“What’s that?” Lainie asked.
Shaw explained. “That’s the ministry the Durrants started to help with repairs for those who can’t afford to hire the work done.”
“What a wonderful idea.”
Ginger smiled. “They will recruit you once you’re settled.”
“And I’ll be more than happy to participate.”
They chatted a few moments, then Lainie said goodbye. She’d been unduly relieved that the lovely women Shaw had been seated with were the Durrants—the happily married Durrants. That explained the warm hug from Laura Holbrook. She was his former boss. Of course they would be close. Kissing cousins close.
Shaw was not her problem. Millie was, and their encounter had been a disaster. She couldn’t complete the book job in time without Millie’s help. With the added task of selecting and ordering the furniture for the library, her time was stretched to the limit. She was grateful, but she worried that she might fall behind on her responsibilities.
Lainie had barely changed out of her church clothes and gone downstairs when Gwen knocked at the back door.
“I heard what that old sourpuss said to you. I knew I should have stayed for the luncheon.” She frowned as she took the glass of sweet tea Lainie offered. “My mother is behind this.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Oh, Mom and Millie have been friends and neighbors since forever. They see any change as a bad thing. When the choir director decided to forgo robes, they had a fit. When the pastor was given an additional week of vacation, they were furious. They think he should be on call 24/7, three hundred and sixty-five. It’s ridiculous.”
“I hope I can find someone else to help me. If not, you may be watching my kids round the clock.”
“I don’t mind a bit. They are darlings. But don’t give up yet.” Gwen patted her arm and grinned. “I may be able to fix this for you. This attitude of theirs has been coming to a head for a while, and a talk with my mother is long overdue. Hang in there.”
Lainie had no idea what Gwen was planning, but she hoped it would work. Getting the library stocked and ready was more overwhelming than she’d anticipated, and she was beginning to doubt her capabilities.
What if she failed to finish her job on time? The townspeople would really dislike her then. She’d be forced to leave Dover and start life over—again. All she wanted was to be settled once and for all. Why was that so difficult?
* * *
Shaw had scheduled the delivery of the cabinetry and counters for early Monday morning. He’d gone by the shop to make sure everything was ready. Jeb had pulled the large truck to a stop at the rear of the library right on time. If only all his subcontractors were as dependable.
They tackled the large reception counter first, which was refusing to fit in the space. Shaw shoved his end of the eight-foot-long unfinished counter into place. Russ manhandled the other until the cabinet fit perfectly. “Looks good.” Shaw stepped back and eyed the custom-designed piece of furniture that would be the checkout counter for the library.
Russ nodded, running a hand along the smooth wood. “Jeb did a good job. It’s going to be mighty pretty when it’s stained and sealed. I think Miss Lainie will be pleased.”
Shaw glanced at his friend, seeing the teasing glint in the man’s dark eyes. Had Russ picked up on his attraction to Lainie? He’d have to do a better job of keeping his feelings hidden.
“She’ll be pleased when the place is done and she can go to work.” Russ chuckled and went out to help Jeb bring in more cabinetry.
Shaw surveyed the large main room. Once all the cabinetry was installed, he could start on the baseboard and shoe mold, and if he could juggle the painting and staining crew with the floor refinishers, he could make up a couple days of work.
He’d been working full out for the past few days, and it was paying off. But it was costing him in other ways. He was getting home so late he hadn’t seen Natalie and Chrissy. He missed them. He missed Lainie. He shouldn’t, but he did. He’d only seen them once since the church lunch. Shaw wished he’d seen her talking to Millie sooner. He could have run interference for her, but he’d been trying to maintain a safe zone between them. When Laura had asked him to sit with her, he had jumped at the chance. He’d been thinking only about himself. He was supposed to be taking care of Lainie.
Even though Lainie was mere yards away in the carriage house, he’d deliberately avoided wandering back there to see her. The memory of her impulsive hug, the feel of her arms around him had lingered in his thoughts ever since. But it had also set off warning sirens he couldn’t ignore. He was becoming too entangled in her life, too preoccupied with thoughts of her. It was a dangerous path for both of them. Time to pull back before someone got the wrong idea and ended up hurt. There was no room or time in his life right now for romance of any kind. He needed to focus his energy on getting the library finished. That was his main objective. Along with making sure Lainie and the girls were taken care of until then. Nothing more.
Outside, Shaw started toward the panel truck that held the cabinetry. A small car pulled along the drive and parked near the carriage house. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Millie Tedrow get out and go inside.
Remembering her rudeness to Lainie last Sunday, Shaw’s protective instincts roared to life. He would not let the woman bully Lainie again. Just to be on the safe side, he’d make his presence known. Let the older woman know the new librarian had backup.
The carriage house door was open and he could hear voices from inside. The women were speaking quietly. No signs of an argument. Maybe he’d hang back a few moments to make sure. He stopped a few feet from the door, but the voices were clearly discernible, and he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Millie was apologizing.
“When I learned you were a widow raising your children alone, it made me look at things differently. I was widowed young, too, and had to raise my boys without a father. I know the struggles you face.” She grimaced. “And, Gwen gave her mother and me a good scolding. I’m ashamed of my behavior, Lainie. You reached out in love, and I smacked your hand away because my ego was bruised. Are you familiar with the passage in the Bible that talks about removing the log in your own eye before attempting to remove the speck in another’s?”
Shaw heard Lainie reply softly that she was. It occurred to him that he was eavesdropping, but if he moved, he risked disturbing the women, and this was a crucial conversation. He’d ask forgiveness later. Millie spoke again.
“I think we all have logs in our eyes— things we see so clearly in others that we’re oblivious to in ourselves. We think we’ve dealt with our pains and losses. We tell ourselves we’ve forgiven others and moved on. When my husband died, I was so angry. I threw myself into my job at the library to keep from feeling. Later, when my boys were grown, my work at the library was all I had. It gave me a respected position in town. I enjoyed the attention and the prestige. I didn’t realize how my ego had gotten tied up in that title until I learned about you being the new librarian. I was upset. I felt you’d stolen something from me. But you didn’t. I hope you can forgive me. And if the offer is still open, I’d be proud to work with you.”
“Oh, Millie, of course I forgive you.”
Shaw quietly moved back to his truck, marveling at Lainie’s way with people. She could win anyone over, given the opportunity, and she did it with love and compassion. She had a warm heart and the ability to forgive.
Except where he was concerned.
Resting his forearms along the side of his truck bed, he faced the truth. He couldn’t stay away from Lainie. His heart was reaching for her. His every thought, every moment near her, increased the invisible thread binding him to her. He needed to rein in his emotions. His only goal was to make things easy for Lainie until the library was done.
“Shaw.”
&
nbsp; He looked up as Lainie hurried toward him across the lawn. The sun reflected off her hair, the strands swaying around her shoulders. “Hey.”
“You won’t believe what just happened. Millie has agreed to come to work with me. With the two of us, we should be able to finish everything by the deadline.”
“That’s great. It’s about time something started going right.”
She nodded. “She’ll be back this afternoon to get started.”
Shaw told himself to maintain some control, but her smile was too much to resist. He touched the side of her cheek, awed at the softness. “I’m glad, Lainie. I told you people would come around, didn’t I?”
“You did.” Her smile faded and she took a step back. “I’d better get to work. I, uh, just wanted to let you know the good news.”
Shaw watched her walk away, more determined than ever to strengthen the walls around his emotions. For his own protection. Whenever she was near, he lost all common sense and reason. Lainie was off-limits.
He had his future planned out for the next five years. Starting with finishing the library on time. Then he had to get his business on solid ground. He had people depending on him—Russ, Jeb and the eight other guys who worked for him. There was no room in his life for the domestic scene.
So why couldn’t he stop thinking about a family of his own? He’d always been comfortable being alone. Getting too attached to people usually ended in pain. Sooner or later, they would walk away. Like his mother. Like his former fiancée, Vicki. The only people he’d allowed to get close were Russ and Laura Durrant. Even with them, he’d kept a part of himself private.
Logically, he knew his mom didn’t walk out because of him. His father had been open about their marital struggles, but Vicki’s rejection was another matter. That was all him. She’d walked away because he’d been unable to give her what she wanted. His whole heart. He’d come to the conclusion that he wasn’t cut out for a long-term relationship. Maybe Vicki was right and he didn’t know how to give his heart to anyone.
Instead, he’d give his heart to his work. That was something he understood.
* * *
The carriage house was quiet. Millie was attending her Thursday morning Bible study. She’d wanted to stay and work, but Lainie had encouraged her to attend. They’d been working on the collection for a couple of days and had made significant progress, renewing Lainie’s hopes of finishing on time. Millie was a godsend. They had drawn closer through their love of books and their experiences as widows raising young children. Together, they had chosen furniture for the library and started placing orders for the body of books that would fill the shelves. Some of the orders wouldn’t arrive in time for the opening, but the majority would.
The carriage house walls suddenly pressed in on her. She’d been working hard all morning. She needed a break and some fresh air. The weather this week was pleasant for a Mississippi June. A cool front had come through bringing a brief respite from the rising humidity.
Curious about the progress being made in the library, Lainie strolled across the grass toward the back door where Shaw’s truck was parked. In a few days, the lovely lawn would be graded and an asphalt parking lot installed. She understood the need, but the thought of losing a beautiful lawn made her sad.
As she neared the truck, a man emerged, moving quickly. She remembered his name was Thad Comier, a friendly, pleasant man with a soft Cajun accent she’d met a few days ago. But the look on Thad’s face now was one of anger. Shaw followed him. She stopped, surprised by the fierce look on his face.
“I’m not interested in your comfort, Thad.” They stopped beside Shaw’s truck. He reached into the back of the bed, pulled out a pair of clear safety glasses and handed them to Thad. “You will wear these or you’ll not work for me. Is that clear?”
Thad muttered a response Lainie couldn’t make out.
“Then go buy yourself some of the high-end kind that you can see through. I need all hands on this job, and we don’t have time to take you to hospital because you’re injured. To konprann?”
Thad stared at Shaw a moment before responding. “Yeah. I understand.” Grabbing the glasses, he stomped back inside.
Shaw looked up and saw her, his expression softening. “How’s it going?” He approached her with a slow, easy gait.
Lainie glanced past him in the direction of the library. “What was that all about?”
Shaw shrugged. “Thad doesn’t like the way things look through the safety glasses. He claims he can’t see to do his job.”
“Is that true?”
“Maybe. But none of the other guys have trouble. He doesn’t understand the need for many of the safety precautions I take. Some guys like to think they’re daredevils and don’t need to follow rules. If Thad doesn’t shape up, I’ll have to let him go. I can’t have his reckless attitude infecting the others.”
Anger erupted in her chest. “So you’re a big safety advocate now?” She didn’t even try to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “Where was that concern five years ago? Or did you develop this big commitment as a way to deal with your guilt?” Grief tightened her throat making it impossible to say any more. She spun around and stormed back to the carriage house. She wanted to cry, but there were no tears, only anger. And a need to understand. Maybe if Shaw had been as aware then as he appeared to be now, her life would be different today.
It was his fault she was alone, his fault that her girls would never know their father.
Inside the carriage house, she sank into a chair, cradling her head in her hands. She felt a thousand years old. She was tired of being sad, of being angry. Tired of asking why and trying to make sense of the past.
Shaw, the big safety advocate. Everyone was so impressed. It didn’t matter how cautious he was now. He hadn’t been when it really mattered. No amount of precaution, or adherence to the rules, could wash away the one time he’d failed.
She’d been distracted by his charm, his helpful attitude. She’d let herself forget who he was and what he’d let happen.
She wouldn’t make that mistake again.
* * *
Shaw stopped at the carriage house door, his hand lingering on the handle. He didn’t want to have this confrontation, but he couldn’t go on like this. It was time they dealt with the past.
He stepped inside, searching out Lainie. She stood near the worktable, back stiff, arms crossed defensively across her chest. She didn’t turn around when he approached. He took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s time we got this out in the open. I’m tired of dancing around the elephant in the room.”
She whirled and faced him. “You were supposed to watch out for him, make sure he was safe. He should have been secured to that roof.” Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
He resisted the urge to pull her close and comfort her. “He was. That was a twelve-twelve pitch roof. We all had to use toe boards and harnesses. I made sure he had his on correctly.”
“You should have checked again.”
“You’re right. I should have. I’ve been over it a thousand times in my head. Wondering what else I could have done. What I missed. Lainie, if I could go back and change it, I would. You have to believe that.” Shaw ran a hand through his hair. “I’d checked his harness several times that morning, but each time, he’d loosened it again. He said he didn’t like the way the harness felt. I warned him again to keep it pulled tight, then I went back to work on my section. The next thing I knew—” Lainie’s weeping was tearing him apart, but he continued. “He had the ability to become a decent carpenter, but he would lose focus, and when he didn’t understand something, he’d get angry. That’s why Mr. Beaumont was going to let him go at the end of the week.”
Inwardly, Shaw kicked himself for letting that fact slip out. It would only hurt Lainie more.
“
You were going to fire him?”
The shock in her brown eyes told him she wouldn’t be satisfied until she knew it all. “He was reckless and he had a bad attitude. It was starting to affect the other men. I couldn’t keep him on.”
She placed a hand over her mouth, her dark eyes filled with sorrow. She moved away, raking her hands along her scalp before hugging her arms across her middle. “I never got to tell him our good news. He never knew we were going to have Chrissy. I was going to tell him that night.”
Shaw’s gut kicked. Would this pain and guilt never end? He turned away, unable to bear the sight of her in pain. Her sadness wrenched his heart. He wanted to hold her and ease her sorrow, but he knew she wouldn’t welcome it. There was nothing more he could say. “I can never make up to you for what happened. And I don’t expect you to forgive me. But for what it’s worth, that day changed my life forever, too.” He opened the door and walked out.
His heart hurt for Lainie, but finally talking to her about that day had cleared away the cobwebs from his mind. He had done all he could to protect Hollings. He’d checked the man’s harness numerous times. He’d warned him he could lose his job. He’d warned him of the dangers, but Hollings had refused to listen.
Those facts had been buried beneath Shaw’s pain over the death of a man under his care. But talking to Lainie, saying the words aloud, had clarified the events. Shaw stopped near the back of his truck, resting his hands on his hips. A sense of freedom, of release, had taken root inside. He wasn’t at fault. He didn’t need to blame himself or feel guilty anymore. He’d asked the Lord to forgive him, and he was confident He had. But Shaw had been unable to forgive himself. Until now. Maybe now he could begin to.
A gentle hand touched his shoulder. “Everything okay, fella?”
Shaw gave Russ a smile over his shoulder. “Yeah. Actually, I think they finally are.”
Russ nodded at the carriage house. “Something happen in there?”
Love Inspired May 2015 #1 Page 49