It’s like I scream, but there is no sound.
White light blinds me. I feel a shock, pressure. I can feel his hand on mine, gripping me tight.
“Games?” I hear my voice booming, all around but somehow far away. “I’m playing games? When you are the one chasing me down, asking stupid, unnecessary questions?”
I can barely see from the white light arcing across my vision. I feel the press of his fingers disappear in a hurry and a sharp sound, more than a gasp but not yet a scream.
I see his face far too close to mine, as if we are caught in a bomb blast, insensible and deaf and he’s trying to talk to me over the sound of chaos.
I throw my hands forward, pushing him away with everything I have.
As I flex with the force of all my energy, physical and magical, I feel a tremendous wash of relief. As if something had been withheld, pent up, desperate to be free. All I had to do to let it loose was shove.
I blink a few times, shaking my head. As the light in my eyes returns to normal, I actually stumble on to one knee. I look around, wondering where Lucien went.
“Ebony,” He says softly.
He’s crumpled against the nearby wall. He’s holding his guts in as if he just got punched through the middle. One hand rubs at the back of his head and he coughs a little as I look up towards him.
For a second, all I can do is stare.
I can’t even remember exactly what happened. This wasn’t just emotion; it was a massive conflict of emotion. Love, loss, frustration… A deep need to conceal myself, to hide, to push away anything that could reveal me.
I didn’t even think about it. I just threw that great big tangle of untapped power… straight at Lucien.
“Ebony. It’s okay.” I can’t believe he can say that, crumpled against a solid brick wall.
I shake my head, hair flying. I can feel the tears running hot under my lashes. I’ve done it again. I let my powers get free and I’ve hurt someone. Again.
“Ebony, don’t!” He cries. But it’s too late.
I’m already up and running as fast as I can.
7
Seth
In a quiet back garden set away from the school, I pace like a pissed off panther. The roses are delicate and the air sings with fine weather, but none of it can touch me.
I don’t know what’s going on. We are supposed to be a team. So why I am I running around mopping up for all the other members of that team? They should be making my life easier, not harder.
Lucien arrives next, giving his head a brief shake. I let out a sigh of exasperation. I haven’t been able to find her and now Lucien has had no luck, either.
He’s still rubbing his neck from the slam against the wall. We are all worried about this, but I get the feeling it’s for very different reasons.
Gabriel comes up from the other direction.
“I checked the gardens. Nothing there.”
“Well.” I give him a withering look. “It’s not like she would come out for you, anyway.”
“I’m not a fucking fool.” Gabriel snaps back, “I didn’t go wandering through there chanting ‘hey, its Gabriel come to force kisses on you again’. I just used a bit of magic to sense if she was there. Nothing.”
“She could cloak against you now, Gabriel.” Lucien’s voice is low and serious. “The kind of power I saw her wield earlier today would allow her to hide from you easily.”
The two stare at each other and I sense their anger and frustration boiling under the surface.
“Can we save the fighting?” I’m too impatient, but I don’t care. “We all need to be focusing on helping Snow. Isn’t that the mission?”
“If it’s not killing her.” Leo says calmly as he heads up the path.
“Did you find her? Is she in school?” I know I’m too eager, but Leo has the best chance of finding her.
My heart falls as he shakes his head.
“I went through the whole place, just doing one of my fatherly, principal type checkups. She’s not in any classroom.”
“What the hell are we going to do?” I mutter it quietly, more to myself than anyone else.
“I don’t think turning into a ball of panic is the way to go.” Kashton says witheringly as he approaches from the front gates. “Not there guys. Has not left the school. So don’t worry. We’ll see her during classes tomorrow.”
“I am not a ball of panic.” I look at Kashton indignantly. “I’m worried, which I have right to be.” I cross my arms over my chest, breathing calmly and staring him down. Kashton just shrugs.
“So, no one has seen her since the outburst?” Lucien sounds lost himself. “We don’t know where she went after she hit me? And we’re just relying on the fact that we’ll see her in class tomorrow? That’s dereliction of some duty there.”
Shaking heads and solemn expressions are the only thing to be seen around the circle.
I’m worried. As I look into the faces around me, I’m not sure I can trust them. I don’t know what unnerves me more—not being able to find Snow or that I feel menace emanating from my brothers. As if they would prevent me getting to Snow if they could.
I miss her. I miss her soft hand in mine, the way she would lean against me and laugh. I had an opportunity to get close to her, watch her grow. Now it’s all gone. Since she remembered herself and us, everything has changed.
I barely even see her, let alone touch her. The little happy family thing got shot to hell after Cordelia tried poisoning her with that damn cobbler. After Gabriel’s little trick and an angel so full of rage she had to be a demon, I don’t blame Snow for wanting to hide.
But it hurts that she is hiding from me. She would always come to me or let me find her. Especially when she was upset or hurt. That was when she always needed me most.
Now there is nothing but wide space between us. A giant gulf I can barely be heard over, let alone touch her.
“I don’t think we should let her slip away again.” Kashton addresses us with a stern face. Its unlike him but he’s fidgeting, just a little and I think he’s more anxious than he lets on.
“Once we find her, I think we need to confine her or something. This is too hectic. Whenever she disappears, we all expect evil queens to be jumping out at us everywhere.”
“Look.” Gabriel reasons, “I think her running off is not such a bad thing. We know she’s on the school grounds. She’ll come out. No need to panic.”
“Are you hoping to find her yourself and do something dirty?” My voice hisses through my teeth, “Or do you genuinely care about her emotions?”
He gives me a strange smile. My anxiety shoots up. What the hell is he planning?
“I think we have let this go too far.” Kashton shakes his head some more. “We can’t trust her. You all know this. It’s been close, way too close, too many times. Do you get it?”
“I get it just fine.” I glare at him. “But do you?”
He glares right back. “She knows us. She’s been kissed. Surely the queen stalks her. It’s all coming true. We need to do something. Anything.”
“Like what?” Lucien has been very quiet and even as he speaks now his voice does not seem to disturb the silence.
“Well, this powers getting out of control is a big deal.” Gabriel’s doing a great job of being reasonable today. “We should try and limit them, if we can. A dampener or binding. Just so she doesn’t hurt herself, or others.”
“That is becoming a problem” I have to admit, biting my lip thoughtfully. I still don’t trust anyone here, but her powers firing out of control doesn’t just upset those she attacks unwittingly—it affects her deeply too.
“I’ve organized extra security.” Leo says with authority. “She needs it. It’s within my rights as principle to order such a thing.”
“From who?” Lucien’s voice stays deep and soft.
Leo shrugs. “As headmaster I have a number of entities to call upon.”
Lucien looks so dangerous for a moment I thi
nk his marble like exterior is going to crack and let him attack Leo. He doesn’t though, just glares and keeps his face stern and hard.
“If she’s having trouble controlling her magic then she’s either going to go insane or die,” I say.
“That’s not going to happen,” Leo says.
“If it does, and she goes mad, then that’s like opening a door to the evil queen!” I can’t keep my voice low. “If her magic is spiking at all, that’s a problem. The queen will be waiting for her to reach a certain peak. But if she’s full of conflict and fear… she won’t be able to resist evil. She won’t even notice it gripping her soul. She needs someone to bring her back to reality before the madness seizes her.”
“This is my point exactly.” Kashton waves his hands a little for emphasis. “I don’t know what we should do, but I think we should be discussing our options.”
Gabriel and Leo nod sadly as if this is the only way and they have made up their minds. Lucien stays quiet, face drawn. I’ve never seen him like this.
“You don’t trust her.” She words come sliding out between my teeth. “You don’t think she can do it. What happened to all of you?”
Lucien still says nothing but shoots hard glares at them.
“Look, we are just being realistic.” Gabriel’s look is so patronizing I want to barf on it. “We know that she’s tempted and that should be enough.”
“So, you want to kill her then?” I look him right in the face as I say it. His expression twists and he answers way too fast.
“Of course not! How could I? She a ve—She’s a very important woman.”
“Sounds like you want to hire her, not protect her.” Lucien says dryly.
His attitude finally gets the better of me.
“What’s up with you, moping about, saying nothing? Do you know where she is?”
Lucien shakes his head, meeting my gaze. “No.”
“Tell me. Tell me what’s happening. You know something.”
“I don’t! I know nothing!”
His protests have a hint of desperation. He knows something.
“Look, Lucien—”
“No, no. Damn you. No. I don’t know anything about anything. Back off me, I’m just as worried about her as you are.”
“I don’t doubt that.” I snap at him. “I do doubt your honesty. You seem to know something I don’t know. Lust.”
Lucien doesn’t look away from my face. He scowls but there is no passion in it.
“No one here is telling the truth.” He looks around the circle at everyone. Leo and Gabriel look very satisfied, like they aren’t surprised by any of this. Kashton still looks freaked out.
Lucien and I stare at each other.
“Why can’t you just—”
“No.” Lucien cuts me off. “Why can’t you just leave me alone? She gave me a slam with her powers. I got knocked down. She ran and I haven’t been able to find her since. What more do you want me to say?”
I can tell he’s on the edge of exploding. I don’t care. So am I. The compounding of my misery from losing her and not being close to her anymore has made me reckless.
I step closer to Lucien and he gives me a dangerous look.
“I know you’re hiding something.” I spy too close to his face and Lucien’s eyes turn to chips of flint.
“Did you kiss her? What else did you do?”
My question is drowned out by the others joining the argument. Everyone’s looking at Lucien and me with building rage.
How we are supposed to protect anyone, even ourselves, is beyond me. Poor Snow. My poor little Snow.
8
Ebony
I don’t know how much Headmaster Leo’s lesson helped me. If anything, I came out of there feeling more confused and unstable than I have since I came back from the dead. My power does strange things when I’m around him. I can block and parry his attacks, but I don’t feel any more in control of myself.
I don’t see the Headmaster walking the halls when I attend classes. Even if I did, I didn’t expect him to look at me differently.
Lucien’s been hovering in an attempt to get another moment alone. I’ve exhausted myself coming up with ways to avoid him.
I walk out of my potions class with an excitable Ivora beside me. She babbles on about a new theory she wants to try in the greenhouse. The professors don’t let her mix potions inside building anymore specifically because of the theories she likes to test.
“So, do you want to come?” She’s practically bouncing up and down.
“Where?” I shake my head like I’m coming out of a daze. I can’t seem to keep my thoughts focused on the present.
“To the greenhouse!” Ivora rolls her eyes. “I promise not to singe off your eyebrows.”
“Tempting, but I think I’m going to take a walk. I have a headache.”
“Okay. Do you want me to make you a tonic?” She asks.
“Sure.”
I don’t really have a headache, but I can’t tell her that. But I’m bound to get a headache sooner or later. It’s always handy to have one of Ivora’s tonics around provided that she follows one of her tried and true recipes.
“I’ll see you later.” She gives my arm a squeeze and flutters off. It must be so nice to have wings. I wonder how high she can fly. I’ve never thought to ask her until now. It would be so wonderful if I could walk out into the garden and shoot straight up into the sky. I could hover over everyone, far out of sight, and just be alone.
“Ebony!” Lucien’s voice startles me out of my musing. He’s at the far end of the hall. It’s too clogged with other students for him to move towards me quickly. I turn around and make a dash for the nearest door. I end up in the west courtyard.
“Ebony!” Lucien’s voice sounds closer. He’s found a way into the courtyard too.
I don’t run away from him. That’s too obvious. I continue walking with my head down, pretending I didn’t hear him. I doubt he’s convinced but if he corners me later I can always use that as an excuse. I don’t think he’s bold enough to call me a liar to my face.
I walk briskly to the other side of the courtyard and through a set of glass doors into another hallway. Students spill out of classrooms. I dart through them easily but Lucien gets caught in the flood. No doubt he’s been pulled over by a gaggle of female students eager to get a piece of him.
I take my chance and slip out the main doors leading out to the garden. Instead of going through the greenhouse, I skitter around the edges.
“Ebony!”
“Damn it!” I mutter. How haven’t I lost him yet? I have to do something. I can’t stand being tugged in a million direction like this. I just need some peace.
I think back to the night I snuck out of my dorm. The spell I used was painful and draining. I’ve only tried it a few times since that night and only in short spurts. Now’s a good a time as any to test the effectiveness of Headmaster Leo’s training.
I duck behind a topiary and work the spell. I stare at my hands as I cast it. Slowly but surely, they fade away.
It worked!
I glance around to make sure no one saw me, but there’s no one around to see.
“Ebony!”
Lucien closes in on the neat row of topiaries. He searches between each one, including the one I stand beside. He doesn’t see me. He spins around, confused.
“Ebony?”
I hold my breath. A pang of guilt stabs between my ribs. I don’t like deceiving him, not after all he’s done to help me. But I just need a minute to breathe. That’s not much to ask for.
I send him a mental apology when he walks away. I’ll do something extra nice for him later to make up for it, as long as he doesn’t corner me and ask me difficult questions again.
Once I’m sure he’s gone, I step away from the topiaries. Even though my spell’s strong, I still creep about like I’m waiting for someone to spot me and ruin my solitude.
After a lap around the garden walls, I finally start to
relax.
More than anything, I want to be just Ebony again. I used to think that nothing was worse than living with Cordelia. I hated how she isolated me and bogged me down with a million rules that never made any sense. When I lived with her, I was just lonely. Now I’m lonely, scared, exhausted and a million other things I don’t have the energy to name.
Even worse, sometimes I wish Rhiannon would just swing the ax already. This could all be over if she would just show herself and take me down. Seth mentioned something about reincarnation. Apparently, when I die I come back.
If Rhiannon could just kill me, I could come right back and have a normal life again.
I know I don’t mean that. I couldn’t bear to put the others through that. Besides, it still wouldn’t solve the problem. Once I come back from the dead (again) she’ll be right there to kill me. And she’ll keep killing me over and over again until I stop coming back.
I feel tears slipping down my cheeks. When I lift my hand to wipe them away, I see nothing. It takes me a few tries to put the correct part of my hand on the correct part of my face. I found myself laughing as I imagine how I would’ve looked if my spell suddenly stopped working.
Now that no one can see me, I’m tempted to walk into all the secret spaces of the school. Then I remember that it was in one of those secret spaces that I died. It’s better to stick to the gardens.
Between one step and the next, a strange tingle starts in the fingers of my left hand. It creeps up until it takes over my whole arm. It spreads across my chest to the other arm then shoots down to encase my whole body. It doesn’t hurt, it just feels wrong.
With a snap, the concealment spell dissolves away. I stare at my own hands in shock.
The entire time the spell was employed, I had perfect control of it. I didn’t even feel strained like I did the last few times I cast it. It doesn’t make sense that it would fail so abruptly, so suddenly. My magic does unpredictable things but it’s never done anything like that before. It’s almost like someone else removed the spell.
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