“Is it true that you’ve never wanted for anything and had everything you wanted?”
“I guess so.”
“Is it true you’ve never done a day’s work with your hands all your life?”
Kennedy nodded.
“Well, let me tell you this,” said the miner. “You haven’t missed a thing.”
6 As Democratic candidate for the presidency in 1960, Kennedy was surprised to receive the endorsement of the New York Times, which usually supported the Republicans. Once elected, the new President remarked: “In part, at least, I am one person who can truthfully say, ‘I got my job through the New York Times.’”
7 Kennedy enjoyed telling this story against himself. He said that during an election campaign his father sent him the following telegram: “Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.”
8 Addressing a group of donors who had paid a great deal to meet the Democratic presidential nominee, Kennedy said, “I am deeply touched. Not as deeply touched as you have been by coming to this dinner; nevertheless, it is a sentimental occasion.”
9 When Kennedy got the news that he had won the presidency against Richard Nixon in the closest election ever held, he turned to his wife and her friend Toni Bradlee, both of whom were pregnant, and said, “All right, girls, you can take the pillows out. We won!”
10 Sir Rudolf Bing, manager of the Metropolitan Opera House in New York, invited the whole company to a party to watch the ticker-tape parade for President Kennedy soon after his inauguration. As the cavalcade went by, Bing was standing next to one of the Italian ladies who sang in the chorus. He overheard her say to her little daughter, “Now watch. This is President Kennedy and he’s the first Catholic President of the United States.”
“All the others were Jews?” asked the child in surprise.
11 When Kennedy made his brother Robert attorney general in 1961, a great cry of nepotism went up across the land. Kennedy retorted, “I can’t see that it’s wrong to give him a little legal experience before he goes out to practice law.”
12 Shortly after Kennedy blocked the hike in steel prices in 1961, he was visited by a businessman who expressed wariness about the national economy. “Things look great,” said JFK. “Why, if I wasn’t President, I’d be buying stock myself.”
“If you weren’t President,” said the businessman, “so would I.”
13 Senator Barry Goldwater, a talented amateur photographer, once took a picture of President Kennedy and sent it to him, requesting an autograph. Back it came with this inscription: “For Barry Goldwater, whom I urge to follow the career for which he has shown so much talent — photography. From his friend, John Kennedy.”
14 Kennedy resigned from the Metropolitan, an exclusive Washington club, as a gesture of disapproval of its refusal to admit blacks. At around the same time he refused Moise Tshombe, the rebel Congolese leader, an entry visa to the United States. Arthur Krock of the New York Times remained a member of the Metropolitan and took up Tshombe’s cause with the President. “Arthur,” said Kennedy, “I’ll give Tshombe a visa if you’ll take him to lunch at the Metropolitan Club.”
15 Pierre Salinger was mystified one day when the President called him and asked him how many Cuban cigars there were available in Washington. Salinger couldn’t make a guess, but offered to find out how many cigar stores there were. “Buy every Havana they’ve got,” Kennedy told him. Later that evening the President announced an embargo on Cuban products, including cigars, for every American.
16 After the fiasco of the Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba, the American people rallied around their President. Kennedy’s popularity rating was never higher, with 82 percent expressing their approval of him. Kennedy was dumbfounded. “My God! It’s as bad as Eisenhower. The worse I do, the more popular I get.”
17 After a speech he gave in the Midwest, Kennedy said, “There is no city in the United States in which I get a warmer welcome and fewer votes than Columbus, Ohio.”
18 In October 1962 the world was brought to the brink of nuclear war when the United States confronted the Soviet Union over the Russian decision to install ballistic missiles in Cuba. President Kennedy made plain his determination to have the missiles removed. After days of acute tension, the Soviet premier, Nikita Khrushchev, ordered their withdrawal. At the height of the crisis Kennedy observed, “I guess this is the week I earn my salary.”
19 When President Kennedy and his wife visited Paris in 1962, Jacqueline charmed everyone, including President de Gaulle. At departure time, Kennedy held a press conference. He began: “I do not think it is altogether inappropriate to introduce myself to this audience. I am the man who accompanied Jacqueline Kennedy to Paris, and I have enjoyed it.”
20 When Kennedy entertained a group of Nobel Prize winners at the White House in December 1962, he welcomed them as the most distinguished gathering of intellects to have dined at the Executive Mansion — “with the possible exception of when Mr. Jefferson dined here alone.”
21 Joseph Kennedy once remarked of his granddaughter Caroline, Jack’s daughter: “Caroline’s very bright, smarter than you were, Jack, at that age.”
“Yes, she is,” agreed Jack. “But look who she has for a father!”
22 William Haddad was an associate of Kennedy’s. After JFK was assassinated, his young son, John, asked Mr. Haddad, “Are you a daddy?” Haddad admitted that he was. Said little John, “Then will you throw me up in the air?”
KENNEDY, Joseph Patrick (1888–1969), US businessman and diplomat, father of President John F. Kennedy and Senators Robert and Edward Kennedy.
1 Kennedy objected to being referred to as an Irishman in the Boston newspapers. Although he could not claim to be a “Proper Bostonian,” he felt he was at least eligible for American status. “I was born here,” he complained. “My children were born here. What the hell do I have to do to be an American?”
2 In 1926 Joseph Kennedy became involved in the film industry, rising to the chairmanship of Pathé, Inc. Many Hollywood people disliked him and his methods. Marcus Loew is said to have inquired, “What’s Kennedy doing in the movie business? He’s not a furrier.”
3 In 1926 Kennedy and his family moved from Boston to New York, which offered wider financial horizons. Shortly before he left, a friend asked him, “What is it you really want?” Kennedy reflected a moment. Then he replied, “Everything.”
4 Joseph Kennedy, on reading the latest bills that had been charged to him, often would lecture his family about extravagance as they sat at the dinner table. On one occasion his son Bobby’s wife, Ethel, was subjected to one of these tirades and fled from the room, very distressed. Only after much soothing from her indignant husband did she return to the table. Father and son confronted each other in an ominous silence. Then Jack shrugged his shoulders and, breaking the tension, told Bobby: “We’ve found the solution. Dad’s just got to go out and make more money.”
5 As ambassador to Britain, Kennedy had abolished the tradition of presenting American debutantes to the Court, reserving, however, the right to present his own daughters and those of selected friends. When George Bernard Shaw was told of this and asked if he approved, he snorted, “Certainly not. We don’t want the Court to have only selected riff-raff.”
KENNEDY, Robert (1925–68), US lawyer and politician.
1 Campaigning for New York’s Senate seat in 1964, he told an audience, “People say I am ruthless. I am not ruthless. And if I find the man who is calling me ruthless, I shall destroy him.”
2 Kennedy was once hugged and kissed vigorously on the cheek by his daughter Kerry, to which he said, “Please, Kerry, I told you — only when there are cameras around!”
3 Once he decided to enter the presidential race in 1968, he revealed his plans to his sister-in-law Jacqueline Kennedy, who said excitedly, “Won’t it be wonderful when we get back into the White House again!” Robert’s wife, Ethel, turned to her and said, icily, “What do you mea
n, we?”
KEPLER, Johannes (1571–1630), German astronomer.
1 Kepler also believed in the Pythagorean music of the spheres, that each celestial body in its course gave out a characteristic note or notes. The notes sounded by Earth, he said, were mi, fa, mi, indicating misery (miseria), famine (fames), and misery.
KEPPEL, Augustus Keppel, 1st Viscount (1725–86), British statesman and admiral.
1 When Keppel was still in his mid-twenties, he was sent as an emissary to the dey of Algiers to insist that he restrain his corsairs, who were then a major menace on the high seas. The dey scornfully queried the wisdom of the king of England who had sent a beardless boy to negotiate with him. “Had my master supposed that wisdom was measured by the length of the beard, he would have sent your deyship a he-goat,” retorted Keppel.
{This remark so enraged the dey that he threatened Keppel with instant death; Keppel pointed toward the naval squadron riding in the bay and observed that there were enough Englishmen there to make a glorious funeral pyre for him. The dey thought better of it.}
KER, William Paton (1855–1923), British scholar.
1 Visiting a natural history museum, Ker and a young woman acquaintance paused in front of a display of seafowl. “What’s that bird?” the girl inquired.
“That’s a guillemot.”
“That’s not my idea of a guillemot.”
“It’s God’s idea of a guillemot,” said Ker.
2 An energetic walker and lover of mountain scenery, Ker revisited the Italian Alps in 1923. Walking up the slopes of the Pizzo Bianco at Macugnaga, he paused to remark to his companions, “I thought this was the most beautiful spot in the world, and now I know it.” So saying, he dropped dead of a heart attack.
KERN, Jerome [David] (1885–1945), US composer best known for his musical comedy Show Boat.
1 An actress had been irritating Kern all afternoon with her theatrical gestures and affected articulation, particularly the exaggerated rolling of her r’s. “Tell me, Mr. Kerr,” she cried at one point, “you want me to cr-r-ross the stage, but I’m behind a table. How shall I get acr-r-ross?”
“Why, my dear,” replied Kern, “just r-r-roll over on your r’s.”
KEROUAC, Jack (1922–69), US writer and leading chronicler of the Beat Generation of the 1950s.
1 (In The Origins of the Beat Generation Kerouac recalled how he borrowed the term that labeled an entire decade from a broken-down drug addict named Herbert Huncke and how he then went on to use it himself.)
“John Clellon Holmes…and I were sitting around trying to think up the meaning of the Lost Generation and the subsequent existentialism and I said, ‘You know, this is really a beat generation’: and he leapt up and said, ‘that’s it, that’s right.’”
2 The year after he published his first novel, The Town and the City, Kerouac appeared in his editor’s office with the now-famous continuous roll of teletype paper on which he had written, in a mad rush, On the Road, claiming that it had been divinely inspired. Kerouac’s editor looked at the massive roll and, suggesting that some revisions might be in order, said, “Even after you have been inspired by the Holy Ghost, you have to sit down and read your manuscript.” Kerouac was so incensed by the idea that he might have to change a single word that he turned and left the office and found a new publisher for what would become his greatest book.
KERR, Deborah (1921–), British stage and film actress.
1 Kerr was often approached by publishers to write her autobiography, as most of her peers had done. But she always demurred. “They’re all the same,” she complained. “It’s always rags-to-riches or I-slept-with-so-and-so. Damned if I’m going to say that.”
KERR, Johnny (1932–), US basketball player and coach.
1 As coach of the Chicago Bulls, he had lost seven games in a row, and decided to give his players a pep talk before the next game, which was with the Boston Celtics. He told one to pretend he was the best scorer in basketball; another was told to pretend he was the best defensive guard; another was told to pretend he could run offense better than any other guard; and so on. The Bulls lost by seventeen points. In the locker room afterwards, a player approached Kerr and said, “Don’t worry about it, coach. Just pretend we won.”
KEYNES, John Maynard, 1st Baron (1883–1946), British economist.
1 In his late twenties Keynes was traveling in Africa with a Cambridge friend, Walter John Sprott. At one point they had their shoes polished by the native boys. The economist handed the boys a miserly tip. Sprott suggested a more generous handout, but Keynes firmly declined: “I will not be a party to debasing the currency.”
2 During the panic and uncertainty of the first days of the Great Depression, a reporter asked Keynes whether anything like it had ever happened before. “Yes, it was called the Dark Ages, and it lasted four hundred years,” was the response.
KHRUSHCHEV, Nikita Sergeyevich (1894–1971), Soviet politician, premier of the Soviet Union (1958–64).
1 Khrushchev furiously denounced the United Nations for acting to prevent Russian intervention in the postindependence crisis in the Congo. Shortly afterward he sent Dag Hammarskjöld, then UN secretary general, a protocol invitation to a Soviet reception. Ham-marskjöld attended the reception and was greeted with great cordiality by the Russian leader. Someone asked Khrushchev why he behaved so warmly toward a man whom he had recently been attacking so bitterly in public. Khrushchev replied, “Do you know the tradition of the mountain people of the Caucasus in our country? When an enemy is inside your home, sharing your bread and salt, you should always treat him with the greatest hospitality. But as soon as he steps outside the door, it is all right to slit his throat.”
2 On a trip to Russia, Stewart Udall, US secretary of the interior, visited the Black Sea in Khrushchev’s company. Khrushchev asked Udall if he would like to have his photograph taken with him. Udall said he would, so the photographer lined them up. Just as he was about to take the picture, the Russian premier stopped him. “If it will help you out,” he said to Udall, “you can go ahead and shake your finger in my face.”
3 During a fiery exchange in a summit meeting between Khrushchev and President Kennedy, Kennedy said to the Russian premier, “Do you ever admit a mistake?”
“Certainly I do,” Khrushchev replied. “In a speech before the Twentieth Party Congress, I admitted all of Stalin’s mistakes.”
4 Censuring Stalin at a public meeting, Khrushchev was interrupted by a voice from the audience. “You were one of Stalin’s colleagues,” shouted the heckler. “Why didn’t you stop him?”
“Who said that?” roared Khrushchev. There was an agonizing silence in the room.
Nobody dared to move a muscle. Then, in a quiet voice, Khrushchev said, “Now you know why.”
KIDD, William (1645–1701), British sea commander and pirate.
1 The famous Captain Kidd started his career as a simple sea captain. But when he was sent to the coast of Madagascar to quell marauding pirates, he joined them instead, and soon became one of the most ferocious raiders on the open seas. After several years of bloody raids on English ships, he came to an agreement with the British Government that he would surrender in return for a full pardon. Once he was in captivity, the pardon was revoked, and he was sent to the scaffold. As the noose was looped around his neck he said to the assembled crowd, “This is a very fickle and faithless generation.”
KINER, Ralph (1922–), US baseball player.
1 “Former Pirate slugger Ralph Kiner was telling his broadcasting buddy Lindsey Nelson about his wife, the former tennis star Nancy Chaffee. ‘When I married Nancy, I vowed I’d beat her at tennis someday. After six months, she beat me 6–2. After a year, she beat me 6–4. After we were married a year and a half, I pushed her to 7–5. Then it happened — she had a bad day and I had a good one, and I beat her 17–15.’ ‘Good for you, Ralph,’ exclaimed Lindsey. ‘Was she sick?’ ‘Of course not!’ Kiner snapped indignantly. ‘Well, she was eight months preg
nant.’ ”
KINGLAKE, Alexander William (1809–91), British writer.
1 A skeptic by nature, Kinglake suggested that all churches should bear the inscription: “IMPORTANT IF TRUE.”
KINGSALE, Michael William de Courcy, 32d Baron [28th by some reckonings] (1822–95).
1 Determined to exercise his rights, the 32d Baron Kingsale appeared before Queen Victoria without removing his hat, explaining to the austere queen that he was asserting the ancient privilege. “Don’t be so silly,” snapped the queen. “It may be your right to keep your hat on before the monarch, but I am a lady, too. Take it off at once.” The privilege has not been tested since.
KIPLING, [Joseph] Rudyard (1865–1936), British poet and short-story writer, born in India.
1 A newspaper to which Kipling subscribed published by mistake an announcement of his death. Kipling wrote at once to the editor: “I’ve just read that I am dead. Don’t forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.”
2 At the height of Kipling’s success, a journal published a report that his earnings worked out at a dollar a word. An autograph hunter who had vainly tried to extract a signature from the great man wrote again to him: “I see you get $1 a word for your writing. I enclose a check for $1. Please send me a sample.” Kipling wrote back a single word on an unsigned postcard: “Thanks.”
KIRCHHOFF, Gustav Robert (1824–87), German physicist.
1 One of the important results of Kirchhoff’s work on spectrum analysis was that for the first time it became possible to ascertain the chemical elements present in celestial bodies. Kirchhoff’s banker, however, was skeptical about his customer’s work. “What good is gold in the sun if I can’t bring it down to earth?” he asked. When Kirchhoff’s work became internationally recognized, he was awarded a medal and a prize paid in gold sovereigns. “Here is the gold from the sun,” he observed as he handed the money to his banker.
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