by Anna B. Doe
Her skinny fingers touch my cheek and I tilt my head to the side in disgust which only makes her laugh more.
“Leave me alone.”
“You can get your revenge.”
“I don’t want revenge.”
“Just think. Take what’s rightfully yours and leave.”
“You want me to steal from my own brother?” Unbelievable. I don’t know why I’m so surprised with her proposition. It’s not like Cassie is smart enough to think of something more creative.
“That’s not stealing. It’s …”
I lift my hands in the air and take a few steps away from her.
“You are crazy! I’m not stealing from somebody who’s given me so much already! He didn’t have to take me in, but he did. He didn’t have to love me, but he does.”
“You seriously think he loves you?” Her laughter is hysterical. “Do you really think anybody can love you? You are nothing.”
Her words hurt. They sting and I feel like my lungs are filled with water that’s preventing me from inhaling. My eyes fill with tears and I close them shut not to let them fall.
He loves me. I know he does. I am lovable. I’m worthy of love.
Are you really?
I bite the inside of my cheek so hard I can taste blood. But the pain of it is nothing compared to the feelings that are mixing inside of me. The pain helps me clear my sight and put on my brave face. The one I didn’t have to use since I left the life I’ve known for the first twelve years of my life.
Pointing my finger in her direction I spit, “You are nothing. I don’t want to hear from you, hear about you, or see you for the rest of my life! I hate you! So you better leave me alone, or I’ll call the police.”
I don’t stick around to hear her answer. Turning on the balls of my feet, I walk away without looking back.
I’m done.
Cassie Shelton is dead to me.
I turn off the treadmill and get off the machine. The sheer amount of sweat is covering my forehead so I take the towel I left nearby along with my water bottle and wipe it off.
Usually, I exercise in the gym that’s part of my apartment complex but I’m getting sick of always doing the same thing, looking at the same people in the same space.
There’s nothing I can do about exercises, but I can do something about scenery and people. Especially people.
Creepy and strange people live in my building. Who would have guessed? Like the MILF that jumps around the gym in a tiny sports bra that can’t contain her big fake tits and flirts with everything that has a cock while her big shot Wall Street husband works his ass off in the office. Or the guy that has tattooed and pierced every possible part of his body and if you only dare to look his way he shoots you a killer stare.
My body trembles at the thought of those two.
Change of scenery’s been in the stars for a while now, so when I heard about this new gym opening close by I took a chance. It can’t be worse than what I have to deal with already.
Taking a drink of water, I step away from the machines and go to the mats that are set up in front of the mirrors covering one whole wall. I grab the weights from the shelf close to it and start working from the top—arms, core, and legs. I do my usual three sets of thirty reps for each exercise.
Last week I had a meeting with my agent and she was giving me shit again. I wanted to punch her in the face. There is nothing remotely fat about my body. I’m at my usual weight. I eat healthily, drink a lot of water, and exercise two times a day. Seriously, give me a break. If I lose any more weight the bones will show through my skin and the last thing I want to do is set an example like that for young girls around the world.
This last episode with her only intensifies my will to cut all the ties I have with her and the modeling world in general.
Eight years. That’s how much time I spent in the spotlight. And I’m tired of it. Tired of always having to think about how I look, how I talk, and what I say. Tired of pretenses and fake smiles. Tired of people getting their nose into my business and telling me what to do.
“Sienna?”
I stop mid-lunge when I hear his voice.
Dread creeps over my skin and tremble goes through my body.
It’s not possible.
“Sienna Roberts?”
Of every possible place in this city. In this state.
Why here? Why now?
Although my legs feel wobbly I make myself stand up straight before I lift my eyes to the mirror.
My past is staring at me through the reflection in the glass.
He hasn’t changed a bit.
Dark blond hair is messy like he runs his fingers through thick locks a few times and it's slightly damp with sweat from exercise. Blue-green eyes are surrounded by a set of thick eyelashes. His face is perfectly sculptured with high cheekbones and a clean-shaven square jaw.
A couple of inches separate us. His body is lean but there are more muscles than before. Exercising and dancing sure pay off.
No, he hasn’t changed one bit.
He’s still handsome. Manlier. And still an asshole.
Like he can hear my thoughts his lips curl into knowing smirk.
“I haven’t seen you in years, girl! How have you been? God, you are even more gorgeous than before.”
He takes a step toward me like he’s … I don’t even know what he thought he would do. Hug me? Kiss me? Like two long lost friends or something.
Well, we’re most definitely not friends, and I don’t intend to pretend otherwise.
He can go and screw himself.
Taking a step back, I cross my hands over my chest and narrow my eyes at him.
“Is there a reason why we would need to see each other?” I ask, my tone deadly cold and quiet.
“Si, my darling …”
“Don’t call me that.” Uncrossing my arms, I point one finger at him. “You lost every right to call me anything when I found you screwing my best friend in my bedroom.”
“Are you still hung up on that?” he scowls at me. “It was ages ago. We were just kids messing around. And was it some messing around.”
“Kids? We were nineteen, Luke. I could hardly call that kid.”
Saying his name out loud makes my heart squeeze in my chest. It’s not painful. Not really. It’s more like an old wound. A scar. It doesn’t hurt, but you can feel it. Because it’s there. A constant reminder of what happened.
“You know what I mean.” He waves his hand in the air, dismissing my words.
“No, I don’t know what you mean.”
My voice rises in anger and I can see a few people look in our direction. Not wanting to cause even bigger scene than necessary I take one deep breath to calm myself.
“Do you mean you were old enough to know what you were doing but you didn’t care about other people like you don’t care now? We were together and you were fucking around behind my back with god only knows how many girls, but that’s not even the worst part! No, you the mighty king, the god of Julliard didn’t think that’s enough, you had to go and screw my best friend and roommate in my own damn room!”
“Sienna.”
“Don’t you Sienna me! Don’t you dare, Luke Prescott! I haven’t told you half the things I should have when it was the time. You broke me. You both did. Everything good and trustworthy. You took it all away. You took away my dream!”
My fingers itch to shake him, make him understand. Make him see what he’s done. I try to run them through my hair, but then I remember it’s pulled into a ponytail.
“I was supposed to finish Julliard and be a dancer. I was supposed to take over my mom’s dance school and teach girls how to dance. You. Took. It. All. Away,” I pronounce every word loud and clear. “So you don’t have the right to come to me and pretend like nothing happened. You don’t have the right to act all buddy-buddy when you are a worthless piece of shit that doesn’t care about anything and anyone but himself.”
“Si—”
&n
bsp; “Save it.” I look him up and down. “I don’t care. I don’t want to waste another second of my life on you. You don’t own me.”
Turning around, I walk away. I rub my face in distress and feel one lonely tear slip down my cheek.
“Not anymore.”
Today’s traffic has been a bit lighter than usual, so I came a few minutes before the dance class ended.
When I reach the door, I can hear the music still playing and clear, the strict voice giving instructions and comments. I peek through the window in the door.
The girls are dancing next to that wooden thingy. There is maybe fifteen or twenty of them and they are all so different—from the ages to the way they look and dress—yet all the same.
Grace told me about the program and how this community center is open to the kids from poor parts of the town to come and stay away from whatever the hell is happening in their homes. If only for a little while. It offers different types of activities so that everybody can find something to do. Teachers and instructors are volunteers so that means it’s free for the kids. They can pop in whenever they feel like it.
The music stops and the instructor, which I guess is Sienna’s mother, dismisses her class. Girls start moving around, in no hurry to leave. Some talk to the teacher, some simply between each other as they go pick up their things. And then there are some that come to Sienna.
She greets them all and talks to them. I can see big smiles forming on their faces as Sienna gives them the attention they need. She listens to them and chats like they are best friends and there is no difference between them.
Grace is there by her side. Mostly in the shadows, she listens and smiles. Admiration shines in her young eyes as she tilts her head to the side to see Sienna better. Grace blushes at whatever Sienna said.
Looking at the two of them now, I can feel my heart squeeze painfully.
The yearning is so strong. I want to open the door and get to them. I want to loop my hands over their shoulders. Muffle Grace’s hair and see her annoyed at me, although I know she loves it. Whisper something dirty in Sienna’s ear, tickle her skin with my breath and hear her laugh.
I’ve never thought I’d want something like this. Not after what happened with my mother. I’ve never believed I’d be able to trust another woman in my life. Cassie did a number on me and for years her actions influenced me.
Until Sienna and Grace.
When they came into my life everything changed. They needed me. Some more than others, but in the end, they both needed for me to be there. The man my father raised. Somebody they can come to, somebody they can believe into, somebody they can rely on.
The door opens and girls start leaving the room. Some shoot curious glances my way, but not one comes close.
When there is no one left I open the door and stand in the doorway.
“Ready to go?”
The easy smile that was only a second before on my lips falls down when I see the shadow pass over both their faces. Or maybe it’s just a quick change of light because I don’t manage to blink and Grace crashes into my body, her skinny arms wrapping around my waist.
“J.D., you are back!”
For the duration of the training camp, we were staying at our training facilities. Although we could perfectly well commute like we do every other day, coaches believe that isolation from our everyday life helps us concentrate more on getting our heads back in the game.
“Surprise.” I return her hug, pulling her tall, lean body into mine. Grace has grown over the last few months. She’s still skinny, but her skin has a healthy glow and her cheeks filled out a little. She smells like flowers, sweat, and something that’s purely my sister. “Everything was okay while I was gone?”
Her eyes fall down to the floor, but she nods her head. “Everything was perfect.”
Grace’s sudden interest in the parquet beneath her feet makes me think otherwise but I don’t pressure her.
Taking the keys out of my back pocket I hand them to her. “Mind waiting in the car for a bit? I’ll come soon and then I’m taking you out for a dinner and ice cream.”
Her head lifts in the air abruptly. The surprise is written all over her face. Without a word, Grace takes the keys and gives a hug goodbye to Sienna before leaving the room.
Now that we are finally alone I let my eyes slide down Sienna’s body slowly taking her in.
She’s perfect.
Simple black leotard hugs her body and makes her look every bit the dancer she is. Her hair is lifted in a bun which leaves her neck open for me completely. Vulnerable.
“You look so beautiful.” My words make her roll her amber eyes at me. “How come you’ve never done a lap dance for me? The prospect of it opens a whole bunch of other possibilities.”
I wink at her playfully, but there is not a trace of a smile in the sight.
“You all want one thing and one thing only.”
The cold tone of her voice is unnerving.
Is there something going on that I’m not aware of? I don’t remember doing anything that could have pissed her off. Hell, I wasn’t even around for a couple of weeks. Because of the exhausting schedule, we texted a little bit between all the obligations, but that’s nothing new.
Maybe I did something wrong that I’m not even aware of and Sienna knows how to hold a grudge, or maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with me at all.
“It was a joke, Si.”
My words don’t leave my mouth properly when she says, “Well, maybe I’m not in the mood for jokes, Shelton!”
I grit my jaw tight. “What are you in the mood for?”
Sienna stares at me blankly for a while. Her eyes have no spark in them. No interest. No life.
She shakes her head, trying to get out of her head when her gaze meets mine.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” I feel my brows furrow. “How can you—”
“I want to be left alone,” she cuts me off mid-sentence. Her eyes leave my face and suddenly she’s more interested in getting dressed and packing than talking to me.
“For how long?” I ask her after a pregnant pause.
Crossing my arms over my chest I grip my forearms tight so that I don’t give into the urge to turn her around and make her look at me. Shake her body until sanity returns to her silly head.
“Indefinitely.”
“But that means …”
Sienna lets the gym bag drop from her hands to the floor and turns toward me.
“I don’t want to see you. I don’t believe this—” she pauses to swallow “—thing between us will work anymore. It was fun while it lasted but, eventually, we both have to move on. Now’s the time.”
I stare at her, trying to decipher her words.
She wants to break up with me?
A stab of pain wraps around my heart, but I hold it in.
Although the last thing I want to do is believe her words, the way she looks at me—like she doesn’t feel anything—tells me she’s not joking.
Sienna wants us to break up.
To move on.
Repeating those words in my mind makes me angry.
It’s even worse than a break-up. To break up you need to be in a relationship with somebody.
Anybody can move on. Two random people that meet in the public transport can talk a bit to pass the time and then they move on with their life.
“Don’t give me that shit, Sienna. This isn’t about not working or moving on. This is about you being scared to move forward together.”
My words are quiet. Barely audible. And filled with repressed anger.
Sienna recognizes the fury and anger behind my hard stare. Taking a step back she takes a defensive stance. “I’m not scared.”
“Keep telling that to yourself, doll. Maybe, after a while, you’ll believe it.”
I wait for her to say something.
Anything.
To call my name or to tell me she was wrong. That the stressful day is making her n
ot think clearly.
But she doesn’t.
I shake my head in defeat and turn around to walk away.
I guess I was wrong.
Sienna Roberts doesn’t need nor want me. She’s clearly fine on her own. And to think just five minutes ago I was starting to realize that my feelings for her had grown. That she’s more than a friend who warms my bed when we both feel like it. That maybe, just maybe, I’m falling for her.
Sienna maybe doesn’t need me, but there are people who do and I can’t leave them hanging.
“Jack …”
Her soft call makes me stop in the doorway, but I don’t turn around to look at her.
We stand in the silence.
One heartbeat.
Two.
Three.
I wait until five, but she doesn’t say a word, so I walk out and don’t turn back.
Bel’s small form disappears inside the building. I let one heavy sigh out and let my head fall back into the seat.
Today is her last day in the US. I still can’t believe how fast it all ended. It feels like I met her yesterday, but in reality, it was months ago.
Letting her go will be hard. I’ve watched my sister and nieces say goodbye to her today and all I wanted to do was wrap my hands around her tiny body and tell her she can’t go.
She’s been a real friend since the beginning. My only real friend, if I’m being truthful. Apart from Johnny.
Tomorrow early in the morning we’ll both leave for the airport. Bel is going back home, and I’m going to the photo shoot that was scheduled months before, and after that I’ll make a stop in NYC to visit my agent before going to another photo shoot.
My plan is to tell her I’m retiring as soon as I finish with the contracts I’ve signed and have to fulfill until the end of the year. After talking to Johnny and everything else happening, I’ve made up my mind and there is no turning back.
The next few months life will be busy, but it’s better that way.
All this work will keep me out of the city which means out of J.D.’s life.
I close my eyes and let the image of him overflow my mind. It’s painful to remember him, but I like to torture myself.