by Kari March
It was my night off and I had just gotten back from getting lost. I took a hot shower, poured myself a glass of wine, pulled out an old shoe box from my closet and sat down to rummage through some old pictures. I had just taken the lid off the box when I heard a soft knock on my door.
When I pulled the door open my heart jumped in my chest like a fucking kangaroo on steroids. Cam was standing before me with a bag of cinnamon bears wrapped in a giant bow. His eyes were lifeless and full of pain, but as soon as they connected with mine a tiny flicker of blue hope returned. I wanted to hold him, leap into his arms and never let go but I refrained.
"What are you doing here?" I asked so quietly I wasn't sure I actually said anything.
He smiled at me and just like that, it washed away every ounce of heartache I had ever endured with him.
"I didn't know where else to go," he said sadly as he downcast his eyes. That's when I realized just how upset he actually was. His body was hunched over, he hadn't shaved in a while, his eyes were puffy and red, and the bags underneath were dark and purple.
"Cam, what's the matter?" I asked alarmed. I opened the door and motioned for him to come in. He walked past me, handed me the cinnamon bears and headed straight to the living room. Everything about him screamed he was living in a nightmare—even his walk.
He stood with his hands on the back of the couch, leaning over like he was going to be sick. "We lost the baby," he mumbled.
My hand covered my mouth as I watched him with wide eyes. Memories of my own loss came blistering to the surface and my stomach churned.
I walked up behind him and placed my hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Cam," I said, my voice soft and full of remorse.
He turned and looked at me, his eyes full of unshed tears, and it made my heart ache for him. "When will the pain go away?"
My brow furrowed as I tilted my head at him. The sting behind my eyes growing as his eyes pleaded with me to make everything better. But I couldn't. "It never really does," I admitted. "I still struggle with the pain."
His head fell again. I knew it wasn't the answer he wanted to hear but it was the truth.
"When did it happen?" I asked concerned.
"We found out three days ago," he said and my eyebrows rose in shock. "Amber hasn't felt him move in almost twenty-four hours so we went to the hospital. They couldn't find a heartbeat." My vision fogged over as the tingling in my eyes grew. "She was thirty weeks so this morning they induced her. She delivered him at 1:23pm." He pushed away from the couch, walked around it, and took a seat, burying his face in his hands.
I didn't know what to do. His pain was so fresh, so new, and I knew he wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't believe he was here and not at the hospital with Amber. She must be devastated.
I sat down next to him and put my hand on his back and he tensed up. "You need to go back to the hospital, Cam. Amber needs you right now." The words tasted like poison as they came out of my mouth. I didn't want him to leave but I knew that's where he belonged—at least right now.
He started to laugh as he ran his hands through his tousled hair and I retracted.
Why is he laughing?
"I'm not going back there," he said through clenched teeth.
"What? Why not?" I screeched. I couldn't fathom what he was saying. Amber was sitting alone in a hospital, having just lost her baby and he wasn't going to stick by her side. I was going to be sick.
"I don't care about her, Cara. I did what you said—I tried to make it work for the baby but now he's fucking gone."
I wanted to fucking punch him. How could he be so inconsiderate? I was seeing a different side to Cam and honestly, I didn't really care for this one.
"I understand that, Cam, but Amber needs—"
"Amber doesn't fucking care!" he screamed and his tears began falling. I flinched and stared at him in shock. He stood up and started pacing in front of the fireplace. "She never wanted him. She said so herself! He was a mistake she was going to 'take care' of. But when I found out, she knew I wouldn't let her. She's fucking happy this shit happened!" My mouth fell open as I watched him come unglued. "Everything she did since Matt's party was just a fucking game to her. She didn't want me back, but once she saw me with you, she decided you couldn't have me either. She fucking ruined my life!"
He spun around and stared at me. I saw the anger for Amber and the loss of his son consume his thoughts. His stance went wide, his shoulders tensed, and he ground his fist into his open hand like he was about to hit something.
Fuck! I wanted to punch something! I wanted to punch her! What a bitch.
"She fucking used me to hurt you and I just sat back and let it happen. I'm so sorry, Cara. I'm sorry for everything." His head fell as his rage morphed into guilt.
As mad as I was, I wasn't mad at Cam. She was the one who did this, not him. Standing up I slowly started walking towards him. "This isn't your fault, Cam."
His stance softened a little as my words hit him. "Then why do I feel like it is? Why do I feel like I'm hanging on by a fucking thread?"
I was only a few feet away when his eyes shot up and found mine. I took one more step towards him—I was close enough to reach out and touch him but I didn't. "Because you are—in the blink of an eye you lost your son, your whole future. I've been there. I know how you're feeling. But the thread isn't going to break—you just have to keep holding on." I finished closing the gap between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Everything happens for a reason, Cam. What Amber did only made each of us stronger and you can't be upset about that."
He grinned at me and the lifeless look in his eyes melted away. Grasping my neck, he pulled me closer to him, resting his forehead on mine."When did you become so optimistic?"
I smiled back at him and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I guess Shay finally rubbed off on me."
His eyes shifted to my lips and he slowly leaned in as he titled his head. His mouth parted slightly and I closed my eyes. When his lips connected with mine, it was like the past six months had never happened. He slid his tongue into my mouth as he backed me up to the couch. He lowered me onto it and I ran into my old shoe box full of pictures, spilling the contents onto the floor.
He broke the kiss and looked down at the littered floor, laughing. "Oops, hope those weren't too important." He grimaced.
I took a fist full of his shirt and pulled him to me. "Not as important as you," I said, but he wasn't looking at me.
His stare was fixated on the floor. He pushed off me and reached for a picture. "What are these?" he asked as he studied the photograph in his hand.
I rolled to my side and propped my head up with my hand while I looked at him. "Those are pictures, Cam," I mocked him and he shot me a dirty look.
"Smartass," he mumbled under his breath. "Let me rephrase. Who is this?" He turned the picture around and I instantly recognized it.
"Oh, that's just my biological father and me when I was little. That was taken about a year before he walked out on us. Why?" I said, my eyes pulled together. The way he was staring at the picture had me concerned.
"Cara, what was your father's name?" he asked seriously. The tone in his voice made a shiver run down my spine.
Something's wrong.
"Troy Pratt," I answered and his face turned pale white.
Troy Pratt.
The named echoed through my head like an air horn in the Grand Canyon. I couldn't believe I had never put it together before now. Amber's last name was Murphy but that was her mother's last name—not her father's.
"That's Mr. Pratt to you."
He had said aggressively the first day I met him.
"Cam, you're freaking me out. What's going on?" Cara said.
I looked at her and cringed, when I saw the worrisome expression painted all over her face. I didn't know how she was going to react to what I was about to tell her but she had to know.
"This man," I said, pointing to the picture. "Is Troy Pratt, correct?"
I raised my eyebrows at her. "And he's your father?"
"Yes, Cam! Come on, I already told you that! What's going on?"
"Well, he's also Amber's father," I divulged, scrunching my face as I spoke.
She tipped her head to the side and stared at me. I could see the wheels turning in her head as she took in what I had just said.
Pursing her lips, her forehead creased. "You're fucking with me, aren't you?"
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. "I'm sorry, firecracker." She sat up and folded her arms over her chest. I could tell this was hurting her. I sat down and put my arm around her. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Her eyes darted between me and the glass of wine on the coffee table. Reaching forward, she grabbed it and brought it to her lips. "No, I don't," she said before she tipped it back and gulped down the whole glass.
I could hear people talking but I couldn't see anything. It was so dark.
My mom was yelling at someone. "No, you can't see her! You need to leave, now!"
"I'm not going anywhere. I have a right to see her," I heard a deep familiar voice say.
I tried like hell to open my eyes but I couldn't.
Who was my mother talking to?
"Daddy, I want to see her. I want to know what she looks like," a voice I had never heard before said. It irritated me.
"Troy, I'm warning you, if you don't get out of here right now—"
Troy? Wait, my dad's name is Troy. Why is my dad here?
"Fine, I'll leave, but I'm coming back." My father succumbed.
"No, you aren't"
My heart started beating faster and I could hear it echoing through my ears. I had to open my eyes. He was here. He finally came back.
I had to see him.
Digging down deep into my core, I forced my eyes to open. Everything was blurry and distorted. It made my stomach hurt. My heartbeat kept rising and I knew I wasn't going to be awake much longer. Black spots started to filter into my vision pulling me back down into a deep sleep but I fought against it.
I blinked a few times as I tried to focus and slowly, the silhouette of a girl filled the center of my vision. Her long blond hair made her look like an angel, floating over the foot of my bed, but as her face became clear, I knew she wasn't anything but. Her blue eyes were squinting at me with envy, her brows pulled together and her jaw was clenched tight.
She looked like a shark, stalking its next meal and I had a feeling, I was on the menu.
I tried calling out for help but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. My throat burned and the pain made tears fill my eyes.
Terrified of this stranger hovering over my bed, I closed my eyes and gave in to the darkness, letting it pull me back under.
I shot out of bed, my heart pounding like steel drum. I had dreamt this dream before but I always thought it wasn't real. It never made sense to me.....until now.
I reached for the lamp on my night stand and flicked it on. I squinted, trying to shield my eyes from the intense bright light. "Cam," I said as I leaned over shaking him. "Cam, wake up."
He opened one of his eyes and looked at me like I was crazy. "I saw her. She was there, the night of my accident."
"Who?" he said confused as he rubbed his eyes.
"Amber! I remember waking up for a split second in the hospital. I could hear my mom yelling at my dad, telling him to leave. I tried so hard to open my eyes. I wanted to see him. But when I did it wasn't him I saw. It was Amber and she was standing over my bed, staring at me." My hands started shaking as the realization of the past ten months crashed over me. "Cam, this whole time she knew who I was."
Cam's face tightened as it turned a faded shade of red. He was fucking pissed.
"Get dressed," he said as he started to get out of bed.
I looked at my phone—5:47am. "Cam it's not even six am yet. Where are we going?"
"We're going to go talk to Amber."
I am such a fucking idiot.
How did I not see past Amber's bullshit! How did I not put the puzzle pieces together?
All the things Amber said about Cara rang in my ears.
"I should go tell her what I really think of her."
"Because you were with her! You could've picked any fucking girl in this whole world and you picked her."
"That's right, Cara. Walk away! Leave! You're good at that. You've seen the back of so many heads you're practically a pro. You can't make anyone stay with you. First your father, then your high school boyfriend, even your unborn child couldn't stand to be inside you."
I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.
Everything was starting to make sense now but I had to hear it from her. She had to admit to it.
On the drive over to the hospital, Cara begged and pleaded for me to turn around but I couldn't. I was too fucking mad. Cara thought it was too soon to do this, but I knew if we didn't do it today, we would probably never see Amber again. It has to be done now. Cara had already successfully delayed me jumping in the car by two hours and I wasn't waiting any longer. Amber had some fucking apologizing to do.
I parked the car and we headed up to the maternity ward. When we were turning the corner to Amber's room, Cara pulled me back. "Cam, I can't do this. I'm not ready," she pleaded as she held on to my arm. She looked terrified and it made me ache for her.
I hadn't taken the time to even think about what Cara was going through. Finding out that the half sister you never met was purposely trying to destroy your life must have been immeasurable. I couldn't even imagine what was running through her mind. I didn't want to make her see Amber if she didn't want to but I was still going to talk to her.
Pulling Cara to me, I lifted her chin with my finger. "You don't have to face her if you're not ready, firecracker. Maybe you should wait out here while I talk to her."
"Thank you, Cam." She pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed me.
I squeezed her tight and then left her in the hall outside Amber's door as I entered the room. It felt like I was entering the dragon's layer when I pushed open the large door. I didn't know what I was going to find but I knew I had to keep going. Amber was standing by the hospital bed packing her things up when I spotted her.
Her eyes shot up and immediately narrowed when she saw me. "What the fuck are you doing here?" she sneered. "Get out!"
"I'm not going anywhere, Amber." I walked further into the room and she took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest. "Not until you fess up to a few things."
"I already told you everything, Cam."
"Is that so?" I cupped my elbow with one hand while the other tapped my lips. "Well, why don't you tell me how you knew about Cara's past then?" I asked her pointedly.
She went to open her mouth but I spoke first. "Choose your words wisely and for once in your damn life, I suggest you tell the truth," I said with a tight jaw.
Her chin lowered to her chest and she knew she had been caught. "Fine. You want me to tell the truth? I'll tell you the fucking truth." She paused for a moment and looked back up at me with disgust in her eyes. "Cara's my half sister. And I fucking hate her. Happy now?" she said as she continued packing her stuff.
"How can you hate someone you never met?" I heard Cara's voice from behind me. I spun around and she was walking into the room, tears spilling out of her eyes.
I looked at Amber as I entered the room—her face was pale with fear as she eyed me. "What are you doing here?"
I stopped next to Cam and looped my arm around his. "I came to see my sister," I said in a malicious voice as I glared at her. A soft chuckle escaped Cam's throat and I elbowed him in the ribs. "Mind if I ask you a question now? I think you owe me that much, don't you?"
"I don't owe you a damn thing! You were the lucky one," she bit back.
"I'm lucky? You're the one that actually had a father growing up. He left my mom and me and never looked back....and he left us, for you!" My whole body
was shaking with adrenaline and I had to force myself to not lunge at her.
"I wish he would have stayed with you!" she yelled back and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.
"What do you mean?" I asked with an uncertain tone.
She took a seat on the bed and inhaled a deep breath as she blinked back her tears. "Once Dad left your family he was never the same. He started drinking...a lot. He regretted walking out on you. He carried your picture with him everywhere he went." My heart plunged to my stomach as I listened to her story. "Sometimes he would pass out drunk and call out your name in his sleep. I tried so hard to make him love me as much as he loved you, but no matter what I did, it didn't work. Even my mom left because of his complex with you."
"Why were you there the night of my accident?" I asked her, petrified to hear the answer.
She started to fidget with the sheet on the bed. "That night, your mom was panicked. She called Dad crying. She thought you were going to die and she wanted him to be able to say goodbye to his daughter. But when we got there the doctors said you had turned a corner and were going to make it. I was so mad at you for pulling through. I wanted you to die. I thought if you did maybe he would be able to move on and stop feeling so guilty."
"So basically, you hate me because of what our dad did to you?" I asked annoyed. I couldn't believe how fucking messed up she was. She apparently inherited her father's genes.
"Yes! When I saw you with Cam at that party I snapped. I wanted to take something away from you so you could feel just as bad as I did for all those years. I was always in your fucking shadow and I couldn't take it anymore. Your name and picture haunted me for years. I didn't have a father because of you!" she shouted at me as her tears began to fall.
The little sorrow I felt for her fucking vanished. "Yeah, and I didn't have a father because of you, but you don't see me blaming you for that. It's not your fault he was a cheater and a liar. That's all on him, and if I would have known about you, I would've never held you responsible his mistakes."