than we already have.”

  She nodded, avoiding his eyes as she started back into the ballroom. He caught her arm and she looked up. To her surprise, he wasn’t smiling. Even the normally cocky light had faded from his stare. And that scared her.

  “No matter what happens, Ana, you mustn’t behave as if anything out of the ordinary occurred tonight. If we’re lucky, Sansbury will exercise discretion.”

  It had been a long time since she was in Society. She didn’t know Sansbury’s disposition well enough to know if he was the kind to spread tales.

  Blood rushed to her cheeks as reality hit home yet again. “What do you think the chances of that are?”

  Lucas hesitated just long enough to answer her question without ever saying a word, then shrugged. “Whatever happens, do not react. I’ll come to you later and we can discuss it.”

  Numbness took over, spreading throughout Ana’s body. She didn’t even fight the tide. It was too overpowering and at least it helped her ignore her urge to run away.

  “Very well,” she whispered as she slipped back into the ballroom. As she walked, she lifted a hand to her mouth. She still tasted Lucas on her lips. And it was good. Drugging.

  And despite everything, she wished she could kiss him again.

  Chapter 8

  A na’s head spun as she slipped into the house. She gave a brief nod to Benson as he took her wrap and made polite, empty inquiries about her evening, but she was only going through the motions. While she smiled and talked, her mind was spinning.

  That kiss. That stupid, dratted, unexpected kiss still burned her lips when she allowed herself to think about it longer than a brief moment. And she had been forced to think about it. Because Lucas was correct in assuming Sansbury would be free with his telling of the tale.

  The news had started as a whisper, and by the end of the evening, her passionate kiss with Lucas had been the topic of conversation throughout the ballroom.

  At least it had been passionate on her part.

  “Are you well, my lady?”

  She started. “Yes, of course, Benson. Just—well, I am not used to these events and I think I’ve tired myself.”

  He nodded and his stern countenance seemed almost sympathetic before he snapped back into propriety. “Should I call for a bath to be drawn?”

  She hesitated. That did sound heavenly, but it was so late. And with her nerves frayed and skin still jumping from Lucas’s touch, she wasn’t sure it was the best idea. The last thing she wanted was sinful fantasies of him in the vulnerability of the bath. “No, I think not tonight, but thank you.”

  “As you wish, good evening.”

  She waved her good night as she trudged up the staircase toward her chambers and what she knew would be a long and sleepless night tormented by memories of Lucas’s mouth swooping down on hers, demanding and claiming desires she had no right to feel. And Society had eaten it up! The idea of a romance between the “sad widow” and her “dashing rogue” enthralled the masses. By tomorrow, the news would have spread to every corner of the ton.

  Her temples began to throb at the thought, and she lifted her fingers to press against them. Oh, it was too much to fathom. Their case had been threatened and so was her very sanity by the strange feelings that now bubbled inside her.

  She stumbled up the hall until she reached Emily’s door. Her friend was probably asleep, but Ana turned the knob regardless. She had developed the habit of checking on her each night before she went to her own bed. Nearly losing her made Ana wary of Emily’s condition.

  She stepped inside and was surprised to find Emily’s candle lit. Her friend was propped up just slightly, her tangled blonde hair spread across the pillows, and she held a book in her hand, though she didn’t seem to be focusing on its pages. At the click of the door, Emily glanced up.

  “Hello!” Her face registered relief as she set her book aside.

  “My goodness, I didn’t know you’d be awake,” Ana said as she stepped inside. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your reading.”

  Emily waved at the novel with a wince of pain that shot through Ana like the bullet that had felled her friend. Emily was so strong. To see her like this was heartbreaking, despite how much she had improved in a short period of time.

  “Oh, it was a ridiculous story anyway. Something my lady’s maid gave me to pass the time. You know Bonnie, she’s a romantic, so of course it’s a lot of rot about love and forever. I would much rather talk to you.”

  Now it was Ana’s turn to wince. Love and forever. She’d had it once and thought it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience for her. Tonight had turned those beliefs on their head and everything was suddenly confused.

  “What brings you home so early?”

  Emily’s question brought her out of her reverie and she tilted her head in surprise. “Early? Emily, it is after three.”

  Her friend’s frustration was plain as she clenched her coverlet in her fingers. “Oh. I have no sense of time anymore. Every moment is the same for me. I hate being confined to this blasted bed. I hate not being useful!”

  Ana smiled her sympathy. For the first time since she met Meredith and Emily, she was beginning to understand their desire to be active. To be in the field. She had once feared investigations, but now she could see why her friends craved the thrill. Why they thrived on the adventure and danger that waited around every corner.

  “Perhaps I could be of some help!” Emily’s face lit up. “I could assist you.”

  Ana started at the thought. Emily wasn’t well enough to be out of her bed, let alone work. Aside from which, she wasn’t certain she wanted anyone else involved in the case, lest her friends see how deeply involved she now was with her reluctant partner.

  “How?” she asked.

  Emily’s eyes sparkled with the possibility of being o
ccupied again. “I could do research like you used to do for Meredith and me. Or we could talk through the case together.”

  Anastasia stiffened as a sudden, unpleasant thought occurred to her. “Do you not trust me to work on my own?”

  Emily cocked her head. “Of course I do. Why in the world would you say such a thing?”

  She turned away from her friend’s intense stare. “I have little experience in the field. Perhaps you don’t think I’m handling myself well.”

  That was certainly her own fear. Especially after tonight.

  “I have no idea how you are or are not handling yourself,” Emily said with a shrug that was immediately accompanied by a sharp intake of breath that indicated pain. Ana stepped toward her, but her friend warded her off with a raised hand. “No.”

  A moment passed as Emily rested back on her pillows, her breath shallow as she struggled for control over the ache. Tears rushed to Ana’s eyes as she watched helplessly. Finally, the gray pallor of pain faded from Emily’s face, and color returned to her cheeks.

  “I’m fine. It’s passed.”

  “Perhaps you should take some of your—” Ana began, moving toward the bedside table.

  “No.” Emily’s sharp tone stopped her. “No. If I take that poison, I won’t be able to think. Please, Ana.”

  Her eyes went wide. She’d never heard such a mournful tone from her best friend. Emily’s eyes were wide, unshed tears glistening in them.

  “Please. I’m asking you to involve me in this case for my sake. Not because I doubt your abilities. Not because I doubt your strength. Please. Let me help in some way.”

  Any argument Ana would have made faded as she came to the bed. She sat down in the chair beside Emily and reached for her friend’s hand. For a moment, they only sat together in silence before Ana said, “Of course. Of course I desire your help and your counsel will be very useful, I’m sure.”

  As long as Emily didn’t figure out too much, that was. But Ana could control what she said and didn’t say to her friend.