by Hope Franke
“Did you sleep with Greta?”
Oh, God. Why did she just say that?
Micah’s expression turned cold. He let her go. “I’m not the person I used to be. I thought you knew that.”
He turned away, and she quickly reached for his hand. “Micah, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”
His eyes grew soft, and he pulled her close again, resting his chin on her head. “It’s okay. Our situation is unusual.”
No kidding.
He tugged her to the sofa and pulled her on his lap. “Let me try to explain. After Greta disappeared, I did a lot of soul-searching. I took a long, hard look at myself, the kind of person I was, and I didn’t like what I saw. I quit drinking and doing drugs. Girls would come on to me, many of Greta’s friends, in fact. Why, I don’t know. Maybe to comfort me, but probably to conquer something that had belonged to a rival, but I wasn’t even tempted.”
He shrugged. “I guess you could say I experienced a type of spiritual awakening. I prayed. I went to church.”
“And found Jesus?”
Micah blinked slowly as he considered her. “Yes. You could say that.”
Oh. Katja wasn’t sure what to think about that. She believed in God, but she certainly didn’t believe he cared about her that much, not after what she’d been through.
He continued, “Somewhere along the line I’d heard this concept of soul ties.”
“Soul ties?” Katja asked, feeling more confused than ever.
“Yeah. People aren’t just flesh and blood. They’re soul and spirit, too. When two people join physically, they also join spiritually, creating a soul-tie with each other. The two become one.”
Katja couldn’t resist scoffing. “That’s crazy.”
Micah’s expression stayed stoic. “I don’t think it is. In fact, it makes perfect sense to me. The more people you sleep with, the more soul ties you make. It explains why so many people are ridiculously screwed up, bringing a boatload of baggage into each new relationship. Think about it.”
Katja was thinking about it, and she didn’t buy it.
“What if I don’t believe in it?”
“Then I hope you will be patient with me. Because I do.”
Katja had no choice but to honor his beliefs. She agreed to go easy on him, though she wouldn’t stop him from doing anything if he tried. He had to exercise his own willpower.
It was a peculiar kiss goodnight. Katja had changed into her nightshirt, and Micah wore his T-shirt and pajama pants. They were like two magnets with large, invisible hands trying to keep them apart, but their pull was so strong they kept snapping back together. They performed this awkward dance down the hall until they came to Micah’s room. She tugged on his shirt, but the doorway was like a force field Micah steadfastly refused to penetrate. He broke free of her grasp, leaving them both gasping like dying goldfish. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a loud raspy breath.
“Goodnight, Katja!” He turned and practically ran down the hall until he disappeared.
Katja held a hand to her chest. She didn’t know how they were going to survive this night after night. It would take her a long time to calm down. She lay down and rolled over to face the other side of the bed.
Her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room and landed on a sheet of paper attached to the wall. She recognized the size. It came from her sketch pad. She reached for the reading lamp and turned it on. She squinted and took in a short breath. It was her Sun & Moon drawing.
Now that she knew what had been in the locked room, she understood why Micah had taken it down. That room represented Greta. The drawing represented her.
He’d moved it to his room. Somehow it felt right. It made her glad.
She felt her face pull into a relaxed smile, and eventually she fell asleep.
Micah left early the next morning for work, before Katja was out of bed. This was normal, but she decided to wake earlier in the future so she could share breakfast with him and kiss him goodbye.
She worked the nine-to-three shift at the coffee shop, and couldn’t have removed the smile from her face or the spring in her step to save her life.
Renata laughed. “My guess is that handsome, young man is your boyfriend now.”
Katja smiled like a fool. “He is, Renata, and I’m so happy. He’s kind, and thoughtful and a gentleman. And he’s hot!”
Renata’s eyes sparkled, enjoying the bliss. “You’ve fallen hard, my young friend.”
Katja wiped the counter with a damp cloth, trying to regain her composure, but the grin just wouldn’t leave her face. “I know. I’m in deep trouble.”
Renata laughed louder.
“What about you?” Katja ventured. Renata had told her about her failed marriage, but she’d been single for ten years.
Renata shot her a puzzled look. “What about me?”
“Isn’t it time you found love again?”
Renata snorted. “Once is enough for me, thank you.”
“But what if there was someone else? Wouldn’t you like to be in love again?”
“Oh, goodness. I’m too old for that, I think.”
“I don’t think so.” In fact, Katja had the perfect guy in mind. If only she could think of a way to introduce Renata to Maurice. “Just don’t rule it out. Life’s too short.”
Renata laughed again and waved her away. “In love for one day, and now you’re the expert.”
After work, Katja bought the groceries she and Micah needed for dinner. She put the food away, changed into clean clothes and freshened her makeup. Then she waited on the steps of the apartment building for Micah to arrive back from work. A warm flush of joy spread through her body when she spotted him walking toward her, and her face broke out into a huge smile. He sat beside her, and wove his fingers through hers before leaning in for a long, delicious kiss.
It was a routine that repeated day after day. She’d wait for him on the building steps, and he’d sit with her and kiss her good on the lips until their famished state drove them inside. They’d have dinner and then make out on the sofa until they were panting and charged with so much chemistry and electricity that Katja thought they’d set the place on fire. She was certain Micah would break his personal vow and carry her to his room, but every night he stopped them before they went too far.
She seriously wondered if she was going to have to wait for him to propose. Maybe she should move out (for real!), just for the sake of their sanity. Staying here with Micah like this was torture.
She almost brought up the idea, but the thought of leaving Micah’s flat was too painful. She’d just have to learn to deal.
Katja had applied to participate in the folk music festival in Dresden a year ago. She knew they didn’t have a way of contacting her, so she used her new phone to call them, hoping to use the excuse that she wanted to update her contact info to remind them that she existed and to please, pretty please, let her play.
She kept the begging to her imagination, but giving them her new phone number was a smart move. They called a week later. She was in.
Katja excitedly told Micah about it when he got home from work. “Can you come?” she asked him.
“I wouldn’t miss it,” he said. “In fact, I’m going to invite my work colleagues.”
“Are they musicians?” Katja asked.
“You don’t have to be a musician to love music.”
Katja realized she hadn’t even met any of Micah’s friends. He was new to Dresden, like she was, so he probably didn’t know a lot of people. And, until recently, he wasn’t exactly outgoing. She smiled to herself, knowing that she played a big part in his coming out of his shell. She liked this new Micah. Really, really liked him.
Katja spent a few days stewing over what she should wear on stage. She didn’t have a large wardrobe and virtually no stage clothes, whatever that meant. A trip to the second hand store solved her problems. She found a great ankle-length, flouncy skirt and a white, cotton peasant blouse. She also
picked up a head band and silver jewelry. With her leather strap sandals, she’d look the part of a seventies festival hippy, which, with her long, wavy hair, suited her and added to her artist brand.
Micah grinned and pulled her into a frisky embrace when he saw her. “You’re my very own Janis Joplin.”
The festival wasn’t within walking distance, so Micah drove them there, though they still had to park a good ways away. Micah offered to carry her guitar.
“Man, this thing’s heavy!” he said, eyeing her. He reached for her biceps and squeezed, causing her to giggle and pull away.
“That tickles!” she said.
Micah smiled mischievously. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
When they arrived, they went through the special entrance just for artists and festival crew. Katja introduced herself and Micah to the organizer. He gave her an artist pass, and a plus-one pass for Micah, then filled her in on her time slot, and when she should be ready and waiting back stage.
“This is kind of cool,” Micah said. “I feel like a groupie.”
Katja threaded her arm through his. “You’re my groupie.”
“That works for me,” he said. “From now on, you can introduce me as your personal groupie.”
They entered the grounds with the rest of the festival goers and listened for a while to the act playing on stage. It was a reggae band, and Katja grooved to the beat. Micah tugged on her arm and spoke into her ear. “Anna and Thomas are here.”
In the throng of people, she couldn’t tell who he was pointing at. She followed him until they stopped in front of a guy and girl in their mid-twenties. For some reason Katja imagined Micah’s colleagues to be older and frumpier and boring.
Thomas wore a tight shirt tucked into very slim pants. He shook Katja’s hand politely but his eyes didn’t register any interest. She got the impression he wasn’t into girls like her. Or girls at all, for that matter.
Anna was young and stylish and not frumpy. She wore a very short summer dress with fashionable wedge-heeled sandals, and her auburn hair was pulled up in a high ponytail with a backcombed and heavily hair-sprayed bump on top.
She looked like British royalty out to mingle with the common folk. Katja suddenly felt like the frumpy one and second-guessed her choice of wardrobe. What was she thinking?
“Micah and I graduated from university in Hamburg together,” Anna said as she shook Katja’s hand. “Small world that we’d end up working at the same financial institution.” She smiled at Micah. “It’s so nice to have someone around everyday who enjoys talking about the markets.”
Micah enjoys talking about the markets?
Now, not only did she feel dressed like a peasant, she also felt uneducated. How long before Micah bored of their casual, lower-classed conversation? Micah came from wealth and academia. That was his world. She was from a different planet entirely.
Suddenly her chest grew heavy like her ribs were caving in. No one else seemed aware of how the earth had just shifted. She refocused on the conversation between Micah and Anna, something about a business meeting in Berlin.
Right. That was this Saturday.
Anna laughed and patted Micah on the arm.
“Micah and I are going together,” Katja heard herself say. “I have family there.”
Anna’s face went blank. Micah glanced at Katja with interest. “So you’ve decided? For sure?”
Katja nodded adamantly. There was no way she was shipping Micah off to spend the day alone with Market-Happy Anna. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
She dragged Micah away with the guise of having to find something to drink. They bought bottled water and Katja took a long swig.
“Is everything all right?” Micah asked.
She couldn’t admit to having a jealous bout. “I’m just nervous. I should probably get backstage soon.”
“Okay. I’m going to find a spot up front and center. If you get too nervous, just look at me.”
Katja smiled and gave him a hug. She was grateful for his offer, but he was the one who was making her nervous.
She went backstage as instructed, tuned her guitar and double-checked her strap. She hummed to warm up her voice.
She heard the emcee introduce her. “I’m pleased to introduce one of Dresden’s own, Katja Stoltz!”
The crowd responded with polite applause. She wasn’t a headliner and only had a three song slot, but she was there to show everyone what she was made of and get her name out there. Eventually, she’d be invited to bigger stages and given longer slots and better pay. At least that was the plan.
“Hi everyone,” she began. “Thank you for having me.”
Katja began with the two original songs she knew well, Think Back and Sun & Moon. The first spoke to her about why it was a good idea for her to go home, and not only so she could keep Anna away from Micah. The second song reminded her of how far she and Micah had come. In life and in their relationship.
She watched him like he’d asked her to. He smiled like the proud boyfriend he was and clapped louder than anyone between songs.
“Thank you,” she said at the end. “The last song I’m going to perform for you is brand new. I hope you like it.”
She began the song she had started for Micah a few nights ago. Their eyes connected and her stomach swirled with nerves. She had to pull her gaze away and focus if she wanted to get through this song successfully. She closed her eyes.
It’s all in how you look at it,
she said
As if there were a hundred ways to walk a high wire
Go on and try to let it go
Close your eyes and
Let your heart rule your head sometimes
Some folks dig for gold and only scratch the surface
You saw something more and it’s making you nervous
How deep can you feel?
Could you really let this get to you?
How far can this all go?
Could you really change your point of view?
Let the best of you become undone
Look past your logic and all that other noise
You’re always looking
For the answers,
she said
But sometimes it’s all about the questioning
You never seem to let it show
But that’s all right
Cause I know your heart is a deep, deep well
Some folks dig for gold
And only scratch the surface
Sometimes a mystery can have another purpose
The crowd applauded boisterously and enthusiastically just like she’d hoped. The stage manager gave her a high five.
“You killed it, girl!”
Micah was waiting for her when she came off the stage.
“That’s a pretty intense song,” he said, standing inches away, face to face. “Was it about you or about me?”
“Both, I think.”
He cupped her cheeks with his hands. “I think I have a celebrity crush. You were amazing.”
Katja’s heart danced. Micah’s praise meant the world to her. “Thank you.”
He kissed her before she could say anything more, and she didn’t complain.
Traffic moved briskly along the autobahn as they traveled north in the direction of Berlin. It was early in the morning, the sky an ethereal mix of cobalt blue and burnt umber. Katja’s gaze moved from the painted canvas of the skyline to Micah’s profile. His left hand rested on the Audi’s steering wheel while his right hand wrapped lazily around the stick shift. He focused on expertly maneuvering into the fast lane, confirming to Katja that they’d make it there in good time.
The prospect of seeing her family again caused her stomach to twirl, and she worked to push those thoughts aside. Instead, she inwardly sketched the lines of Micah’s face on an imaginary canvas. He was the perfect subject, and she itched to get what she envisioned in her head on paper.
His eyes cut to hers. “You’re staring at me.”
�
�An astute observation.”
“It’s not fair. Maybe you should drive next time, so I can stare at you.”
Katja smiled. “No chance.”
Not long afterward, Micah pulled into a rest stop. Katja dug through her purse looking for the fifty cents she needed to use the facilities. Then she remembered. She’d thrown all her tip money into the fruit bowl yesterday.
Micah grinned and removed a fist from his front pocket producing a handful of coins. “Allow me.”
Katja sheepishly plucked out the needed coinage and dropped them into the slot that moved the gate allowing her entrance. After using the toilet, she washed her hands in the sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She hadn’t seen her family in nearly six months. Had she changed much? Yes, she had. Her hair was a few inches longer, but that wasn’t the marked difference. No, it was her face. It was leaner, her cheekbones sharper, her eyes wider, less naive.
She was older and wiser, but still frightened. The younger version of herself was curled up inside, shackled with insecurities and vulnerabilities resulting from unpredictable, shifting boundaries. Home wasn’t a place to gain support and good advice. She could never find her footing there. It was like walking on the rain-soaked deck of a swaying boat in a storm.
She closed her eyes and let out a long breath. Why had she let Micah talk her into this?
No, he hadn’t. It was her decision. She was stronger now. She could do this.
She dried her hands and took a few moments to reapply her mascara and lip gloss. When she re-entered the store, Micah had just finished purchasing a package of gummy candies.
“Want some?”
It was pretty early for candy, but Katja felt like she’d been up for half a day already. She opened her palm and he shook the bag until several fell in. “Thanks,” she said, tossing one into her mouth.
They hit rush hour traffic when they entered the outskirts of the city.
“It’s a good thing we left early,” Micah said, tapping his fingers on the wheel.
The plan was to park the car in underground parking in the middle of Berlin near where Micah’s meeting was taking place. He’d suggested that she go visit her family while he was there, but she didn’t want to go alone. In the end, he agreed that she could wander the city until his meeting ended and they could go to see her family together.