by Lesley Crewe
“Sheena thinks maybe she and Drew should move home.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“He finally has Sheena out of your clutches. If she comes back, she’ll depend on you to do everything with those babies. It’s not fair to you.”
“I’d be thrilled to look after my own grandchildren.”
“Not if we want to have a second honeymoon.”
“Ted Henderson. What has gotten into you?”
Ted pulled out the velvet case and put it in Peggy’s hand. “I want to let you know that I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Peggy’s spoon clattered on her plate. She opened the box and her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God. This is gorgeous!”
“Try it on.”
She slipped it on her right-hand ring finger and watched it sparkle in the light from above. “Ted, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say that you want to travel the world with me.”
“But your job—”
“I’m going to share a practice with the new doctor in our office. It’s a way of still working but having family time too. I need to include you in my plans.”
Peggy got out of her seat and hugged her husband when he stood up. “I love you so much. Thank you for this wonderful gift. I can’t believe you thought of this yourself.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
It was now June. Daniel would be starting his course in the summer and only a few months after that, Mary would be going to school too. Aunt Peggy was right. The year had gone by in a flash.
But Mary’s excitement about the future was muted. She pretended it was great when Daniel would talk about their plans, but privately she often cried in the shower. It wasn’t that she felt sorry for herself; it was her indecision about taking the test. Keeping it from Daniel was her way of protecting him, but he often looked at her sadly, as if he knew something had changed.
One morning Mary saw a gooey Facebook meme about mothers and daughters. On a whim, she went downstairs and let herself into the house. Her mom was talking to a client, so she plugged in the kettle and got out two mugs for their tea. Billy, Will, and Liam surrounded her with dog love and she spend a happy fifteen minutes patting them. Her clothes were completely covered in Billy’s fur in a matter of moments, but it didn’t matter. He was beyond adorable; she could see why her mother had fallen in love with him.
She chatted a little with the client, who said that Mary looked wonderful and that Carole must be so proud. Carole agreed and they said farewell. Her mother sat at the table while Mary poured tea. It gave Mary a chance to look at her mom and she didn’t like what she saw.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Carole said.
“No reason. Do you have any cookies to go with this?”
“Arrowroot.”
Mary found them in the usual spot and put the box on the table. She dunked a cookie in the tea. “You’re looking tired. Are you all right?”
“Just getting over a cold. How have you been?”
“Fine. Counting down the days until I leave Sobeys. I’m really going to miss Janet.”
“I’m going to hate to go in that store if you’re not there. I always knew where to find you.”
Mary laughed. “You’ve never come looking for me in your life. Now, Aunt Peggy, she’s another story.”
Carole frowned but didn’t say anything.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth.”
“Have you been talking to Aunt Peggy or Sheena lately? Sheena called me out of the blue one day and we had a great chat about how she’s so fat she can’t fit in the tub anymore. I find that hard to believe.”
“I talked to Peggy. She and Ted went to Quebec City for a week last month.”
“That’s nice. Did he have a conference?”
“No, just a holiday. She sounded really happy. Have you seen the ring Ted bought her? It’s quite something.”
“Speaking of men, how’s Jerry?”
Carole avoided Mary’s eyes. “I wouldn’t know.”
So this was why she looked miserable. “What happened? Did you guys break up?’
“He asked me to marry him.”
Mary almost spat out her tea. “What? Well, that’s terrific! Why aren’t you over the moon?”
“I said no.”
Mary sat back in her chair, dumbfounded. “Why?”
“I don’t know. It seemed like the right thing to do.”
“The right thing for who? If he asked you then that must mean he wants to be with you. And you always seem so happy when he and Ruth are around.”
Carole sighed. “God, I miss that dog.”
“I’m hoping you miss the man too.”
“Of course. I just….”
“What?”
“I’m not good enough for him. He’ll find out what I’m really like and he’ll throw me out.”
“What are you really like?”
Carole jumped up and started to pace. “It’s like you said. I’ve never once come looking for you in my life. I didn’t pick you up that night of the blizzard. I never took you shopping or went to the movies with you. We never did mother-daughter things like Peggy and Sheena. I feel bad about that now.”
“Mom, all that might be true, but you have to remember, you were holding down a full-time job and looking after Gran, which was another full-time job in itself. She didn’t make it easy for you. You were hurt and resentful most of the time, and I probably would’ve been too in your position.”
Carole’s eyes started to fill up. “I’m trying hard not to be that person anymore. I’m happy about Sheena’s twins, I’m happy that Peggy is back in love with Ted, I’m happy you found Daniel. But I feel I need to pay for my mistakes.”
Mary jumped up and held her mother’s shoulders. “Stop punishing yourself. You don’t owe any of us anything. Why shouldn’t you be happy? Jerry is a lovely person. Ruth is a lovely dog. Why can’t you have them in your life?”
“His boys aren’t crazy about me.”
“So what? That didn’t stop Jerry from asking you to marry him. Mom! A man asked you to marry him! That’s exciting and wonderful.”
“But I’ve got nothing to contribute. I’m not worth anything. I don’t want his sons thinking I’m taking advantage of their father.”
“Oh, bullshit. Jerry knows how and where you live. That didn’t stop him from coming over here to be with you.”
“It’s like I’m looking for a sign.”
Mary shook her. “Here’s your sign: stop being a big idiot and call Jerry immediately.”
“What if he hates me now? I said no.”
“That’s a risk you’ll have to take. I’m not worried. Jerry doesn’t seem like the type to hold grudges. Mom, if you don’t do this, you will regret it forever.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Mary kissed her. “I better go.” She turned to leave.
“Mary?”
Mary turned around.
“If I need to be brave, then so do you. I think it’s time you told Daniel about your dilemma. He told me the other day that he was worried about you. He wondered if he was doing something wrong. For him to say that to me took a lot. Now that’s not fair, is it?”
“No,” Mary whispered before she disappeared.
Carole sat at the table. It was easy for youngsters to be optimistic. They still had the rest of their lives to fix things if they had to. She was positive that she’d hurt Jerry very badly and he wouldn’t forgive her. Once again, the old negative thoughts whirled around in her head. She wasn’t good enough for him. Everyone else deserved happiness, but she’d thrown hers away and had no right to complain.
Later that night as she got ready for bed she opened her mother’
s bedroom door. She found it hard to go in there. It still smelled like Ethel, and that wasn’t always pleasant. Carole hadn’t done a thing to the room. It’s not like any of them were interested in dividing up her belongings. Everything she owned was fit for the landfill. Most of her clothes were too badly stained and worn to give away to charity and she didn’t have any jewellery or perfume they could share.
Carole still missed her mother’s presence. She missed fighting with her and arguing about nonsense. And Ethel had done one heroic thing in her life: Kicked out the man who planned on hurting her kids. That was noble, even if she drank to cover up the hurt he’d caused her.
And then she remembered that her mother had liked Jerry. That was a sign right there. Her mother hadn’t liked anyone.
She looked around and knew that she had to clean out this room and bring it back to life. It was depressing to see it so sad and neglected, and she was tired of being surrounded by dreary things. Mary was right. Carole deserved as much happiness as anyone else. And even if Jerry never wanted to see her again, that didn’t mean she had to live like this.
Carole started with the bed. She ripped off the blankets and sheets and pulled up the mattress to grab the dusty bed skirt. Paper fluttered to the floor. She reached down and realized she’d just unearthed a hoard of scratch tickets.
“Ma, you were a friggin’ squirrel.”
She looked at the dates and they were still viable. No time like the present. She left the house, much to the dismay of the dogs, and walked up to Dotty’s Dairy. The pimply kid was still in charge of the store.
“Could you check these for me? I just found them under my mother’s mattress.”
He put the tickets into the lottery terminal and suddenly a terrific racket sounded. Carole looked around confused.
“You won, lady.”
“I won? A free ticket?”
“No, you won five thousand dollars.”
“Are you serious?”
She grabbed her ticket and the kid said she had to call Atlantic Lotto in Moncton and they’d let her know what to do. She thanked him and ran out the door, bursting into the house to tell the boys first. Then she ran into her mother’s room.
“You wonderful, crazy-ass woman! I hear ya, Ma! I hear ya!”
She banged on Mary’s door and opened it before they had a chance to answer. She charged up the stairs yelling. Mary was at the top, with her hand over her heart.
“What’s wrong?”
“I won five thousand dollars on one of your Gran’s scratch tickets!”
“No way! Daniel! Come here!”
The three of them looked at the precious piece of paper.
“What are you going to do with it?” Daniel asked.
“I don’t have a fucking clue, pardon my French. This is my sign, Mary. I better go find Jerry!
“Good luck, Mom.”
Carole hurried down the stairs and out the door, then back in the front door to her place. She hollered for the boys. “We gotta go see Jerry and Ruth!”
The boys wagged their tails and gathered by the back door. Carole grabbed a sweater and her purse and car keys. Billy jumped onto the back seat and Will and Liam flew over the seat into the front. She didn’t have a thought in her head other than that she needed to be with Jerry.
“Do you think he still loves me?” she asked the fellas.
They barked yes.
When she pulled up into his driveway, Jerry was in the backyard working on his fence with Ruth supervising. When Carole let the boys out of the car there was a mad dash and squeal-fest between the canine friends. Jerry stayed where he was and looked stunned when Carole ran over to him waving a piece of paper over her head.
“Jerry! Jerry! Look! I won five thousand dollars! I can marry you now. I have a dowry.” She laughed. “I’m so sorry I said no. Please forgive me. I would love to marry you and Ruth!” She reached over and held him, hammer and all, in a firm embrace, willing him to say something, to give her an indication that he didn’t hate her.
She finally let him go, because he wasn’t saying anything. She’d blown it. She’d had a dream for about ten minutes and it was over. When she let him go, she couldn’t look at his face. It was too hard.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Everything I do is wrong. I shouldn’t have come here.”
“Carole,” he croaked.
When she looked up she saw that he was crying tears of happiness. He held out his arms and she found her way back in.
Their dogs jumped around them in a frenzy, sensing that this was a pretty great moment.
Back at the apartment, Mary and Daniel were still laughing at her mom’s excitement over the lottery ticket.
“You’d think she won fifty thousand dollars!” Daniel said.
“I don’t think she’s ever felt lucky before. I’ve definitely never seen her that happy.”
Daniel pulled at a loose thread unravelling on his sock as they sat on the couch. He kept his head down. “I wish you were happy.”
Her mother was right. She thought she was protecting Daniel, but what she was doing was lying to him—acting just like her mother. Mary needed to be better than that. She reached over and held his hand. “I’ve been keeping something from you since Christmas.”
Daniel’s head snapped up. “I knew it! Please don’t tell me you’ve met another guy, because—”
“Don’t be ridiculous! I never want anyone but you, ever! Do you hear me?”
He looked relieved. “So what’s wrong?”
“My father has Huntington disease. There’s a fifty-fifty chance I might have it too. I’m trying to decide if I should get tested to find out if I do.” She let go of his hand and looked down. “I’m so scared, Daniel. I don’t want this for you. You want to get married and have kids one day, right? I don’t think you can do that with me. I don’t want to ruin your chances of having a normal life.”
The look of disbelief on his face frightened her. Daniel reached over and pulled her into his arms. He held her tight as he choked out, “And you’ve been keeping this from me this whole time?”
“I’m sorry.”
He pushed her back so he could see her face. “Babe, I’m here for you. These are the things that we need to decide together. I hate that you felt you had to protect me. And what the fuck is a normal life without you? I don’t care if we get married or don’t get married. I don’t care if we have kids or don’t have kids. The only thing in this world that I care about is you. And whatever happens to you is always my business. Don’t ever hide anything from me again!” He hugged her again. “Christ! At one point I thought you were having a fling with Donny, that’s how crazy it got!”
She snuggled against him once more. “I love you, Daniel. I don’t deserve you.”
“You deserve everything.”
Carole didn’t sleep a wink when she finally trudged home after midnight. She relived that moment in the garden over and over again. Had it really happened to her? She even sat on her mother’s bed and told her about it.
She was too happy to sit and do hair all day so she decided to take the day off. A few customers were put out, but so what? She wanted to tell Peggy her good news, so after a hot shower she drove to Tim Hortons and picked up a coffee and a muffin. When she got to her sister’s, Sheena’s Jeep was in the yard.
Does that girl ever stay home? Carole wondered.
The front door was open, and she hollered into the foyer, “It’s only me.”
“Come into the kitchen, me,” Peggy yelled back.
When Carole saw Sheena standing by the stove she did a double-take. “Oh God! Are those babies due today?”
“Very funny, Aunt Carole. I can’t help it if I’m as big as a house. The doctor said they’re going to be huge.”
“Who knew they’d take after me?” Peggy grinned.
“We’re up here together. His cousin, Faye, is getting married.”
Carole held out her left hand. “She’s not the only one.”
Peggy dropped the colander she was holding into the sink. Chickpeas went everywhere. She screamed like a little girl. “Oh my God! Carole!”
She hugged her sister as tightly as she could. Both of them cried and Sheena howled, because she cried at cereal commercials now.
“When are you getting married?” Peggy asked.
“I don’t know. I can’t think straight.”
“Well, why wait? You should do it now.”
“I have to plan, don’t I?”
“What’s to plan? Buy a dress, get married at the courthouse, and we’ll go to dinner afterward.”
Carole sat at the island. “That sounds boring.”
“This is his second marriage, we have no relatives, and you never darken a church door.”
Sheena wiped her tears. “Mom, you’re not being very romantic. This is Aunt Carole’s first marriage. Why shouldn’t she have what she wants?”
“Are you going to wear a white wedding gown?”
“Yes! And a veil.”
Peggy and Sheena exchanged looks.
“What?”
“Maybe not the veil,” Sheena said. “You’re a little old.”
“Thanks a bunch.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll help you pick out something.”
“Sheena, you don’t live here,” Carole reminded her.
“I know. I can send you ideas over the phone.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
Peggy ran to the fridge. “Sorry, Sheena, but this calls for a glass of wine.” She pulled out a bottle and poured two glasses. “To Carole and her new life.”
Carole took a sip and smiled. “Oh yeah, and I won five thousand dollars at Dotty’s Dairy!”
“You never buy lotto tickets.”
“I found some of Ma’s under her mattress and one of them hit the jackpot.”
“Go to Paris and take me and we’ll pick a dress there!” Sheena shouted.