by Kari March
He pushed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. "Why is it we're always saying good-bye?"
"I guess it's just in our cards."
A tear rolled down my cheek as he softly pressed his lips to mine. I could taste the salt from my tear as he entered my mouth, deepening the kiss. He enfolded me in his strong arms as his kiss turned desperate—he knew this was the end.
Pulling away he took my face in his hands. "I want you one last time, Cara. There's no tomorrow for us. Tonight, let's forget about everything." He kissed the corner of my mouth and my heart broke. "Let me make love to you," he whispered. I closed my eyes as he trailed his mouth down my neck to my collarbone. "Let me feel you."
I didn't even try to speak. I knew I wouldn't be able to, so I nodded—silently agreeing as I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. He kissed me hard as he picked me up in his arms. Never breaking the kiss, he carried me upstairs to my bedroom.
He set me on my feet next to the bed. Pushing my hair out of my face, he grabbed my neck and kissed my forehead before running his hands slowly down my body. He never took his eyes off mine and I could tell from the look in them he wanted to savor every second of this.
"Lift up your arms," he said and I obeyed. He removed my shirt and ran is hands over my body again. The roughness of his skin touching mine made a rush of desire flow straight to my core and I rolled my body into his touch in response. God, I missed his hands on me.
Reaching around me, he unclasped my bra before pushing it down my arms, letting it fall to our feet. "So gorgeous," he murmured, eyeing my body. Pulling my body to his he wrapped his arms around my waist. My skin tingled as he streamed light, wet kisses across my shoulder and goose bumps broke out all over my skin.
Tugging at his shirt, I pulled it over his head before running my fingers down his perfectly toned chest and abs. Slipping my hands into his jeans I grabbed his hardness and he released a deep, throaty moan into my ear. The sound traveled through my body, straight to my sex. I was soaking wet and desperately wanted to feel him...all of him. I knew he wanted to take it slow but I couldn't wait. Frantically, my shaking hands made their way to the button on his jeans.
My fingers tried to work quickly, but before I could unfasten it, he grabbed my hands and pulled them away. "We have all night, firecracker. I don't want to rush this. I want to feel it....I want to feel you."
He slammed his lips down on mine again and pushed me backwards until my legs connected with the bed. Carefully, he lowered me onto it and then crawled over me, his muscles flexing with every movement.
He took my breast into his mouth and swirled his tongue around my nipple, making me writhe beneath him. Kissing every inch of my stomach, he made his way down my body, stopping when he reached my jeans. He unbuttoned them and slowly pulled them down my legs, his fingers brushing my skin. It was pure torture.
Oh, God!
He kissed his way back up my right leg as his hands slipped under my panties. He tugged lightly and I lifted my hips so he could slip them off. He discarded them on the floor then he moved to my left leg, kissing it little by little. My whole body was shaking with desire. I wanted him so bad.
When he reached my thigh he poked his head up and smirked at me. "Spread those legs for me, firecracker." He pushed on my thighs and I relaxed, allowing my legs to fall open.
He slid his tongue down my folds, avoiding all contact with my clit and I released a long moan. Is he slowly trying to kill me? Hovering between my legs, he gradually kissed and teased every inch of me. The throbbing inside of me was building with each lick—like a thunderstorm, waiting to unleash. My hands fisted in the sheets while my eyes rolled back in my head. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to take this. His mouth was pure fucking heaven and when he finally flicked his tongue over my clit, every feeling that had been mounting inside of me surged to the surface like a hot bolt of lightning. I cried out as he continued to assault me—brushing his tongue over my nub harder and faster until my orgasm raked through my body in waves.
My breathing calmed and when I opened my eyes he was already crawling over me again. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and I could taste the saltiness of my arousal. I dug my fingers into his back and scraped my nails down his back. Groaning into my mouth, he pushed his pelvis into me, his hardness pressing into me through his jeans.
There is way too much clothing between us.
Pushing on his shoulders I tried to turn him over but he wouldn't budge. "I want to return the favor. Let me taste you," I said breathlessly.
He grabbed my wrists and pinned them over my head. "Tonight is all about you, firecracker." He leaned down and kissed my neck. "Just relax and feel me."
Every nerve ending in my body reacted to his words. Lighting up like the neon lights of Vegas, they buzzed with currents of electricity. He released my hands and stood up in front of me. Little by little he pushed his jeans down, freed his erection. Biting down on my lower lip, I memorized every inch of his spectacular body as he stood before me.
My sex tightened when he took himself in his hand. "Do you want this inside you?" he asked, looking down at his erection.
"More than I've wanted anything in this whole fucking world," I replied, my voice rough and full of need. "Make love to me, Cam."
I said the words and they ripped at my heart. I knew this was going to be the last time we were ever together and it killed me.
An approving grin materialized on his face. "Your wish is my command."
She wanted me to make love to her and that was exactly my plan. Tonight was all about her. I wanted her to remember this forever because I knew I would.
Trapping her in my gaze, I climbed over her trembling body as she spread her legs for me. I pressed my dick against her sex and instantly felt her arousal. She was ready for me and I fucking loved it. "God, you’re fucking soaked, firecracker."
Looking down at her I watched her face as I slowly slid into her. Every muscle in her face twisted with pleasure as the walls of her pussy clenched around me. She was so tight. "Oh, fuck," I muttered. "Your pussy feels so fucking good, baby."
She rocked her hips into me and mumbled something I couldn't make out. By the sounds she was making though, I assumed it was positive. I pulled out of her and her legs squeezed around me. "No don't." She grabbed my backside, pushing me down into her again. "I want you as close to me as possible. I want to feel all of you. Please, don't pull away."
Tears started to fill her eyes and I knew I wanted to be face to face with her—holding her tight as we made love. "Come here, firecracker," I said as I pushed off of her and stood up.
Taking her hand I helped her up and then I took a seat on the edge of the bed. I pulled her to me and she climbed on top of my lap. She lowered herself gently, sliding over me and I filled every fucking inch of her perfectly.
I pushed a lose piece of hair out of her face and whispered into her ear, "Can you feel me?" I hoped she would understand my double meaning.
She inhaled a deep breath as she tried to keep the tears at bay. "I can feel everything, Cam." Grabbing my head with her hands she stared into my eyes as she began rocking her hips back and forth. "I can feel it here," she said, thrusting her hips forward. "And here." She trailed her fingers down my chest, landing on my heart. I pulled her closer and kissed her lips until we both ran out of air.
With our foreheads pressed together and our eyes locked on one another we moved in unison. Our breathing increased as the passion rose between us. As we climbed higher and higher to our climaxes, I could feel myself breaking down. I didn't want this to end. I wasn't ready to say goodbye and as the tears finally began to roll down her cheeks I knew she wasn't ready either.
The pressure in my dick started to become unbearable and I knew it wasn't much longer before I exploded. Cradling her face, I wiped the moisture away from her eyes with my thumb. "I love you, firecracker," I whispered and her eyes shut tightly as more streams fell down her face. I kisse
d them lightly and she wrapped her arms around me, clinging to me desperately.
She moved harder and faster, her warm pussy tightened around me like a vice grip and I knew she was on the edge. She opened her eyes and found mine as I pushed deeper into her. "I love you too," she whispered and that was my undoing. The pressure finally burst and an explosion of electricity blasted through me. Closing my eyes, my whole body tensed as I shot into her, my dick twitching with each gush.
Opening my eyes I watched as she fell over the edge with me. Her whole body was shaking, her head falling back as her mouth opened and a loud scream of pleasure escaped. Her nails dug into my shoulders and I pulled her closer, still thrashing into her so she could ride out her orgasm.
As we came back down to earth we didn't move. Her head was resting on my chest, her arms around my neck. My arms were secured tightly around her waist. I never wanted to let her go. Resting my head on hers I closed my eyes. I could feel her tears dripping onto my skin like rain drops falling from the sky but I still didn't move. Maybe if we just stayed like this forever we wouldn't have to face reality tomorrow.
I woke up the next morning before the sun rose with Cam still wrapped around me. His arms and legs were draped over me like a warm blanket and I smiled knowing he was still here. Reaching for my phone, I checked the time—5:27am.
I stayed completely still, matching his breathing, breath for breath, hoping he wouldn't wake up. Shutting my eyes tightly, I prayed I would fall back to sleep. I wasn't ready for him to let me go. I wanted one more day. One more night to get my fill of him before he moved on.
But the cards didn't give a shit about what I wanted—they never fucking did. Soon, he was awake and stretching his arms over his head. "What time is it?" He yawned.
"5:30," I said, rolling over so I was facing him.
He turned his head and looked at me, his eyes filling with sadness as he realized exactly where he was. He opened his arms up to me and I snuggled into his chest. I drew imaginary circles on his chest as he ran his fingers through my hair. We were both stalling. I don't know how long we laid there but it seemed like only seconds when the first dim light from the sun started to shine in through the window.
He took a deep breath, his chest rising as it filled with air. "I can't lay here like this," he said as he exhaled loudly. My heart slammed into my chest. "Come on, firecracker. It's time." He sat up and swung his legs over the bed as he searched for his clothes. I blinked away the tears that were threatening to escape. Pulling the sheet over my body, I wanted to crawl into a cave and never come out. He didn't even look at me as he rummaged through the clothes on the floor. An icy cold shiver ran up my spine as I watched him get dressed. I couldn't believe I was this close to someone who seemed so far away. Sliding his jeans on, he grabbed his shirt and headed straight for the door. He paused in the doorway but never looked back. "Get dressed and come downstairs."
Once he was out of sight, I fell back onto the bed and covered my eyes with my arm. He was being so standoffish. Maybe this was his way of making things easier on himself. I didn't want this to end in such a shitty way but I couldn't force him to act differently.
Let's fucking get this over with.
I threw the sheet off of me, got up, put on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt and headed downstairs. I could smell coffee drifting through the living room as I turned to head into the kitchen and it was making my mouth water. I was going to need fifty cups just to make it through this morning. I stopped moving when I saw Cam standing in front of my kitchen table with two mugs of steaming coffee in his hands and a blanket draped over his arm. "Ready to watch the sunrise, firecracker?" He held out one of the cups for me.
Tilting my head to the side, I pursed my lips. "Um, sure," I said, taking the coffee. "Thanks."
He turned and headed for the back door and I followed. Before sitting down he wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. The air was cool and crisp this morning and fall was in full swing. I pulled a chair next to him and sat down as he looked at me with a pained expression on his face. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"Sitting down," I replied warily.
"You're going to freeze over there. Come sit on my lap." He patted his knee. He opened the blanket and waited for me to move. I just stared at him.
What's up with him? One minute he's grumpy and pushing me away, the next he wants to cuddle? I don't get it. I just wanted to get this horrible morning over with.
"Firecracker, come here," he said in a deep strong voice and I couldn't help myself. Sitting on his lap, he covered me with the blanket, engulfing me with his arms.
We sat in silence for a while, sipping our coffee, watching the dark midnight sky turn into bright colors of orange and purple. The sun was peeking over the horizon, shining light down on a new day.
"I know I've let you down so many times," he said as he nuzzled into my neck. "And this time certainly tops the cake."
"Stop blaming yourself. We've both messed up, Cam. We've always had horrible timing," I said, taking a sip of my coffee.
"I'm just so tired of seeing the pain in your eyes. Last night it was gone and I finally felt at peace. But then this morning, I go and fuck it all up again. I'm so sick of being the reason it's there. I miss seeing the sparkle I saw the first night we met, before all of the shitty cards were dealt out." He huffed.
"Well, after this morning you won't have to worry about seeing that anymore," I said halfway joking and I regretted it as soon as I spoke. I hated my big mouth sometimes.
I felt his body tense up underneath me and I knew my words hurt him. "There are so many things I would do differently with you if I could."
"I know, me too." I laid my head back on his chest.
"I don't want this goodbye to be ugly, Cara. I won't be able to take it," he said softly and my eyes shut.
I knew exactly what he meant. He didn't want to live every day of the rest of his life without closure and neither did I. There was no way I would be able to move on. Getting over Cam was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I never truly got over him. I only convinced myself I had but I was lying. If we parted again with all that anger, I knew I would never survive it.
"Then let's make it beautiful," I said, turning back and looking at him. He smiled and my heart did somersaults in my chest. Leaning forward, he kissed me softly before we returned out attention to the brightening sky.
When the last drop of coffee was gone I took both cups inside and rinsed them out. Cam's phone rang just as I finished and when he answered it I knew exactly who it was. His voice sounded so different as he spoke to her. It was softer in a way and every syllable he spoke worn me down further, shaving off pieces of my heart little by little. Then everything came crashing down on me all at once, and I couldn't breathe.
I didn't think he was really going to say goodbye. But then I heard him tell her they would figure it out and make it work. I knew it had been my idea but I guess that's why I figured he'd stay. I'd been subconsciously waiting for him to say he didn't care about her—that he would find a way to make it work with me and still be there for the baby. But he didn't. And I knew now, one hundred percent that he was leaving. There was no way this was going to be a beautiful goodbye—at least not for me.
I stared out the window in front of my sink as I watched him. His eyes lighting up, his smile growing wide as he spoke to her about the baby. I grabbed the counter to brace myself when I felt my legs start to give out. My vision blurred as tears, once again, formed in my eyes. Hanging my head, I let them fall silently.
When he hung up, I quickly tried to wipe my eyes dry but it was no use, they wouldn't stop. I grabbed a dish towel and pretended like I was wiping down the counter. I heard Cam's footsteps enter the kitchen and stop just behind me.
"Everything okay, Cara?" he asked.
No.
"Yeah, everything fine," I lied.
When I didn't turn around, he wrapped his arms around my waist. He released a heavy sigh. "I have
to get going," he said softly.
I nodded slowly, fidgeting with the dish towel that was still in my hands. He pulled the towel from my grasp and set it on the counter. Spinning me around in his embrace he looked down at me so we were face to face. "How is it possible to be this beautiful even when you're crying?" He reached up and wiped away the tears from my cheeks.
I leaned into his touch. "Thank you, Cam," I muttered as I stared into his eyes.
"For what?" He sounded confused.
"For teaching me to feel again," I choked out with a small smile and his eyes glossed over as he kissed a fresh falling tear on my face.
He pushed his forehead to mine. "I was always yours, firecracker. And a piece of me always will be."
I closed my eyes as I felt him slipping away from my grasp. He trailed his hands down my arms as he backed away from me. The emptiness I knew I would feel once his skin left mine began to creep in as his hands reached my wrists. I raised my arms, reaching out for him, hoping I could feel his touch for just a moment longer. Hoping, maybe he would just stay. The tips of his fingers lost contact with mine and he lingered on my skin as the vacant feeling took over my whole body.
Opening my eyes his back was already to me. He had already turned away. He took a step and my heart broke. He took another and my legs started to tremble. The next made my lungs constrict. Before I knew it I was watching my front door close as I whispered, "Goodbye," through my silent sobs.
He was gone.
Sitting at the station, on the back of the fire truck, I watched the sun creep up over the horizon. The orange and purple hues lightened the black sky and for a moment Cara was back in my arms. I don't know why I did this to myself every damn morning, but I couldn’t help it. It was my way of holding on to her and I didn't plan on ever letting go.