The girls were excited when I told them about my date at the meeting the next night. Angela was all giggles, more so because of the Gary effect than being happy for me. Lisa was full of dating advice—what to wear, meeting him instead of letting him pick me up, not being an independent black woman and letting him pay for everything. I felt like I should be taking notes. Nicole smirked the whole evening like she knew there was no way it could go well. I ignored her and made up my mind that no matter what, I was going to have a good time.
Before I knew it, it was Friday night. I realized it was my first date since . . . since forever. I wanted to dress cute, but not like I was trying too hard. I wanted my make-up to look natural and not too overdone. I took out my two-stranded twists and let my hair fly high and wavy. I put on a blue-jeans-turned-blue-jean skirt with African mud cloth trim and a brown T-shirt. My cowry shell choker and earrings finished off the outfit. When I was done, I winked at myself in the mirror. Don’t hurt him, girl.
Me and Kelvin met at Stonecrest to see a movie. When we got there, he realized he had gotten the time wrong and the movie wasn’t due to start for another hour. At least it would give us a chance to talk and get to know each other better. We strolled through the mall, and I had to admit, it felt good to be with a guy. I knew I was looking good, and he looked cute in a pair of nice jeans and a black T-shirt.
We chatted easily for a few minutes while we were walking. This wasn’t so bad. Tonight would be fun, and maybe we’d go out again next week. Maybe I would be the one glowing and giggling by the next meeting.
He cracked a few jokes and I laughed. They weren’t very funny, but I felt giddy. Whenever I laughed, he smiled real big like it made him happy to make me happy. Which, of course, made me laugh at the next corny joked he cracked. I didn’t know why Lisa’s luck was so bad. I should’ve done this weeks ago.
“You look really nice, Michelle. Your hair is real cool like that. I love the natural look.”
“Thanks, Kelvin.” I blushed a little. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to compliment him back or just say thanks. I should have asked Lisa more dating questions.
He stopped and stood in front of a kiosk that sold vitamins and health products. Oh good, he’s a healthy guy.
He browsed for a second and then the sales lady came over. “Looking for anything in particular?”
“Yeah. You got anything for stamina and longevity?” He elbowed me in the side and winked.
My eyes flew open. Was he serious? I didn’t move or speak while the lady sang the praises of ginseng.
When we walked away, he elbowed me again. “You know I was just playing, right?”
I nodded and forced a smile.
We walked around to a few more stores, and I tried to make myself relax. Don’t rule him out too quick, Michelle. Give him a chance. He’s a nice guy. A godly guy. He was just joking.
His face lit up. “Oh, there’s my favorite store. Do you mind if we stop?”
I looked up at the sign. “Shoe-4-Less. All shoes $6.99 and under.” Without even thinking, I glanced down at his shoes. Looked like he only had about $1.99 worth of wear left in them. I followed him as he browsed the men’s aisles.
He pointed toward the ladies section. “You don’t want to look?”
I shook my head. Do I look like I want to have bunions by the time I’m forty?
We looked at a few more bargain stores that I never realized were in the mall, and finally, it was time for the movie to start. When we got to the ticket counter, he pulled out an old card and flipped it onto the counter. “Two tickets for I Am Legend on a student discount.”
The young girl at the counter sucked her teeth and pushed the card back toward him. “We don’t do student discounts.”
He leaned back and looked at the sign where the movie prices were listed. “No student discounts? Why not? I always get a student discount at Atlantic Station.”
She cracked her gum and let out a loud breath. “This ain’t Atlantic Station. We don’t do student discounts here.” She pulled the card toward her. “And this is about ten years old. Ain’t you out of school?”
He slid the money across the counter. I wanted to sink into the floor.
I guess he could tell I was embarrassed.
“Sorry about that. I’m a little strapped for cash at the moment. I had to borrow forty bucks from my boy for this date.”
He said it like I should be flattered. So, of course when he gestured toward the concession stand, I shook my head—glad I had eaten before I left the house.
After the lights dimmed in the movie, I felt his hand slide onto my right thigh. He couldn’t be serious.
I shifted a little, hoping he’d take the hint and move it. He didn’t.
I shifted again. He squeezed my thigh, I guess, misinterpreting my squirming.
I finally got disgusted and lifted his hand and pushed it over onto his lap.
He leaned over and whispered, “Yeah, I guess I better keep my hand off your leg. We wouldn’t want my nature to rise.”
All I could think of was Nicole’s face when I shared at the next girls’ meeting.
I leaned away from him. He leaned toward me. I leaned further away until I was almost in the empty seat next to me.
He whispered loudly, “What’s wrong?”
“What?” I whispered back.
“Why you all the way over there?”
“My side hurts because I slept funny last night.” What’d I say that for? Next thing I know he was massaging my side.
I pushed his hand away. “That makes it worse.”
He pulled his hand back and scowled. I swear his face stayed like that for the rest of the movie. He kept letting out long disgusted breaths like I really made him mad. Maybe I hadn’t dated in a while, but I didn’t think his hands all over my body when we just met was the least bit okay.
After the movie ended, we walked out to the parking lot. I held out my hand to shake his. “Thanks so much for such a good time. I really enjoyed the movie.” In spite of you groping me.
“You’re ready to go home so early? I wanted to show you a good time, and I feel like we got off to a bad start. Plus, I still got money left.”
I wanted to tell him to save his last twenty dollars. Was I being difficult and unapproachable? I remembered my girls telling me to not rule guys out too fast and sucked in a deep breath. “What do you have in mind?”
“Well, I know you like music, so I figured I’d take you to listen to some jazz.”
I thought it was sweet that he considered that I liked music. We talked about the latest gospel CD releases whenever I went into the bookstore, and he played samples for me all the time. I hadn’t been out listening to live music in a while, and I could scout some talent for Indie Artist. “Okay. Sounds good.”
“We should take one car. I’ll drive.”
I thought about Lisa’s rule list, but followed him to his car anyway. It didn’t make sense to take two cars to the same place. I bumped into him when he stopped at this ratty, broke-down car. Certainly, it wasn’t his. He took out his keys and opened the door. Oh dear, it was.
I wasn’t really into cars, but I couldn’t imagine getting into his ride. It looked like it was being held together by safety pins and duct tape. The girls were not going to believe me when I described that the hood, side panels and driver’s side door were three different colors. I could tell he was friends with whoever owned the junkyard he frequented.
If only I had gotten in my car and driven off then. But I was committed to trying this dating thing. Right?
I directed him to one of my favorite jazz spots I used to hang out in.
When we got there, he started to pull into the parking lot. “Valet parking? How much is it?”
“Oh, just five dollars,” I said.
“Five dollars? Are they crazy? We can do better than that.” He pulled out of the lot and down the street.
I pointed to another parking lot. “There’s one. Three dollar
s for the rest of the evening.”
He shook his head. “I think we can do better.” He drove another two blocks to a bank parking lot. “See, I told ya. This one’s free.”
Yeah. It’ll just cost my feet four blocks of pain walking in these shoes I was stupid enough to wear trying to be cute for you.
“How much does this place cost to get into anyway?”
If I had driven my own car, I would have left at that moment. Actually I would have left after the parking fiasco.
“I don’t know. I used to come before nine when ladies get in for free.”
He looked down at his watch. “Dang, we should have skipped the movie and come straight here. It’s almost ten.”
I wanted to tell him I’d pay my own way, but according to Lisa, that was the worst way to hurt a man’s pride.
When we got to the entrance, he asked the woman at the door, “Can ladies still get in for free?”
She rolled her eyes and cast a pitying glance in my direction. “No, sir. It’s after nine. It’s ten dollars per person.”
I was too aggravated to be embarrassed. Or to care about his manhood. I pulled a twenty out of my pocket, pushed it into her hand, and walked through the door before he could say anything.
He followed close behind. “Hey, you didn’t have to do that. But thanks. I appreciate you having my back.”
I walked toward the tables closest to the jazz stage. The waitress stopped us. “These tables are for dining customers. Will you all be ordering from the menu?”
He looked at me. “You’re not hungry, are you?”
I glared at him and bit my tongue. We met at six, cruised every bargain store in the mall for an hour, watched a movie for two hours, drove here and took an hour to find a parking spot, then walked a mile to get to the club. What do you think?
I hissed, “Yes, I’m hungry. But, don’t worry, I’ll buy myself something to eat.”
The waitress bit her lip, probably trying not to laugh. She grabbed two menus and held out her hand. “Right this way.”
I was glad she sat us close to the stage. Hopefully, the music would drown out any attempts at conversation. I perused the menu.
He studied it with a pensive look on his face. “We could share some wings. Or an order of fries and something to drink. Or we could split a burger.” He looked up at me.
I ignored him.
When the waitress came to the table, I ordered grilled chicken, vegetables, and garlic mashed potatoes. His eyes bugged out when he looked over at the prices on the entrée side of the menu.
I handed my menu to the waitress and said to him, “Don’t worry. Like I said, I got it.”
He smiled. “Oh, yeah. In that case, I’ll have the same thing.” He folded the menu and gave it to the waitress. He leaned over and whispered. “You got me, too?”
I looked up at the waitress. “That’ll be on separate checks.” Luckily, the music started as soon as she left, and I didn’t hear another word he said for the rest of the evening. Just nodded and smiled whenever I saw his mouth moving.
After we ate, we walked the marathon back to the bank parking lot and got in his piece of a car. When he turned the key in the ignition, nothing happened. His eyes widened.
He looked at me and turned the key again. Not a sound. “Sorry, it’s been doing this a lot lately.” He pulled a tool box out of the backseat. “It’ll just take me a second to get it started.”
Lisa was right. I vowed this would be the last time ever I was caught without my car. I pulled out my cell and called Nicole. Thankfully, she was only about ten minutes away.
He was still tinkering under the hood when she pulled up in her Mercedes. I got out and walked around to the front of his car. “Thanks for the evening, Kelvin. You take care.”
“You’re leaving?” He looked at Nicole’s car, looked at me, then back at her car.
“Uh, yeah.” Be nice, Michelle.
“What about me?” He wiped his black hands on his jeans.
I stepped back, hoping he wasn’t planning on touching me. “Don’t you have someone you can call?”
“Oh, it’s like that?”
“Like what, Kelvin?” You knew this broke-down piece of junk would probably leave us stranded when you suggested we take one car. What was I supposed to do, call him a cab and pay for it?
“You think you could help me out with a cab?”
I didn’t bother to answer. Just walked around to the passenger side of Nicole’s car.
“You’re leaving for real? You gon’ leave a brother hanging?”
The only bad part of this was that I would have to see him around church occasionally.
He continued to rant, “I can’t believe this. You like all the rest. I’m sick of all you black women who think . . .”
I got in the car and slammed the door as the curse words started flying.
Nicole looked over at me and started to say something.
I held up a hand. “Just drive, girl. I can’t even talk about it right now.”
She looked at Kelvin’s three-toned car, chuckled and pulled off. “Umm, umm, umm. Girls’ night can’t come fast enough.”
I leaned back and closed my eyes. Okay, God. I tried. It was horrible. Can you send me my perfect man now? Just send him to ring my doorbell . . .
thirteen
It was a good thing we had the next girls’ night at Vanessa’s. Nobody else had enough floor space for everyone to be rolling around laughing when I shared the details of my date with Mr. Cheapo.
Vanessa held her side, trying to catch her breath, Angela laughed and coughed until I thought she would choke to death, and Lisa kept screeching for me to stop before she peed on herself. And Nicole? She turned bright red. I was scared her eyeballs were gonna pop out of her head. Of course, I embellished the story and made the whole thing sound worse than it had to. I figured I needed to get some pleasure out of it.
When I got to the part about his car, Nicole stopped laughing long enough to validate the fact that the car was indeed maroon, yellow, and blue.
“So, I think that counts as enough for the next three weeks.” I waited for everyone to stop laughing and get back on the couch.
“What do you mean?” Lisa wiped her eyes. “You don’t want to go on any more dates?”
“Did you hear anything I just said?”
“I know it was bad, but you have to keep trying. You can’t stop now. You’re just getting started and already, you’ve topped me.” Lisa erupted into a fresh set of giggles.
Vanessa said, “Even though she’s being evil, Lisa’s right. You have to get back out there.”
I folded my arms. “Yeah, whatever.”
Vanessa continued, “No. Really, Michelle. In fact, you have to promise to go on another date within the next week.”
“Within the week? It took me all this time to get this one. Where am I supposed to meet a guy to go out with by next week?”
“You can find a guy,” Angela said. “You’re Miss Social.”
I could tell they weren’t going to let me out of it. I suddenly had an overwhelming need for something sweet and was glad Angela had baked chocolate chip cookies for us. I reached over to the coffee table and grabbed the largest cookie on the plate. “Okay, enough about me. Lisa, let’s hear about your fiasco for the week.” The only thing I could do was change the subject and hope they’d forget by the end of the evening.
Lisa was all too ready to tell her story. I was beginning to think it was fun for her to shock us with how bad her guy encounters were.
“Remember the guy I told you about that I met on eHarmony and we hit it off? The journalist guy?”
“The guy that broke up with you by text message?” Nicole started laughing again.
Vanessa frowned. “I think I missed that one. Catch me up.”
“Well, I met this guy on eHarmony.” Lisa rolled her eyes like she was beginning to wonder if it was a worthwhile investment. “And he seemed cool. We emailed back and forth
for a while and had similar interests. When I felt like he wasn’t a lunatic, I gave him my number, and we talked on the phone a few times. We were really feeling each other, and for the first time since this whole madness started, I felt like I might actually have a nice date.”
“Uh-huh.” Vanessa nodded and picked out the smallest cookie on the plate.
“For real this time,” Lisa said emphatically. “We like the same music. Same movies and television shows. He writes for a newspaper, I work for a magazine. He’s a Christian and really into God. We had some really good spiritual discussions and after a couple of weeks, we decided to meet. He lives in Macon—not too far—so we made plans for him to come here like six weeks ago.
“Well, you know me. I got my hair done and bought a new outfit and planned where we were gonna go for the weekend. And then at work on Friday afternoon, I pick up my cell and notice that I have a text from him. Five messages, to be exact.”
“Five messages?” Vanessa asked.
Lisa nodded. “I read the first one. He says he can’t believe this happened but there was this girl his cousin had introduced him to a month prior. The first time he met her, he thought God told him she was his wife, but she dumped him. She called him the night before and told him she felt like she missed God—next message—and she had a dream about him and God showed her they were supposed to be together. He didn’t want to disobey God since He told him that they were to be married on the first date and then God gave her a dream—next message—that he knew it was God for them to be together. And so even though it seemed like I was wonderful and we had hit it off, he had to heed the voice of God and date—next message—this woman. And he was sorry to have to break it off this way and hoped there would be no hard feelings and he knew God would send me—next message—the perfect man in His perfect time.”
Vanessa’s mouth was locked open. “He sent all that in a text?” She looked around at all of us, stifling giggles.
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