“Hope.”
Chapter 37: Derek
She’s back. She’s here. Sofia has once again found her way back to me.
I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and just be with her, but the urge to sink my teeth into the soft skin on her neck became excruciatingly unbearable the moment I laid eyes on her. As if it weren’t already enough that she had come just in time to see me rip Felix’s heart out, I couldn’t risk spending the first few minutes of our reunion drinking down her sweet blood. Still, even as I ran from her, I was keenly aware of how close she was, of how easy it would be for me to just take what I wanted from her.
If I wanted to satisfy my craving, no one could really stop me from doing as I pleased. That’s what scared me so much. Thus, I made my way to the one place with enough power to keep me from harming Sofia.
The Sanctuary.
“Back so soon? Since when can’t you get enough of my company?” Corrine watched me intently, unfazed by the fact that I’d just barged into her study unannounced.
“Sofia is back. She returned with her father and I don’t know who else.” I sank onto one of the couches inside her study, my head downcast. “She returned right after Felix and his men blew up the chilling chambers and I lost it… I blacked out and I ripped Felix’s heart out.”
“The darkness took over?”
“I don’t know what to do, Corrine.”
“What do you mean you don’t know what to do, Derek?” Corrine snapped. “Your fiancée has just returned. You go to her and you kiss her and you make her feel like she matters. What on earth are you doing here with me?”
“Don’t you think I want to do that? After all the time we’ve been apart?” I ran a hand through my hair. “I want nothing more than to be with her, Corrine, but did you not hear me? The chilling chambers are gone…along with the blood. There’s no blood left—apart from the blood running through the veins of the human beings and animals at The Shade. How on earth am I going to control my craving for Sofia?”
“Well, you’re certainly not going to be able to control it while ranting at me here, Derek. You have to face her and figure it out. One thing’s for sure…you can’t keep running away from her.”
“You’re no help at all. Don’t you have any spell to help quench the craving?” I felt like a child throwing a tantrum as I crossed my arms over my chest, but I was desperate for some sort of cure.
“Didn’t Sofia arrive saying that she and the hunters have found a cure? If you let her father administer the cure, then you wouldn’t have to come here asking for a spell, sulking like a little boy.”
“Cora would’ve given me a spell—if one existed. I know she would’ve.”
“I’m not Cora. Besides, she was in love with you. You could’ve asked her to jump off the walls of the Crimson Fortress and she would’ve done it. There’s only one person on this island who would do the same thing for you and that’s Sofia.”
“Come with me. Please.” I stood to my feet and quickly approached her, fully intending to drag her all the way to my penthouse if I had to.
“What?! No!”
“Don’t you want to see Sofia? You two are good friends. If you’re there, at least I’ll know that someone is powerful enough to stop me in case I black out and…” I grabbed Corrine’s wrist and gasped when she quickly withdrew her hand from me and gave me a tight slap right across my face.
“Pull yourself together, Novak. Sofia Claremont is far stronger than you give her credit for. Man up and give her the welcome she deserves.”
I knew that Corrine was right. I knew I was acting foolishly, but I couldn’t help it. I was afraid. I was terrified of what I was capable of doing. “How could I ever forgive myself if I cause her more pain than I already have?”
“The same way you forgave yourself all those other times you made her miserable, Novak. You ask for her forgiveness and when you find that she loves you enough to see past what you’ve done, that’s when you’ll be able to forgive yourself.”
I was about to say something else in response, but the witch’s brown eyes widened at me, and I shrank away from her.
“Get out of my sight, Novak.”
I left The Sanctuary and took a long walk, my thirst for Sofia’s blood not dwindling for even a moment. I knew I had to face her eventually, and I knew that I had to exercise some form of control—if only to prove to Aiden that his daughter wasn’t in danger around me.
I eventually ended up in my penthouse, knowing that she was nearby, based on the level of thirst I had. I swallowed hard as I stepped into my living room, surprised to find Xavier there. He rose upon seeing me, fists clenched, the expression on his face clearly indicating that he was just about ready to break someone’s neck.
“You don’t look very happy,” was all I could think to say.
“Have you seen her?”
I assumed he was talking about Sofia. “Barely. You were there when she came… I couldn’t stand being in the same room with her.” I could practically hear her heartbeat, pumping blood into her veins, blood that would be pure ecstasy to me once I had a taste of it. “What I would give to…”
“Not her… Not Sofia…” Xavier shook his head. “Vivienne.”
My gut clenched and I took a step forward. “Don’t mess with me, Xavier.”
“She’s alive. I’m not messing with you. She came with Sofia and her father. Claudia’s with them too…” Xavier shook his head. “She’s not looking well…”
“Where is she?” I hissed. I was having trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that Vivienne could possibly be alive. No vampire had ever survived after being taken captive by the hunters before. Except me, and now there’s Claudia…and Vivienne? How is this possible?
“In her bedroom, but so is…”
I knew the warning he was about to give me. Sofia would be there—I had no doubt about it, but I didn’t care. My twin was alive. Vivienne survived. At that moment, this was all that mattered to me as I sped toward her penthouse, not caring to listen to the rest of Xavier’s warning… I rushed past the people huddled in my sister’s living room—most of them there to greet Sofia I was sure—and finally reached Vivienne’s bedside.
My senses went on overdrive the moment Sofia’s eyes met mine. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching Vivienne’s hand as she fed Vivienne a vial of blood. For a moment, I couldn’t return my focus back on Vivienne, because Sofia’s presence was so overwhelming.
“Please leave…” I sounded like I was begging her. “I don’t want to do something I’ll regret.”
Sofia nodded. I knew she understood why I needed to be away from her, but I was also aware that the truth gave little consolation to either one of us. Still, she graciously obliged, helping my sister drink the last of the blood before sidestepping me and passing by to leave me with Vivienne.
I was using up all my will power just to stand still the moment Sofia passed me by. When the door shut close and she was no longer in the room, I remained rooted to my spot for a few more seconds before I could gather my wits about me and make my way to my sister.
“Vivienne… I thought I’d lost you…” My voice broke as I held her hand.
She seemed frail and weak, a pale shadow of my stunning and vibrant sister, but she managed to smile at me as she squeezed my hand. “Derek… You look incredible.”
“You’re alive.”
“I want to see Father, Derek. I have something important to tell him.”
My gut clenched. How on earth was I going to tell her about everything that had been going on between our father and me? How was I to tell her that I took over the kingdom, that I was now king of The Shade and Gregor was in a prison cell?
“Don’t worry.” Vivienne nodded. “I have a fair idea of what’s happening. That’s why I need to speak with him. It’s a matter of great importance.”
“I’ll see it done,” I promised.
“War is on the horizon, isn’t it?” she asked, her b
lue violet gaze settling on me with deep concern.
I nodded. “Yes. The other vampire covens are blaming me for what happened at The Oasis.”
“Sofia told me about that. I’m disappointed that you left her with the hunters, Derek. With everything going on, the burden of finding true sanctuary falls heavily on you. You’re losing time. You can’t afford to be apart from Sofia ever again. You can’t lose sight of light. Sofia is your lifeline, Derek.”
“I don’t know how to be with her, Vivienne. I crave her so much. How can she remain by my side without me destroying her?”
My sister smiled at me and gave me a look that made me feel like a stupid fool. “Haven’t you learned your lesson yet? You are not strong enough to be away from Sofia. Darkness will eat you up and swallow you alive. You can last for a certain amount of time as you seemed to have done during this particular time away from her, but darkness will catch up with you, Derek. Make no mistake about it. Sofia is stronger than you give her credit for.”
“It’s not her weakness that I’m scared of. It’s mine. How do I keep myself from devouring her?”
“Does she deny you her blood, Derek?”
I shook my head, remembering the last time she bared her neck to me, coaxing me to drink, allowing me to have my fill. “She willingly lets me have as much of her blood as I need.”
“Then perhaps it would be better if you just partake of what she offers. Drink deep. Take what she gives.”
“And what do I give her in return for that?” Every bit of me was against what Vivienne was saying. The thought of just going ahead and drinking as much of Sofia’s blood as I craved made me sick. “I love her, Vivienne. How could I do that to her?”
“Maybe that love is enough for her, Derek.” She smiled at me. “I’m tired. I’d like some rest now. Go to her. Stop tormenting yourself. Stop tormenting her.”
She shut her eyes and I stood to my feet before leaning down to place a soft kiss on her temple. No words could express how grateful I was that she was there. I didn’t even want to think about what she had been through—I was certain that I had plenty of time to be righteously indignant over what the hunters had put her through. At that point, I was just thankful that I still had my twin, my ally—another Novak who wasn’t out to torture me or dethrone me.
I stepped out of the room and all eyes were immediately on me. Gavin’s, Ashley’s, Sam’s and Rosa’s. Aiden’s glare was fixed on me even as I shifted my eyes from him to his daughter. I didn’t need to look at Sofia to know that she was there. I was aware of her presence, my heart pounding at the very scent of her.
I gulped as I looked into her emerald eyes. Vivienne’s words echoed in my ear. Drink deep. I lost control. I just snapped. Before I knew what was going on, I had her pinned to a wall, my hands on her hips, raising her up so that she was barely on her tiptoes, my fangs bared, ready to sink into the milky white skin of her neck.
I was about to take the bite I so longed for, but out of nowhere, I still managed to scrounge up what was left of my self-control and step away from her. My thoughts cleared and suddenly, I could hear her humming. She was humming our song—the same one I hummed to her the night of her eighteenth birthday—the night I promised to stay true to her, to value her, to pursue her, to find a way to be with her.
I stared into her lovely face, looking up at mine, and realized once again how precious she was to me.
“You can control yourself, Derek.” she whispered soothingly as she took my hand in hers.
My fangs retracted and I could feel jolts of pleasure shoot through my spine when she reached up and gently pressed her lips against mine. She smiled at me before looking over my shoulder.
“I’m fine, Dad,” she assured.
My heart sank. Aiden Claremont had just witnessed me attacking his daughter. I turned to find Aiden trying to get away from the clasps of Sam and Ashley. Gavin, on the other hand, was holding a gun—one I was sure that Aiden had pointed at me when he saw me charge for Sofia.
Aiden was glaring daggers at me. “How many times have you done something like that to her? How many times have you pushed her against walls and had your way with her?”
I hung my head, recalling the numerous times I’d lost control with Sofia, the many times her life was endangered by my own hands.
To my relief, Sofia answered for me, “It doesn’t matter, Dad. Derek and I are going to take a walk. You stay here. We’re going to spend the night together. We need to catch up. I’ll be fine.”
“No…” Aiden shook his head. “I’m not going to let you leave with that monster, not right after what I just saw him do to you.”
“This isn’t hunter territory anymore. If Derek says he wants me with him, then there’s really nothing you can do about it.”
She squeezed my hand and I could practically hear her coaxing me to say that I wanted to be with her, but I was apprehensive.
“Maybe your father’s right, Sofia… I don’t know if I can control myself around you…I…”
She cupped my cheeks with both her hands and began shaking her head. “Derek…please…”
The thought that she wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her was my undoing. How could I stand there and not give in to what she wanted? How could I ignore her plea?
I raised my eyes to Aiden’s—his glare threatening and cold, warning me to choose my words well, but Sofia was right. He was in my territory, a place where my word was law—not his. I gave Sam and Ashley a quick look. “Kindly take Mr. Claremont to The Catacombs. I’m sure he’ll be more comfortable in his daughter’s quarters, where he’ll be among humans, instead of here with the vampires. Rosa, make sure he is fed well. Gavin, kindly inform Xavier to keep an eye on Vivienne. Where’s Claudia?”
“She returned to her villa,” Sam responded. “We weren’t quite sure what to do with her.”
“She’s no threat. She really just wants a way back to Yuri’s good graces,” Sofia explained.
“Leave her then. It’s about time she realized how much Yuri values her.” I then looked at Aiden. “I will do your daughter no harm, sir.”
He snorted in response. “Sure you won’t. Of course, you and I have very different definitions of the word ‘harm,’ or so it seems.”
I turned to Sam. “Sam, one more thing… See to it that my father is released and escorted to my sister’s chambers. Make sure he is well-guarded by more than one vampire stronger than him. We must also immediately hold a council meeting to address the loss of our chilling chambers… We won’t have enough blood to last us for another week unless we do something about that.”
I didn’t miss the way Aiden’s eyes sparked with interest at that bit of information. I’m sure every perceived vulnerability at The Shade was a point of interest to a man like him.
Finally satisfied that I had all my bases covered, I walked out of the penthouse with Sofia. We were already in an isolated part of the woods when Sofia stopped in her tracks and looked up at me.
“You’re trembling,” she said in what was almost a whisper.
“It’s nothing.” I shook my head. “This cure…do you think it will work?”
“It worked with my mother. I saw it with my own eyes. She’s not happy about it, but Ingrid Maslen is human again… She’s still nothing like my mother was. She’s one angry human…”
“How is that possible?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “But it is.”
I wanted it so much to be true. I wanted to escape my immortality and the weight of being prophesied as some sort of savior to my kind. I was also aware that since Sofia could never be immortal, the only way we could really be together was if I became mortal once again. My head was swimming with everything I wanted to say about Anna possibly being immune too, about Sofia not actually having LLI, but whenever I looked at Sofia, all I could think about was how much I wanted her blood.
“I can’t stand this.” She shook her head. “We can’t keep being this guarde
d around each other.”
I swallowed hard, wondering what it was that she had in mind. She stepped away from me and to my surprise, she began unbuttoning the top buttons of her red blouse. I knew what she was doing, what she was willing to let me do and I began shaking my head.
“No… Sofia…”
She stepped forward and pushed herself against me, making me stumble backwards until my back hit a tree trunk. I couldn’t remember her ever being so aggressive, but I couldn’t dare complain when her lips began to knead against mine—demanding and passionate, hungry for something that I myself was starving for.
I stopped fighting it and allowed my hands to fall to her waist. I pulled her up so that she didn’t have to strain her neck just to kiss me. I responded with as much passion and hunger as she was dishing out on me.
“You’re mine, are you not?” she whispered breathlessly to me when our lips finally parted.
“You know I am,” I responded, momentarily forgetting my craving for her blood as I tried to wrap my tingling senses around what had just happened.
“And I’m yours, am I not?” she asked.
Already knowing where she was getting at, I gulped before nodding. “I hope so…”
She pulled the sleeve of her blouse down her shoulder to expose her neck to me. “Then stop torturing both yourself and me, Derek. It’s okay.” She stepped forward and tilted her head to the side as she took hold of my both my hands and placed them on her waist. “Satisfy your craving.”
I couldn’t stop even if I had wanted to. I took the bite, a mix of guilt and ecstasy coursing through me when I heard her whimper over the cut my teeth had made on her neck. When I felt the blood flow past my tongue and down my throat, it was pure bliss. Her blood was coursing inside me…restoring me, empowering me, strengthening me, completing me. She overloaded my senses when she once began to hum our song to me. She ran her fingers through my hair, gently caressing it to assure me that she was alright.
Suddenly, I had the desperate urge to look at her lovely face, so I pulled my mouth from her neck and took her wrist instead. I bit into it without bothering to ask her. She bit her lip against the pain and watched as I drank from her wrist.
A Shade Of Vampire 4 Page 17