by Lake, Thalia
“I like to support the local artists in the city and the students at the art school. That’s where the majority of the paintings I own came from. The one hanging over my bed came from Italy. That’s the most expensive piece I have.”
It was a beautiful painting of a man and woman in a loving embrace as they gazed at each other intensely. They were naked, but you couldn’t see any of their private parts. It was striking and very sensual.
Next he showed me his walk in closet, and it was amazing. Now I understood why he only had the one dresser in his bedroom. Everything he could possibly need was in this huge closet, and everything had its place. The number of suits this man owned was mind blowing. I love a man who takes pride in how he looks.
He watched me as I looked around and admired his spacious closet.
“My sisters always make fun of me about the number of suits I own. I blame my father and grandfather for this. They taught me and my brothers to always look good, to always look the part of a businessman so people will take you serious and respect you. I must admit, I love a well-made, well-tailored suit, the same as most women love shoes.”
“I love a well-dressed man, and a man with style and taste, so you don’t have to worry about me making fun of you,” I said, in return.
We went back downstairs and watched TV together on his couch. I was curled up in his arms feeling warm, safe, happy, and secure. It was eleven-thirty when I got ready to leave. Luca slipped on some shoes and walked me to my car. He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. I buried my face in his muscled chest and inhaled his scent. I loved the way this man smelled. He smelled clean and manly, with a hint of garlic from cooking. He cupped my face and planted sweet kisses on my forehead, cheeks, across my jawline and down my neck. I moaned when he got to my neck because it was my sweet spot. Finally, he claimed my lips in a tender, yet hungry kiss. I know he wanted more, and I did too, but neither of us wanted to rush things. He ended the kiss before it became too intense.
“Call me when you get home, so I know you made it safely,” he said, his beautiful blue eyes gazing down into mine.
“Okay, I will.”
“Goodnight, baby,” he said, before giving me one last kiss.
“Goodnight,” I whispered back.
He opened my car door for me and closed it once I was safely inside. He took a few steps back and watched me drive away.
Chapter Sixteen - I’ve Got Her Back
Three days without hearing from or seeing Sloane was pure hell for me. I was a grump and a total ass to my employees and some of my family. My mother knew something was wrong with me right away, and she knew it was female related. I wasn’t ready to talk to her about it, but I promised her that I would soon.
I was blindsided by our fight and how Sloane turned what could have been a wonderful day together into an ugly fight. She put words in my mouth as though she wanted me to push her away and end what we had just started. I was furious with her and hurt. Hurt that she wouldn’t give me a chance to get to know and understand her, and pissed that she assumed that I would make the decision for her to end things between us. No, if Sloane wanted to end things she would have to say it with her own lips to my face. Yes, I stormed off, but I made sure she knew that the ball was in her court. I had to walk away from her because I was angry. I was so angry with this stubborn woman that I wanted to shake some sense into her. No woman has ever had me this frustrated.
I wasn’t lying when I told her that there were many times that I almost jumped in my car and raced to her house to talk things out. I nearly called her at least one hundred times. I was so worked up and miserable that I practically lived in the gym, and if I wasn’t at the gym I was running by the lake for hours on end trying to clear my head of Sloane.
One night when I really needed someone to talk to I called one of my closest friends Nico Andretti. Nico and I grew up together and knew each other since grade school. His family are Italian immigrants like mine, and he also comes from a large family. His wife Sonya is black. They met and fell in love in college and married not long after they graduated. Sonya is beautiful, and she’s perfect for Nico. She loves that man deeply, and he loves her just as much. They have three beautiful kids, all in their early teens, two boys, and one girl.
“Hey, stranger!” Sonya said happily. She saw my name in her caller i.d.
“Hey beautiful, how are you?” I asked smiling.
“I’m well, how are you? I feel like we haven’t seen or heard from you in forever,” she said sadly.
“I know it's been a while, but I promise to get over there soon. I miss you guys. Where’s that old man of yours?”
“Right here, lying in my lap about to fall asleep. I’ll give him the phone. It’s good hearing from you Luca.”
“It’s good hearing your voice too, Sonya.”
“Hey man, how are you?” Came Nico’s groggy voice.
“I’m good. Look I can call you back. You guys sound like you’re relaxing….”
“No, no, no it’s cool trust me,” Nico said as he sat up from his wife’s lap. She signaled for him to go somewhere private and talk to his old friend. Nico winked at his wife and walked downstairs to his study and closed the door.
“So how have you been? What’s up?” Nico asked, knowing I needed to talk.
“In a nutshell I met someone that I was crazy about the moment we met. I’m crazy about her, and I know she’s crazy about me, but she comes from a messed up home life and she’s sabotaging our relationship before it even gets off the ground.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning,” Nico said patiently.
I told him how I met Sloane up until our fight. Nico listened without interrupting which is why I liked talking to him more than anyone else.
“That’s tough, but it sounds like you both are crazy about each other. Sloane, she’s just scared, man. Sonya didn’t come from the best family either and I had to be very patient with her. I loved her, so giving up on her was never an option for me. To win Sloane’s heart you have to get to know her, and getting to know her means learning and understanding her past, her fears, and her family. I’m not saying go and personally meet all of them, but do all you can to learn why she’s so afraid so you can put those fears to rest. She’s not going to spill everything to you at once, and trust me; you may not want her to either. The stuff she’s dealing with can be pretty heavy which is probably why she doesn’t like to talk about it. Just be patient with her.”
“And what about our fight?” I asked.
“Look, you’re gonna have your fights. Every couple does. You called her on the carpet for what she was doing and trust me, she knows she’s wrong. You left the ball in her court which was a smart thing to do. If she truly cares about you and wants to be in this relationship, she’ll make things right.”
“It’s been three days man—three hellish days of not hearing from her or seeing her. I don’t think she wants to be with me anymore.” It was hard for me to say those words. I felt out of breath and anxious.
“She’s scared and embarrassed. She probably thinks you don’t want her anymore either because of the way you stormed off. She doesn’t know what it means to be in a real relationship. Trust me, she still wants you.” Nico said.
“You sound awfully confident Nico. I hope you’re right,” I said skeptically.
“I know I’m right my friend. Sloane sounds a lot like my Sonya. We didn’t have it easy in the beginning because of her family issues, remember? Her mom in particular. Once Sloane gets past her family issues, it’ll be smooth sailing for you guys. Trust me.”
“Thanks, man, I needed to hear that. I’m over here going crazy not hearing from her and all I want to do is go over to her place and make her talk to me.”
“You’ve really fallen for this woman, huh?” Nico asked.
“Hard and fast man. This is new for me. We haven’t even slept together, nor have I tried to. That’s not to say I don’t want to; it’s just that I don’t
want to ruin anything by rushing into that. She’s different. I respect her, and when the time comes that we do take that step, I want it to be special.”
“Yup, you’re in love man,” Nico said simply.
I already knew this. I knew this the day of our fight and how I reacted to it. Losing Sloane scared me, and seeing her push me away like that did something to me. When my last serious relationship was on the verge of ending I didn’t react this way. When it finally did end, I felt relief more than sadness. Deep down I knew Andrea wasn’t what I wanted or needed, and marrying her would have been a huge mistake. Sloane is different. I need Sloane like I need my next breath. I want Sloane more than I want anything else in this world. She transfixes me. She has a spell on me that I can’t break, nor do I want to.
“I know. I’m in love and for the first time. It’s crazy man,” I said in wonderment.
Nico and I talked for another half hour. Neither of us are phone people, but it’s been so long since we’ve talked to each other that we had a lot of catching up to do. When I hung up from him, I began making dinner, and that’s when my phone rang. When I looked at the caller i.d. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Sloane.
I was so nervous when I answered on the second ring. Just hearing her voice made everything right in my world again. Hearing her admit that she was miserable just like I was made me feel relieved. Hearing her apologize warmed my heart and gave me hope. She cared about us. I got her back, and I was never letting her get away from me again. Ever.
Chapter Seventeen - Sloane’s Confessions
For the next two months, Luca and I saw each other every chance we got. He had to come to Pricewaterhouse a few times for status meetings, and I was only included in one of them. We kept things professional and only spoke to each other when necessary at the office. We both agreed early on that it would best if we kept our relationship as under the radar as possible, which is why we rarely went out to dinner and would eat dinner at each other’s places instead. Luca was a wonderful cook, and he got to find out that I wasn’t so bad in the kitchen either.
As much as I wanted and desired Luca, and as tempted as I have been to rip his clothes off and demand that he take me, we refrained from crossing that line. Our make out sessions could get pretty intense, and I know one day soon we’re not going to have the willpower to pull back and stop. I had shared with Luca that I wanted him to know everything about me before we were intimate. That way if he decided he couldn’t handle having someone like me with so much baggage and a messed up family, he could leave without us having shared something so sacred.
I’m an old fashioned girl when it comes to sex. I don’t do casual sex or one-night stands. My girlfriends tell me how much fun it is, but to me that should be reserved for two people who truly love each other. Giving your body to the man or woman you love is one of the greatest expressions of love one can give and receive. The intimacy and emotions involved are not something I believe one can just get over, especially if you love that person. That’s why I don’t want to be in the position of giving myself to a man who doesn’t love and value me the same way that I love and value him. I know it’s a crap shoot, and you can fall in love with someone only to find out later that they don’t love you the same way. I’ve been told that I live in a fantasy world, but I will forever believe in true love. Yes I’m picky; yes, I’m selective, but I feel deep down in my heart that it will pay off in the end. I refuse to give my heart or my body to just anyone, but Luca Santorini isn’t just anyone to me.
Little by little I shared with Luca things about my family, and I didn’t sugar coat anything. First and foremost I needed him to understand why I despised my father so much. I told him about his constant cheating on my mother, his verbal abuse to everyone in our family and the physical abuse of my two older brothers. I saw the rage boil inside of Luca’s eyes as I shared these painful truths with him about my family.
“Damn Sloane, how did you possibly come from those two people? How did you turn out so normal growing up in that house?” he asked me one night as we sat on the beach in late April. It was a beautiful, comfortable night. I had on a long black maxi skirt with big beautiful tropical flowers all over it and a plain black t-shirt that hugged my breasts perfectly. We sat close enough to the shore to see the waves rush up to the sand.
“It was by the grace of God, Luca. That, and my best friend Angie, as well as my pastor’s family who basically adopted me as one of their own. They knew the hell we were living before and after what happened…..” I trailed off. I had said too much. I didn’t plan on telling him about my father molesting Carly or the sexual relationship he had with Sarah yet.
Luca looked at me curiously after I didn’t continue. “After what happened, sweetheart?” he asked softly.
“I was going to wait to tell you this….as if my family isn’t sick enough, this may make you look at me differently,” I said looking down in shame.
“Baby, look at me,” he said gently. He took my chin between two fingers and forced me to look at him.
“You can tell me anything Sloane. Anything. I won’t judge you, and I would never think less of you. Whatever it is we will deal with it together. I promise.”
Taking a deep breath, I began to tell him. “When Carly had just turned thirteen my father began molesting her,” I said as I looked at my hands.
“My God Sloane….” Luca said, as he looked to the stars and closed his eyes.
“He told her if she ever told he’d kill her and the rest of the family. He told her no one would ever believe her. It was a huge mess, and it ripped our family to shreds. From that day on I never let him touch me again in any shape or form. I don’t care how innocent it was; I loathed that man. The thought of him touching me made me want to throw up; it made my skin crawl. I still feel that way till this day. In my eyes, I have no father, only a sperm donor.”
“Your father is sick, you know that right? He shouldn’t be free to roam the streets. He’s a child molester, a sexual predator!” Luca said, in disgust.
“That’s not all,” I said as I looked him in the eyes.
“Please don’t tell me he touched you, Sloane, because if he did I’ll hunt him down and kill him myself. The fact that this man is still alive is fucking amazing! Excuse my language baby,” Luca said, angrily.
I smiled at his willingness to kill the man I hated so much. My joy is twisted, I know.
I continued. “About five years ago my mother called me at work crying telling me that she needed to talk to me about something. Long story short, she caught my father and my sister Sarah having a sexual affair.”
“You have got to be kidding me,” Luca said as he rubbed his face with his hands.
I went on tell him everything that my mother told me that day she picked me up from work and what transpired afterward when she confronted them.
Luca stood up and pulled me to my feet as well. He took me into his arms and held me tight for a very long time, neither of us saying a word. Purging my past to him and releasing my fear was therapeutic. I was so afraid of Luca rejecting me once he found out about my family, but he’s done nothing of the sort. He showed me sympathy, kindness, and understanding instead. Those were all the things I desperately needed from him. I needed those things to heal, and not just for myself but for both of us.
“I’m so sorry Sloane. I’m sorry that you had to live through that and still be subjected to your family’s sickness in adulthood. I wish I could take all of your pain and unhappy memories away so you could start from scratch. No one should have to live through what you and your siblings have lived through. And as much as your sister Sarah repulses me, she’s just fu….I mean messed up in the head because of your parents. All of you are messed up in some shape or form, some worse than others. Sarah needs help. She needs deep, serious, psychiatric help, and so does Carly and your brothers.”
“Carly has been in therapy for years now, and it’s helped her tremendously. What about me? Do you think I need to
go talk to someone?” I asked as I searched his eyes.
“It wouldn’t hurt. If you’re open to seeing a psychiatrist to help you deal with your childhood, I think you should go. I will support you in whatever you decide to do, Sloane.”
I hugged him tighter. “I always felt that we all should have been in counseling and not just Carly. I’m in no way comparing her pain and anguish to ours, but what he did to her affected all of us, and we’ve never recovered from it. Maybe I would have stopped wishing to die if I saw a psychiatrist back then.”
I felt Luca stiffen and slowly pull me back to look at me in the eyes. “You wanted to die?” he asked in a shaky voice.
“Yes, since I was a little girl.”
I saw tears form in Luca’s eyes as my own fell down my cheeks.
He turned away from me for a minute to collect himself. I watched his fists clench and unclench. He was angry, and he was hurting for me and I loved him all the more for it. Yes, I said I love him.
Wiping my tears away, I said, “I hated my life that much Luca. School was a refuge for me. It was a chance to escape the misery at home. I can’t tell you how many times I wished or daydreamed about being snowed in at school and not being able to go home, or a tornado hitting and we were stuck at school for days. While everyone else would be crying and screaming for their parents I’d be the one person happy not to go home. Walking home from the bus stop was always a walk of dread because we knew we’d have to deal with our father and his moods. We never knew what mood he’d be in. Would he be in the ‘let me pick a fight with my wife mood’ or ‘let me antagonize my kids and find reasons so beat them verbally and physically’ mood? Our mission in life was always to stay out of his way. Stay clear of him and we might have some peace in the house. As long as he had our mother all to himself he was happy.”