by A. R. Wilson
Arkose turned. “That thing is back! Like the one we fought in Chlopahn. I saw it!”
“He is little more than a scout in the Inner Kingdom.” Jurren closed the distance between them. “As long as we stay below the height of the walls, we’re safe.”
“If it’s a scout, then it will tell Einiko we’re coming.”
“Perhaps scout is not the right word.” Jurren pressed his palm to his forehead, trying to find the right description for his understanding. “The creatures Einiko forms and mutates often war with each other. Which is where all those bundles came from. The Fear and the horsk dragon keep them confined to a central location.”
“So this spider woman is only the beginning?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Perhaps since she is deceased, this might be a prudent location to rest for the night?” Kidelar scratched at his beard.
“Agreed. I’ll take first watch.” Jurren lowered his pack.
CHAPTER 20
Tascana glanced up from her reading to rest her eyes a moment. In the span of eight days, she had come to the final page in the third book. The overspill of her soul remained an ever-present hindrance. How much more of herself could she afford to lose?
“Your progress continues to please The Master.” Jerricoh leaned over her shoulder from behind the chair.
“Is he pleased enough that he may permit me a request?”
“That depends a great deal upon your request.”
“Take me for a walk in the gardens again? After I finish of course. And if it be the will of The Master.”
For some reason, the occasional stumble over her words laced with a respectful fear of The Master tended to result in a better mood from Jerricoh. Though it felt like manipulation, she couldn’t help but wonder if deep down he wanted to help her. What if teaching her to act fearful kept The Master pleased with both of them?
“That is a reasonable desire. Perhaps, even beneficial to your future studies. We will depart as soon as you finish.”
Nodding, she endured the final page. He picked up the book as soon as she closed it. After putting it away, he came back to offer her his elbow.
Once outside, she walked to the closest patch of grass. Walking barefoot in the neatly trimmed lawn soothed her soul. Like finding a small part of herself again. In the gardens there existed no pressure to perform or worry about The Master watching her every move. She had never once sensed his focus on her out here. Almost as if he didn’t believe her worthy of his notice, unless she was in the castle.
Whatever his reason, she felt more refreshed with each tickle of the grass beneath her feet. The feel of connecting to something other than stone floors and magic-laced pages. Warm and tender rather than cold and stiff. The feeling that used to be proof of her freedom back home. Though her heart wanted to hurt over the absence, she wouldn’t allow it. In this moment, all that mattered was feeling something other than those books sucking the life out of her.
Then she sensed something different. Like someone watching her. Looking over, she saw Jerricoh leaned against a tree, his arms folded, with a relaxed grin on his face. The sight almost startled her. He was relaxed and enjoying himself?
Only when he comes out here.
She vaguely remembered the casual demeanor he held when they crossed the hedge so he could introduce her to the unicorns. The first time where they were together and he was not scrutinizing her every move.
Why was he still looking at her? Normally, he glanced away whenever she caught him looking at her like this. Like that time after she begged The Master to be kind to him.
Nausea bubbled up. She looked away to concentrate on healing herself. A thought stirred along the vine of dread blossoming over her growing pregnancy. One so terrifying, it made her light headed. What if her perceived attraction of Jerricoh was the result of losing herself in The Master’s books? Was it possible for the halfling to trick her into actually falling in love with that man? Her breath came a little faster, increasing her dizziness. She sat down, and spread her fingers into the grass. What if Jerricoh’s kindness towards her was all in her mind? What if what she perceived as helping, was actually the spell forcing him to tell the truth? If The Master never allowed Jerricoh to lie, then how could he not help her? It wasn’t as if the hints he gave her were obvious by any means. They were merely truth. Completely up to her to see it for what it was, and figure out how to use it to her advantage.
The vine flinched. A tear came to her eye. What was real? Did she even know anymore? Three months ago, if someone had told her that studying magic in secret would bring her to this reality, she would have laughed at that liar. Now look at me. How long until the lump of fear in her stomach protruded to a visible bump? How long until she would feel the fluttering of The Master’s offspring inside of her?
She gagged. Slapping a hand to her mouth, clamping her eyes shut, she focused on her breathing. Nothing but air. Everything beyond the next breath felt like a smothering force. And yet, even the thought of breathing brought with it the horror that she would live to one day...
“I guess the fresh air isn’t helping.”
Jerricoh’s voice sounded close, as though he had sat beside her, but she didn’t dare look at him. No telling where this tornado of fear might take her. The visions it might conjure.
“Tascana, how can I help?”
He sounded so concerned. So sincere. It felt like tiny needles worming in and out of her heart. Why did she ever allow herself to believe in the hope that she might have an ally in him?
“Here.” He put a hand on her shoulder.
She cringed under the gesture, and he withdrew.
What? She froze, wondering if he would force the healing spell on her. He didn’t. Was she wrong about trusting him or wrong about doubting him? Keeping her hand over her mouth, she creaked one eye open. His face hovered near. Those deep blue eyes, brooding with concern. It reminded her of the day she had been so ill he took her to a smaller study to give her a chance to lie down. How he had asked her for the first time if she wanted to do something. As if her wishes mattered.
Was it possible for someone in Jerricoh’s position to care? About anyone?
“I’m scared.” With her hands over her mouth, the words sounded came out as little more than babble to her own ears. She returned to gripping the grass. “I’m scared.”
“Why are you scared?”
The way he pulled back a little suggested he assumed she feared him.
“What’s going to happen to me?”
He titled his head, unsure. “You have done nothing wrong.”
She lowered her eyes to her stomach, then looked back at him. “What’s going to happen to me after?”
Jerricoh opened his mouth twice without speaking, then finally said, “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know or won’t tell me?”
“The Master informs me of only what I need to know. As I do with you.”
“You told me about the unicorns. I didn’t need to know about them.”
“But you did.”
“How?”
“Your body and soul needed rest. It was for your benefit that I took you to see them.”
“Will The Master still have use for me?”
His eyes pinched. “Pardon?”
“I’ve seen what happens to things he no longer has a use for.”
“Do you want to remain useful?”
Her gaze dropped. “I don’t know.”
He put his hand on hers. Out of sheer disbelief, she didn’t pull away.
“There is a plan for your life beyond this current time.”
Was he trying to sound all mystical, like some pompous wizard? Or simply trying to make her feel better? Either way, he failed miserably.
“It exactly that purpose that I’m afraid of.”
Though his eyes lightened, the way he turned his gaze away made it seem he was more angry at himself, than her. Did he have something he wanted to say but couldn’t
?
“Will I ever be safe?” She waited for him to look at her before she said more. “Because if you promise it to me, then I would believe you.”
His eyes lightened more still. He balled his other hand into a fist on his lap. The muscles along his jaw flexed and tensed, as though a great battle warred within him. What couldn’t he tell her? “Hope keeps us alive.”
Whatever else he held back, the words he managed to speak carried far more weight than his simple sentence. There was a reason to hope. A reason he was prevented from uttering. Whether by threat of The Master, or Jerricoh’s own caution if he could trust her, he still found a way to challenge her to believe in hope. Hope that one day she would be safe. Did she dare wonder if ‘safe’ meant being someplace far from here?
“I believe you.” She moved her thumb to hold his fingers resting on her hand.
“Then study well. And do as you are told, when you are told.”
“I promise.”
“Never ask why anything happens.”
“I won’t.”
“And never wander beyond the library again.” He pressed some of his weight onto her hand.
Though uncomfortable, she understood it was the safest way to communicate what he knew: she lied that day at the top of the steps. Did he suspect she overheard his conversation, too?
“Yes, my lord.”
His eyes darkened to their previous color. The slightest furrow built over his eyes. She could practically see the hundreds of calculations in his mind.
When they returned to the castle, she stayed true to her word. She did nothing other than stay in her room unless he escorted her to the library. Even though furthering her study meant losing more of her soul, she no longer cared. Jerricoh knew she could be safe one day. He promised. Well, as safely as he could promise, without risking one of the servants overhearing, and relaying the message to The Master. If Jerricoh saw her father in the Seeing Pool, and hid it from The Master, then he had to be on her side.
How close is Daddy to finding me?
Tascana punched the thought down the instant it surfaced. The risks of meditating on such a notion were too great. She had to study. Had to focus all thought on keeping her body calm enough to continue.
After another eight days, she finished the fourth book. As was becoming their new routine, Jerricoh offered her a respite in the gardens for her effort. Exactly twenty-one days since her last meeting with the mare. “Come see me again in a few weeks.” At the most literal interpretation of that offer was an invite to return on this very day.
“May we venture beyond the gardens this time?” She wrapped both hands over his forearm as they walked outside.
“To visit your friend again?”
“Unicorns do favor the pure, as the legend goes.”
“Yes they do. The Master is growing curious as to her interest in you.”
Was his tone a warning? “I find it curious myself. Almost as if she sees me as her pet.”
“The Master says a cloud of light surrounded you the last time she accepted your embrace.”
Tascana tilted her head and pulled at her mouth to give the appearance of being baffled. His warning could not have been more clear. “I did not see any light. Did you?”
His arm stiffened under her hands. “Not a light visible to the eyes.”
“Perhaps the mare and her foal sense power growing within me.” She did her best to say it with a mix of delight, wonder, and just a hint of curiosity.
“Perhaps.”
She could feel him glaring at her from the corner of his eye. His warning implied consequences. If The Master suspected the unicorns were up to something, he might act on it. Either by punishing her or removing them. Or worse: mutating them into something else like he had done with the people of Tretchin Valley.
Her eyes darted along the ground. Should she feign illness and ask to go back to the castle? No, too obvious. The Master had been listening to their conversation earlier, which was why she had carefully chosen every word. If he saw her turn back now, his suspicions would be confirmed. She had to think of a way to protect both her and them.
“My lord, is it possible the mare suspects the pregnancy?” His arm flexed again, pulling in tighter to his side. She threaded her fingers together as she looked up at him, giving him her best pupil expression. “I wonder if she is curious about the magic growing within me. Being a creature of magic herself, she would sense power other than her own nearby.”
“A lofty proposal, considering you’re speaking of an animal. Did you even think such a notion through before it came out of your mouth?”
“Please don’t be angry with me. I’m trying to understand what he sees. I greatly desire to please The Master. Learning to observe the world through his eyes will help me to be a proper apprentice for him.”
His arm relaxed. “Then we will ask her.”
When they arrived at the gate, he walked through first. Grassy fields stretched out before them. In the distance, a white tip came out from behind a hill. Two more joined as three pale figures trotted towards them. The first to arrive came straight up to Jerricoh, and tucked in one hoof as it lowered its head in some sort of bow. The man in black put a hand to his chest and returned the gesture of respect. After rising to a stand, the stallion approached Jerricoh. He put a hand on his neck. For several minutes, they stood like that, unmoving.
While she waited, a fourth white figure came from another direction. The mare. Was the meeting between the stallion and Jerricoh a distraction so she could speak privately?
“She is trying to help you?”
Jerricoh’s voice startled her and she snapped a hand to her chest. “Help me? With what?”
“This is Veredict, the leader of their herd. He tells me the mare has been trying to teach you to love the child.”
Slugs writhed along the vine, causing a sour taste to fill her mouth. “Pardon?”
You lied to me! You’ve known this whole time the unicorns can communicate. Why the pretense of wondering about the mare’s contact?
Jerricoh trailed a hand off the stallion as he walked over to her. “He has shown me the mare fights to teach you compassion towards the child in your womb. This would greatly please The Master.”
How could you say such a thing to me? She sucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth to keep from speaking her mind, or vomiting.
“Now that The Master can know the intent of the mare’s attention, he will insist on you spending more time with her.”
The foal butted his nose against Tascana’s hip. She stumbled into Jerricoh as she pulled away. He wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her into himself. His chest pressed firmly against her back as he moved to fold her arms over her stomach. He pushed his face forward, whispering into her ear.
“Hope keeps us alive.”
She trembled under his embrace. I trusted you! After all those hints she thought she saw, he truly was the monster she always feared. Little more than a tool who learned how to be useful. And she let him use her!
Relaxing his grip, he stepped back, keeping his hands on her elbows. He gave a gentle shove to encourage her to take a step forward. She didn’t need to. The mare had already come close, lowering a white head into her face. Clamping her eyes shut, Tascana locked her arms at her sides.
“Tascana.” The mare’s voice echoed in her mind. “Put your hands on your belly.”
Tascana shook her head.
“What’s wrong?” Jerricoh stayed right behind her.
She continued shaking her head. At least when all this is over, he might finally kill me and be done with it.
“He will never allow you to die. You are too valuable.”
Tascana opened her eyes.
“There, that’s better.” The mare’s voice now sounded before her rather than within her. “Will you please trust me?”
“No.”
“Do you remember the name I gave you?”
I couldn’t care less about the n
ame he chose for that thing.
The mare shook her mane. “My dear child, did you think I gave you the name of your son?”
Did she just say...? The fields of green peeled away to reveal walls of stone. Arnya’s story of how The Master maintained his control, by keeping his name a secret, raced through Tascana’s heart. Pounding filled her ears, heat poured into her chest. Her knees buckled as she fell into waiting arms. Did Jerricoh see this too?
“Place your hands on your belly. It is for your freedom.”
Tears welled up and over her lower lids. It wasn’t fair. If only Daddy had been honest about his past, she never would have touched that first scroll. She would have burned them right then and there. This was all his fault!
The mare came in close enough for Tascana to feel that steamy breath through the fabric of her dress. “There isn’t much time.”
Trembling, praying for an earthquake to split open the ground beneath her feet so she could plummet to the bowels of the earth, she did as she was told. Twice her wrists twitched away, and she had to start again. On the third try, she managed to complete the action.
A new sensation filled her. One that defied words. Something bigger than anything life had ever attempted to offer her. Though her world had fallen apart at the hands of a ruthless, halfling warlock, The Master’s own arrogance had prevented him from considering one crucial element: this wasn’t only his child. Her child lay nestled inside her. Everything she ate nourished the life growing within her. Every emotion she felt surrounded a delicate baby completely dependent on her survival. Anything that happened to her happened to him, as well. They were a team. Two beings pressed together in one flesh; one of them so innocent of the events unfolding around them. Totally pure of lies, deceit, betrayal, or fear. So pure, he didn’t even know how to despise his own life.
More tears flowed. The stone wall blurred out of existence as she lowered to the ground, hands gripping where a proud bump would soon display. My son... my son... How did she ever justify hating him? He had nothing to do with anything that happened to her. Her choices had brought her to this place. She lied to the ones who trusted her the most. She hid a secret for years, because she knew her actions were a sin. Punishable by banishment, and worse. So she lied. She deceived. She betrayed all those who trusted in the value of her solemn word.