by Kari March
The realization of what was happening before my very eyes finally caught up to me and I caved.
It was over.
No—it never began—he was never mine, I was never his and it was time to move on.
My eyes stung, tears began to form, but that was as far as I let them get. I wasn't going to shed them. Not over a guy. I was done crying over men and Cam Greer wasn't going to be an exception.
Swiping the bottle out of Adam's hand, I took a swig. He patted the chair next to him, yielding me to take a seat, and I did.
Adam smirked at me, his sexy dimple spotting his cheek—his eyes hooded with wicked chaos. "Do you want me to kick the shit out of him? Because I'll do it, you just say the word. While we're at it, why don't you punch the blond bimbo over there and we can make it a double beating."
I couldn't contain my laughter. I never expected Adam to say that of all things. He was usually so serious and inappropriate.
"Doesn't sound like a bad idea, but I think I'll pass. Thanks though," I said, smiling at him.
"Alright, but my offer still stands." I handed him back his bottle of Jack and he took a drink. "You know what would be fun?"
"What?" I said intrigued.
"Making the game even." I looked at him like he was drunk and he probably was. "You know, making him feel the way you feel right now."
The alcohol was starting to cloud my head and the thought of giving Cam a piece of his own medicine seemed interesting. I knew I was going to be playing with fire but I didn't care, I had already been burned. Pushing my better judgment aside, I let the liquor take over. "What did you have in mind?"
Amber was here.
Cara had disappeared.
And I had fucked up royally.
I watched, frozen in place, as Amber took my phone and entered her number into my contacts.
What the fuck was I doing?
My mind was running in circles—replaying everything that had happened since the moment I saw Amber. At first, seeing her was like a goddamn dream. Memories overtook me and it was like she had never left. Then reality sunk in—Cara had seen everything and I was such a piece of shit. Cara was never good at hiding her emotions—they read on her face like a book—even when she thought she was hiding them.
I don't even know how I wound up sitting here talking to Amber. Everything was a blur, except the painful, disillusioning look in Cara's eyes. I hadn't heard more than a few words Amber had said since Cara downed her fifth shot and excused herself.
Where was she anyway?
Not that I could blame her for getting up, not after the way I reacted to this mess, but I figured she would have been back by now.
"Are you even listening to me?" I heard Amber say. Her overbearing voice pierced my ears, pulling me back from my thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm listening," I said as I scanned the crowds searching for Cara.
"I was thinking it would be nice if we met for drinks sometime." Amber was speaking again but I still wasn't really listening.
Shifting my gaze, I spotted Cara and her beautiful smile. She was sitting down in a chair next to the stairs, laughing, as she drank from what looked like a bottle of Jack Daniels. My heart began thudding erratically in my chest when I saw Adam standing in front of her. He extended his hand to her and when she willing accepted it every muscle in my body tensed.
He led her out to the dance floor, his hand at the small of her back. She looked carefree and happy as she nudged her shoulder into his, knocking his drunk ass off balance. Turning her head, she laughed as she steadied him.
"So, do you want to?" Amber asked impatiently.
"Yeah, sure," I grumbled without even knowing what I was agreeing to. I was too engulfed with what I was witnessing to even care about what Amber was saying. I just wanted Amber to shut the fuck up for two damn seconds so I could wrap my head around what was going on.
The beat to "Just A Dream" by Nelly bounced through the speakers and the first few lyrics were like a knife in my heart. I had refused to label what Cara and I were doing and as I watched Adam wrap his fucking arms around her waist the blade twisted in deeper.
With her back to his chest, I watched them, my fists clenched at my sides as his hands gripped low on her hips moving them side to side. She ran her fingers through her hair, tilting her neck to the side as Adam buried his face in her neck. My blood was boiling now. I shot up from my chair just as Adam looked up at me. He shot me a malicious smirk just as his tongue darted out from his mouth, licking Cara from her ear down to her collarbone. Cara's eyes rolled into the back of her head and the sexy grin that played on her face fucking infuriated me.
What the fuck was she doing with him? Did she want me to go to jail?
I stalked towards them, every nerve in my body ready to fight when Blake came blazing past me. He was just as pissed as I was, if not more, and when I looked in front of him I saw Tessa pushing some guy out of the way as Blake's fist wrenched backwards. Tessa jumped in front of the punch, taking a direct hit to her temple, and falling lifelessly to the ground.
Cara's hands flew to her mouth and the music stopped as everyone at the party fell silent. The only sound you could hear was the painful echo of Blake's cries as he tried to wake up Tess.
Everything was dark. The pungent smell of antiseptic stung my senses as I inhaled and I winced in response. The only sound I could hear was a low methodical beep coming from beside me. My eyes fluttered open slowly. My blurry vision and the bright light made it practically impossible to see. Blinking a few times, my eyes finally adjusted and the first thing I saw was my mother.
Why is she in my room?
Her head was down, her eyes closed, and her cheeks were stained with black streaks as she stood at the end of my bed. Her shoulders were shaking as soft sobs evaded her chest. She was crying, but it wasn't just a sad cry, it was the type of hysterics you have when you lose someone you love. I would know, I felt that same pain when Lance left.
Did something happen to Royce?
I needed to be with her, I need to comfort her. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. My throat was raw and trying to swallow felt like sand paper on an open wound. Raising my hand to my neck to ease some of the pain I noticed an IV, and that's when I took in my surroundings.
White stark walls and strange machines overtook the room. I was in a hospital bed.
The accident.
Everything came rushing back, knocking the wind straight out of me and I panicked.
I tried to sit up but I couldn't. The pain was too much. My legs felt like lead, my stomach like fire. I was too weak, too fragile and too tired. Crashing back down onto the bed, my mother was at my side.
"Care-bear, just relax, breathe, Cara, it's alright," she said as she stroked my hair.
Tears spilled out of my eyes. "Is...Is she okay?" I choked out, grabbing for my stomach, I knew something wasn't right. My stomach felt different.
The downturned corners of her mouth and the lifeless look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know.
She didn't make it.
My baby was gone.
I jolted awake as my nightmare came to an end. Sitting up entirely too fast, my head pounded like a hooker on payday. Rubbing my temples with my fingers, I let out a muffled moan and fell back down onto my pillow, pulling the covers over my face. Only it wasn't my pillow or my covers. Snippets from the night before came back to me and the more I remembered the more my head hurt.
Cam and Amber....Lots of shots....Jack Daniels....Dancing.....and Adam. Fuck! Adam!
Peeking out from behind the sheet, I prayed I hadn't made a huge mistake. As soon as I opened my eyes I noticed I was in Cam's bed—alone.
Thank God!
Throwing the covers off me, I sat up and reached for my phone. Swiping the screen I checked my text messages. There was one from Cam and five from Shay. I opened Shay's first. There were four from last night and one from this morning.
Sorry Chica. :( I'll be there soon
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I'm here. Come outside.
Where are you?
I'm going to kill Cam.
WTF? R U alright? What happened last night? Call me ASAP
I couldn't recall all of the details from last night. One minute I was pissed at Cam for the whole Amber situation, and the next, I was grinding my ass into Adam.
I'm such an idiot.
I remember Blake hitting Tessa but the memories after that were too fuzzy to make out.
I couldn't talk to Shay right now but I needed to let her know I was okay.
I'm fine...I think. Call U in a bit.
I opened Cam's text next.
I'm sorry...For everything. Plz don't leave. Went for a run. Be back soon.
As I read his words, recollections of the rest of the night came back to me.
"What the fuck, Cara?" he said as we walked to the car.
"Really, Cam, you're really going to start this conversation like this?" I asked, walking faster, my arms folded over my chest.
"Yeah, I am." He sped up so he was next to me again. "What the hell were you doing with Adam? He was all over you." He tried to cover up the envious tone in his voice with fits of anger.
"At least someone was," I mumbled, opening my car door. I got in the passenger side, pissed off that I wouldn't be able to drive.
He got in the car and slammed his door shut. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, Cam. Can you please just get to your place so I can go home?" I didn't want to fight, not right now.
"You're not going home tonight. You're fucking hammered. There's no way I'm letting you drive," he said, his jaw tight.
I exhaled a deep breath. I just wanted to go home. "You can't tell me what to do. If I want to go home I fucking will." I knew I shouldn't drive and I knew it would be impossible to get the keys away from Cam, but that didn't mean I couldn't call Shay to come pick me up.
"What the hell is your problem, firecracker?" he asked, like he didn't have a clue as to why I was pissed off and drunk in the first place.
Heat rushed through my body and I lost it."You're my fucking problem!" I yelled at him, tears threatening to escape. "I can't believe you. You see Amber and suddenly I don't fucking exist anymore. Then you have the nerve to ask me what my problem is?" His grip tightened on the steering wheel as he glared at the road in front of us. He wasn't talking so I decided to continue while I had the chance. "I had to sit there and listen to her annoying voice, watch her flirt with you and touch you. How would you feel if the tables were reversed? If I was sitting there with my ex and I refused to look at you, to talk to you or even acknowledge your presence." Turning away from him I stared out the window as the looming tears finally escaped and made their way down my face.
"Yeah, you're right. I sat and had a conversation with my ex. I probably shouldn't have and I probably should've stopped her when she touched me and when she flirted." His tone was harsh and unkind even though he was admitting he was wrong. "And I know I should have handled it all differently." He paused and I looked at him, fearful of what was coming next. "But at least I didn't let her fucking lick me! At least I didn't grind my dick into her in front of everyone," he growled, belittling me with his words.
"You act like I fucking cheated on you, Cam. But you can't cheat on someone you aren't exclusive with. I kept up my end of the deal. I didn't spread my legs for him." He recoiled at my words. "You didn't want labels, remember? I tried to move us forward; I tried to make something out of us. But I'm thankful as fuck that it didn't happen. You showed me where your heart lies tonight. And it isn't with me."
He swallowed hard as his tense posture weakened, his shoulders drooping. I knew I had hurt him and in the moment it felt good, but now I was seeing the mistake I had made by doing what I did. Taking my phone out, I sent Shay a text.
Fighting with Cam...2 drunk 2 drive...can u pick me up at his place?
I passed out shortly after hitting send.
I don't remember anything else after that. Cam must have carried me inside and put me to bed. I knew he was going to want to talk about what happened but I wasn't anywhere near ready to face him. I needed to rummage through the chaos in my head first. I was confused about so many things that talking to him would just make it worse.
I swung my feet over the edge of the bed. I was dressed in a navy blue Southlands Fire t-shirt and a pair of Cam's boxers. My clothes were folded neatly in a pile on top of his dresser and next to them was a bottle of water, four Advil and my keys.
I didn't even change. I collected my stuff and headed downstairs, hoping Cam would still be gone. I didn't like sneaking out like this but I had to.
I walked through the kitchen and just as I made it to the door I heard his phone buzzing on the counter. Something in my gut was telling me I needed to look at it, so I walked over and picked it up. He had a new text message from Amber.
He gave her his number?
Tapping the alert, I opened the message. There were several exchanges between the two of them so I scrolled to the top and started reading.
Sat 11:30pm Amber - Now you have my number. :)
Sat 11:32pm Cam - Yeah thanks
Sun 1:06am Amber - Do you still want to meet for drinks?
Sun 1:12am Cam - I don't know, Amber. I don't think I should.
Sun 1:16am Amber - Come on, baby, you know you want to.
Sun 2:30am Cam - When do you want to meet?
Sun 2:31am Amber - Fri night...Club Bliss...9pm?
Sun 9:24am Cam - Fine.
Sun 10:34am Amber - Can't wait 2 see U, baby. We have lots to talk about. See you then ;)
My stomach clenched and nausea sank in.
He was going to see her again?
Setting the phone down, I ran out to my car and left.
Once I was out of his neighborhood I dialed Shay's number.
"It's about time, are you okay?" she said, her voice full of concern.
"No, I'm not." I quietly replied.
"What happened last night? I came to get you and when you didn't come out I got worried. I knocked on the door and when Cam answered it he looked fucking miserable. He said you had passed out. When I tried to come in and get you he wouldn't let me. He told me I wasn't allowed to take you away from him. That he had to talk to you as soon as you woke up or else he would lose you."
"He said that?" I asked, completely shocked.
"Yeah, he was a real ass about it too."
"Ugh, everything is so messed up. Amber showed up at the party last night." The hurt was evident in my tone.
"Wait, his ex Amber?"
"Yep," I said popping the 'P’.
"What did he do?" she asked hesitantly.
"He fucking broke my heart." I quickly wiped the unshed tears from my eyes.
"I'll fucking kill him," she vowed. "Are you on your way home? Did you talk to him yet?" I could hear her keys rattle in the background and I knew she was heading for her car.
"No, he went for a run and I left. I can't face him yet," I confessed. "I think he still loves her." The words made my stomach ache.
"It'll be okay, Cara. I'm on my way. We will figure this out." I heard her car door shut as I pulled up to my house.
"Alright, see you soon. Thanks, Shay." I hung up and parked my car.
I sat in my car with my arms draped over the steering wheel, my head resting on them. I debated about going back to Cam's. He asked me not to leave and that was the first thing I did. I ran—again. The knots in my stomach kept twisting together the more I thought about it. It was like detangling a necklace, the harder I tried the more matted it became. I needed to slow down and map out my thoughts if I ever wanted to make sense of what I wanted.
Taking a deep breath I forced myself out of the car. My head still hurt, I was beyond tired and I felt disgustingly dirty. All I wanted to do was shower and go back to bed. As soon as I shut the door to my house my phone chimed, alerting me to a new text—I knew it was Cam.
Why did you
leave? I'm coming over. We need to talk.
I couldn't see him. Not yet.
Too hung over to talk. I'll call U tomorrow.
A few moments later the phone rang.
"What, Cam?" I answered with irritation.
"Cara, please, I don't want to wait till tomorrow. We need to work this out."
"Look, I feel like shit, my parents are going to be here in five hours for dinner and I have no food in my house. I can't deal with this right now. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Fine." His voice sounded defeated and I felt bad for running out on him like I did. "Can you just promise me one thing, firecracker?"
"I don't know. Depends on what it is."
"Don't think, just feel."
I shut my eyes, warding off the sting that was mounting behind them. I didn't want to think but my body and heart had finally given out and all that was left was my mind. It took over the moment Amber arrived and Cam knew it. He saw it in my eyes when he looked at me.
Taking a deep breath I tried to compose myself. I needed to sound strong when I answered him. Weakness was not an option anymore. "I can't this time, Cam. I'm sorry."
I hung up and sunk to my knees. My chest was tightening and a cold wave of loneliness washed through me. I already knew what I had to do. I just didn't know how I was going to do it.
"Is something bothering you, Care-bear? You seem so quiet tonight," Royce asked me from across the table. He could always tell when something was wrong with someone. Even people he didn't know.
"I'm alright; I just had a late night so I'm kind of tired," I said, trying to ease the concern in my mother's eyes.
Royce looked at me like he knew I was keeping something hidden. I never told them about Cam and I didn't feel the need to divulge it now, seeing as how it wasn't going to last.
"So, how was Europe?" I asked my mother, trying to divert the attention away from me.
Her eyes lit up at the chance to ramble about her dream vacation. "Oh, Cara, it was fantastic. You would have loved London."
Her and Royce went on and on about the trip. I listened to some of it, but mainly I thought about Cam and what I was going to say to him. I didn't know if I should bring up the texts from Amber or just leave it alone. Part of me wanted to know where his head was and another part of me just wanted it to be over with. I knew he was going to fight me, try to make me give in to him but I there was no way I was letting that happen. He was still in love with Amber and I didn't want to be—as Adam put it—second place. I wanted to be someone's number one for once in my life.