Always Yours

by Kari March

  I shook my head trying to clear my jumbled thoughts and finished applying my make-up in my bathroom mirror. I felt a little undressed but Tessa had said it was a backyard country party so I figured my off the shoulder, orange t-shirt and jeans were perfect. I checked my outfit one last time before stepping into my comfy gold and brown sandals and headed out the door.

  Picking up Cam, I decided to let him drive my car out to Matt's place, which was east of town about thirty minutes. It was abnormally quiet in the car and I wondered if he was starting to pick up on my bothersome attitude towards him. I watched out the window as the buildings turned to fields and the pavement turned to dirt. The houses became few and far between and the sky was blazing with bright shades of blue and orange as the sun began to set behind the Rocky Mountains.

  "Did I do something wrong?" Cam asked quietly, breaking the odd silence between us.

  I didn't know if I should pour all of my issues into his lap or not. I decided to keep what I was feeling to myself—at least for now. "No, why do you ask?"

  "You just seem....how do I put this..." he mumbled, and I knew the words I was about to hear were going to piss me off, "like you're surfing the crimson wave."

  Slowly, I turned my head and glared at him.

  Did he really just go there? Here I was, trying to avoid confrontation and he accuses me of PMS.

  I couldn't even speak—I just sat there, the friction between us growing.

  "Okay, maybe not," he said as he quickly turned his attention back to the road.

  "I'm going to pretend like you didn't just say that to me," I warned.

  "Then what's wrong? I feel like you're angry or annoyed with me."

  "I'm fine," I huffed as I crossed my arms over my chest. "Can you just drop it?"

  "You're fine? Come on, I'm not stupid, firecracker, I know that when a woman says 'she's fine' she's anything but. Amber used to—"

  "Ugh! Enough about Amber," I yelled at him, putting my head in my hands. "You talk about her non-stop and I can't fucking take it anymore!" I looked over at him and the expression on his face was pure shock. "It's obvious you still love her, Cam, and I understand that, but how do you think it makes me feel every time you say her name?"

  He stared at the road in front of him, his face void of all emotion as he held on to the steering wheel with both hands. I watched his Adams-apple shift in his throat as I waited impatiently for him to speak. I felt the car decelerate and he pulled over.

  Putting it in park he turned slowly in his seat so he was facing me. "I'm not in love with her," he declared, his voice shaky and unconvinced. "I used to think what I felt for her was love but now...I'm not so sure. She was such a significant part of my life that it's hard not to reference back to her." He reached across the console and took my hand, bringing it up to his lips, kissing my knuckles gently. "I'm sorry, and I'll try not to talk about her. I wouldn't want to keep you in this PMS state." I narrowed my eyes at him. "What? I don't like your pissy mood syndrome. It makes me want to protect my boys." His lips curled up into a cocky smirk and I couldn't help but grin back at him. He always had a way of calming me down.

  "Well, if you don't watch yourself I might just have to hurt them," I cautioned seductively as I ran my hand up his leg.

  "Promise?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. Grabbing hold of my hand, he placed it on his dick, pushing his pelvis into me. "You can hurt them anytime you want as long as you kiss them better when you're done."

  I could feel his hardness pressing up against his jeans so I grasped him roughly. A deep growl radiated from his chest as his head fell back against the seat. "Do we have to go to this party tonight? Can't we drive and get lost somewhere instead?" he asked me.

  "I'm pretty sure Blake and Tess will kill us if we don't show up but maybe we can sneak out early," I suggested as I rubbed him through his jeans, thoroughly teasing him.

  "Jesus Christ, woman, if you don't stop, I swear I will take you right here. I will bend you over the hood so everyone passing by can see what I do to you." He shot up seizing each side of my face and kissed me hard. "I'm gonna come so many times in you later that I'm going to be spilling out of you for days."

  Matt's party was in full swing by the time we arrived. The front of his house was littered with vehicles and swarms of people were making their way around to the back of the house as we parked. I could hear the music pumping as soon as I opened my door. "Teenage Dream" was playing and suddenly I had an overly dismal feeling in the pit of my stomach. Cam looked over at me once he heard it and shrugged nonchalantly. I knew it was just a coincidence but it seemed as though the more I tried to rid myself of all things Amber, the more present she became.

  Cam came around the car and placed his hand on the small of my back as he started to lead me towards the party. "Are you going to be able to keep your PMS at bay, firecracker?" I elbowed him in the chest and he grunted with a deep chuckle. "Easy or I will make due on my earlier threat. We aren't that far away from the car. I could have you thrown over my shoulder and screaming my name in sixty seconds if need be."

  "You're such a pig," I said, rolling my eyes.

  "Oink, oink, baby," he snorted and I just shook my head frivolously as we made our way up to the house.

  When we rounded the corner to the backyard I couldn't believe how many people were here. There was no way Matt actually knew all of these people. His deck and lawn were completely covered with bodies and by the look of it there were even more pouring out of his walk-out basement. The patio had been made into a makeshift dance floor and I noticed Brent and his DJ equipment set up in the corner.

  I spotted Blake and Tessa right away. Tessa was leaning over the railing and shouting at someone below. I followed her line of sight down to the ground and noticed Lexi. She was retrieving drinks out of a red and white cooler as she yelled back the different options to Tess. "Coors, Bud Light, Corona...you name it, doll, and it's here."

  "Coors is fine," Tess hollered back.

  We walked up behind Lexi and Cam opened another cooler, retrieving two Bud Lights. "Hey, Lexi, need some help?" I offered and she spun around on her heel, nearly falling over. Cam steadied her and she giggled when his hands touched her side. I think she was already a bit tipsy.

  "Oh, hey, you guys," she gushed. "I'm so happy you came." She reached out and pulled me into a giant hug. "This is going to be the best party ever!" she cheered and I looked at Cam over her shoulder. He brought an imaginary glass up to his lips and threw his head back like he was chugging it.

  "Is everything okay, Lex? You seem a little...." I trailed off as she released me.

  "Drunk," Cam chimed in.

  She spun around and gave Cam a dirty look. "No! I'm good, really. I mean, I've had a few shots but I'm switching to beer now, so I'll be fine," she slurred.

  "That's good, but how about you drink this real fast before that beer," Cam said as he handed her a bottle of water from the cooler.

  "Okay!" Lexi took the container and chugged it.

  "Hey," I heard Tessa's voice call out from behind us. I turned around and saw her and Blake walking towards us. "When did you guys get here?" she asked in a bubbly voice.

  "Just now," I replied. "We were just asking Lex here if she needed some help."

  Tessa leaned in and whispered in my ear, "She's a little drunk. She found out today that she lost her paid internship with Soiree Events. It's been her dream to work there since they planned her brother's wedding six years ago and she was supposed to start Monday."

  "Oh, that sucks. What's she going to do?"

  "I don't know, but she needs to find a job. Her dad was helping her with her apartment while she was in school but the funds he gave her are running out."

  "She could work at the bar," I suggested as I looked over to Lexi.

  Her head shot up and she stared at us. "Really?" Lexi asked hopeful.

  "Of course! You work mainly for tips but with your blond hair and blue eyes, you'll make bank. The guys will love you
," I teased, winking at her. She laughed and I heard a loud exasperated sigh come from behind me. Turning around I saw the back of Matt's head as he stomped his way inside. Looking back at Lex I could tell she was just as confused as I was about what just happened.

  As the night went on my uneasiness kept climbing, but all things considered, the night had gone smoothly. Cam and I had been getting along fantastically and he hadn't mentioned the "A" word since we arrived. But something in my gut was telling me tonight was going to end in disaster and I couldn't shake the feeling no matter how hard I tried.

  Standing on the deck I looked over the railing to try and find Cam. He had left a while ago to grab us some beers but hadn't returned yet. Searching the sea of people my eyes landed on a sultry blonde in a hot pink strapless dress. She stood out like a sore thumb, dressed to the nine like she should be at a downtown club and not a backyard party. She seemed familiar to me and I became engrossed as I watched her move around the dance floor, flirting with every guy she came close to.

  Spinning around, she looked up as if she knew she was being watched and when she caught my stare my stomach plummeted at the mischievous way her eyes bored into me. A wicked grin flashed across her face and I swear it was like she was trying to intimidate me. It was like I was watching a horror movie—no matter how hard I tried I couldn't force myself to look away.

  "Wow, what the hell is her problem?" Tessa said from behind me. I flinched, breaking eye contact with the woman below before turning around.

  "Beats me." I shrugged my shoulders. "Do you know her?" I asked.

  "Nope, never seen her before," Tess said as she looked down at her. "She looks like a bitch though."

  I couldn't help but laugh. "That she does."

  "Come, lady, let's go find the guys," she said as she pulled me away from the balcony.

  The night only got more interesting the later it became. Tessa and a very intoxicated Lexi kicked our asses at Corn-hole and Blake and Tessa gave a rather explicit body shot demonstration in front of the entire party—everyone needed cold showers after that. Blake and Tessa disappeared almost instantly and I didn't even want to think about what it was they were doing.

  Cam led me out to the dance floor as "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw began to play. He spun me around and held me close as the music drifted through the night air. I rested my head on his chest and he moved us ever so slowly.

  As the lyrics played I felt a sense of warmth between Cam and me. I knew we were both scared of getting hurt but I was beginning to realize that being honest with him was the only way he was ever going to trust me with his heart.

  "What are we doing, Cam?" I asked quietly.

  He looked down at me. "What do you mean? We're dancing."

  "No, I mean, what are we doing? Do you see this going anywhere?"

  He closed his eyes for a moment. "I know I'm not ready to let you go, if that's what you're insinuating."

  "Not at all, I just...I want to make sure you're in the same place as me," I confessed.

  "I am, firecracker. I always have been," he said as he kissed the top of my head. "I'm happy with our situation right now; I'm becoming the man I want to be with you."

  That was all I needed to hear from him. Pushing up on my tiptoes I pulled him to me and kissed him with everything I had. He intensified his hold on me and deepened the kiss, running his hands over my backside and desire coursed to my core.

  "What are you doing to me, firecracker?" he whispered and I looked up at him, my heart fluttering. I shrugged my shoulders unable to speak and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I can't get enough of you." He pushed his hips forward so I felt his growing erection press into me.

  This was the Cam that I was falling for—the sweet, sexy, playful Cam—the Cam that didn't think, he just felt and right now I knew what he was feeling—I was feeling it too.

  He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as his mouth found mine again. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to leave before the uncanny feeling I was having became real.

  "Let's get lost," I told him between kisses.

  I felt a smile cross his lips as his hand reached up and cupped my face. "You read my mind, firecracker, let's go."

  He set me down gently, taking my hand, and led us through the maze of people. Just as we reached the end of the masses, I smacked into him as he came to a dead stop. His grip on me tightened, his palms instantly becoming clammy. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of hot pink moving closer to us and my heart began to beat out of my chest. The woman from earlier was making her way towards us with a huge seductive smirk on her red stained lips. I watched as Cam's face paled before me. His eyes large and fearful the closer she got to us.

  "Oh my God, Cam, is that really you?" she said as she pushed her way through a group of people. Cam released my hand as the woman threw her arms around his neck, practically knocking him and me over.

  I stumbled backwards and watched as Cam's demeanor changed. He enveloped her in his arms and buried his face in her hair, picking her up off the ground ever so slightly.

  Who the fuck is this chick?

  "What are you doing here?" I heard Cam quietly say from behind her hair, almost like he didn't want me to hear him.

  "I just got back from California last week. I got a job offer here, can you believe it?" She pushed away from the embrace as she continued. "I can't believe it's really you. I've missed you so much."

  Vile started to rise in my throat. I had a horrible feeling about this girl the moment I laid eyes on her pink, flashy dress. And now my heart strings were being fucked with as I sat here and watched Cam interact with her.

  After what felt like hours, Cam finally tore his eyes from her and glanced over at me. He swallowed hard, rubbing the back of his neck as he kept his intense, confused eyes fixed on me. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to be anywhere but in this moment—anywhere but stuck under his remorseful gaze. He held my stare as he said five words that tugged so hard on my heart it burst into flames. "I've missed you too...Amber."

  Amber.

  Her name echoed through my head, over and over again as everything around me spun wildly out of control. Squeezing my eyes shut, adrenaline coursed through my veins as the reality of the situation overwhelmed me.

  "Oh, did I interrupt something?" Amber asked coldly as she looked back and forth between Cam and me.

  I couldn't speak; the only thing I could do was watch Cam as he lowered his eyes and answered her, "No, not really, we were, uh, just getting ready to take off."

  "Do you have to go so soon?" Amber whined as she placed her hand on Cam's shoulder. "I would love to catch up for a bit."

  "Umm, yeah, sure, we could maybe stay for a bit longer," he said, looking in my direction but I diverted my eyes. There was no way I was going to allow him to see how this was emotionally impacting me, especially after what just happened between us.

  "Yay," Amber squealed, clapping her hands together. "Should we go grab a drink then?" She turned and looked at me like I was the dirt beneath her fancy high heels. "Are you coming too?" Her snobby voice lit a fire deep within me. If Cam wasn't going to give her a piece of her own medicine then I was.

  Amber was a bitch, straight down to the core and there was no way I was going to let her intimidate me, even when Cam was in the process of breaking my heart.

  I'll deal with that later; right now I need to be strong.

  "Absolutely," I clamored in an ecstatic, fake voice. Cam's eyes shot straight to mine and I glared at him, my anger giving me a new sense of self-assurance. "I could really use a shot. Have you ever had a Blond Headed Slut?" Amber shot me a dirty look but I just kept talking. "I'm Cara, by the way." I extended my hand to her even though the thought of touching her made me sick.

  "Amber," she said callously, taking my hand.

  "So I heard," I bit out, never once taking my eyes off of Cam.

  Tipping my head back, I let the pungent liquid slide down my throat. It burned
as it hit my stomach and I slammed the shot glass on the table next to the four others I had consumed before.

  It was pure torture listening to Cam and Amber talk about their past—their relationship. And Amber's laugh—Jesus, it sounded worse than a fork scrapping across glass. Cam had been quiet, only chiming in when she asked him a question but he was far from innocent. I could see it in the way he watched her. Maybe he was just wrapped up in the moment but I knew he still had feelings there.

  Cam hadn't said one word to me, let alone looked at me, since we sat down with Amber. When she finally reached across the table and touched his leg, I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. Excusing myself, I left them to reminisce by themselves.

  I decided to find Tessa, she was the closest friend I had here and I needed to talk to someone about this messed up shit. I spotted Blake on the deck, talking to Matt and figured she would be up there so I headed that way.

  About to ascend the stairs I heard a profound, gruff voice utter out, "Sucks, doesn't it?"

  Right away I knew who it belonged to. "What are you talking about, Adam?" I said exasperated, following his voice around the stairs. He looked like a deranged maniac sitting in the shadows, leaning on his knees with his chin resting on his fists while the strobe light from the dance floor illuminated his eyes with each flash—it was eerily arousing.

  He nodded his head in Cam and Amber's direction. "Being second place. It sucks, huh?"

  I looked over my shoulder towards the two of them, Adam's words ripping a hole in my chest. He was right though, I was second place—I always was and always would be.

  "You need a drink, sweetheart," he said, offering me a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels.