I had almost forgotten Erika was in the room.
“I can’t wait until tomorrow morning. You have to tell me how it goes.”
“I’m sure there’ll be nothing to tell.”
Erika bopped out of my office and started humming that stupid wedding march. “Da da da dum. Dum da da dum.”
I wanted to throw my stapler after her.
thirty-one
I pulled up at Jason’s house about an hour and a half later. I had spent twenty minutes in the parking lot, dialing his number to call and cancel, and then hanging up. Then I drove to my house, planning on calling to cancel after I was in my pajamas, eating a bowl of cereal. I was just about to take off my work clothes when he texted me the directions with a note at the end. Hurry up, the girls are hungry and we’re waiting on you to eat.
I reasoned that I couldn’t keep his girls starving. I dashed back out to my car, trying to kill the giddy feeling in my heart. He doesn’t like you like that, Michelle. He’s your friend and co-worker. This is about work.
It wasn’t enough to keep me from breaking a few traffic laws to get there.
When I rang the doorbell, he opened the door, looking at his watch. “What happened?”
“Sorry. I got caught up at the office.” Great. I just had to tell an office lie to someone I worked with, who knew I could have left five minutes after he did.
“Really. What happened at the office?”
Shoot. Think, Michelle. “I . . . well, Erika . . .”
“Who’s that, Daddy?” Candace poked her head out the door. “Hi, Miss Michelle. We’ve been expecting you. Daddy, aren’t you going to invite her in?”
“Oh. Yeah. Sorry.” He stepped aside for me to walk into the house.
Candace rolled her eyes and let out a deep breath, like she was embarrassed that her daddy had no manners.
The house was a modest split-level in an older, but well-kept neighborhood. I could tell Latrice had left him with the furniture, because it was nicely decorated and definitely had a woman’s touch. There were kids’ toys everywhere. Lined against the walls, in the hallway, in the family room we walked by . . . everywhere. The house wasn’t dirty, but definitely a little on the cluttered side.
Jason watched me taking it in. “Excuse the mess. I’m a single dad with two young girls and don’t have a housekeeper. I try to keep it at an organized chaos.”
“It’s fine, Jason.” What I was really thinking was that his house was cleaner than mine and I didn’t have the kids as an excuse. I was going to have to use my promotion raise to get a housekeeper. Before the week was out. “You have a nice house.”
“Thanks. Sorry, but the girls couldn’t wait. I went ahead and fed them. You want to fix a plate and come on downstairs?”
I nodded and followed him into the kitchen.
Instantly, I was reminded of my mom’s kitchen in the house where I grew up. The décor was homey with bright yellow walls, and a large circular breakfast table with plastic daisies in a large vase. On the refrigerator were several hand-drawn pictures. On one side, the pictures were mostly awkward houses, flowers and people. Each was signed with Cameron’s name in large, loopy letters.
The other side was obviously Candace’s. There was one picture of a man holding two girls’ hands. They all had big smiles on their faces. Another was a picture of a man and said, “I love my daddy” in crooked cursive letters. Another had a man and a girl and said, “I have the best daddy in the world.” Yet another said, “Thank you for being a good daddy. You take me fun places and help me with my homework. And when I sick, you make me well.” Another had a house with a large sunshine heart over it. All the pictures were stuck to the refrigerator with alphabet magnets.
“Candace is quite an artist,” Jason said.
“It’s clear that she loves her daddy.”
He grinned. “Yeah. That’s my girl.” He pulled a plate out of the cabinet. “Are you a wee bit hungry or a little bit hungry or a lotta bit hungry?”
“Is that daddy talk?” I laughed. “I’m starving.”
He heaped the plate with angel hair pasta.
“Not that much. My goodness.” Even though I convinced myself we were just friends, I didn’t need to be all greedy in front of Jason.
He took some pasta off and poured spaghetti sauce over the rest then added steamed broccoli and garlic bread on the side.
He poured a glass of apple juice and carried it and my plate out of the kitchen and down the stairs, nodding for me to follow.
When we got to the lower den, I was impressed by what I saw. Jason had an edit suite similar to what we had at the office, complete with a mini DV deck, a professional playback monitor, and two 17-inch flat-panel computer monitors.
“Whoa, nice setup. I don’t see why you ever come in to the office. I’d work from home if I had all this.”
“Yeah, but you’re at the office, so I have to come there.”
He flashed me a grin, and I had to remind myself he was being friendly, not flirty.
“When did you get all this?”
Jason set my plate down on a folding TV table and indicated for me to sit in one of the office chairs. “About six months ago. A friend of mine I used to shoot documentaries with gave me a great discount. It’s almost as good as new. I’ve been freelancing my butt off since I got it.” He pushed a button and booted up the computer. “The system has paid for itself and almost all Latrice’s debt already. God is awesome. What’s that scripture? He gives us the power to obtain wealth.”
God help me. He’s quoting scripture and working around the clock to support his family. “Wow. How do you do that and raise two daughters and work full-time?”
“I don’t get much sleep.” He shrugged. “Who needs sleep? It’s highly overrated.”
I ate a huge forkful of spaghetti. “Oh, my goodness, Jason, this is delicious.”
“Yeah, a brother got skills all around. People say I’m a great catch.” He flashed that mischievous grin again.
He’s not flirting, Michelle. Just making jokes.
“Yeah, you’re pretty all right.”
“I guess having two daughters and a drama queen ex-wife makes me not much of a catch at all.” Jason slipped the tape into the deck and stared straight at the monitor.
“I wouldn’t say that, Jason. Some women don’t mind a man with kids. Some might even like it. Especially if they’re great kids.” I took a sip of my apple juice.
“Really?” He pulled out the dreamy eyes and dimples on me.
“Really.” I smiled and looked down at my plate. Oh, dear. Are you flirting back, Michelle? God, please put a stop to this. Now.
Cameron came barreling downstairs screaming, “Daddy, Daddy. Candace took my Dora doll. She says it’s hers, but you bought it for me.” Tears streamed down her face.
Candace came rushing down the stairs after her. “I didn’t take her stupid doll. And anyway, she took my Hanna Montana microphone and was singing in it. She left her stinky breath all over it.”
Jason looked over at me. “Oh, well. So much for being a great catch.”
I chuckled.
He pulled Cameron onto his lap and beckoned for Candace to come near. “What did I tell you guys I had to do tonight?”
“Get some work done,” they said in unison. Cameron sniffled, and Candace stuck her finger in her mouth.
“And what are you two supposed to do when you’re playing in your room?”
“Share,” they said together. Cameron’s voice sounded like she was about to cry again.
Jason rubbed her back and kissed her cheek. “And what do I tell you guys when guests come over?”
“Not to embarrass you in front of company,” they said together.
Candace smiled, and Cameron covered her mouth to catch a giggle that escaped.
“And what are you doing?” Jason tickled Cameron and poked Candace’s belly.
“Embarrassing you,” they both erupted into full girly giggles.
&n
bsp; Candace ran toward the stairs. Cameron jumped off Jason’s lap, and he swatted her little behind as she ran after her sister.
“Sorry about that.”
“They’re adorable.” My heart ached.
“Yeah, those are Daddy’s girls. Too bad you didn’t get to have kids. I mean, not too bad because of the way things turned out. I mean . . .” He ran his finger across a picture of his daughters taped on the side of the monitor. “Kids are the biggest joy you could ever experience. You’re a great person, and you should get to have that joy one day.”
I was glad my emotions were finely tuned by St. John’s wort. Otherwise, I might have burst into tears. I must have had a disturbed look on my face.
Jason looked at me and winced. “Uh-oh. That was probably a real insensitive guy type of thing to say, huh?”
I nodded and put my empty plate on the TV cart and rolled it away from me.
He turned toward the system and started playing the tape. It seemed crazy that the exact point it started was where a group of our inner city girls were gathered around me. We were all laughing and talking, and I had my arms around two of them. Another held up rabbit ears behind my head.
“See. You’re great with kids.” He bit his lip and closed his eyes. “Sorry. You mentioned before that you thought you’d be married with kids by now. I don’t understand why you’re not. I mean, you’re a great person, you know. Almost as good of a catch as me.”
I guess he threw in a flirt to try to lighten the moment.
“Okay. I’m gonna sit here and chew on my foot that I can’t seem to get out of my mouth.”
I laughed and elbowed him. “It’s okay. I do love kids and pray God blesses me to have some one day. Whether I birth them or whether they come as a package with the man God sends, I believe it will happen.” Oh, God. Did I say that out loud? Now who had their foot in their mouth?
Jason nodded and focused his eyes back on the screen, a grin forming in the corners of his mouth.
Why were we torturing ourselves? With my promotion, I wasn’t about to sacrifice my job. And with his daughters, he couldn’t afford to sacrifice his. This was a ridiculous game that could only end badly.
“I like that clip. Go back a little,” I said, steering our conversation to the reason we were there.
I would do enough work to say we accomplished something then hightail it out of there. From then on, Jason could edit at home by himself, and I would end the flirty game and touchy-feelyness at the office. I’d had my heart ripped out two months ago and didn’t need that to happen again.
Jason pulled the clip and ran through some more tape. “This one’s good too.”
I could only hope he was having a similar conversation with himself in his head.
We focused on work for a good hour and completed most of the tape he brought home.
As we got close to finishing, Cameron came down the stairs and slid her feet slowly over to where Jason sat. She sucked her thumb and rubbed her eyes with her other hand. “Daddy, I’m hungry. Can I have a snack?”
He pulled her into his lap and rested his head on top of hers, still staring at the screen. “Where’s your sister? Did you ask her?”
“She’s drawing.”
Jason rubbed Cameron’s belly, clicking the computer mouse with his other hand.
Cameron rested her head back against Jason’s chest, thumb still in her mouth. She reached up to pull on his ear with her other hand. He didn’t seem bothered by it.
She sucked her thumb and pulled his ear until her eyelids got heavy. Within minutes, she was ’sleep.
“Works every time,” he said softly. “I know I got to break her of this thumb habit. Thinking about using this thumb-sucking deterrent I saw on TV.”
I grimaced, remembering my own battles with my mother over my thumb. She used hot sauce with me. I was mad a whole month the first time my mouth got burned. “She’ll grow out of it. Give her some time.”
Candace padded down the stairs and across the room in some pink footy pajamas. She held a piece of paper in her hand with a drawing on it. Jason held out his hand to receive it, but she pulled it back from him. “It’s not yours.” She held it out toward me. “It’s for Miss Michelle.”
I looked down at the paper. It was a picture of a brown woman with a big wavy Afro and a huge smile. The caption at the top read, “Miss Mishel” in big crayon letters.
It was more than my heart could take. “Oh, Candace. This is beautiful. You did this all by yourself?”
She nodded and tried to hold back a smile.
“Wow. You’re a great artist. Is that what you want to be when you grow up?”
She nodded couldn’t help but grin. Looked just like her dad.
“Thank you. It’ll go on my refrigerator as soon as I get home.” I gave her a hug.
Jason stood up with a sleeping Cameron in his arms and put a hand on Candace’s back. “You brush your teeth and wash your face?”
“Yes, Daddy.” She rolled her eyes like she couldn’t believe he asked her that.
“Okay, time for bed. Say goodnight to Miss Michelle.”
“Goodnight, Miss Michelle.” She gave me another hug and looked up at my hair. “Can I touch?”
I nodded.
She reached out her hand and touched my hair, softly at first, then her fingers traveled down to the roots. “Your hair is so cool.” She turned to Jason. “Daddy, when I get big, can I wear my hair like Miss Michelle’s?”
He chuckled and looked at me. “Yeah. Afros are cool, aren’t they?” He pushed her toward the stairs. “Come on. Bedtime.” He turned to me. “Be right back.”
I nodded, but stuffed my papers back in my bag as soon as he got to the stairs. I had to get my poor ovaries home before they exploded.
By the time he came back down from tucking the girls in, I stood waiting by the door with my blue jean jacket on and bag over my shoulder.
“You leaving?”
I nodded. “Yeah, it’s late. I feel like I stayed too long.”
“No, you’re okay. We were making good progress. Don’t you want to finish?”
I shifted my bag to my other shoulder. “There’s only a little left. You’ll be fine without me.”
“Oh. Okay. Well. There’s something I need to tell you.”
Oh, dear. The last time a man told me that, it was about herpes. “What’s up, Jason?”
Jason shuffled his feet. “That’s why I wanted you to come to the house instead of me trying to say something at the office.”
My stomach twisted. This couldn’t be good.
“Okay.” I braced myself for the worst. Was he getting married and wanted me to organize a camera crew for the wedding? Was he having a secret love affair with Rayshawn and thought I should know? Were he and the girls moving to Nebraska?
He rubbed a hand over his head. “Umm, I know you’ve been wondering why I’ve been driving so hard at getting the shows edited so quickly. I know I’ve been pushing you and taking up a lot of your free time when you should be home or out with your girls or with that special someone or whatever you do when you’re not at work. I was hoping we could be finished with everything by the end of the month ’cause I didn’t want to leave you hanging. I probably should have skipped the shoots and started editing sooner, but you seemed to appreciate my input, and it had been so long since I got a chance to direct. In hindsight, that probably was a bad choice, but I really enjoyed myself.”
I frowned, unsure of where he was going.
“And it inspired me to go after it again. Made me realize God gave me a talent that I haven’t been using. You know, when God gives you something, He means for you to use it. And it wasn’t right for me to bury my gifts because I wanted to trust in a paycheck. I should have trusted in Him that my gifts would make room for me. But I’m a father and I’ve got my girls to think about, so I made what I thought was the best choice.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Okay?” Was there some hidden message I was supposed to
be getting?
“And so anyway, God really used you to stir up my gift by letting me direct the shoots. And it really got me to praying and asking Him what I should be doing. In a way, I guess God used you in my life to get me back on track where I’m supposed to be. And I am really thankful for that. Just like you said I helped you make it to senior producer, you’ve really helped me get to the place where I know God ordained for me to be. I’ve really enjoyed working with you, and I appreciate—”
“Jason!” I put my hands on my head and squeezed. “What in the world are you talking about?”
He puffed out his cheeks and let out a deep breath. “I got a job with Tyler Perry studios. I’m supposed to start at the end of the month.”
My mouth fell open.
He winced. “Sorry. I know this is a bad time to leave you. But I have to do me. This is an awesome opportunity.”
“Wow. That’s great, Jason. I’m happy for you. And don’t apologize. You’re far too good at what you do to be stuck in a BTV edit suite. You need to be somewhere big, making big things happen.”
He put a hand on my arm, and electric tingles shot up to my neck and shoulders.
“Thanks, Michelle. I’m glad you understand.”
“Of course, Jason. This is only the start of great things for you. You deserve it. God is faithful.”
“Yeah. He is.”
I turned toward the door. There were too many emotions flooding through me. More than my St. John’s wort could handle. I was about to lose Jason. I turned back and gave him a weak smile. “I’m going to miss you. I’ve enjoyed working with you. I mean, I know you’re not gone yet, but . . .”
He looked down at the floor. “Yeah. I’m gonna miss you too.” He shuffled his feet and put his hands in his pockets. “Unless of course . . .”
My heart flipped. “Unless of course, what?”
He folded his arms and took a deep breath. “Unless of course—”
“Daddy . . .” Candace’s voice cut Jason off. “I’m thirsty. Can I have some water?”
Jason’s eyes widened and he held up a finger. “Can you wait a second?”
I nodded. My poor heart was beating faster than God created it to.
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