When she saw Ellian stay seated, she frowned.
“Are you not getting out?”
“I…have somewhere to be.” His eyes flicked between her and Cade, standing silently at her side. “I suspect I shall be gone all day, my dear. Rest. I will be back for dinner. And, my love…be safe. I was so close to losing you forever.”
At her side, Cade very nearly flinched, and Aryn bit back the urge to tell Ellian to be quiet.
“Of course,” she said simply, stepping back as the doors slid closed.
They walked to her rooms in silence, footsteps quiet on the carpets and Cade silent in his misery. She should be afraid, Aryn realized. Cade was upset. He had been frightened, just as Ellian was—and Aryn suspected, with a wave of something that felt remarkably like hatred, that Ellian must have yelled at the man for his perceived failure. As soon as they were alone, she would tell Cade not to fear. She wasn’t afraid, not as she should be.
What she should tell him was for him to leave. She would be lying, sneaking around on Ymir, and Cade was an honorable man. Not the sort of person she wanted to deceive. She looked over at him as he held open the door, and as soon as they were alone in her rooms, she swung to face him.
“Cade—”
“Don’t.” He shook his head at the sound of his name. He took a pause to steady himself, and when he spoke, his voice was expressionless. “Ms. Beranek, I must beg your leave to resign. I should not even have come back here with you.”
She was going to tell him to go, she reminded herself. This was good. All was as it should be. She could accept his resignation and he would never think to question why she was dismissing him. But what came out of her mouth was,
“Why?” Her voice was very small.
“Because I failed you.” He looked up at her, green eyes burning. “Again, Aryn.”
“You’ve never failed me.”
“I left you once when you were terrified—don’t say you weren’t, Aryn, I know you were. And now, today…what was I thinking, letting you walk away alone?”
Guilt wormed cold inside her, and Aryn looked away. She’d talked him into that, done it on purpose when she knew he was disoriented. She’d had to leave a message for her contact not to load the weapons without her there to receive them at the other end of the flight.
At least she’d managed to do so before the assassins grabbed her.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said finally. “You have to understand that. None of it was your fault, Ca—Mr. Williams. There were four of them. How could you—”
“I was trained to do impossible things,” he said flatly. “And I’ve let myself get soft. I promised myself I would never…”
“Never what?” She took a step closer, looking up into his eyes.
“It’s not important,” he said at last. “What is important is that I failed. And you deserve someone who will never fail you.”
“You didn’t—”
“I thought they were going to kill you!” The words burst out of him, and he crossed the room to her side in a moment, hands stopping half an inch from her arms. He was shaking all through. “While I watched, Aryn. While I couldn’t do a damned thing to help you. I have never been so afraid in my life.”
“I wasn’t afraid.” The words came out of her without conscious thought.
“What?” He looked at her like he suspected she was trying to make a joke, and he didn’t think much of it.
“I wasn’t.” Aryn looked up into his eyes. “After, when I had time to think—and when the knife was at my throat. But I knew that if anyone could fight them off, it was you, and if you couldn’t do it, no one could.”
Now he did laugh, closing his eyes. His face twisted in pain.
“If anyone could fight them off,” he repeated. “You’re forgetting that you helped.”
“He was going to stab you!”
“And you helped,” he said again. “I’ve never seen a civilian do something like that. Promise me you won’t do that for your next bodyguard.”
“No.”
“No?” he repeated blankly.
“No. I won’t promise. And there won’t be another bodyguard.” Yes, there would. She should tell him to go. Mr. Williams, I have decided I am not in need of your services. I will provide you with an excellent reference if you need. She knew all of those words. She could open her mouth right now and say them. “Don’t leave me.”
Dammit.
He swallowed.
“Don’t say that.”
You’re right, I shouldn’t have. “Why not?” Without realizing it, she had stepped even closer. Her hand was on his chest, the heat of his body a scant inch away.
“Because…” His eyes were searching hers as his voice trailed off. Hesitantly, he bent his head toward hers, and she felt herself stand taller, yearning—
They realized what was happening in the same moment. Aryn stepped back, nearly falling, and Cade looked away.
“You can’t go,” she said decisively. Apparently, she was giving up on the idea of firing him.
“No, you can’t go.”
“What?” She frowned.
“To Ymir.” He was resolute. “You can’t go to Ymir. It’s too dangerous.”
“I have to go.”
“Aryn, why?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it again.
“I have to see my parents,” she said finally. “I can’t let some threat keep me from my family.”
She decided that she would tell him the truth when they were safely on the transport. He deserved the truth, after all. She just wasn’t going to tell him while he still had the chance to stop her from doing this.
Chapter 17
“Mr. Williams.” The voice crackled over his private comm, and Cade jumped.
At her desk, Aryn looked over, brow furrowed. She watched as Cade reached up to touch the earpiece.
“Mr. Pallas.” He kept his voice neutral.
Aryn froze. Then, subtly enough that she thought Cade wouldn’t see, she slid one of the pieces of paper on her desk under another. What in God’s name was the woman planning? Cade turned away before she could see his frown.
“Would you come to my study, please?” Ellian’s voice was expressionless, but something put every sense in Cade’s body on high alert.
He knew. Danger thrilled in his blood. Ellian had seen the kiss—the almost kiss, Cade reminded himself. In retrospect, it was a meaningless distinction. An arms trafficker was not going to care whether his wife almost kissed her bodyguard, or whether she pulled herself away at the last moment. Cade had the sinking suspicion that he was about to get shot.
He told himself that even Ellian would not be stupid enough to take on a former Dragon in combat.
“Of course,” he heard himself say. “I’ll be right there.”
“Where are you going?” Aryn’s voice was soft.
“Mr. Pallas would like to see me.”
“But he wasn’t supposed to be here,” Aryn whispered. She opened her mouth to say something and stopped when Cade shook his head warningly.
“I’ll be right back,” he assured her. “I’m sure he only wants to talk about the flight.” And possibly break my kneecaps. But there was always a difference between what people wanted to do, and what they did do. He reminded himself of that, managed what he thought was a smile, and left her there, staring after him. He had to behave as if this was any other meeting with Ellian. If he allowed himself to believe that he might be killed, that he would not be allowed back into Aryn’s presence…
In the hallway, he shook his head and straightened his shoulders. To his surprise, anger was beating low in his blood. He was a Dragon—once in the Corps, always in the Corps. If Ellian was going to try to do away with Cade…he was going to get more than he’d bargained for.
Or, just possibly, Cade should calm down. If he was honest with himself, and he tried always to be honest with himself, he had been expecting this confrontation for two and a half weeks. The
y had been careful, he and Aryn, circling warily, never falling prey to a true indiscretion. But they had flirted with the line—and if Ellian had been watching, he would have seen far more than a near kiss by now.
Cade took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Either Ellian wasn’t watching…or what was about to happen was his fault, and he must take responsibility for it. He wondered if Ellian would fight fair, and decided that it was likely he would. Infidelity pricked at a person’s pride; Ellian would want to prove himself. And Cade would need to win, and get back to Aryn’s rooms, and get her to safety.
He allowed a satisfied smile to touch his lips. Ellian should never have hired a Dragon to be Aryn’s bodyguard. How had he not realized that any person would quickly become more loyal to Aryn than to Ellian? Did he not see what had happened with his servants?
At the door to the study, Cade paused. His gun was inside his coat, and his knife was already unfolded inside his pocket, retrieved and cleaned after the fight at the spaceport. He was ready, and he told himself that he would be ready for anything.
“Mr. Pallas,” he said, as he slid in the door.
“Mr. Williams.” Ellian smiled from his desk. “I believe I owe you an apology.”
The man had a knack for setting people off-balance, Cade would give him that.
“What?” he asked.
“I watched the videotape from the spaceport,” Ellian said simply. “You should not have let her go alone, but you did not dispute that.”
“No. It will never happen again.” And, because Aryn would not take his resignation, Cade felt compelled to add, “I understand if you wish to replace me.”
“I do not,” Ellian said simply. “You are…exactly what I wanted, Mr. Williams. Your honor does you credit. And it cannot be denied that you are impressive in a fight.”
He had managed to take down two men before getting hit on the back of the head. Cade bit his tongue on the assertion that this was not precisely impressive. He knew what Ellian meant: the speed of the attack, the brutal efficiency with which he’d dispatched his enemies. All of the things Cade had sworn he would never do again, but which felt as natural to him as breathing. Launching himself into motion had been like releasing the water behind a dam. He had wanted to fight for so long…
He looked down.
“Mr. Williams, in your opinion—is Aryn determined to go to Ymir?” Ellian’s voice was soft.
“Yes,” Cade said. He realized too late that he sounded too certain, knowing more than a servant should, and he tried to find a way to backtrack. “She’s made no move to unpack her things.”
“I see.” If Ellian thought anything was amiss, his face did not show it. He settled back in his chair. “And why do you think she is so determined to go, even after the attack?”
Something was wrong, but he could not put his finger on it.
“Because she doesn’t understand the danger,” Cade answered truthfully. “She believes that they genuinely do not want to kill her.”
“And what do you believe, Mr. Williams?”
“That it doesn’t make sense,” Cade murmured. “These men were good. They were fast, well-armed, and they knew their weapons. No professional takes a job like that if they’re going to warn the target first.” He pondered. “And they should have taken me out before going for her.”
At the desk, Ellian sat as if carved from stone.
“But you would agree she was in danger,” he said at last.
“I can only think so.” Cade looked away. “Perhaps they were surprised by her in some way. Perhaps they didn’t know yet that you had hired me. She hasn’t been out of the house very much since I began to work here. It’s possible they simply didn’t know.”
But who would know she had been going to the spaceport, while not knowing about Cade? The thought kept tumbling over and over in his head.
“You’re very perceptive, Mr. Williams.” Ellian took a deep breath. “And I’m sure that you will not let anything happen to Aryn. If you tell me that she is unaware of the true danger…” He closed his eyes for a moment.
Cade studied him. When he was a Dragon, Ellian would have been one of the Bad Guys, an enemy to be disposed of. Cade would have killed him without much hesitation; he had seen the devastation from the trade Ellian participated in. And if Cade had killed him then, he would never have known the strange weakness that lay in Ellian’s heart, the blind spot this man clearly had for his wife.
Did it matter? He wondered.
“Mr. Williams.” Ellian’s voice was quiet. “Do not let her be hurt.” His eyes flicked up to meet Cade’s. “I wish to have many more years with Aryn. You may go.”
Cade nodded his head, leaving at once. Outside, he leaned against the wall, fighting to steady himself. I wish to have many more years with Aryn. Had Ellian seen the flare of possessiveness in Cade’s eyes? He could only pray not. The man was practically throwing them together, and he could not see it. If he knew how much Cade wanted to stride back into Aryn’s rooms, slam the door, take her hands in his, if he could hear the words Cade wanted so desperately to speak…
Cade had to get a hold on himself, or he would do something regrettable. He stood stock still, trying to breathe. Aryn had made her choice, time and again. She was going to remain with Ellian. She was going to go to Ymir, for whatever mysterious purpose—
The necklaces. The money. Cade froze. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. She was trying to fund the rebellion. That had been why she was researching guns. She was trying to see how much money they needed, and she was determined to go so that she could give them the cash.
He should go into her rooms and tell her the truth. He knew that. He should tell her that she didn’t have any idea what she was dealing with, that the rebellion was doomed. Every time they thought to go up against the Warlord, the Dragons were told not to. They’d even run missions on Ymir, preparing—Talon had mentioned it once. But they never got beyond taking out a few of the lower henchmen, those who must have supported the Warlord out of hope that they could reach his inner circle. Aryn didn’t have the first clue what it would mean to get tangled up in the rebellion.
And in any case, Talon was on the mission now, a mission Cade had good reason to think was not sanctioned by the top brass. Talon would take care of it. Cade should tell her that.
But he already knew that he wouldn’t stop her. If she wanted to go, he would be at her side. She needed protection now more than she ever had before, and Cade would not leave her. For a moment, he almost thought that his heart was breaking with how much he loved her. She was undoing everything her husband had done.
Outside her door, Cade stopped suddenly. What had he just said to himself?
He closed his eyes. So he loved her.
He loved her.
And the best he could do, apparently, was help her as she walked into a suicidal attempt at rebellion. Swallowing hard, Cade opened the door.
“You’re back.” The relief on her face was heartbreaking.
“Yes.” I love you. He could not say it. “We’ll leave for Ymir tomorrow.”
Chapter 18
The private ship sat sleek and heavy, crouched like a predator on the launch pad, and their breath puffed in tiny clouds before their faces as they stared at it. The sky was leaden above the private terminal, threatening snow, and Aryn could only pray that it held off. Ellian was reluctant to let her go. The night before, he had come to her rooms and dismissed Cade, only to hold Aryn close to him.
“I don’t want to lose you,” he said into her hair. She could smell brandy on his breath; his voice was softer than it normally was.
She tried to hate him, not just for who he was, but for his lies. He had never given any indication that he suspected her past affiliation with the rebellion—and yet, he had known better than to tell her what he did for a living. And still, cradled against him, Aryn felt the familiar yearning, and tears came to her eyes. She had wanted to love him, she truly had—and she had tried to do so.
When he spoke like this, she could not help but remember how he looked at her, in the beginning.
“Aryn.”
She felt his breath, swallowed. She did not know what to say. When he drew away, it was to put his fingers under her chin, and she looked up reluctantly.
“It scares me,’ he said at last, “how much I love you.” There was no deception in his gaze, and Aryn closed her eyes against tears as he kissed her.
She was going to deceive him. Even if she should want to hurt him, she did not. She did not revel in this cruelty, as much as she wanted to scream at him that she knew what he was and she could never forgive him for it. Somewhere in her heart, she understood that she would, truly, hurt him when she left—and she was going to. Or he was going to, when he found out what she’d done.
She felt herself shiver. He was going to find out someday, and some part of her wanted to tell him now: that she wasn’t coming back, that she couldn’t stay, that she wouldn’t ever love a man who had done such things.
But he left before she could blurt out the words, and Cade came back to find her with her fingers brushing against her lips, remembering a kiss that had more desperation than she could understand. Ellian’s goodbye had seemed…final.
Perhaps it was just her imagination. Today, Ellian was his normal self, businesslike and reserved. His black eyes darted to and fro, taking in the few people who moved through the private terminal. Watching for assailants, perhaps.
“You don’t need to worry,” Aryn told him in an undertone.
“Hmm?” He looked at her.
“You’ve brought half the house guard.” She managed a smile, gesturing to where a dozen men in suits milled around them. “No one will hurt me here.”
“Ah. Yes.” Ellian curved his lips in an approximation of a smile. Still, his eyes did not stop roaming the terminal.
Aryn swallowed back her fear. She must be calm. She must stop him from looking, lest he see something he shouldn’t: namely, the crates of weapons Talon promised to bring aboard himself. She had feared to cancel the deal, and yet, the man had been surprisingly amenable, accepting the change without delay. He, too, she reminded herself, was an arms trafficker.
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