The List
Page 26
He dashed into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and dashed upstairs with it.
Within a few seconds, he was back. He exhaled and stood there for a few seconds. He finally said, “What I was trying to say was . . . unless you think—”
“Daddy . . .” Candace’s voice rang out again. “I can’t get it open. The top’s on too tight.”
He held up a finger again and gave me a weak smile. He ran up the stairs again.
He came back after a few moments. He put a hand on the stair rail and collected himself. “What I mean is . . . what do you think about—”
“Daddy . . .” Candace seemed to have either the best or the worst timing. “It’s too warm. Can you bring me some ice?”
He yelled up the stairs. “Candace, drink some water. Put the top back on and go to sleep. If I come up those stairs again, you won’t be happy to see me.”
Silence.
Jason ran a hand across his head. I couldn’t tell if he was frazzled by our conversation or by Candace.
“She is really blowing my game here.”
His game? Oh my. I let out a nervous giggle.
He led me out the front door onto the porch. He left the door ajar, I guess to be able to hear the girls.
He stood, looking up at the sky for a second and finally spoke, “I guess what I’m trying to say is, just because I leave BTV doesn’t mean you have to miss me. In fact, I hope to see more of you after I leave there. I mean, not more of you, because we see each other all day every day. I mean, not that I want to see less of you, but obviously there’s no way we could see each other all day every day. I mean, well, of course not at first anyway. Maybe later. I mean, hopefully later. I mean . . .” He looked at me with those dreamy eyes, begging me to rescue him from his nervous banter.
“I’d like that, Jason. To see you. I mean, of course, like you said, not every day. I mean, at first not every day like you said, but after a while, maybe then every day. I mean . . . you know what I mean . . .” I bit my lip to make myself stop.
I knew me and Jason were giving God and Jesus a fit. I could see them shaking their heads and rolling their eyes. Either that, or they were rolling around on the throne room floor, laughing at how ridiculous our conversation was. I felt the wind blow across my face and knew they had sent the Holy Spirit down to help us out of the mess we were creating. I felt His peace.
Jason must have felt it too. He took a deep breath and reached out for my hand. “I . . . really enjoy spending time with you, Michelle. We have so much in common, it’s crazy. And you’re exactly the kind of woman I would have picked if I was saved and knew who I was the first time I got married.”
He gestured toward the house. “So you’ve seen the whole me. My crazy, cluttered house. My girls and my life as a single dad.” He fidgeted with my fingers and then strengthened his grip on my hand. “At this stage in my life, I’m looking for a special person—someone I can share the rest of my life with. Someone who loves God with all their heart and puts Him first. Somebody whose destiny matches mine, so we can build the Kingdom of God together. Most importantly, I want someone who would understand that, above all, I’m committed to my daughters.” He looked down at the ground. “And is willing to share that commitment.”
He looked back up at me and captivated me with those dreamy eyes. For all the wonderful words I should have and could have said at that moment, I couldn’t seem to get my mouth to speak. Jason’s eyes went from dreamy to that vulnerable look a guy can get that will melt a girl more than anything. And, still, I couldn’t come up with one thing to say.
So I slipped my arms around his neck, pulled myself close to him, and let my lips do the talking—without words.
And dreamy couldn’t adequately express how his lips felt on mine. Druggy was more like it. It seemed like his lips were infused with crack and I had just reached a new high.
I made myself pull away. When I looked up at him, his eyes were dreamier than ever, and he gave me that dimply grin.
I had to leave while I could still drive. I floated down the steps to my car, feeling his eyes on me the whole way. I was all butterfingers, and it took me a second to get my key in the ignition.
When I finally got my car started, I gave a quick wave and drove away.
On the way home I said to God, “Okay. I’m not going a step further without asking you this time. You know Jason and you know me. If he’s your best for me, then let this thing bloom and grow into exactly what you’ve ordained it to be. If not, then bring it to a screeching halt.” As I said the words, I felt my heart ache. “God, please let Jason be your best for me. I don’t think I can handle it if he’s not. And give me some sort of sign. Soon, God. So I can relax and not feel all crazy about it.”
After I got home, I soaked in the bathtub for a while to relax. I put on some boxer shorts and a T-shirt and crawled into bed.
It took me forever to fall asleep. I tossed and turned, kicked off the covers and threw the pillows on the floor. I was sad about Jason leaving BTV, but happy at the same time.
I relived the kiss over and over. I kept thinking about him and the girls.
Then I got scared about dating him. What if it was like Isaiah? What if I fell hard, and just when I decided he was the one, God showed me he wasn’t? I had to trust that God would show me. Soon, this time. Before I fell any further. God, please send me a sign ...
When I finally drifted off to sleep, I had one of those larger-than-life dreams. The ones in Dolby sound and Technicolor where you could feel everything like it was really happening. The kind of dream you knew wasn’t from what you ate the night before, but was God communicating directly.
In the dream, I was sleeping in my king-size bed, all alone. I woke up stretching my arms to heaven, thanking God for yet another birthday. The door burst open, and a plastic Ken doll with Jason’s face on it came in, followed by two little girls who looked just like Candace and Cameron. They sang “Happy Birthday” and all jumped in the bed and hugged me. We all lay in the bed together for a while, smiling our plastic smiles.
Finally, Jason/Ken got up and said he was taking the girls to school and that he’d be back in a little while. He winked and grinned before leading the girls out the door. And I lay there in the bed waiting for him to come back.
I reached down to rub my hands across my swollen pregnant belly, and my heart filled with joy. And, I promise, I could hear ponies neighing in the stable.
Sherri L. Lewis
Sherri is the Essence Bestselling author of My Soul Cries Out and Dance into Destiny. She attended Howard University as an undergraduate, then medical school at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine.
By day, she “ministers” as the staff physician at a Georgia Department of Corrections’ Women’s prison. Sherri is co-founder of the Atlanta Black Christian Fiction Writers’ Critique Group with Essence Bestselling author, Tia Mc-Collors. She is also a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers and founding president of the organization’s Southeast Atlanta Visions In Print chapter. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
Reader’s Group Guide Questions
1. Michelle’s story begins with her lamenting over being single and childless at age thirty-five. She asks God to either send her a husband or take the desire away. Is this a reasonable prayer? How should a woman waiting for her soul mate handle the loneliness and desire that occurs in the meantime? What mistakes might she make if she doesn’t handle this season correctly?
2. Each of the women in the story is in a different place as it relates to men and relationships. Discuss where they are, the experiences that have brought them there, and which character you relate to the most.
3. In the beginning of the story, Lisa says every one of the women should have a list of what they want in a man. One of the singles ministry speakers says the same thing. Angela said she had no list and asked God to bring her His best for her. Do you think women should have a list when trusting God for a mate? What are the positives and negatives
of having a list?
4. What does Michelle mean when she says she wants a man that “feels like God” to her? She says she wants God to send her a husband who is Him “wrapped up in chocolate.” Is this realistic? She also says she doesn’t care what he looks like. Is this realistic?
5. During the singles ministry meeting on “Things Your Momma Should Have Told You About Marriage,” the guest speakers teach on things they think are essential for a woman preparing for marriage. Discuss what it means to “be prepared,” “choose well,” and “let God heal your heart after a bad relationship.”
6. In the singles ministry meeting, the subject of submission was also discussed. What is submission in marital relationships? Is submission a Biblical concept, or are women today still expected to submit to their husbands? How do the characters’ reactions to the thought of submitting to a man compare to yours?
7. Michelle refused to join Lisa and Angela in online dating, stating that it’s ungodly. Discuss whether Christians should use online dating services.
8. Michelle is adamant about not going out with Isaiah until she gets the phone call from her family and discovers that her baby sister is getting married and her older sister is pregnant again. How did their announcements affect her decision? How can looking at where others are and comparing ourselves to them positively and negatively affect our actions?
9. The girls often tell Lisa the reason she doesn’t have a man is because her list is ridiculous and unrealistic. Is Lisa wrong for trusting God for exactly what she wants, or should she be willing to settle? What exactly is “settling?”
10. Angela begins the story as a forty-one-year-old virgin and ends up getting pregnant out of wedlock. What were the mindsets, decisions, and actions that caused her to end up as she did? Is it really realistic to remain celibate in a committed relationship?
11. Discuss the reasons that Michelle broke things up with Isaiah? How much should a man’s financial status affect whether he should be a potential mate or not? Discuss the concept of two people’s destinies lining up and matching, and how that can affect a relationship.
12. Lisa mentions a prayer her friend prayed, asking God to bring any relationship that He knew wouldn’t work out in the long run to a “screeching halt.” Michelle prays this prayer about both Isaiah and Jason. Discuss the benefits of submitting a potential mate to the Lord before spending a lot of time with them and getting too deep into a relationship.
Urban Christian His Glory Book Club!
Established January 2007, UC His Glory Book Club is another way by which to introduce to the literary world, Urban Books’ much-anticipated new imprint, Urban Christian and its authors. We are an online book club supporting Urban Christian authors by purchasing, reading and providing written reviews of the authors’ books that are read. UC His Glory welcomes both men and women of the literary world who have a passion for reading Christian-based fiction.
UC His Glory is the brainchild of Joylynn Jossel, Author and Executive Editor of Urban Christian and Kendra Norman-Bellamy, Author and Copy Editor for Urban Christian. The book club will provide support, positive feedback, encouragement, and a forum whereby members can openly discuss and review the literary works of Urban Christian authors. In the future, we anticipate broadening our spectrum of services to include: online author chats, author spotlights, interviews with your favorite Urban Christian author(s), special online groups for UC Book Club members, ability to post reviews on the website and amazon.com, membership ID cards, UC His Glory Yahoo Group and much more.
Even though there will be no membership fees attached to becoming a member of UC His Glory Book Club, we do expect our members to be active, committed, and to follow the guidelines of the Book Club.
UC His Glory members pledge to:
• Follow the guidelines of UC His Glory Book Club
• Provide input, opinions, and reviews that build up, rather than tear down
• Commit to purchasing, reading and discussing featured book(s) of the month
• Agree not to miss more than three consecutive online monthly meetings
• Respect the Christian beliefs of UC His Glory Book Club
• Believe that Jesus is the Christ, Son of the Living God
We look forward to the online fellowship.
Many Blessings to You!
Shelia E. Lipsey
President
UC His Glory Book Club
**Visit the official Urban Christian Book Club website at www.uchisglorybookclub.net
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The List copyright © 2009 Sherri Lewis
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior consent of the Publisher, except brief quotes used in reviews.
ISBN: 978-1-6016-2892-3
This is a work of fiction. Any references or similarities to actual events, real people, living or dead, or to real locales are intended to give the novel a sense of reality. Any similarity in other names, characters, places, and incidents is entirely coincidental.
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