by Riley Moreno
“I got it.”
Ethan placed the locket around her neck and patted her face once it was back where it belonged.
“Better?” Ethan asked.
“I… I’ll get there.”
They lived like friends. Sharing meals and stories. Ethan went back to work, and Julie resolved to return his hospitality by making his apartment a home. She scrubbed and dusted until the place fairly sparkled, and when she realized that that job was done, she decided to give him something else. Ethan returned one night with a pizza, and saw her stirring pots over a live stove.
“What---?”
“Sit,” she said.
She spooned out a freshly made stew.
“It goes nice on a cold night,” Julie said. Ethan tasted her creation and nodded his approval.
“And there’s something else.”
Ethan waited for her answer, and she shared that she had secured a part time job.
“Really? But… no. No that’s great. Where?”
“Your friend’s friend’s flower shop. She had a sign up, and… and I thought I’d return the favor.”
“That’s great, Juliet. Really.”
She was pleased as they ate. A clerk among petals wasn’t a dream job by any stretch, but maybe this was where she was supposed to be.
“What’s this?”
Julie showed Ethan a gold-leafed invitation. He seemed to know what it meant on first sight.
“Girl from work,” he said. “She’s getting married. I don’t know if I’ll even go…”
Julie traced her fingers over the envelope. The idea of being among so many strangers was still scary, but then she touched her returned locket and decided to try.
“I… I could go with you.”
Ethan looked at her with muted surprise.
“Do… I mean if you want to.”
She did.
Searching for a dress proved more difficult than she could have imagined. Strapless and backless was the name of the game, and Juliet could don neither.
“Can I help you, honey?”
Her eyes turned to a friendly shop girl.
“I… uh. I need something… more… demure?”
The clerk didn’t need to know why. She simply looked Julie up and down and pressed her fingers to her chin.
“I have just the thing.”
She emerged from Ethan’s bedroom in a form-fitting gown that stretched over her arms and up to her neck. When Ethan saw her clad in royal blue, he let out a sigh and shambled to her side.
“You look… you are amazing.”
The wedding proved a rainy affair with the intended outdoor ceremony taking place behind windows beaded with water. Ethan had warned that Donna would be disappointed by the dismal forecast after so much careful planning, but all Julie saw as Donna walked down the aisle was a glowing bride anxious to be joined to a tuxedoed man who looked equally overjoyed at the prospect of lives about to be linked for all times.
When they recited their vows, Julie took Ethan’s hand.
She was shy at the start of the reception. A part of her still feared that her scars were showing, but then Donna appeared to thank her guests for their attendance, and when she saw Ethan, when she saw Julie, she kissed her hands.
“So you’re the one that got him out of his shell. You must be pretty special.”
And when he spun her around the dance floor, that’s how Julie felt. Special.
They returned his apartment, their apartment, and Ethan started to bid her a good night.
“Wait.”
Ethan paused before her, and reached for her as trembled.
“What’s wrong, Juliet?”
Even not knowing if she could, she stood on her toes and lightly kissed his lips. Ethan only reciprocated for a second before turning his head away.
“Juliet?”
She could never go back, but she wanted to go forward. She wanted to know what it was to have someone touch her without malice and ask her if the hands on her had permission. Taking his hand, she led him to the foot of his bed and took a deep breath.
“I… I…”
The memories were fighting their way to the surface, but Julie worked hard to drive them down. She didn’t want to be the burnt out shell undeserving of love. She wanted to be loved, to know love, and Ethan had always been nothing but gentle every time he saved her.
She needed that one more time.
“Juliet?”
She turned her face to his as he wiped a stray strand of hair from her face.
“You… you don’t have to. If… if you don’t want to.”
“I… I want to be beautiful,” she said.
He took her hair in his hands.
“But you are. That never left you.”
Resolving to see this through, she reached behind her back and unzipped her dress. Julie stood before him with her scars under his eyes, and when Ethan was slow to move, she feared that she had made a mistake.
Then he leaned closer and kissed the marks on her shoulders. His lips seemed to wipe the pain away, and he folded her into his arms as he stroked the faint mark, almost entirely concealed by makeup, that still sat across her face.
“Ethan?”
He lowered his lips to her brow.
“Nothing you don’t want. Nothing you’re not ready for.”
This, with him, was as ready as she would ever be, and she embraced him as he eased her body to the bed.
As he removed his jacket, Ethan kissed her gently, and when their eyes met again, she struggled to beat back the sensation of uninvited hands. He saw the places in which she had been hurt and held her face.
“Do you want me to stop?”
She closed her eyes and pictured the moment that had been stolen from her over and over again. She had desired nothing it being gentle, and then it was everything but. Brutal and harsh, and Julie thought that she would never get the chance back. The summer had been so cruel. But now it was winter, cool and quiet, and she just wanted to be loved. But she needed a voice connected to the hands.
“Keep talking to me.”
“I…”
“Let me know it’s you. Be here and be you. Ethan?”
He stood and undressed completely then lay beside her and touched her still trembling body. When his hands started to move away, she reached for them and allowed them to stay at her bare sides.
He lowered his lips to her ear.
“This is me,” he said. “This is my hand.”
He hesitated slightly before he caressed her breasts.
“This is me. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
Julie nodded and spread her legs slightly as he slowly entered her private place. The initial impact couldn’t help but bring back the memories, and when she cried out, he started to leave her.
“No. Tell me it’s you.”
He stroked her scarred cheek and kissed her eyes.
“It’s me, Juliet. I’ll never hurt you. I couldn’t.”
She nodded, and her body opened to take his back. When he was firmly inside, as he whispered that she was safe, that he would never do anything that she didn’t want, Julie unfurled her arms around his back. She stayed in his eyes as he pushed himself, soft yet firm, into her. She was on the brink of screaming for him to stop when he kissed her lips and then rested his lips against her ears.
“You’re beautiful. You’re strong. You’re… everything.”
Ethan’s voice trailed off as he warmed her insides, and Julie finally knew what sex was supposed to be. She reached for his neck and held him close as he returned her embrace and kissed the base of her stained throat. Julie pressed him closer as he finished inside her, and she was awash in relief as she finally understood what it was to be touched with mutual desire, and she kissed his mouth as they both breathed heavily towards sleep.
Julie awoke first to a surprise.
Ethan Graff was out like a light, and Julie caressed his face when she finally saw him resting. As much as she
wanted his eyes again, she slipped from his side and washed her face in the bathroom sink. When he looked to the glass, she could still feel the place between her legs where Ethan had entered her. It hadn’t hurt. It had been kind. It was everything that she had wanted her first time to be. Hard as it would be, Julie resolved to make this the moment where she first knew a man, and even if there were more nightmares, she knew that Ethan would steady he through the storm as he’d always done.
She returned to bed and carefully caressed his hair as kept dreaming. When he shifted, Julie took her hand away and just watched him as he slept even as she wanted his voice in her ears again.
Then he woke up.
Ethan smiled at his first sight of her, and she lay at his side.
“Juliet.”
“You slept,” she whispered into his bare chest. “You needed it.”
He met her eyes and kissed her mouth. When she didn’t flinch, Ethan held her closer and sighed against her neck.
She shifted slightly as she remembered her scars.
“Juliet?”
She turned her eyes back to his.
“I… I wish that you could have known me… before.”
Ethan answered her desire with his entire embrace.
“I know you now. That’s all that matters.”
And maybe he was right. Julie knew that there would be other truths to tell, and while she loathed the idea of seeing Pete and Greg behind a defense table, her mother sobbing a few rows back, Julie had this place to return to.
Ethan kissed her scarred cheek.
“It’s Sunday” he said.
Julie moved to hold him closer.
“So it is,” she said, finally comprehending the meaning of time again.
“What… what do you want to do today?” he asked.
Julie sighed and rested her body in his arms.
“Can we just stay like this for a while?”
He looked into her eyes as he kissed he lips.
“Sure. We can stay like this forever.”
# # #
About the author
Riley Moreno has lived in Minneapolis for the last 13 years. She loves the uptown, the Walker Art Center, going to the movies and hanging out with her friends. She mainly writes Young Adult Paranormal, Romance and Thriller and can be super lazy at times.
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