Her head snapped over to mine. Like I’d pulled her from a deep-seated trance.
“It’s going to be okay. I promise you that,” I said.
She nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“You don’t have to believe me. I know that’s a lot to process, in and of itself. But it’s true. I’ll make sure that gets proven to you.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me for something like that. Just know you’re safe here. Protected. By all of us, not just me. And you can stay here as long as you like. That room back there? It’s yours until you figure out your next moves.”
She paused. “Are you sure the rest of the guys will be okay with that?”
“You let me take care of the rest of the guys. But yes. I’m sure,” I said.
I slid my foot against hers underneath the table and she practically scooted her chair closer to me. Our forearms fell together as she started eating again, and I couldn't take my eyes off her movements. I slid my toes softly up and down the side of her ankle. Goosebumps prickled against her arm as she rested it against my own. I grinned as I reached for my mug of coffee, listening as people stirred in the rooms from a distance. I studied her. I took in the thinning parts of her hair she tried to hide with other pieces of hair. I took in the pale nature of her skin. Pale from malnourishment rather than that creamy paleness I’d remembered so fondly.
But those freckles were still there.
That cute smattering of freckles over her nose I couldn't stop kissing the afternoon I gave the whole of myself to her as a teenager.
I picked up a grape and tossed it into my mouth. And as I felt Amberly slowly leaning closer to my body, I started worrying. I didn’t want her going back to Vlad. Or whoever the fuck that asshole was. I didn’t want her to leave. If she did that, I knew I’d never find her again. A man with a name like that who worked for shitheads like Lars Norden never gave people second chances. And if he did, those chances were always worse than the situations people like Amberly were originally in.
I knew I’d never see her again if she went back.
Then again, I was still very curious as to why she was considering it in the first place.
What aren’t you telling me, beautiful?
“These eggs are really good,” she said.
I smiled down at her as she looked up into my eyes.
“You can have as much as you want,” I said.
“I don’t know if I can eat much more than this,” she said, giggling.
“Your plate isn’t even half empty, though.”
She shrugged. “Just not used to eating this much in one sitting. I’m sorry.”
I slipped my arm around her and pulled her close to me before kissing the top of her head.
“It’s okay. You eat what you can, and we’ll save the rest for when you get hungry next,” I murmured.
Whatever you’re hiding, I’ll figure it out. And I promise you, everything will still be okay.
14
Amberly
I watched as Saint wrapped up the plate of food I hadn’t eaten and put it in the fridge. I was very thirsty. But for some reason, I just couldn't eat much. I mean, I knew the reason. I just didn’t want to think about the reason.
About how starvation was used as a tactic to break women in that place.
I stole glances at Saint as he cleaned dishes in the sink. His back rippled with muscles I didn’t know existed and his long legs called to my fingertips. I drew in a deep breath as I forced my eyes away from his body, then settled against the kitchen seat. I gripped my coffee and drew in its scent. It’d been years since I’d had a decent cup of it. I closed my eyes, remembering back to the first time Dad caught me drinking coffee. The first time Dad caught me “defiling my body” with something other than what it needed.
Which was water.
“What are you doing!?” he roared.
I flinched as I whipped my head around, watching my father storm through the coffee shop. My mouth gaped open as his hand jutted out, ripping the plastic cup from my hands. He tossed it into the trash before gripping my arm. I watched my new friend’s face drop before she quickly pushed away from the table. And as my father dragged me out of that coffee shop, I knew two things were for certain.
That girl would avoid me at school at all costs now, and I wouldn't be able to sit down for three whole days.
“Amberly?” Saint asked.
I jumped at the sound of his voice. “Sorry. Um, yes? What is it?”
I peeked over at him and saw him staring at me carefully.
“Do you want more creamer for your coffee?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, no. I’m okay. Thank you, though.”
“You’re welcome.”
I felt him staring at me and I closed my eyes. I took another sip of my coffee, trying to push the memory of that moment away. How I’d lost yet another friend due to my parent’s actions. How much my ass cheeks burned after my father was done with that fucking belt. It made me sick to think about. But it didn’t stop me from sipping my mug of coffee.
It did, however, keep me from enjoying the coffee to its fullest.
“Morning,” Sutton said.
I peeked over my shoulder and saw her drag herself over to the table. She picked up a plate and started scooping up food, then plopped down beside me in a chair. She gave me a lopsided, tired little smile before Saint placed a mug of coffee down in front of her. And as I gazed up into his face, I saw him toss me a little wink.
A wink that filled my stomach with a thousand happy butterflies.
“Sleep well?” Sutton asked, yawning.
I nodded. “I did, yes. Did you?”
“Better than I have in a while. I always sleep well when I’m with Cage.”
“Cage?”
“My boyfriend,” she said, giggling.
“Oh, that’s right. Sorry, I’d forgotten his name. Or, maybe you hadn’t given it to me. I can’t really remember.”
“Well, I’ll let you girls gab while I go grab a shower,” Saint said.
“Can I take one after you?” I asked softly.
“Of course, you can. I’ll make mine quick so you can grab one whenever you’re ready.”
And as he patted my shoulder, part of me wondered why he didn’t kiss the top of my head again. Like he had earlier.
“So, how did things go last night?” Sutton asked.
My eyes gravitated over toward the couch and a shiver worked its way up my spine.
“It went okay,” I said.
“Just okay?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I slept better than I have in a while. So, that’s good.”
“Are you doing okay after a nice night’s sleep?”
“I… I mean… I don’t—I don’t feel in danger. If that’s what you mean.”
“That’s good. I just meant in general. But that’s very good. You’re safe here; I hope you know that.”
I nodded slowly. “It’s becoming apparent.”
I watched as Sutton settled her hand into her lap. She picked up her fork with delicate ease, stabbing at her food softly. She moved with a grace and a purpose I didn’t have in my movements. It was one of the many things my mother had always been disappointed in with me. As much as she tried—even with debutante courses—I simply lacked the grace of a “fine woman.”
One of the many things she reminded me of as often as she could.
“You good?” Sutton asked.
Her voice ripped me from my trance.
“Yeah. Just thinking about things,” I said softly.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
My eyes found hers and I seriously considered it. Could I trust her, though? I mean, yes. She took me with her when these guys came and found her. But trusting her with something like my childhood was serious. I hated talking about it, and I knew if I started running my mouth, things would slip.
Like the mention of Mason.
Can I trust her with my son?
To which I’d bend like a tree in a windstorm if it meant my son’s safety.
“What is it, Amberly? I can see it in your face,” Sutton said.
I drew in a deep breath. “Sutton, there’s something I have to do. And I know you guys won’t understand it, but—”
“Morning.”
The grumbling voice sounded behind me and I almost leapt out of my skin. I jumped out of the chair and whipped around, watching as images bombarded my mind. The hotel rooms I’d been in before. The grumbling voices of the men that cast me to the floor once they were done with me. I smelled their rancid semen underneath my nose. I tasted my own blood as they beat me within an inch of my life before taking what they wanted. And always with those rumbling, grumbling, tired fucking voices.
“Amberly. Let me know when you can hear me. Amberly, it’s just Cage. Let me know when you can hear me.”
Sutton’s voice slowly dawned on my ears, piercing through the images bombarding my mind. I gazed upon the massive man, who looked at me with a quizzical stare and a disapproving downturn of his lips. He made me nervous. They all made me nervous. This place made me nervous, Saint made me nervous, and Sutton gripping my shoulders made me nervous.
No, I can’t say anything about Mason.
“I’m gonna go take a shower,” I whispered.
“Amberly, wait. If I just introdu—”
I rushed out of the kitchen, backtracking down the hallway. And one by one, massive men slipped out of the bedrooms. Their angry faces made me shiver as I brushed by them, my lungs unable to keep heaving mouthfuls of air. The room spun. Tilting. Undulating around me. I wanted to get away from these colossal men with their deep voices, their angry stares, their disheveled hair, and their large hands that could knock me to the floor in a millisecond.
“Amberly!” Sutton called out.
But her voice sounded very far away.
I barged into the bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I looked around for Saint, wanting nothing more than to cower in his arms. But he was nowhere to be found. I rushed into the bathroom, taking in the sound of dripping water. The floor was wet. The smell of soap stood stale in the air.
However, Saint wasn’t there.
“Shit,” I hissed.
I sighed as I turned around, gazing into the small bedroom. I was alone, and while that was comforting, it was also petrifying. My mind kept running away with me. Images fought against my conscious mind, threatening to blind me with terrifying truths.
Until my son’s face popped into my mind.
“I have to call Vlad,” I whispered.
My eyes fell to a cell phone on the bed and I reached for it. I snatched it up, my hands trembling as the numbers tumbled through my mind. Vlad made me memorize all of his phone numbers for different purposes. One for emergencies, one for checking in, and one for speaking with my son. The numbers rattled against the corners of my mind. I walked over to the bedroom door, ready to lock myself in. And when the latch flipped without even a fight, I looked back down at the cell phone.
You have to call him. He’ll kill your son if you don’t.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, debating on which number to call. Would Vlad trace the call? Would he make me listen as he killed my son? Would he believe me if I told him I was essentially tossed over someone’s shoulder last night? Would he penalize me for waiting so long to contact him? So many questions, and they all made me sicker. My breakfast tickled the back of my throat. I dropped the cell phone onto the ground, making a mad dash for the bathroom.
And as I hit my knees, the fear in my body projectiled breakfast into the toilet.
Just like the fear in my body had done to me so many other times before.
15
Saint
I walked around the clubhouse, trying to figure out where the hell Amberly went. The shower was free, and I wanted to let her know she could clean herself up. But, when I got out into the living room, everyone stood around. Sutton kept sighing to herself, like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.
And the guys looked at me as if they’d seen a ghost.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
A door slammed off in the distance and it all clicked. I nodded at the guys before striding through the kitchen, trying to make my way back to the bedroom. Something must’ve happened. And with everyone standing around in the kitchen, I could venture a guess as to what took place.
She probably got overwhelmed with everyone here.
“Saint, can we talk?” Diesel asked.
He grabbed my arm just as I made my way into the hallway. I spun around, staring at our president as he locked his eyes with me. I couldn't read the reaction on his face. I couldn't decipher the look in his eyes. And even though I knew this shit was important, I needed to get to Amberly.
“Can this wait?” I asked.
He quirked an eyebrow. “No, it can’t.”
“Diesel, if she said something or did something—”
“She got overwhelmed. It’s fine. Give her some time, and during that time you can tell me how the hell you know this woman.”
His hand fell from my arm and I sighed. I cocked myself in the hallway, with one shoulder facing where Amberly was and the other shoulder facing everyone in the kitchen. Diesel stared at me, simply waiting for an answer even though he already partially knew it. Partially understood it. I saw that in his face, understanding. An understanding of the unspoken history between Amberly and myself.
“I know the two of you have a past. I just need to know how extensive it is,” Diesel said.
“You need to know? Or you really want to know?” I asked.
“Why can’t it be both?”
I shrugged. “It’s a bit complicated.”
“Always is with women,” Toxin murmured.
I shot him a nasty look and Bear stepped in front of the man. Which meant whatever look had come over my face, it made one of the biggest guys in our group think Toxin was actually in trouble.
I sighed. “Amberly and I went to high school together. In Louisiana.”
“Wow,” Diesel said.
I nodded. “We grew up similarly. We come from very religious families that wanted nothing to do with us at a certain point.”
Diesel furrowed his brow. “I don’t think you’ve talked about your family much with us.”
“Because they kicked me out on my ass at eighteen before I graduated high school. That’s why.”
“Why did they kick you out?”
I paused. “For having sex with Amberly.”
“Wait, what?” Bear asked.
I nodded. “They found a hickey on my neck the next morning, and out I was tossed. Haven’t spoken to them since. Don’t really wanna.”
“That’s fucked up,” Cage murmured.
“Did anything happen to Amberly?” Diesel asked.
“Apparently, a lot. Diesel, I’m sorry. I know bringing someone else here is the last thing we need with everything going on and how cramped we already are. But I couldn't leave her there. When I saw her in that room with Sutton—”
He held up his hand. “I’m not questioning the decision you made. I do, however, need to be kept in the loop as to how people who come into this place are connected to us.”
“More family to defend,” Toxin murmured.
Everyone decided to ignore his comment that time. Though, part of me was inclined to knock his teeth down his fucking throat.
“All right, guys. Listen up. Breakfast, then church. That’s what’s on the docket for this morning. Eat quickly, because we need to talk,” D
iesel said.
The kids and the girls lumbered out of the rooms. Everyone tried to find a seat where they could, whether they leaned against the wall or ate from the couches. I helped Grave at the stove, cooking up whatever we needed to have replenished. And the entire time, I thought about Amberly. Whether or not she was all right. Whether or not she was going to come back out and see everyone. I knew if I introduced her, she’d feel less overwhelmed.
But maybe she was simply tired and had fallen asleep.
I didn’t want to wake her up if she’d fallen back asleep.
After another hour of eating and cooking, the girls took the kids and went back into the bedrooms. This place seemed to be getting smaller and smaller by the second, and everyone was on edge because of it. The guys fought more frequently. Even the women bickered with one another over the smallest things. The kids were the only ones that seemed to be holding it together. But even they busted out into small fights and yelling fits sometimes.
It was madness, and we had to do something.
“All right, guys. Time for church,” Diesel said.
“Before we get started, I want to go ahead and open the floor for questions regarding myself and Amberly,” I said.
The guys looked at me with surprised looks.
“I know I’m a private person, but this is a new girl in our ranks. I know it makes you guys uneasy, and it makes things more cramped. At the very least, you deserve to have your questions answered,” I said.
“You two got any kids we need to bring back here, too?” Toxin asked.
The question was sarcastic, but I decided to answer it anyway.
“No, we don’t,” I said.
“Did you two date in high school? Or was it just a hook up?” Grave asked.
I sighed. “It was a hook up, but one of those hook ups that had been coming for a while. I don’t think we were really friends, per se. But we understood one another. If that makes sense.”
“It does,” Brewer said.
“You two seen one another since high school?” Knox asked.
I shook my head. “Not after she disappeared until I saw her in that hotel room.”
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