by Tammy Lynn
Kitten stared at the couple on the veranda, talking as they swung on the porch swing. “You know I talked to your wife today. She loves you very much. Candra told me she would take care of Shilo when she got him. She also warned me a little. Told me you’re a married man. I know you are, and I don’t want to do anything that will jeopardize your marriage, or your happiness. Will you walk with me for a little bit. I’m tired, but I need to tell you some things.” Seeing EJ nod his head, she yelled out, “Hey Mama, EJ and I are going to walk for a bit, and don’t worry, I’ll be careful.” Miss Alysia waved her hand in recognition, at least that’s what Kitten thought. The moon, sometimes obscured by the passing clouds, decided at that moment to make the veranda black, so she couldn’t be sure. Kitten led EJ behind the house to where the servants quarters and kitchen used to stand. “When you go to redo this, I have pictures. In fact, I have pictures of everything. The stables, the barns, the colors, the-”
EJ grabbed Kitten by her shoulders and spun her around so her back was on the plywood keeping the kitchen from the elements. “Do you really want to talk about this, or are you wanting something else?” Kitten’s fingers traced EJ’s face and lips. EJ took his hands and put them around her waist, pulling her close to him. “Just once before we have to stop.” EJ bent his frame and put his lips to hers, again the overwhelming feeling of coming home. His tongue traced the seam of her lips and she opened them, letting him in.
Just a taste, she told herself. His body pressed harder against hers and she could feel the desire right away, but she couldn’t stop. Her mouth opened wider and she wrapped her hands around his neck while he pulled her as tight to him as possible. Kitten started making soft noises in the back of her throat and pretty soon she was moaning into his mouth. Taking her mouth from his she slid down to his neck, biting it gently, smiling when she heard his curse. Never had she felt this way before.
EJ knew this was forbidden and getting out of control, but he couldn’t stop. He leaned back and grazed her neck, tasting the saltiness of it. His hands going under the tattered shirt and making quick work of the front clasp on her bra, black of all colors. Kitten looked so pale compared to the blackness, almost like alabaster, her skin was in the high moonlight. Taking her nipple in her mouth, EJ suckled gently, but after awhile heard the pleading in her voice and took it harder, biting it gently, and then moving to the other breast that she offered him.
Kitten’s hands went to EJ’s shirt and up underneath, feeling the tight muscles on his stomach and how they contracted when she touched him.
“Baby, we have to stop.”
Kitten knew as much, but just couldn’t. Pulling his head back to hers for one last wild kiss, she finally ducked underneath his arms and walked away from the house and from him. “I knew that was going to be a bad idea, EJ. We can’t touch each other like that without it getting out of control. We shouldn’t do it in the first place.”
EJ looked at her in the moonlight. Kiss swollen lips, breathing just a little rushed, running her hands through her already disheveled hair, she looked like she just got out of bed. Wrong thought there. Kitten and bed should not be used in the same sentence, or in the same paragraph. “You’re right, and I know it, but I couldn’t help myself. All I could think of when I saw you standing on that railing was that you were thinking something stupid and something shifted in me. I couldn’t watch you hurt yourself. I have been watching you move your hands as you talk, and think of those hands on me, I watch your lips and want them on mine, and I watch you walk, the way you move, and damn, baby, I want you under me, over me in that bed upstairs. I honestly thought that I could walk into your life for however many weeks it was going to take to get Tara shining again and it would be fine. I wouldn’t have the urge to touch you, to have you touch me, to hear my name whispered on your lips in that way you have of drawing out the letters. I thought that maybe it was just The General’s room, the history that was there, drawing us in, but I don’t think that has anything to do with it.”
Kitten looked at the passionate response that EJ was giving her. “I’ve thought about you nonstop EJ. But I know that it can’t be. If it comes down to it and it just might, that I stay somewhere else at night while you’re sleeping here, I will. During the day, we’ll both be too busy, but at night time, I can’t let anything else happen. You’re a married man EJ and out of my reach. You might hold the key to my heart, and you probably always will, but you have a life waiting for you over a thousand miles away, and that’s where you belong.”
EJ took a deep breath and walked away before turning back and looking straight at her. “Listen to me Kitten. I may have the key to your heart and you may have the key to mine, and neither one of us can do anything about it, but there will come a time, a day, when neither one of us can take the longing anymore, and when that day comes it will be like the atomic bomb between us, because we’ll both explode in each other’s arms. It may be a day, a week, a month, a decade away, but it will come.” He pulled her to him and kissed her hard one last time before letting her go. “And when that day comes neither one of us will want to stop it.”
EJ walked back around the house and she heard him ask his dad when he was taking Shilo home, but she didn’t hear the response. All she could hear were his final words ringing in her head and in her heart of hearts she knew it was true. The two of them together were like a bomb ready to go off, and, she knew, it wouldn’t be long.
Kitten heard Jaret and her mama laughing and talking as they went past her door. They were discussing the future and what they should do. At the knock on her door, she jumped and invited the person in.
Seeing her mama and Jaret come through the door, she hurried and moved the journals that were sitting on the chair. “Please, Mama, Jaret, sit down.”
The two sat close beside each other, still holding onto the others’ hand, not taking the chance in letting go.
“I want to let you know, that no matter where we end up living, that I’m taking good care of your Mama, Kitten. I’ve loved her my entire life, and will till the day I die. I’m not going to sit here and tell you what your future will hold for you, but I will tell you this. EJ kept talking on the phone to me almost the whole night. How you looked like your ancestors and how he couldn’t believe how he felt as soon as he hit the property the first time he saw you. I know the feelings. As soon as I walked on this property I knew it was where I belonged, but I never had that chance, until now, and I won’t let it pass me by again.”
Kitten looked at the both of them, and the love that radiated off them was incredible. Miss Alysia had never looked this way, except when she talked about Jaret. “Mama, can I ask you a question?”
Miss Alysia looked at her daughter and smiled. “Of course, baby sweetheart. What is it?”
“If you had it to do again, knowing what you know now, would you change anything?”
Miss Alysia let go of Jaret’s hand for a few seconds and held onto her daughter’s. “I wouldn’t change anything. I knew what love was then, and I knew the consequences of getting involved. But you see, our history was laid out over a century ago and so was our fate. At night I could hear Jaret’s voice, feel his touch, and it killed me inside knowing I wasn’t with him. But I always knew he would be back. I heard it spoken in the wind, in his touch that I would feel in the middle of the night, even with no one around, and the love that I knew made my heart keep beating. I might not have been with him in person every day for the last sixty years, but he was right here with me, in my heart that beats so strongly for him only. You’ll see, my Kitten. You know the voice you hear in between waking and sleeping? Listen to it. They only speak the truth.”
Kitten cocked her head at her mama and wondered just how she knew. “You too?”
“All of us, Kitten. We’ve all heard the voices. It’s like they are guiding us home. They want to make what is wrong, right again.” Jaret reached for Kitten’s hand and smiled as a tear tracked down her cheek. “It’s okay to lean on him whe
n you need to. There are times when you just can’t be strong anymore.” Jaret stood up and helped Kitten to her feet, kissing her on the cheek. Trust in love, honey, that’s all anyone can do.”
“Good-night Mama, Jaret. When are you taking Shilo back?”
Jaret and Miss Alysia grinned and walked out the door. “We’ll let you know.” They both laughed like school children going down the hall. It was five minutes later when her cell phone rang. Shaking her head she couldn’t believe what her mama had told her.
Jaret was going to spend the night and take Shilo back to Maine with him the next day, but the real surprise was the Miss Alysia was going to accompany him there. They would spend a week there, him showing her the sights, then she was going to decide whether she would live here or there. It was like they didn’t have to think about anything between them, like not a day had passed over the last sixty years. Kitten knew her mama would be safe with Jaret, it’s just that she had never been more than an hour away from her her entire life. Brushing out her hair before her vanity, she knew that calling EJ was a mistake. She could have waited until others came out, which they always did, but she had been worried about Shilo. Closing her eyes, she shook her head back and forth. Worried about a horse, over the lost lives, how wrong was that? But if she really dissected the issue, Shilo was her history too, and keeping that history safe was what she knew how to do. Kitten knew that she was tired. Now she was thinking of things that didn’t even make sense. When the knock came at the door, she didn’t hesitate, but told that person to come in.
“You left the diaries and journals downstairs. I thought you might want them up here so they don’t get damaged.”
Kitten looked at him, really looked at him. From his damp hair, to the shirt that was sticking to his stomach, back to his face. His eyes, oh God, those eyes. She felt like they were burning a hole right through her, that they could see through to her very soul. The moustache held a tiny drop of water, and Heaven help her, she wanted to go over and lick it off, so she decided to turn around and keep brushing her hair. “Thanks EJ. I appreciate the thought. Is your room comfortable enough? Do you need anything?” Kitten knew she was rambling, but she couldn’t help herself. “I know it’s late spring, but it can get chilly in here. There are extra blankets in the hall closet.”
“Kitten, please, no more talking. Here let me do that. You’re just tangling it more.” He took the brush from her hand and stood behind her brushing the long tresses. If you stand up, I can do it better.” The double entendre slipped into her mind and she bit her lip from saying anything. Kitten stood up and the brush strokes got longer and longer. “You’re hair is beautiful. So soft and shiny. I used to think it looked like spun gold, but as I brush it I see the gold, the copper, even the white and it reminds me of sun glinting off a waterfall.”
EJ’s fingers went through her hair and as she looked in the mirror of herself and EJ she gasped. It was just too much to comprehend. The love he was showing on his face, the love and longing on hers. Just like the excerpt from Miss Victoria’s diary. Kitten closed her eyes and remembered. It had been titled, He IS Mine. I knew the day had come when he was well. His wounds were almost healed, but still needed time before he would leave. He was able to stand up and walk around for short periods of time. This morning I had been standing in front of the mirror and didn’t know he was awake. He startled me when he came up behind me and slipped his arms around my waist. My hair he let slide through his fingertips, over his arms, and down past my waist. I know that it’s supposed to be up, but Josh has told me he likes it down. Leaning back against him, but not too much, for I don’t want him supporting my weight on his leg, felt like heaven. I felt so safe, so at ease with him. He leaned over and brushed my neck with his soft lips and whispered the name that only he has for me, Tori. I love when he calls me that. Makes me feel so special in his eyes. I closed my eyes and put my hands over his arms and then looked in the mirror again. The love we have for each other is so visible and true that you can see it pouring out of our eyes. You can see it the way we touch each other. Josh turned me around and kissed me like he knows I like…with wild abandonment and passion. It’s during these times when I know that we belong together. When he touches me, makes me call out his name, and especially when he is inside of me, I know that he IS mine, and will always be mine.
Kitten opened her eyes and saw the question in EJ’s. She shook her head, but his eyes seemed like they asked the question again. “I remembered what Miss Victoria wrote. I saw in the mirror what she saw. EJ, I can’t do this. I can’t take you in my arms and love you like I want to when I know you’re married. I can’t take the chance of hurting your wife even more. What would happen-” Kitten didn’t say anything, but EJ finished it for her.
If you became pregnant?” The images in EJ’s head made him smile, but also made him sad. How he could even think of doing this was beyond him. He did make a promise and he would keep it. EJ kissed Kitten on the cheek and gave her back her brush. Turning and going to the door he looked at her one last time and smiled a wicked smile. The blue in his eyes gleaming. “And by the way Kitten, if I did get you pregnant, and how I would love to, you can bet Tara that I would be in it’s life, whether it killed my marriage or not.” He opened the door and right before he closed it looked back. “Have sweet dreams, baby.”
Kitten knew the dreams would consist of a gentleman in a room right next to hers. All she would have to do is open her door, slip around the corner, and open his. There would be no talking, just whispers, sighs, and two people loving each other. Instead, Kitten went to her bed and lay down. Snuggling into the down pillows and down comforter she was just dozing off when her cell phone rang. Reaching for it she answered softly, “Hello?”
A deep voice said on the other end, “Just remember I love you, Kitten.”
Kitten sighed and said back, “Oh, EJ, I love you too.” She closed the phone, not knowing if he heard her, and went to sleep, until the first nightmare struck and she was awakened by someone shaking her roughly. Kitten finally opened her eyes, realizing her cheeks were wet with tears and EJ’s face directly above hers.
“My God, Kitten, you scared ten years off my life screaming like that.” Kitten reached for him and held him tightly. He could feel the violent tremors going through her body. “EJ, don’t leave. Please don’t leave me tonight.”
EJ slid into the bed with her and wrapped her in his embrace. Her head finding its natural place on his shoulder, her body, so perfect against his. “Go to sleep, Kitten. I promise I won’t leave.” They slept wrapped in each other’s arms, peaceful for the first time in their lives. A soft southern voice whispered in Kitten’s ear. Love has a way of conquering all, little one. Now you have to find a way to let him go, but do not worry, he will be back. They always come back. The voice went away as Kitten went deeper into sleep at the same time holding onto EJ tighter.
Right before the dawn broke amid the destruction EJ awakened to find Kitten sprawled half over him. Her head on his stomach, her hands wrapped around his waist, her legs tangled with his. He gently got out from underneath her, kissed her once on her lips and whispered in her ear, “I do love you Kitten, and when I have to leave here, don’t worry, I’ll find a way to come back.” Kitten smiled in her sleep.
Chapter Seven
The next few days went by quickly. Jaret and Miss Alysia had taken Shilo back to Maine and EJ said that he was settling in fine according to Candra. Kitten stayed busy trying to get everything back in order. She went ahead and brought in some contractors to help with the rebuilding of the apartments. EJ was redoing the kitchen and the servants quarters according the what the new building codes were, but also trying to keep the historic value.
During the day it was easy. Kitten always had something to do, something to go get. In between getting the new blueprints for the stables that she wanted, the new barns and storage facility she wanted to reconstruct, she also was frequently in cleaning up the sunflowers. Thinking she had
lost everything, she was pleasantly surprised when she found that the sunflowers weren’t completely destroyed. Some were twisted, lying on the ground, but not damaged. Hours upon hours she was out there and she never had time to think about the man that was working for free rebuilding her heritage.
The nighttimes were different though. Sexual energy hit her as soon as she hit the door to the foyer and walked in. Sometimes the rush was painful and sometimes so sweet that she wanted to embrace it forever. Kitten was never in the same room with EJ alone. Lissa almost always was with them and when she wasn’t, Kitten found herself in her room reading diaries and journals.
Laughter and tears merged in some of the entries, but one caught her eye that she couldn’t put down until the very end. It had come from Josh’s journal. He didn’t title his, simply dated them, though. August 18, 1864...Sometimes it is so hard for me to believe that she’s not mine. Tori walks through my every waking thought, every waking need. I long to hold her the rest of my life, but alas, it is impossible. I do know that although I cannot have her in my life forever, I will have her until I have to leave. I have asked her to move into my room with me, but being the proper southern belle, she has refused, but she stays with me for as long as the night holds dark. The first whisper of light coming through my window, she leaves so quietly, so fast, sometimes I feel this is a dream. I know it is not only because I see her beautiful flaxen face every morning. This morning I know I am getting better. I dare not let her know though, for the fussing she does over me will certainly stop. My leg did not hurt so bad, the feeling of constant ache was almost gone. Tori had come in after making sure everything was running smoothly this afternoon. We had some Rebel soldiers come through earlier, only asking for a place to rest for a spell. As always, my door suddenly locked and Tori’s laughing excuse of a broken lock was taken as fact. A couple of hours had passed when they walked back down the staircase, one of them jiggling the door, to no avail, of course. Tori had come into the room with tears in her eyes and I know this is a constant strain on her, fearing the worst, that I will be found out and killed. The first thing she did was lean over and kiss me. The smooth texture of her lips upon mine always gives me a rush of pleasure, sometimes to the point that I cannot stop kissing her. Today she came to me and pulled down the sheet that I had across my lap. Her many layers of clothing came off in quick fashion and I was surprised when she lay beside me. Her body is the most beautiful thing. The color is like none I have ever seen. Like alabaster that shines, but then turns to coral when I touch her. Her lips had traveled down my stomach and I knew there was no way I would be able to hold onto my control if she kept it up. I tried to get her to stop, but my Tori would not do that. She took me in her mouth and the silken feel of her tongue going around in circles took me to the peak very fast. Before I lost total control I flipped her over and entered her so quickly she gasped my name. I will forever remember the sound of my name in that way. We made love like we were never seeing each other again, like it was the end of time, and I guess in a way it is. The end of our time together, just not yet. In bed she is such a wild creature, untamed, but in the daylight, out of my room, when we just have to be caretaker and injured person, she is cool, refined, the epitome of a southern belle, if there is one. How I wish I had met Tori before I married. There would never be a problem of hurting someone, knowing that I continue every minute of every day to hurt someone I had vowed to love, to be faithful to. I feel that Tori and I are soul mates, that we will forever need each other, and I know, that until the day we are together, we will walk through life always searching for the other. I know that in our heart of hearts we are man and wife, and throughout history we will repeatedly meet, fall in love, and have to leave. There will never be a generation that goes by that will never find the other. I just hope and pray that one generation breaks and they will be together, uniting all generations through history. I know in a couple of months that I will be leaving her and it scares me that I will never know her love again, will never be able to hold her again, only in my heart, my dreams, my prayers, and my memories. I pray that someday I come back and see her, if only a glimpse of her I get. Only God knows if I shall see even that.