The sermon was different than what she was used to. Her pastor back in Massachusetts had preferred to talk of God's promises and their hope for the future, while the pastor in Wisconsin talked of nothing but hellfire and damnation. He asked them all to examine their lives and ask themselves whether they would be with God in the afterlife or with Satan himself.
Bobbie missed her pastor back home, but she said nothing.
After the sermon, they talked again to others, and Jakob introduced her to more people. He traded fishing stories with an older man, and Bobbie waited, more than a little impatiently for their promised drive and picnic.
When he was ready to leave, they rounded up the boys, and headed for the buggy. "You do remember you said we could go for a drive and a picnic today."
He nodded. "I do. We'll drive along the lake for a bit, and then I thought we'd head south. Some of the farms in the area are beautiful and definitely worth looking at. We're proud of our state here."
"As you should be. Everything I've seen has been beautiful."
"Wait 'til you see our lake," he promised.
He drove straight north, knowing that Superior was in the curve of Lake Superior. Once they reached the shoreline, he took the road west, letting her gape at the huge lake. "That looks almost exactly like the ocean! That's a lake?"
He laughed. "That's Lake Superior. It's the largest freshwater lake in the world. You didn't know you were living right on Lake Superior now?"
She shook her head. "Every time you've mentioned the lake, I imagined a small lake where we could go and swim. This is massive. And beautiful."
He smiled at her, thrilled to show her something new. He didn't know why it thrilled him so much to see her happy, but he refused to think about it. He'd live in the moment for once. He turned south once they reached the Eastern shoreline. "Now we'll follow the lake for a little longer, but we'll be able to see some of the farmland around here. Wisconsin is known for its dairy farms. You'll have to try some of the state's cheese. It's delicious!"
"I've had some." Bobbie had no idea what she'd thought she was moving to when she agreed to move to Wisconsin, but it wasn't what she saw in front of her. She could see land across the lake, and she asked, "What's that land over there?"
"Oh, that's Minnesota. This lake is the border between the two states."
"Really?" She wished Sarah had lived closer to the border. She'd had no idea she was so close herself. "I'm really impressed with this Wisconsin of yours. I need to see more."
"Wait until we get the first snowfall. It's the most beautiful thing in the world to look out at the lake, with snow piled up around it. Of course, it will make your chores a little harder, and it makes logging much harder. When it gets too cold we can't even work."
"Why?"
"It's easier to log if you don't have to wear gloves, but it gets so cold here that it's easy to get frostbite in the winter. When it's bad enough that we have to wear gloves, it's harder to work."
Bobbie thought about that for a minute. "What if you had gloves without fingers? Or gloves that went halfway up your fingers?"
"If those were available, I think they would make a big difference." He shrugged. "I've never seen or heard of such a thing."
She smiled. "Let me make you a pair. If you like them, I can make several more for your men."
"You'd do that?" He looked at her with surprise. Erna had always been helpful, but she'd never offered to do things like that for his men as a whole.
"I'd be honored." Truthfully, she loved the idea of being able to help his business. She'd never thought it would happen, but after managing the factory, she'd become a business woman at heart. She wanted to ask him if she could take over his books, but she knew that would probably be too much. Maybe she could start a small business from her home, if it didn't bother him.
As they drove, she looked at everything around her, really enjoying the pretty landscape. He drove along the lake, and then along a river for a while, telling her it was the St. Louis River.
He turned away from the river, and they drove through a sparsely populated area, farms set almost a mile apart. She'd rarely left the Boston area, so she had little experience with anything other than seaside towns.
Finally, he pulled to a spot beside the road, tucked under a tree. "How about this for the picnic?" he asked.
The boys were out of the buggy before he finished his question, and she grinned. "I don't know that we have a choice really, but it's lovely."
He helped her down, and she took the quilt while he got the picnic basket. She spread the quilt under the giant maple tree. "It's too bad we weren't here three weeks ago," he told her. "The leaves were a beautiful shade of oranges, yellows and reds. You've never seen anything like fall in Wisconsin."
"Fall in New England isn't anything to sneeze at," she said with a grin.
He put the basket down, and she sat down, digging through it to spread out their lunch. "It's a good thing we're doing this today. It's already chilly. Another week, and we wouldn't have been able to sit around outside."
She shrugged. "I walked to work in the winter every day in Massachusetts. I'm sure you're used to winter here as well."
"Well, sure, we can do things outside in the winter, but we really need to be active, and not sitting and eating. Staying still will make it feel so much colder."
He sat on the quilt on the other side of the basket from her, looking at her as if he'd never seen her. She really was a beautiful woman, and now that he'd gotten to know her a bit, he realized she was a good, kind-hearted woman. Sure, they didn't see eye to eye on everything, but he and Erna hadn't either, and their marriage had been a good one. He couldn't help but wonder what their lives could be like if he wasn't so dead set against falling in love with her.
She fixed him a plate, piling the chicken high. Then she made herself a plate with much smaller portions. "Should we call the boys over or let them play ball for a bit before they eat?"
"Let them play for a while." Jakob frowned. He did so well with her until they were completely alone, and then he lost his ability to remain distant. What was it about her that attracted him so much? She looked nothing like his first wife, who had been a short woman with dark hair.
Roberta was a tall blonde, and he loved her eyes. Somehow they seemed so exotic to him. He'd never seen a woman with hair so fair and eyes so brown. It just seemed like something special to him.
"I know you like fried chicken, so I made it for our picnic," she said softly, needing to break the silence between them.
He took a bite of the chicken and nodded. "It's good." Her cooking wasn't as good as Erna's, but he enjoyed it. She'd learn to cater to his tastes a bit more, and he looked forward to that day.
"I'm caught up on all the cleaning. Now, I'll be able to just maintain everything, so I'll have more time for sewing and other hand crafts. I'll get you a couple pairs of pants made first thing. Is there anything else you'd like me to work on for you? I know the boys both need several things as well."
He nodded. "I could use two or three more shirts. My shirts were getting old already when Erna died. She hated to sew, and she kept promising that my shirts would be the next thing on her list to make. She'd been promising that for a year."
Bobbie smiled. It was the first time he had said anything negative about his first wife, and she was happy to hear that the woman was a mortal like all others. She felt like she'd be playing second fiddle for the rest of her life. Maybe the way to this man's heart was through sewing?
"I'll go to the general store first thing in the morning and get started on those. I've already taken the old pair of pants you gave me apart to use as a pattern. Maybe you could find me an old shirt as well." She took a bite of the potato salad and smiled. It tasted just like Sarah's. She felt like she'd done something right there.
The boys rushed over then, dropping to the quilt. "I'm dying of hunger!" Lukas announced.
Bobbie widened her eyes and stared at him, fei
gning alarm. "Dying? Oh no! You'd better start your meal with a cookie then!" She fished in the basket and gave him one of the cookies she'd made.
Lukas grinned. "We should always eat our dessert first!"
Bobbie grinned. "I agree. I had a friend back in Massachusetts who liked to tell me that life is short, and we should eat dessert first. I think it's a good, wise idea." She thought fondly of Gabrielle, her friend who had been through so much. Her attitude had always been one of making the most out of every moment.
Jakob shook his head. "We'll not be eating dessert first. Not in my house."
She sighed heavily, winking at Lukas. "Sorry. I tried. Your vater doesn't like the idea, though."
Konrad frowned. "I want to eat a cookie first too!"
Bobbie found another cookie in the basket. "Just this once!" She winked at Jakob as he shook his head at her, laughter on his lips.
Jakob watched as she gave his son a cookie, amazed at how different she was when she was relaxed and having fun instead of constantly working. He liked this side of her and was very happy to see it. He knew he needed to harden his heart, but watching her with his boys made that very hard for him to do.
"Now that you've given them sugar, maybe you should fix real food on a plate for them."
Bobbie laughed softly, getting out two plates and adding chicken and potato salad for each of the boys. "My friend Gabrielle would definitely approve."
"Who's Gabrielle?" Lukas asked.
"When I lived in Massachusetts, I had four roommates, and we all worked together in a big factory. Gabrielle was one of those roommates. She thought that life was too hard, and you should find happiness wherever you could, which was why she always said that life was short, and you should eat dessert first!"
Jakob shook his head at her. "And you approved of this?"
Bobbie shrugged. "I don't know if I'd say I approved, but I do like my sweets. Who doesn't?"
Konrad smiled at that. "If you like sweets, you should make more. Pies and cakes and cookies. We love all sweets."
"I'll keep that in mind," she said. She pulled out the jar of lemonade she'd packed, pouring some into each of the four glasses. "I wish you could meet my friends."
Jakob watched her face, seeing the tinge of sadness there. "Tell us about your roommates from Massachusetts."
"Well, I've already mentioned Gabrielle," she said, thrilled he cared enough to want to know anything about her previous life. "There was also Poppy. She was kind, but she came from a difficult background as well. I loved her dearly. She's moved back home with her parents for now. And then the last roommate was Sarah, and she has been my best friend since we started school together. It was through her and her family that I came to know God."
"Your parents didn't go to church?" Jakob asked, surprised.
"Oh, they went to church every Sunday. They sat in a pew in the front of the church and stared at the preacher as if every word he said was important to them. When I was ten my father decided he wanted to marry another woman, so he made my mother and I leave, and he divorced mama. We had nowhere to go, and Mama had no skills to support us. She had to take in laundry and do for others, so that we had a roof over our heads and something to eat."
Jakob blinked a couple of times. He'd never heard of a man doing that to his family. "Why?"
She shrugged. "He decided he was in love with someone else. I have three younger half brothers, and I've never met any of them. I only know because of rumors around town. My mother remarried a few years ago, and I moved out and lived with my friends. We didn't get paid enough for any of us to have our own place to live, and it was safer to live with friends anyway. We liked it." Sometimes it had been crowded with four of them in a two bedroom apartment, but they'd loved being together.
"I'm glad you had friends you could live with. That sounds like it was a difficult time in your life."
Bobbie shook her head. "No, please don't think that. My time with my friends was a wonderful time. One of my friends taught me to cook. They all taught me how to really love and care for others, which was something my parents weren't very skilled at. I learned to be independent. We all learned that if you don't work, you don't eat. I will never forget those years and will always look back at them fondly."
"A woman should live with her parents until she marries," Jakob protested.
"Not when she has no choice. Not when her parents aren't worth living with, like some of my friends. And what if her parents die when she's still unmarried like happened with my friend Sarah?"
"I suppose that's possible." He shook his head. "I still don't like it. If I'd had a daughter, I would make sure that she stayed with me until she married."
Lukas looked at Bobbie. "You should have a baby so we can have a sister. We've never had a sister before."
Bobbie blushed, looking down at her hands. "I don't think that's going to happen, but a daughter would be nice. I love to sew, and I'm quite skilled at it. I'd love to sew with a daughter."
"Vater, you and Frog-mutter should have more babies. I would like to have a sister."
Jakob looked at Bobbie oddly. "I don't think that will happen, son."
"But why? You're married now. Married people have babies."
"Not us." Jakob put his plate on the quilt and walked away, his mind on other things. He was beginning to think that a real marriage was a good idea, but he couldn't do that to Erna. He had loved her too much to ever be willing to have relations with another woman.
He heard the crunch of the leaves behind him, and then felt a hand on his arm. He knew it was Bobbie without even looking. "It can't happen, you know."
"Why not?" she asked, her voice soft. "When I first arrived, I didn't think it could happen, but now I'm starting to think maybe it could. Am I so hideous that you could never see having a real marriage with me?"
"No, I wish you were," he said. "I would feel like I was betraying Erna if I allowed that to happen, though, and I can't see betraying her. I loved her with everything inside me, and we had two children together. Do you know I married her when I was only eighteen? And she was sixteen? She had Konrad before her eighteenth birthday, and we were sure our love would last forever. We talked about our grandchildren and our great grandchildren. We both loved the idea of watching them play."
"I hope you know I'd never try to replace Erna. I know she was too important to you for that. I just want to have a place in all your lives as well. For more than my cooking and cleaning." Bobbie felt like she was pathetic, begging for his love. She hadn't even known him for a week.
He shrugged. "I don't know that it can ever happen though. I said I'd love her until I died."
"If you're talking about the wedding vows, you didn't. You said you'd love her until death parted you. It has. She's dead, and you're alive. You have the right to have a life without her, you know."
"I don't think that's true. I have the right to keep going and be there for my sons, but not to love again."
Bobbie sighed. "All right. I can understand that." She started to turn away.
"I think if I could love someone again, it would be you, and that makes this so much harder."
"Why? Shouldn't that make it easier?"
He shook his head. "No. If I thought I could never love you, it would be easy to take you to bed. It would be easy to let you in my life. But knowing I could love you? It's harder, because I can't betray her that way. It would break my heart."
"So instead you'll break mine. I understand." She turned and walked back to the quilt, where the boys had left their empty plates. They were back to throwing the ball she'd brought back and forth.
She stretched her legs out in front of her, leaning back on her palms, enjoying the feel of the sun on her face. Her eyes were closed, and she breathed deeply of the autumn air, trying not to dwell on the conversation she'd just had with Jakob. At least he felt like he could fall in love with her. That was a good thing, right?
She heard the sound of leaves crunching, and a hand t
ouched her arm. "I'm sorry, Bobbie."
"No, you're not. You've made the choice to live the rest of your life grieving. I can understand that. You told me that's how it would be the day I arrived. I never should have gotten my hopes up that anything would change."
He frowned. "Walk with me. Please."
She opened one eye and peeked at him before getting to her feet. He seemed sincere.
They'd walked at least a quarter of a mile before he spoke. "I am attracted to you, whether I want to be or not."
"Is that so terrible?"
He shook his head. "It could be. I promised Erna on the day we buried her that I would never love a woman the way I loved her."
"That's my whole point here, Jakob. You wouldn't love me the way you loved her. You would love me the way you love me. I'm a different woman than Erna was. I have a very different background, I'm sure. I'm already twenty-two. I'm a strong independent woman, and I don't plan on that changing. Already, I'm trying to think of something I can do to make money. I'll get caught up on everything around the house. I'll get you three men ready for the whole winter with your clothes, but I'll have that done within the next couple of weeks, and then I'll start looking for something else to do. We may not need money, but I can't sit idly. I need to constantly be doing. I need to be earning."
He frowned. "I don't want you making money. Erna never did any kind of work."
"And that's proving my point. She was a woman content to lean on a man. She was willing to be a wife and a mother and no more." She turned to him, catching his hand in hers to get his full attention. "I'm a woman who needs and craves a way to be my own person. I have to be more than Jakob's wife. I have to be more than the frog-mutter. I need to be me. Roberta! If you ever loved me, I wouldn't be loved like Erna, because I'm not like her. I'm me."
"I'm not sure I follow your reasoning."
"You promised you would never love another woman the way you loved her. You couldn't love me how you loved her, because I'm not her!"
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