by Palvi Sharma
was an easier task than he had first anticipated. The two of them were deep in conversation and laughing. She, especially, was giggling at whatever her companion was saying. They were walking down the street and stopped at the signal. He stood by a store, pretending to examine the shoes on display, but keeping an eye on them.
The light turned green and the man took her hand in his and crossed the road. Seeing him touching her only brought in another bout of fury. He was touching her! She was his, and no one else’s, and now someone was touching her!
He was breathing heavily, and perhaps even emitting a low growl, for a passerby looked at him strangely. He glared at the old woman in a sun hat and then crossed the road briskly, in pursuit of them. The light had turned red, but he didn’t care. The car horns blared, but he paid no heed at that either.
His eyes were locked on the couple ahead of him, who were still holding hands and looking chummy. They walked for quite a while, stopping to admire the blue waters of the beach, before heading inside a restaurant for lunch.
He looked at the time, astonished to see several hours had passed already. His stomach growled, reminding him he had yet to eat. He entered a sandwich shop nearby and sat down on a bench, eating his lunch. His eyes scanned the windows of the restaurant across the street for them and saw them in the third table by the window.
They were drinking icy beverages and still talking and she had that look on her face. He remembered the look she had given when they had first started going out. Her eyes would brighten; she would twitch her nose and then bite her bottom lip lightly. Then she would put her hand under her chin and listen attentively to whatever he was saying.
That’s when he had known she had fallen in love with him. And now she was doing that with someone else. He saw her put her hand under her chin and then smile widely. The sandwich in his hand, crumbled on the ground and he stared at the mess. The sauces were mingling with the small puddle of water near his shoe. He wiped his hands idly on his coat and got up, wanting to break something with his own bare hands.
He could imagine it already, a thick steel rod in both his hands as he pushed down the ends and then broke it. He could even imagine the metallic sound it would make, even though this maneuver would be physically impossible to accomplish.
He walked to and fro on the sidewalk, wondering when they would come out. She was picking of something in her plate that looked like pasta. She used to hate pasta. For dessert though, he was sure she would order something in chocolate. And when the time came, she did exactly that. He saw the waiter put a small plate of chocolate cake and a dessert fork before her and that gave him some relief.
Ever since he had seen her this morning, he had been devastated that she had changed everything- from her hair to the clothes she wore and even the company she kept. The only thing constant was the way she liked her coffee and a chocolate dessert. There was hope for them yet…
The next few hours were spent on the beach. Her escort had brought a beach blanket and they sat a few feet away from the sea and talking. He took his place ten feet behind them, behind an ice-cream stall. The wind grew colder as the sun started to set and he watched the breeze play with her hair once more.
She did nothing to constrain the loose tendrils; instead she opened up her plait she had tied during lunch and let her hair flow in the wind. She looked more beautiful than she had ever been. Or perhaps it had to do with how much he missed her, he couldn’t say.
They watched the sunset together, even though she was unaware of his presence. Then she was getting up and dusting her skirt as the man folded the blanket and tucked it under his arm. They were walking again and he stepped closer to the stall as they passed him.
The blow of wind obstructed his hearing and he couldn’t tell what they had been talking about. She was smiling, but only tepidly. Something was going on in her mind and when she pressed her lips together, he knew she was nervous about something.
Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined what she had been nervous about. But as they walked to the city where there was a row of buildings, he suddenly understood. There was still a small chance that he was wrong, but he had an inkling that his worst nightmare was about to come true.
They stopped beneath a ten-storey building and she looked down at her shoes and then up at the man and tucking her hair behind her ear. The man took her hand and they walked inside.
He wanted to scream then. Standing beneath a tree, he felt as if he had been punched in his stomach hard. He wondered if he could stop all this if he were to go there right now and put an end to all this. She would be astonished, then gradually she would be pleased that he had come all the way for her and still loved her.
That was wishful thinking. The logical part of his brain told him that if he showed his presence now, she wouldn’t be surprised as he told her how he had pursued her; she would be horrified and in the worst case scenario, get a restraining order against him.
He watched them enter through doors of the building and felt a heavy hot stone where his heart was supposed to be. A few drops of water, trickled down the leaves and onto his nose, but he barely even blinked.
The doorman greeted them in a friendly manner and even went ahead to call the elevators for them. The drops of rain started to fall quickly now, but he barely moved a muscle as they stepped into the elevator together.
People around him scrambled to get some shelter from the pouring rain, but he didn’t even flinch. His heart felt heavy and oddly strained, as if someone were squeezing it mercilessly. He stood there for an hour, in the pouring rain and watching every window of the building for them. But his efforts proved fruitless.
He walked out from under the tree and saw a bench. He dragged his feet towards it and sat down, his head drooped and the vitality zapped out of his very core. The hours passed slowly and his eyes watched the door of the building.
His vision blurred and he wasn’t sure if it was the rain or his tears. The rain finally stopped, leaving behind puddles near parked cars and beside the sidewalks. He looked at the watch and saw it was two-twenty-five.
The door opened and he saw the man exit and heading in the opposite direction. He just sat there and watched him, feeling like he had been ambushed. Very slowly, he pulled himself up. His mind felt foggy and light. Things around him no longer seemed real. He was in a nightmare.
Breaths became quicker, and before he knew what he was doing, he had picked up the trash bin and hurled it on the road. There were no cars on this road at this time, but there were a few people walking down the streets.
They looked up and he had half a mind to scream at them. Instead, he was breaking the thin branches of the tree and flinging them away too. He walked in a huff, saw another trash can and kicked it hard. The trash can rolled away and hit a tree. A loud thudding sound, boomed in the cold night air.
He clenched his hands, turned to see a group of three women staring at him in fear and then walking away quickly. A few men came over and stood there, watching to see if he was going to cause any more trouble.
He didn’t want to anymore. He walked away.
The cold winds pushed against him harshly until he could barely breathe. But that was okay, considering he didn't feel like breathing anymore.
She was gone - further than he could ever hope to bring her back. She had cheated on him, been with another man and in a city far away from him. And here he was, unable to decide if he wanted to go on living this way.
Tears rolled down his face and they felt icy cold just like what he was feeling in his chest.
He clutched the thick pole of a street lamp and bent over to catch his breath. He opened his mouth and a loud sob escaped his throat.
He couldn't do this- he couldn't go on living without her.
Without letting another thought enter his mind, he turned and retraced his steps until he was below her building once again.
He would knock every door if he had to. He opened up the front door and l
ooked all around at the lobby. Near an artificial palm tree, stood a security guard. But he was distracted as he spoke to an irate resident complaining about something he cared not to hear.
He made his way to the escalators and then heard her voice.
Everything around him stood at complete standstill. Nothing mattered anymore except her voice as she came down the stairs.
She was on her mobile and laughing.
"Yes, you forgot your keys here." She laughed. "I'll be out in two minutes."
He let go of the call button for the escalators and turned to her as she stepped out the door. She was ending the call and slipping her phone in her pocket while walking briskly.
She was dressed in a large black overcoat and pyjamas. Her hair was uncombed and seeing her this way reminded him of the time she would be with him....in his bed.
Anger boiled inside him and he breathed in harshly. She had taken two steps to the front door and had her hand on the cool glass when she stopped suddenly. She may not love him anymore, but she had sensed him. Or had seen his reflection in the glass door.
He stood, waiting for her to turn, not knowing what he would say to her.
She did turn and when she saw him, her mouth dropped in surprise. She was scared.... Of him.
Her eyes flicked to the security guard and then back at him. Then she strode towards him.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
He narrowed his eyes, his fury threatening to burst out of his mouth and his hands ready to grab her shoulders and shake her until she revealed why she had destroyed him.
But his heart wouldn't let him do any of those things. His heart made him see how frightened she looked and how she was seeing him as a threat that would ruin her happiness. He found himself wanting to put his arms around her and tell her he just wanted her to be happy.
"Why?" His mind apparently had thought differently.
She licked her lip and pulled her coat closer around her body. "What do you mean?" She averted her eyes as she said that.
"How could you to this to me? I loved you!" His voice had raised and the security guard looked up.
"Exactly." She said. "You loved me. Past tense. "
"Is it something....was it something I did?" His voice showed his desperation and her expressions softened.
"We grew apart, okay?" She looked away again, as if she were hiding something.
"No...you cheated on me. That's what happened. I saw you with another man. I followed you...."
"You followed me?" She gasped.
He swallowed uncomfortably as she stepped back.
"Wait...did you follow me here? How?"
He opened his mouth and then closed it. How had things changed so that he was supposed to feel guilty?
"I found you online and then..." His voice trailed off as she put the rest together.
"You stalked me?" She stepped back even further and the security guard came closer.
"Is everything alright here? Is this man bothering you?" He asked gruffly. He was a thin fellow and he thought he could take him if it came down to it.
"No."
"Yes." She said. The phone in her pocket rang and she picked it up. "I'll be right out."
"Leave." The security guard said, putting his hand on his arm.
He shrugged it off. Part of him wanted to fling him aside and get to her, but he couldn't scare her anymore than she already looked.
He turned around, pushed open the doors and walked out. He walked a few steps and then hid behind a tree, the very one he had torn branches off. Minutes later, she stepped out with the security guard and they both looked all around for him. When they didn't spot him, she thanked the guard and then walked in the other direction.
He counted till ten and then followed her. She didn't go far. Making her way to the parking lot, he saw her head towards a blue car where the man he had