I stared at Lisa. “Where do you get this stuff? Is there some how-to-catch-a-man book you sit up reading all night, or is this all especially created by you?”
“This is dating, according to Lisa Brooks. Watch, I’m gonna write a book one day.”
“Yeah, that’s only if you actually meet a man and get married,” Nicole said. “If that never happens, you have to call it how not to date, according to Lisa Brooks.”
Lisa narrowed her eyes and glared at Nicole. Angela giggled. I glanced over at her.
Who would have thought Angela would be the first one? Not that she shouldn’t. And not that she was getting married next week. I was glad Angela’s experience our first week was so much better than mine and Lisa’s. I might have gotten discouraged otherwise. But the glow on Angela’s face and the sound of her teenage giggle was enough incentive to keep trying.
I pulled the computer over in front of me and stared at the face on the screen. He was a looker. Why was he on eHarmony? He shouldn’t have any trouble finding a good woman. Especially with the number of desperate sisters out there his age.
And if he was on eHarmony, what other good-looking, saved men were on there?
nine
I woke up the next Sunday and he was there in bed with me.
My archenemy. The horny monster. I could feel him reaching out to engulf me and knew this was going to be a particularly bad day. I rolled over toward the nightstand and grabbed the calendar I’d kept there since I’d become a slave to my hormones.
Yep. Exactly fourteen days after my last cycle began. I had a hormone surge because I was ovulating. I knew the horny monster kept a calendar of his own so he would know the exact times I would be most vulnerable to his attack.
I didn’t waste any time jumping out of bed and into my exercise clothes. It was definitely a Tae Bo kind of day. As I punched and kicked, I called out my most “keeping it holy” scriptures. If I could head off the attack before it got on me good, I’d be all right. At least it was Sunday, and I could get into God’s presence to chase it away.
On Sundays, I had God, a good service, and my friends afterward. On weekdays, I had work to keep me occupied. But Saturdays? I had at least sixteen hours to fill up with something strong enough to keep my mind off the “burning in my loins,” as Nicole called it.
After I exercised, I showered, put on a pantsuit and grabbed a bagel to head out to service.
When I arrived in the sanctuary, I met Nicole at our usual section in the middle of the sanctuary.
“I haven’t seen them yet,” she said as I settled into my seat next to her.
“Who?”
She frowned at me. “Angie and her new man. Did you forget?”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess I did.” Going ten rounds with the horny monster that morning had knocked it out of my brain. I scanned the sanctuary.
A few minutes later, Lisa slipped into the seat next to me. “They’re here. And he is too fine. Even better than the picture.” She clapped her hands together. “Angie got her a fine man.”
“What’s his name? I forgot to ask the other night,” I said.
“Gary,” Lisa said.
“Where did you see them?” Nicole craned her neck toward the vestibule.
“Girl, I was waiting out in the lobby for them to walk in,” Lisa said.
I shook my head. “You are too much.”
“Please. I had to see what my girl was working with.” She turned around and put her hands on her lap. “Here they come. Don’t look.”
Yeah, right. That was like saying, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.”
Me and Nicole’s heads flew around, and we scanned the crowd pouring down the aisle until we saw them.
Angela was glowing even more than she had last Friday night. She looked cute in a pair of black slacks and a red short-sleeved sweater. Her hair fell to her chin, the ends bumped. Lisa must have wrapped it for her. I didn’t recognize the clothes and figured they must have gone shopping, too.
Behind her trailed Gary. He was about 6’1”, broad shoulders, nice smile, and a handsome face. Better than the picture. And like Vanessa said, the gentle friendliness to his spirit could be felt as he smiled down at Angela and put his hand in the small of her back as he followed her to a row a few ahead of ours. I knew Angela was sitting there so Lisa could conduct her worship test.
They sat talking for a few minutes as we all waited for service to start. Angela’s eyes were bright and her smile shy. Every once in a while, he leaned closer to her to talk, and her eyes softened and she giggled. They seemed oblivious to everyone else around them. Was it possible that she had found the one already?
I had to fight the jealous monster. I rebuked him quickly, reminding him that after my spar with the horny monster that morning, he didn’t want any parts of me.
The band started playing softly, and the praise and worship team walked out onto the pulpit. Everyone stood up. Gary stood as well. Not like he was following everyone else, but like he was familiar with praise and worship and knew it was time to stand.
When the praise team starting singing their first upbeat song, he clapped his hands. I knew we were all watching his mouth.
When we got to the chorus, he sang along, even when the words projected on the screen lagged behind by almost a full ten seconds. He knew the words. Sure it was an Israel & New Breed song that anyone active in any church probably knew, but so far, Gary was passing the worship test with flying colors.
I knew God had to be looking down at me, Lisa, and Nicole like, “Can I get some attention here? This is supposed to be about me, after all.”
I know, God, but this is our girl, Angela. We gotta make sure she’s straight with the worship test.
I could almost hear Him say, “Oh, yeah, that’s so much better than asking me if he’s the right man for her.”
I felt convicted and changed my focus from Gary and Angela to worshipping God. Especially since after service, I still had the horny monster to contend with. I needed to get as much of an outpour of the Holy Spirit as I could get.
As the team switched over from praise to worship, I closed my eyes, lifted my hands and focused on God.
Just as I sensed His presence flooding over me, Lisa elbowed me. “Look,” she whispered loudly.
Gary was lifting his hands as well. His eyes were closed, and as much as he was focused on Angela a few minutes before, he wasn’t thinking anything about her right now. His mouth moved slowly, and a tear streamed down the side of his face.
So much for me getting into the throne room. There was nothing sexier than a man worshipping God from the depths of his heart. The three of us stared at Gary, our mouths open.
“You go, Angela,” Lisa whispered.
She couldn’t possibly realize how loud she was. She sounded like a kid when they first learned how to whisper, not realizing they were almost as loud as they were when talking.
You go, God. I thought it was real sweet of Him to honor Angela’s request first. Maybe He was honoring her faithfulness at having maintained her virginity for so long. I wasn’t sure I could have done it. And that’s the honest truth. I didn’t think she’d have to worry about the celibacy thing either. He seemed like a godly man.
Well, at least one of us was happy. I worked hard to focus on the service, but between watching Angela and Gary, and trading the occasional jab with the horny monster, I wasn’t paying much attention.
It was the usher’s fault. He was tall and thick—muscular thick. I didn’t think it was very godly of him to wear such close-fitting black pants and a closer-fitting black shirt as his church usher uniform. I could tell he made regular use of the gym.
And then there was the guy sitting two seats down from Nicole on my right. He wasn’t extra special cute or anything, but he had the sexiest hands. Well-manicured and strong-looking—like he could hold my hand and I’d never be scared of anything in life again.
And then there was the entire tenor section of the choir while t
hey were singing their Sunday selections. And the entire usher board as they received offering.
I loosened the top button on my blouse and fanned a little. Was it men’s day or something?
“You okay?” Nicole leaned over and whispered.
“I’m fine. It’s just a little warm in here.” Hot was more like it. I looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes. God, please don’t send me to hell for lusting in church this morning. Why do I have to live like this?
It was the worst possible test. Forget the trials of Job. Fill Michelle’s sex-starved body with super abundant levels of estrogen, surround her with good-looking, godly men and command her to live holy. Forget the fruit in the garden. Do not choose of any of the men surrounding you, for in the day you taste of it, you shall surely die. Forget Jesus’ temptation in the desert or in Gethsemane. Okay, maybe that was taking it too far.
After Pastor Kennedy preached what was probably a great sermon, he led an altar call for anyone needing prayer in any area of their life.
I almost crushed everybody on my row’s feet, stepping over them to get to the aisle.
“Lift up that thing before the Lord—whatever you’re struggling with—and commit it to His hands.” Pastor came to the edge of the stage and lifted his hand out over the congregation.
I imagined hoisting the horny monster up over my head to throw him onto the altar for God to destroy.
Pastor Kennedy said, “There’s someone standing next to you in need of prayer. Let the body heal the body today. Reach out to the one next to you. Hold their hand, put an arm around them. Let them know a fellow citizen of the Kingdom is fighting with them.”
I reached out for the hand of the person next to me. Instead, I felt an arm go around my shoulder. A strong, thick, muscular arm. I froze. A strong, thick, muscular hand squeezed my shoulder and pulled me into a strong, thick, muscular side.
For a second, I wondered if God hated me.
Of course, I knew He didn’t. But He was taking this test too far. Way too far.
I peeked through a closed praying eye and saw none other than Usher man. I guess he decided to give me comfort in my time of need. To show me he was a fellow Kingdom citizen, fighting the good fight of faith with me. What he was really doing was making the very struggle I was praying about all the harder.
And, honestly, it wasn’t even the horny monster that was bothering me so much at the moment. It was being touched by a man. I was up close and personal with a man of God. Something I wanted more than anything.
And it was pure torture.
I couldn’t remember the last time a man held me. Of course, there was the usual “arms around the shoulders, butt poked out so nothing could possibly touch” church hug with some of my male friends after service ended. This was different. Close. Intimate in a spiritual way. And even though I didn’t know this guy from Adam, I felt comforted, covered, and loved.
I lifted my head toward heaven and said my simple prayer, “God, you know.” I should have been praying that altar time would end, so Usher man could let me go and I could go back to the safety of my girls.
Mercifully, prayer ended, and I broke away from his embrace to return to my seat.
I turned to see Angela and Gary standing in prayer with his arm around her. Something in my spirit said he was the one for our Angela.
I said a silent prayer for them, for me, and for love-starved women everywhere. Every woman of God should be able to experience what I had just experienced and what Angela was experiencing. A godly man who loved them and was committed to covering them in prayer.
I was so busy watching Angela and Gary, I walked smack into a broad chest.
“Sorry.” I stepped to the side to maneuver around the man in my way, but he stepped in the same direction. I stepped in the other direction to go around him, but instead of it being a mishap, it seemed like he was intentionally blocking my way.
“I don’t get a hello?” A set of strong hands planted themselves firmly on my shoulders to keep me from sidestepping again.
I looked up.
It was Jason.
ten
“Wha . . . wha . . . what are you doing here?” I sputtered.
“Ummm, the same thing everyone else is doing here.” He eyed me strangely. “Worshipping God and getting some good Word.”
“But why here? You don’t go here. You go to . . .” the name of his church escaped me.
He dropped his head and looked past me. “Can you meet me out front after the benediction? There’s something I should tell you.”
I nodded and headed back down the row to my seat next to Nicole.
She leaned over to me and whispered, “What’s with you today? Clinging to the usher during prayer then hugging Mr. Hottie in the aisle. Do we need to get some anointing oil?”
“I wasn’t clinging or hugging,” I hissed back.
Her eyes widened. I guess I was a little rude. She made one of her cat-claw gestures at me and mouthed her little cat growl. I laughed and elbowed her.
After the benediction, I was torn between standing around to be introduced to Angela’s new guy, or meeting Jason on the front steps. It would be rude to leave him out there waiting. And I had already seen enough to know what I needed to know about Gary.
“Meet you guys out front,” I said to Nicole as I attempted to scoot past her toward the aisle.
“Aren’t you gonna stay and meet—”
“Gotta take care of something. I’ll meet him in a minute.”
She nodded and let me by.
I spotted him before he saw me coming. It was definitely not a good day to be seeing Jason. Not looking as good as he always looked. I didn’t remember smelling his cologne during our brief bump in the aisle, but I couldn’t imagine him leaving home without it. Sure enough, as I stepped closer to him, I smelled it. His pure testosterone cologne and the super potent estrogen flooding my veins were not a good combination.
He gave me quick hug. He had never hugged me before, but I guessed being at church made him feel like it was the appropriate thing to do. It must have felt like hugging a board because I made no attempt at hugging him back.
“Good to see you, Michelle. You okay?” He looked into my eyes in that way of his, and I cast them downward so he couldn’t see what was lurking beneath.
“Yeah, I’m great—praise the Lord. Blessed and highly favored.” Lovely. I sounded super-religious. “I’m fine. How are you? What are you doing here?”
I wished I could take back the question, to avoid the conversation it would lead to. I guess we had to have it some time, but I’d rather it was within the professional boundaries of work rather than here, after church, where Jason felt like it was okay to hug me.
“I don’t know if you know this or not, but my wife divorced me.” He said it like he was embarrassed.
I started to pretend not to know, but that would seem like a lie. On the church steps. “Someone mentioned it, Jason. I did notice your ring was gone.” Great, Michelle. Must learn to think before we speak. Didn’t want him to realize I made a regular practice of eyeing men’s ring fingers. Especially his.
Was that a smile? Was he smiling because I admitted I noticed his ring was gone? Oh, God help me.
“Yeah. It’s true. So, I figured I needed a new church. Even though my ex didn’t go much, I didn’t want to be at the same church anymore. You always talk about how great yours is, so I decided to check it out.”
This is what I get for being an evangelist at work?
“It is great and I’m glad you came. Did you enjoy the service?” Please say no. Please say no.
He nodded and grinned. The dimpled, perfect-teeth grin. “Yeah. It was better than you described. I know I’ll definitely be back.”
“Oh, how wonderful. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Oh, how terrible. I wish you had hated it.
He looked around for a second and loosened his tie. “So, what do you usually do after church?”
I froze. Oh, God, please d
on’t let Jason ask me out.
“Wanna grab a bite to eat?”
God, are You listening to me at all today???
As if God suddenly understood His need to demonstrate that He was paying me some attention, Nicole and Lisa emerged through the church doors.
I tried not to exhale my relief too loudly. “Me and my girls always go out for dinner after church. Every Sunday. It’s our tradition. For years now.” I pointed to them. “Here they come.”
He looked over my shoulder in the direction I had pointed. “Oh. Okay.” He tugged at his tie again. “I guess I better get home anyway. Latrice will be bringing the girls home soon, and I need to get ready for the school week.”
It took a second for his words to register. “You have your girls?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I got full custody. When she left, she left all of us. She picks them up for the occasional weekend, when she’s not traveling with . . .” He looked down at his feet. “But it’s okay. I’ve got enough love for my girls to make up for it. They are definitely Daddy’s girls. Even before all this happened.”
I wanted to hug him. To embrace away the pain I knew he had experienced in the last year. It was the same as mine, except he was left taking care of his two daughters. My respect for him jumped twenty points in the last five minutes. Unfortunately, so had my attraction to him. Would it be so bad to date someone from work?
Yes, Michelle. It would be bad.
I reached out to touch Jason’s arm. It seemed cold-hearted not to offer some sort of comfort after such a conversation.
Bad decision. Felt like Jason had been working out his pain in the gym like I had in the year after my divorce.
Do Jesus. All of a sudden, cold-hearted didn’t seem so bad compared to hot-in-the-pants.
Since I had already reached out and touched, I went ahead with my attempt at comfort. “Sorry for all you’ve been through, Jason. I know how hard it must be. Well, the divorce part. I can’t imagine raising two kids on my own.” I rubbed my hand up and down his thick bicep. Comforting Jason was going to have me up all night, fanning. “I’m sure you’re a great father, and I know God is taking care of all of you.”
The List Page 10