She must have made a noise for Nick’s eyes opened, glittering silver in the semidarkness. “Lexie, are you okay?” His voice was soft and filled with a compassion that squeezed the air in her lungs.
“I guess I have to be,” she replied as she reluctantly sat up.
“Are you hungry?”
It didn’t feel right to think about food, but she had to admit she felt empty inside. “Maybe a little,” she finally said.
Nick got out of the chair. “Why don’t you come into the kitchen and I’ll fix you something to eat?”
“I’ll be right in,” she replied.
As he left the bedroom Lexie rolled over on her back and stared unseeing at the ceiling. Lauren was gone and all the tears in the world wouldn’t bring her back. Somehow, someway Lexie was going to have to find the strength to go on all alone.
She got out of the bed, grabbed her glasses from the nightstand and went into the bathroom to wash her face. She stared at her reflection for a long moment. Her eyes were slightly swollen and her hair was slightly lopsided from sleep, but none of those things really entered her mind as she gazed at herself.
Her twin was dead. The person who had kept Lexie centered, the person who had defined her was gone. For a moment the woman in the mirror appeared to be a stranger. Who was she without her twin?
She washed her face and raked her fingers through her hair and then left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.
Nick stood at the stove in his stocking feet. Several strips of bacon were beginning to sizzle in a skillet. He gestured her toward the table. “Sit and tell me that you don’t hate cheese omelets.”
“I don’t hate cheese omelets,” she repeated dutifully. She eased down at the table, finding it hard to breathe.
“This should all be ready in just few minutes.”
She frowned. “I feel guilty even thinking about food right now.”
“I know, but you have to eat. Grief doesn’t fill you up. Trust me, I know.” He flipped the slices of bacon and moved to the refrigerator.
She remembered his own personal tragedy and knew he probably understood the emotions that simmered just beneath the surface in her, emotions she didn’t want to tap into because she knew they’d only make everything worse. Lauren would want her to be strong, and somehow, someway she had to find the strength to move ahead.
“Where did they take her?” she asked.
“Forrester’s Funeral Home in town.” Nick cracked a couple of eggs in a bowl. “You have a lot of decisions to make in the next couple of days.”
“I know,” she replied and stifled the deep sigh of grief that tried to escape from her. They were decisions she didn’t even want to think about right now. She already knew that Lauren’s will indicated that she left all her worldly possessions to Lexie, as Lexie’s did to Lauren. The two sisters had gone to an attorney’s office to have the official documents drawn up a year ago.
Tomorrow would be soon enough to think of all the things that needed to be done. The last things she would ever do for her sister in this lifetime.
She watched as he took up the bacon and then scrambled the eggs in a bowl for the omelet. He moved with the ease of a man comfortable in the kitchen. And why wouldn’t he be? For the past year he’d been alone, cooking his own meals, consoling himself when he was sad.
He’d been where she was and she found that thought oddly comforting. He’d survived his tragedy and she’d survive this, too. She’d survive for the sister she’d loved.
When he set the plate in front of her any appetite she thought she might have had was gone. “Eat,” he commanded firmly as he sat in the chair next to hers. “The days ahead are going to be difficult ones. You have to eat to keep up your strength.”
Dutifully she picked up the fork and forced herself to tackle the omelet. “She’ll want to be buried here,” she said between bites. “Even though she’d only lived here four months she felt like this was home.”
“The Widow Creek Cemetery is a beautiful place,” he said softly. “It’s where Danielle and my daughter are buried.”
“Do you visit their graves often?” she asked curiously. It was so much easier to focus on his tragedy instead of her own.
“Occasionally. Danielle refused to go to our baby’s grave but I went by myself a lot during the first few months after we lost her. And after Danielle’s death, I visited the cemetery every day for the first couple of months.” He frowned. “I think I believed that if I spent enough time there eventually I’d come to understand what happened, what went so wrong.”
“And did you?”
He gave her a sad smile and shook his head. “No, and after those couple of months I realized I had two choices. I could crawl right into that grave with her or I could get back to the business of living. Needless to say, I decided to go on living.”
Lexie looked down at her plate, surprised to realize she’d eaten everything on it. She looked back at Nick and a deep gratitude swept through her. “Thank you for not leaving me alone.”
He reached across the table and his big hand engulfed hers, warming some of the cold spots she had inside. “There’s no way I’d leave you alone, Lexie. I know what it’s like to be alone with grief and I don’t want that for you.”
As she looked into his soft gray eyes, she wanted him. She wanted the warmth of his body wrapped around hers. She needed him to keep the horror at bay.
“Come to bed with me, Nick. Come to bed and make love to me.”
His eyes flared wide at her words. “Lexie, that’s probably not a good idea tonight. You’re grieving and you aren’t thinking straight and the last thing I’d want to do is take advantage of you.”
“You wouldn’t be. I know you’ve already had your Cupid’s arrow, Nick. This isn’t about love, it’s about need.” She got up from the table. “I need to be held. I need to feel alive. I need you, Nick.”
She turned and left the kitchen, knowing with a woman’s instinct that he would follow, knowing he would give her what she needed. He would never marry her and he would never be in love with her, but he did desire her. She’d tasted his desire in the single kiss they had shared. She’d seen it occasionally sparkling in his eyes over the last two days.
When she got to the bedroom she didn’t hesitate. Once again she felt as if she’d been wrapped in a layer of cotton that numbed all of her senses.
She’d just taken off her T-shirt when Nick appeared in the doorway and her need to be held, to feel something other than the wild grief that simmered just beneath the surface, raced through her.
He remained in the doorway, as if afraid to cross the threshold into the bedroom. As she stepped out of her jeans and then took her glasses off and set them on the nightstand she felt no shame about what she was about to do.
She was going into this with her eyes open, knowing that what they were about to share had nothing to do with promises or forever, it was just something to get her through the agonizingly long night.
When she was clad only in her bra and panties, she walked over to where he stood, opened her arms to him and whispered his name. He came to her then and wrapped her in his arms.
Closing her eyes, she reveled in the strength his arms contained, the warmth of their bodies together that shot through her and stole away an edge of the numbness.
He held her close enough that she could feel that he was aroused and she knew she hadn’t been wrong about him desiring her. He might not be hers for forever, but he could be hers for the night. And at the moment that was more than enough for her.
His lips warmed her forehead in a surprisingly chaste kiss. “Go to bed, Lexie,” he said in a soft voice. “Get a good night’s sleep.”
She raised her face to look at him. “I don’t want to sleep. I want you. Don’t worry, my mind isn’t fuzzy with grief. I know exactly what I’m doing and I know exactly what I want.”
She took a small step back from him and began to unbutton his shirt. He stood frozen, with all of his
muscles tensed, but he didn’t stop her. When his shirt was unfastened she pushed it off his broad shoulders and that seemed to snap the inertia that had gripped him.
This time when his lips found her, they took her mouth with a fiery intent that stole her breath away. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close…closer still.
His tongue tasted hers and she nipped at his lower lip. She didn’t want tenderness, rather she wanted wild and abandoned, hard and frenzied, mind-numbing sex.
She broke the kiss and reached behind her and unfastened her bra. It fell to the floor and she turned and slid into the bed. In the moonlight she watched as he took off his pants and then, clad only in a pair of black boxers and his dark socks, he froze by the side of the bed.
“I don’t have protection,” he said.
“I’m on the Pill,” she replied. “I don’t sleep around, Nick, and I know you don’t either. I trust you if you trust me.” There was no worry in her mind as he, too, slid beneath the sheets and once again took her in his arms.
His mouth found hers in a kiss that sparked her numb senses to life. She wanted to lose herself in him, forget the day that had passed and not think about the days to come. She wanted just this moment to exist.
His mouth left hers and blazed a trail of fire down her throat as his hands covered her bare breasts. Her nipples tightened and rose in response to the heat of his hands and she closed her eyes and gave herself to the sweet sensations his touch evoked.
When his mouth covered one of her nipples she tangled her hands in his hair. His tongue lightly flicked the taut bud and she wanted more, wanted harder, needed faster.
Reaching her hand between them, she stroked the hard length of him on top of his boxers and then plucked impatiently at the material.
“Slow, Lexie,” he whispered against her breast.
“I don’t want slow,” she protested.
He raised his head and looked at her, his eyes pools of glitter. She sensed his smile rather than saw it. “I know exactly what you want, exactly what you need. Believe me, we’re going to get there…eventually.”
His words shot a new wildness through her. She rolled away from him and tore off her panties, unwilling to wait for eventually.
But he remained in control, stroking her body in slow, languid caresses that made her want to scream for release. His hands seemed to be everywhere, whispering the length of her body, lingering on her inner thigh and smoothing across the flat of her lower stomach.
He seemed determined to keep her mindless with need, lingering in a state of limbo of trembling desire without fulfillment.
Finally his fingers found the center of her and as he touched her there she gasped and moaned his name. There was no thoughts of anything but him and the sweet sensations that rushed through her. When he began to apply pressure, she arched to meet him as she felt the rush of her release. And then it was on her, trembling through her with a force that left her breathless.
It was only then that he kicked off his boxers and moved on top of her. She grabbed his buttocks as he entered her, but he refused to move his hips. Instead he remained still except for dipping his head down to capture her lips in a tender kiss.
As the kiss ended she released a half sob, half moan and he began to thrust into her. She loved the feel of him, both his skin against hers and the way he filled her up so completely.
He gave her fast and furious and he gave her slow and tender and she was lost in him, breathing him in as he took possession of her.
He kissed her so hard he growled into her mouth and then moved his lips like butterfly wings against hers. The hard and fast followed by the tender and slow sent her spiraling again and this time when she came he moaned her name as his own release shuddered through him.
He sagged against her, their breaths coming in quick gasps that finally began to slow. He softly whispered her name as he pulled her close against him. And when their heartbeats were back to normal, when the rush of the release waned, tears burned once again at Lexie’s eyes.
The tears weren’t just for her sister, but also because she knew Nick was a one arrow man and he’d had his great love. The tears were because no matter what she and Nick had just shared, no matter how wonderful it had been, ultimately Lexie was all alone in the world.
Chapter Six
It was a gray, cloudy morning as Nick sat at Lauren’s kitchen table and sipped from a cup of coffee. He stared out the window and absently watched the chilly autumn wind whip the trees and leaves flutter to the ground amid the assault.
However, his thoughts weren’t on the turn in the weather, but rather on the woman who still slept in the bedroom. He had no illusions about what had happened the night before. She hadn’t come at him with love or any real passion, but rather with a frantic need to keep her grief at bay.
He’d been in her shoes. In the days and weeks after Danielle’s death he’d wanted to lose himself, to find some sort of oblivion that would take the bitter taste of grief out of his mouth. For about a week after Danielle’s death he’d found his escape in the bottom of a bottle, and he knew last night Lexie had found hers, at least for a brief time, in his arms.
He frowned and took another drink from the mug. There were a million things he should be doing at the moment. Although Taz was proficient at using the doggy door to go out in the dog run to do his business, there was no telling what the little rascal had found to tear up while Nick had been gone.
There were morning chores to do and yet he felt as if the most important chore he had was to be here for Lexie. He knew when she woke up the jagged edges of her grief would be with her once again, poking and prodding and making her half-crazy with loss. He didn’t want her to be alone.
Or was it possible that he didn’t want to be alone?
He shoved this disturbing thought out of his head. This wasn’t about him. He knew there were any number of women in town who would be happy to keep him company. Since Danielle’s death several of the single women in town had come on to him with a vengeance, but none of them had touched him like Lexie.
She was getting to him in a way nobody had since Danielle. He didn’t want to do it again. He didn’t want a woman depending on him for anything. He didn’t want to try again. He couldn’t stand the idea of failing again.
Of course, it was just a matter of days now and Lexie would be gone. Once Lauren had been buried there was nothing to keep her here.
He’d just refilled his coffee cup and sat down again in the chair when Lexie came into the room. She’d apparently showered and dressed for the day in a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved pink knit blouse.
She wore her grief like an open wound on her face. Behind her thick-rimmed glasses her eyes were swollen and her face was lined as if she hadn’t slept for days.
She nodded to him and went directly to the coffee-maker on the counter. He said nothing, deciding to let her take the lead. She didn’t speak until she had her coffee and was seated across from him at the table.
“If I wasn’t such a selfish person I would insist that you go home,” she said as she raised her cup to her lips. “I’m sure you have plenty of things to take care of there.”
“I do,” he admitted. “But I thought maybe after you have your coffee we could head over to my place for breakfast and I can take care of some of the morning chores.”
“Or I could just stay here and let you get on with your life.” She took a sip of her coffee and eyed him cautiously over the rim of the cup.
“Is that what you want?” he asked.
“Not really.” She lowered her cup back to the table with a sigh. “I just don’t feel like being alone right now.”
“And I don’t intend to leave you alone.”
She picked up her cup and took another sip, and when she finished she tilted her head to the side and held his gaze. “I can’t imagine why Lauren wasn’t madly in love with you. You’re handsome and smart and such a nice man.”
He smiled, ridic
ulously pleased by the compliments. “There’s no accounting for chemistry between two people. There just weren’t any romantic sparks between me and Lauren. Besides, Lauren knew the score. She knew I wasn’t looking for anyone in my life.” He wasn’t sure if that was a reminder to Lexie or a reminder to himself that he was unavailable for love.
She nodded and cast her gaze out the window. “Looks like rain,” she said.
“Yeah, according to the weather report I heard this morning it’s supposed to rain off and on over the next couple of days.” The weather would only make things more difficult for her, he thought. Dismal and cold only added another layer of pain to somebody suffering from grief.
She finished her coffee and got up to carry her cup to the sink. “Whenever you’re ready to go to your place, I’m ready.”
Within minutes they were in his car and headed to his house. Lexie was quiet and he didn’t attempt to engage her in conversation.
He knew there were no words he could give her that would take away the pain of her loss. It was only recently that his ache of loss over Danielle had diminished to a manageable level.
When they reached his place Taz greeted them at the door with a happy dance around their feet. For the first time in the past twenty-four hours a smile danced across Lexie’s face as she picked up the squirming dog.
“Hey, little guy,” she said as she hugged him close to her chest. Taz responded by licking the underside of her chin with enthusiasm.
“Make yourself at home,” Nick said. “I’m going to head out to the barn and get some things taken care of.”
“I’ll be fine,” she assured him.
Eventually she would be fine, he thought as he headed out of the house. She’d bury her sister and then get back to her life in Kansas City. Eventually he and Widow Creek would be just a distant memory that she only revisted occasionally in her mind. He was surprised that this thought made him sad.
It took him over an hour to finish up his chores. Nick kept a herd of cattle in the pastures beyond the barn, but he also had several horses and needed to check their water supply and feed. Most of his money came from the cattle and crops he grew in other pastures. Still, there were always things that needed to be done to keep the place running smoothly. When he returned to the house he found Lexie on the sofa with a sleeping Taz in her lap.
Scene of the Crime: Widow Creek Page 8