She smiled. “Thank you. You’re a good friend, Shaw.”
Disappointment tightened his chest. That was him. A good friend. He didn’t like the title much, but it was safer that way. He stood. “I’d better go push those girls before I get tossed out of the Princess Club. Call if you need anything.”
Shaw returned to his own kitchen, taking a moment to fill Beaux’s water dish. He needed distance from Lainie. He’d always backed away when things became too serious. He liked being single. Not having to answer to anyone suited him. Lainie was right. He left women before they could leave him—like his mom and Vicki. Lainie was the kind of woman he had always dreamed of, but the reality was he’d tried a long-term relationship and failed. But now he was faced with someone who would never walk away. That scared him more than anything.
What if Vicki was right and his heart was so tightly locked away, he’d never be able to give it to someone else? Not even Lainie. Then she would walk away, too. He’d had too many women walk out of his life. He didn’t need three more.
* * *
Lainie carried her drink to the door, only to realize she’d have to put it down to open it. Life with one arm incapacitated was way more complicated than she’d expected. Shaw had gone to the library to check on the job, and she’d promised to be careful while he was gone. After maneuvering things around, she took a seat on the back porch to watch the girls play. Midday on a glorious Sunday. There was a long list of things she’d like to do, but she couldn’t do a one. She’d missed church. Then she’d tried to push the girls in the swings, but with one arm, she’d only made them swing crooked. And to top things off, she wasn’t even dressed yet. She’d need help for that. Maybe she’d stay in her pj’s all day. Just because. The sight of Gwen walking across the lawn with a covered dish in her hands brightened her mood considerably.
Gwen smiled and raised the dish. “Chicken and noodles. The girls eat it at my house so I’m sure it won’t go to waste.”
“Thank you. That’s very thoughtful.”
“Pastor Jim announced you on the prayer chain in church this morning. You’ll be getting meals from everyone in the congregation.”
Lainie tilted her head. “Don’t be too sure. I’m still not the most popular newcomer, remember?”
“That is not true. Everyone is delighted with your efforts to get the library done on time.”
After putting the casserole inside, Gwen joined Lainie on the porch glider. “You feeling better today? I was so glad to hear you hadn’t broken your arm when you fell.”
“Me, too. I thought for sure I had.”
“Don’t worry about anything. Shaw and I have you covered. He’s a real sweetheart. You know that, don’t you?”
“I do. He’s a good friend.”
“Speaking of friends, I want to thank you for giving me the courage to face my mother.”
“What do you mean?”
Gwen fidgeted with her hands. “My mother can be very opinionated. She truly believes she knows what’s best for everyone else. It’s been easier for me to just go along and not make waves. But then I met you, and I saw how brave you were, how you fought for your job at the library no matter how big the obstacle.”
“Oh, Gwen, That wasn’t bravery. That was desperation. For my girls. You would do the same thing for your boys.”
She smiled. “But that’s just it. I didn’t. It was because of you that I had the courage to confront my mom and Millie about their attitudes.”
“I never meant to cause trouble for you.”
Gwen smiled and grasped her hand. “You didn’t. Things between my mom and me have changed. We’re talking more. And being honest with one another. I even told her I want to go back to work in the fall when the boys are in school. She believes a mother should be in the home with the children.”
“If you’re serious, I have the budget to hire two more employees for the library.” She would love having Gwen working with her. “Millie will be working part-time, but that leaves a full-time and another part-time slot available.”
“Keep that application for me. I think I’ll take you up on that.”
After helping Lainie shower and get dressed, Gwen said goodbye, but not before offering to take the girls later so Lainie could rest. She thanked the Lord for such kind and generous friends. Her welcome to Dover hadn’t been a good one, but day by day, He had placed people in her life to help when she needed it. Like Gwen and Millie. But mostly Shaw.
He was dependable, always there, smoothing things out, solving problems, comforting her. But it was his motivation she questioned. Was he still feeling obligated? Was there a small part of him helping because he cared? She hoped so. She wanted him to care because her heart was losing the battle. She was falling in love with him, and she didn’t know how to stop it.
And she needed to. Her emotions felt new and frightening. For so long, she’d been locked up in a vault of the past, denying her feelings, pouring herself into work and caring for her daughters.
Now she wanted to break free and participate in life again and embrace emotions she’d thought dead forever. But letting go felt like she was throwing away an important part of her life. How long should she hold on to the past? When was it okay to let go and move on? Could she move on and still cherish her memories?
She didn’t have an answer. Yet. The Lord had promised to be a light unto her path, not a floodlight illuminating all her answers. For now, she’d take it one day at a time, focus on her job. The rest would sort itself out.
* * *
Shaw balanced the bag of delicious-smelling burgers and the tray of drinks and tapped his foot against Lainie’s back door. As he’d expected, Natalie and Chrissy wasted no time in opening the door for him. They were always waiting when he got home each night, eager to see him and curious about what he’d brought for supper. Lainie found it difficult to cook with only one arm, and he had little time to spare, so for the past few nights, he’d stopped on the way home and bought supper. It wasn’t the healthiest diet, but a few fast-food meals wouldn’t hurt.
After placing the bags on the table, he opened his arms for his welcome home. This had become his favorite part of the day. Chrissy liked to be picked up so she could kiss his cheek. Natalie hugged his waist and gave him her best dimpled smile. He’d nicknamed her Sparkle because she was always happy. Beaux, always the gentleman, waited for his turn for a scratch behind the ears.
Since Lainie’s accident, he’d been drawn deeper into their lives. It had been both terrifying and fascinating. He’d found it easiest to simply go along rather than try and do things logically. Apparently, little princesses and their mommy had their own unique way of dealing with life.
Strangely enough, he found he liked the female energy, and he learned more about Lainie than he’d thought possible. He’d learned that she liked her coffee sweet, but her tea with only lemon. She liked to keep her home neat and orderly, but didn’t mind if the Princess Club was a giant mess. He’d also managed to get Chrissy’s ponytails even.
Lainie entered the kitchen and took a seat at the table. “That smells wonderful. I’m starved.”
Her smile momentarily derailed his thoughts. She looked adorable in shorts and a bright red T-shirt. He wanted to ask for a welcome-home hug from her, too. It took all his effort to right his wayward thoughts. “Dig in while it’s hot.”
She looked so much better than when he’d found her crumpled at the bottom of the stairs. She had been pale and shaking, her eyes dull and filled with pain. They’d regained much of their sparkle, but he could see the tiny lines of worry and discomfort around the edges of her mouth. She was still hurting some. Thankfully, she was following doctor’s orders, but Shaw also knew she was anxious to get back to work. Millie told him she checked in three or four times a day.
He ate in silence, letting the sense of family
wrap around him. The girls chattered about things they’d done and told stories about Beaux. Lainie listened as if every word from her daughters’ mouths was of vital importance. She occasionally gave him a wink or a nod to share a point of amusement.
How nice it would be to come home to his own family, to take care of them, to provide for them. This was something he understood. This was his strength. Taking charge, being responsible and fixing problems.
He had learned how to manage his dad’s moods, when to leave him alone and when to push him back into life. During the good times, Shaw would step back and watch as his dad found the next woman he believed would make him happy. But Shaw knew eventually she would leave, as well, and the cycle would start over again.
“I don’t need you to take care of me. I need you to love me.”
He hadn’t understood what Vicki had meant. He still didn’t. He had loved her. They’d had so much in common. Getting married had seemed the logical thing to do. So why hadn’t it worked?
He glanced around the table at Lainie and the girls. Until he knew the answer to that question, he couldn’t think about a future with anyone. Because if Vicki was right and his heart was locked up, then Lainie would leave, too, and that would be more painful than all the guilt he’d carried about the accident.
Shaw pulled his focus to the burger in his hand. His appetite was gone. He realized with a start that everyone had finished eating but him.
“Will you push us now, Misser Shaw?”
Eager to escape his thoughts, he tossed the rest of his meal into the bag. “Sure. Let’s go. I’ve got a few minutes before I have to go back to the library.”
Lainie raised an eyebrow. “Still more to do tonight?”
He thought he saw disappointment in her eyes. Had she wanted him to stay home tonight? “Always. I’ll be back in time to help put the girls to bed.”
She laid a hand on his arm, sending warmth along his skin. He looked into her eyes and was filled with longing to kiss her and never stop.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “You seem troubled.”
He liked that she cared about him, that she noticed his moods. He rested his hand on the side of her face, his thumb gently stroking the soft cheek. “No. Just trying to stay on top of things. That deadline is getting closer.”
“I know, and you’ve lost time from the job by taking care of things here. I really appreciate it, though.”
She was so close, so lovely, he knew he should step back and leave but his feet were nailed to the floor. He lowered his head, his gaze riveted to her slightly parted lips. He’d wondered too long. He had to know.
She didn’t resist as he tilted her face upward and took possession of her lips. He wanted to consume her, but he allowed himself only one small taste. He wasn’t disappointed. The sweetness of the kiss, the warmth of her, fulfilled all his dreams.
He pulled away, his gaze locked with hers. He saw the same emotion in her brown eyes that swirled through him. There was no denying the attraction was mutual.
A lance of fear sliced along his nerves. Fear of failure, fear of being unable to love her the way she deserved. He saw fear in her eyes, too, the one he dreaded. No matter what she might feel for him, she would always see him first and foremost through the lens of the past.
She stepped back. “Shaw maybe this isn’t—”
“It’s just a kiss between friends. That’s all. I’d, uh, better go. There’s too much riding on this job for both of us.”
He walked out, kicking himself three ways from Sunday for crossing a barrier he’d sworn to defend. It was a good thing Lainie was going back to work tomorrow. He needed to rebuild some walls before it was too late.
* * *
Lainie stared out the window in Shaw’s truck as he drove her to the library. She couldn’t stay home another day. Her arm was feeling better, and she was impatient to get back to work. Even if that meant sitting on the sidelines and supervising.
She stole a glance at Shaw. He’d been quiet and distant all morning. She’d anticipated his kiss for a long time now, and it had met all her expectations. Though brief and gentle, she sensed the undercurrent, the emotion he was keeping firmly in check.
But when the kiss had ended, he’d shut down, his cobalt eyes had turned navy, and she’d sensed his withdrawal. Her heart still smarted from his blunt reminder that it was only a kiss between friends. It had meant nothing to him.
She shouldn’t read too much into it. The most eligible bachelor in Dover was skilled at pouring on the charm, teasing the ladies with that knee-buckling smile and making a woman feel as if she were the only one in the universe.
She swallowed. The attraction between them was growing. The kiss had proved that. She just didn’t know what to do about it. Falling for Shaw was guaranteed heartbreak.
Shaw pulled the truck to a stop near the carriage house. He looked over at her, his eyes filled with questions. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“I’m fine. I need to be here. We’re too close to the deadline.”
“Okay.” He squeezed her hand. “But I’ve already told Millie and her crew to make sure you don’t do more than you’re able. And they will come and get me if you do, and I’ll take you right back home.”
Lainie slipped her hand from his and reached across her lap to open the door. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve become very adept at being a lefty. There’s a lot I can do with only one hand that will still be helpful.” She smiled at him before shutting the truck door. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
She stepped into the carriage house and was met with a warm hug from Millie.
“I should send you home, but it’s so good to have you back, I just can’t. However, you’d better not overdo it.”
“I got the same speech from Shaw.” She smiled at the other women who had gathered around. Millie began the introductions. “Lainie, meet your Friends of the Library volunteers.”
Ellen Bower, an older woman with a friendly face, was the first to step forward. “I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Shelby Durrant’s grandmother. I think you’ve met her?”
“Yes, I have.”
A slender woman with salt-and-pepper hair introduced herself as Carol Stanton. “I’m not officially a Friend, but I wanted to come and help. The people of Dover were so generous to me and my husband last winter when a storm destroyed our home. They rebuilt the entire house in a matter of weeks.”
Millie reached out her hand to indicate a woman in her late seventies, who walked with a cane. “This is Edith Johnson. She bakes the best chocolate chip cookies in the county.”
“I’m an avid reader. Always have been. Give me a good mystery and I’m a happy camper. You’ll get sick of seeing me here when it opens.”
Lainie laughed. “Never.”
“And this is Myra Latimer. She and her husband own the local office supply store here in Dover.”
Lainie was touched deeply by the generosity of these women. “Thank you, ladies, for helping out. We couldn’t get the library open if it weren’t for you.”
Edith smiled. “We’re happy to help, but as you can see, the lending books are starting to arrive, and we’re running out of space. Some of the furniture is here, too. We need to find a place to keep it until we’re open.”
Millie waved her hand in dismissal. “Not to worry. I’ve already solved our problem. Dutch Ingles has an empty old building one block over. He keeps saying he’ll find a great new business to lease it to, but he never will. I talked him into letting us store the sorted volumes there, and he offered to come and pick them up for us when they’re ready. He also owns a nice big van.”
Carol looked puzzled. “That’s remarkable. How did you manage that?”
Ellen snickered. “Remarkable my big toe. Dutch has had a thing for M
illie for years, but she won’t give him so much as a wink.”
Lainie arched her eyebrows. “Millie, I’m seeing a whole new side to you.”
Millie raised her chin. “Can I help it if I have magnetism?”
The comment elicited chuckles and a groan from her friends.
The women got back to work, but it didn’t take Lainie long to realize there was little she could do with only one hand. Typing was too slow when she had to hunt and peck each key, and unboxing books wasn’t as easy as she’d thought it would be. Pushing back from the computer, she uttered a groan of frustration.
Millie came to her side. “Not as easy as you thought?”
Lainie’s shoulders sagged. “I’m useless.”
“That is not true.” Carol Stanton wagged a finger. “Millie tells us you have all kinds of wonderful ideas for things to do once we open.”
“I do, and I’ve had plenty of time to think up more these last few days.”
“Well, don’t keep them a secret.” Myra joined them at the small table they used as a desk.
As Lainie shared her plans and ideas with the volunteers, her excitement and confidence grew. She couldn’t wait to be settled in the new building. She looked forward to helping people find books, teaching them to use the computer and offering lectures and book signings.
Ellen chuckled softly. “You sound like Millie used to. Always coming up with things to draw people to the library.”
Lainie’s heart warmed with the compliment. “I think Millie and I both want the same thing for Dover—an active, vital library to serve the community.”
Myra shook her head. “I hate to spoil the moment, but some folks are losing interest in the library. They’re saying it’s taking too long and that it might not even open.”
Lainie was horrified. “Of course it will happen. Shaw is working practically around the clock to make the deadline.”
“I know, but it wouldn’t hurt to do a little promotion. My daughter Nicki literally saved our store with her marketing ideas. I was thinking we could take some of these children’s books to the senior center on the square and have them read to the children during the day. With school out for the summer, I know moms would welcome something like that to fill the time.”
Love Inspired May 2015 #1 Page 52